Chapter 5
A time was had as I heard girls that came in the bakery say.
Every day I learned something new about the world that I lived in.
Some were great and some were not so good, but that came with the course.
When I was within the Amish community it was the same thing.
I couldn’t expect it to be different here.
I loved going to church with Ms. Beauvia more than I would admit right now.
The music was like nothing I had ever heard.
People rejoiced and worshipped outwardly with their voices and tears.
Some of them shouted, which was startling at first. When I first went, I thought that there would be a lot of judgment because of my faith.
The fear of feeling unwelcomed was overwhelming.
The fear I had was quashed the second I stepped foot into the church.
Everyone made me feel so welcomed. After service, one of the ladies asked me how I liked it.
She even told me about a class that they had for people who were new to the faith.
She said it was an interactive class where I could ask the questions I needed to.
Since then, I had been contemplating taking the class.
This morning when she suggested that I not wear my bonnet, I almost threw up at the mere thought of it.
Not wearing my bonnet or attire had never crossed my mind.
Even when I made the decision to leave, it never crossed my mind that I would stop wearing what I’d been accustomed to wearing all my life.
Earlier This Morning . . .
“Baby, have you ever worn your hair out? Ms. Beauvia asked from where she sat on my couch.
We had church in a few hours. On Sundays, I always cooked breakfast for us. Ayriss was coming to church with us. Her mother would drop her off soon.
“No, I haven’t. Well, I do when I wash my hair, and sometimes I leave it out at night when I am in my room alone. To let it breathe, you know?” I didn’t like the way she looked at me after I replied to her question.
Her head was tilted to the side while her eyes bore into me. I turned to finish my task of cleaning the kitchen. When I faced the sink to wash the dishes, I noticed that she was still looking at me. There was an island that separated the kitchen from the rest of the front room.
“Would you consider wearing your hair out today?” She held her hands up.
“Only the bonnet, Lovina. Hear me out. You moved here to change your life. To do that you can’t continue to do the same things.
I promise people will not think that you are evil, ungodly, or seeking attention.
There’s a difference between seeking attention and drawing attention, baby. ”
I heard what she said, and it made sense. My heart knew that, but my mind screamed don’t do it. “I don’t know, Ms. Beauvia.”
“How about this, we do your hair, and you still bring your bonnet. When we get to church, if you don’t feel comfortable, then you can put it on in the car before we go inside,” she suggested. “How is that for a compromise?”
The water ran over the dishes. I just stood there with my mind fogged with what to do.
She had a point. If I wanted to change my life and how I lived, I would have to change things about my life.
It’s just hair, right? Everyone else wore their hair out and they were respected.
“I don’t know. There is no one here to tell me that I can’t. ”
Her head bucked back. “Lovina, I understand that you have a way that you lived your life, but God does give you free will.” She put her index finger up. “Let me ask you this and be honest. Has God ever told you that you had to cover your head and wear what you’re wearing?”
I didn’t want to answer the question because it made me feel foolish when I really thought about it. I turned off the running water. “No, He never has. I know we have free will, but some of the decisions that we make from our free will can send us to hell.”
“So, do you think that wearing your hair out will truly send you to hell, baby? You’ve been to church with me. Do you think those people will go to hell?” she questioned.
I shook my head. “No! I don’t think that they’re going to hell.” In a moment of impulsiveness, I said, “Okay, I’ll try it. I’m still going to bring my bonnet though.”
Back To The Present . . .
Ms. Beauvia’s friend, who was a hairdresser, came over to wash and straighten my hair. They both were surprised by how much hair I had. When I told them that I made my own shampoo and oil, they were amazed.
Hope arrived after my hair was done. She complimented me, then asked me to go out with her one night. Ms. Beauvia diverted the conversation, thank God.
Church was great and people told me that my hair was pretty.
It felt weird and wrong at first until I remembered what was said to me this morning.
There’s a difference between seeking attention and drawing attention.
I wasn’t doing anything outside of my norm except for my hair not being in my bonnet. Today was a good day so far.
