Chapter 31
Jessie
“Fuck!” I slam my hand against the steering wheel.
Why did he do that? Why did he have to push for more? I drive toward the ranch. Trey and I had an agreement with an end date. He wasn’t supposed to want more. He shouldn’t want more. I shouldn’t want more.
And I hate that he’s right because I do want a dog.
I drive straight to Kacey’s house, unsure whether she’s even home.
Rein greets me on the porch before I walk through her unlocked front door without knocking.
Kacey whips around from where she stands at the stove, still in her work clothes, phone held between her ear and shoulder.
I calmed myself down on the drive out, but apparently not enough.
“Uh, Knox, I’ll call you back. Jessie just got here.” There is a pause as he responds then, “No, we didn’t. I will. Love you.”
I plop onto a barstool, realizing I’m still in my scrubs from work, as she sets her spoon on the rest. “What’s wrong?”
“Why does something have to be wrong? A girl can’t come see her best friend unannounced?”
“A girl can, but not the girl who has practically dropped off the face of the earth since she got a roommate.” She draws out the word roommate, lacing it with innuendo and a knowing smirk.
“Unfortunately, I am most definitely still on this planet.”
Kacey turns the burner all the way down. “Seriously, what’s wrong? You’re upset; I can see it all over your face. Did Trey do something?”
“He didn’t do anything. It’s what he said.”
“Okay, what did he say?”
I pick at my nails, avoiding eye contact. “It’s nothing. How are you doing? Knox been kicking ass?”
“Jessie, stop changing the subject. You always do this. You’re quick to help me through all my shit, but you never let me help with yours. I want to be there for you, but you never let me. Some days it feels like you’re my best friend, but I’m not yours.”
My jaw drops. Is that how she truly feels?
Kacey takes my silence as permission to keep going. “I worry about you, and you never talk to me. I know you work extra to help Gran, but I see how tired you are. Are you in financial trouble? Do you guys need help? I could talk to Dad—”
I shake my head and cut her off. “No. Don’t bring Cody into this. I have it handled. I’m sorry you feel like I don’t talk to you . . . I just . . . I’m used to taking care of myself. And I kept thinking things would get better, but that hasn’t been the case.”
“How bad is it?” Kacey hesitantly asks.
“Not great. Trey’s rent money has helped, but he’s leaving, and I’ll be right back where I was.
” I’m as honest as I can be with her. Even if Daryl left me alone, I would still have to watch what I spend and pick up extra shifts here or there.
He just makes it a hundred times worse. Daryl keeps asking for more and the bills are piling up.
I have no idea what I’ll do when Trey is gone.
“You could rent to someone else. Or maybe he doesn’t have to leave?
I mean, he’ll go rodeo, but he could still rent from you.
He has to have somewhere to land when he’s not on the road, and you’ll have the extra rent money.
It’s not like he can’t afford it, and truthfully, I don’t think Trey wants to live alone.
” She says all this as if she just solved the world’s problems.
I wish it were that simple. “No, I don’t want rodeo’s most-eligible bachelor living with me permanently,” I snipe.
“Whoa. Trouble in roommates-with-benefits paradise?” I tilt my head, giving her my best unimpressed look.
“I’m sorry, but your agreement with Trey is ridiculous.
You’re basically dating, and you never date anyone for longer than three months.
You’re basically at the two-month mark now, so I’m sure you’re getting ready to push him away, but give the guy a chance, Jessie.
You’ve gotten closer to him than any other man, there might be a reason for that. I think you’re good together.”
What the fuck is this? Get Jessie and Trey Together Day?
I drop my head into my hands and let out a frustrated groan.
I hate that some of what Kacey said is right, but there are things she doesn’t know or understand.
She might have lost her mom when she was young, but her dad is amazing and loves her.
The town loves her, she has a job she loves, and a great partner in Knox now. Our lives are very different.
“What do you mean I never see anyone longer than three months? What about Parker? We were together for at least four months.”
“I thought his name was Peter. Either way, it was not four months, it was exactly eleven weeks.”
“Hm, it felt longer. He got so clingy.” I full-body shudder.
“Admit it: You’re terrified of commitment and letting someone into your life. Truly letting them in. I know you, and you’re getting the itch to push Trey away, even though you ‘aren’t dating,’” she says with air quotes.
“We’re not dating. In fact, we just had that argument, and I came here to avoid him.
He isn’t going to settle down with me when he can do better.
He’s successful, kind, and ridiculously good looking.
He’ll find someone beautiful, she’ll have a perfect family, no money problems, or a house that’s falling apart.
That’s not me,” I finish, almost smug. I believe all of that.
And he isn’t safe with the constant threat of my dad lurking around every corner, but I keep the last one to myself.
Her eyes flare. “You did not just say that.”
“What are you cooking?” I lean over the counter, looking at the pot on the stove.
“Jessie Hawkins, I should wash your mouth out with soap for talking like that. Trey would be lucky to be with a woman like you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are kind, smart, stunningly beautiful, a damn hard worker, and you would do anything for the people you love. I know you struggle with insecurities, but I promise you, Trey doesn’t give a shit who your parents are.
You are the prize, and he knows that. It’s time you realized it, too. ”
“It doesn’t matter if he does or doesn’t. We are not together; this has an end date. End of story,” I bite out, sharper than intended. I’m just so sick of having this conversation. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I don’t want to argue about this. I just . . . Can we drop this, please?”
“Potato soup is on the stove.” She slams the ladle on the counter with authority. “Help yourself.”
We eat our soup in complete silence. No music, or TV. Hell, she didn’t even get crackers out. And who makes soup in the summertime? I get up and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. “Knox riding tonight?”
“Yep.”
Okay, good chat.
She rests her spoon in her bowl, blowing out a deep breath.
“Jessie, I love you. You are the sister I never had, and I hate sitting here, watching you year after year self-destruct because you can’t let yourself be happy.
You are a fucking catch, and any man alive would be lucky to date you.
If it’s not Trey, that’s fine, but you deserve to be happy. ”
I half-smile, eyes watering. “I think I remember saying something very similar to a good friend of mine last year.”
“Yeah, well, it was good advice. You should take it.”
“I’ll think about it,” I lie. I wish I could—I really do—but with my father hiding in every shadow, I can’t risk letting Trey stay.
It’s late by the time I make it home. Trey’s bedroom door is closed, and no light leaks out from under it.
I shower and fall into bed. The cold sheets send a chill through my body.
I haven’t slept alone in weeks. I toss and turn for a handful of hours before heading back to the hospital in the morning.
Kacey’s words run through my head, but I still can’t bring myself to believe her.