Now I was in my apartment about to use the bathroom on myself because Erygon’s mother wanted to leave us alone. Yes, I wanted to do things differently, but I didn’t think I was ready to be alone with a man. “No! Please don’t leave us alone.”
Erygon’s face contorted. “Hol’ up! I’m not fittin’ to do shit to you, lil one. I’m not cut from that kinda cloth.”
I gasped with anguish. “No! I don’t mean it like that. I meant that it’s inappropriate to be alone with you. I’ve never been alone with a man that wasn’t a family member.”
His face was further contorted. “Love, I’m not knocking what you did in your community or whatever, but how is it inappropriate? You act like I’m going to get on my knees, pull that long ass dress up, and eat that lil pussy.”
My wide eyes were accompanied with another gasp. Ms. Beauvia walked over to him and smacked him on the back of his head. “Boy, don’t play wit me. Watch yo damn mouth. You see Ayriss right there.”
His face was still tight as he rubbed the back of his head. It was handsome, but still tight. “Mama, she sleeping, damn. I was just trying to relay that I wasn’t going to hurt or do some funny shit.”
“Well then say it like that. You know she got sensitive ears,” she fussed. “You so damn mannish.”
They talked about me like I wasn’t in the room for another minute or so before Ms. Beauvia told me to come with her to get the food ready. “Bring my grand down here, Erygon. With your mannish ass.”
She apologized for his words on the way to the kitchen. I told her that it was alright. The truth was that I wasn’t offended, I was just shocked. He talks like my book baes. I secretly liked it. I would never admit it.
A Very Little While Later . . .
Today, I watched Ms. Beauvia make her infamous sweetgrass cake. It was mesmerizing. “That is so beautiful. The way you airbrushed it makes it look just like one of the baskets in the front. I would love to learn how to do that. I’ve always wanted to go to school for something like that.”
She wiped her hands on her apron. “Then why don’t you, baby? You have nothing but time. It will give you something to do outside of sewing gorgeous quilts.” She peeked over her shoulder at me.
In the short time that I had my quilting equipment, I’d made two quilts. One for her and one that I shipped to Beyuna. She called me so excitedly when she received it.
I shuffled on my feet. “I would but I can’t.” When she asked me why I couldn’t, I hesitated for a second. “I-I only have an eighth-grade education. We stop going to school after that.”
She slowly turned to face me, then stood there frozen for what felt like forever. “Come again, lil girl. Did you jus’ say that y’all only go to school up until the eighth grade? Why?”
I giggled at the confusion that rested perfectly on her features.
“We go to school to focus on things like math, reading, and writing. Those are the things you pretty much need to be productive in the world. Oh, we focus on the bible too. We don’t really encourage higher education or worldly ambition. You know, the simple life.”
Her lashes fluttered and her mouth fell slightly agape. “Hell no, I don’t know. I don’t understand how higher education is a bad thing.” Her eyes angled up for a moment. “I guess it’s a more you know, further you’ll go kinda thing, literally. Well, do you want more education, Lovina?”
Another thing that I never thought about.
When you’ve been told all your life that you weren’t supposed to do something or it was wrong, you stopped thinking about it.
Now I was in a different environment where the opportunity wouldn’t be shunned.
More importantly, I wouldn’t be shunned. “I don’t think it would be a bad idea.”
She gave me a warm smile before she stepped into my personal space. She placed her hand on my cheek gingerly. “Then it will be so. We’re going to work on you getting your G.E.D.”
I smiled because I knew she would make sure that I had all the resources to get it done.
We talked for a few more minutes before I took my chocolate, peanut butter, cinnamon rolls out of the oven.
It was my first time making them. When I came up with new combinations, Ms. Beauvia encouraged me to make them.
After they were iced and ready, I took them to the warmer display.
I loved it here. The people were so nice, and I was getting to know people.
There were a few older ladies that came in.
In the beginning, I barely spoke to them, but after a few weeks of them forcing me to talk to them, I looked forward to their visits. They loved my rolls.
“Hey, Lovina!” A voice greeted me. Hope. She came in with her two friends.
I smiled. “Hey, Hope. How are you today?”