16. Cherry
Cherry
After my coffee with the girls, we picked up lunch at the diner and took it home to eat. Chase was his usual chatty self, bantering with Hunter, and they asked me all about my coffee date.
I noticed the other three seemed a little quieter than usual but decided not to comment on it. I assumed it was because they overheard the entire thing already. But when lunch is done, I’m surprised when Bain gets up, mumbling, “I need to go cut some logs,” and heads outside.
Gage stands as he tells us, “I need to do more research. I’ll be in the office.” He kisses the top of my head and moves down the hall. I turn to Maddox, expecting him to leave, too, but he just smiles at me. It looks a little strained, but I feel better by his next words.
“It’s a nice day, why don’t we go in the pool? It’s been a while since we gave you a swimming lesson.”
I glance at the twins, who look excited by the idea, and nod.
Maddox pushes out his chair and holds his hand out to me. “Come on.” I place my hand in his, letting him help me stand as we walk hand in hand down the hall. I notice they all like to do this, hold my hand when we’re walking. And I love it. I rest my cheek against his arm and bask in his closeness.
A niggling feeling in my gut wonders if he’s in pain. Unlike me, he’s suffered the loss of a mate bond, and none of them have really spoken about it. At least not to me. He leads me into my room and moves to my dresser, opening a bottom drawer, and revealing a pile of swimsuits I didn’t know I had.
“Which one do you want to wear?” he asks, squats down, and shuffles through them.
“I don’t even know what’s there,” I tell him as I step up behind and place my hands on his shoulders. “You pick.”
I watch as he pulls up one piece at a time, holding them up to examine before dropping it and grabbing another.
My body starts to ache with the need to be closer to him, and as he looks through the drawer, I slowly bend over his back until I’m pressed against him, and wrap my arms around his neck.
I shove my face in his neck, inhaling his cedar, leather, and ash scent.
He freezes, then his hands, holding pieces of my swimsuits, tighten into fists as he whispers, “What are you doing, Cherry?”
“I miss you,” I whisper, spotting my mate mark on his neck and pressing a kiss to it. His whole body trembles, and I feel him take a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he responds.
“I guess it’s a good thing we’re going swimming together then,” he says, making me frown. Does he not want to do anything physical with me anymore? Does he not get what I’m suggesting?
Maybe severing the mate bond has a bigger effect than I thought. I open my mouth to ask, but nothing comes out. What if we have sex and the bond doesn’t come back? At least right now, there’s still hope. If I lose that, I’m not sure what I’ll do.
I release his neck and step back as he seemingly grabs a swimsuit at random and holds it up. “How about this one?”
“Sure,” I say, not even really looking at it as I take it from him and head into the bathroom, feeling too flustered to change in front of him.
As I close the door, he tells me through the bond, “I’m going to go change. Don’t leave your room without me.”
I grin, feeling a little more at ease. At least I know he still cares.
Of course he does, he’s your mate.
He’ll always care about me. But what about our romantic relationship? He has kissed me since the bond was severed, so I’m pretty sure he still has feelings for me. But this entire thing is just so complicated.
As I finish putting the bikini on, I frown, thinking I’ve done it wrong somehow.
How is this even considered swimwear? It’s more like lingerie with tiny triangle pieces that just barely cover my areolas, and the bottom is the tiniest string bikini I’ve ever seen.
Thank goodness Gage had shaved me down there, or else there would be no way to wear this.
I look up into the mirror over the sink and grin. If this doesn’t get Maddox wanting to touch me, then nothing will.
I swallow the nerves rising in my throat and open the door, stepping into my bedroom and finding Maddox already there, wearing his swim trunks and revealing his bare chest.
My eyes stay glued to it for a full minute before I remember I wanted to gauge his reaction to me. My eyes move to his, and I see a mix of emotions there. Heat, for sure, but also I think I see fear and alarm.
“Maddox?” I ask gently as I step closer to him. “Are you okay?”
“Where did you get that?” he grits out.
I tilt my head at him, trying not to laugh. “You just gave it to me, remember?” I ask, gesturing to where he’d pulled it from my drawer.
He swallows heavily. “I guess I didn’t realize what it would look like on you.”
“Is it bad?” I ask, genuinely starting to worry as I glance down at myself.
“You look spectacular in it.” He sighs. “That’s the problem.”
“Why?” I prod, stepping closer. His hands instinctively seem to reach for me as he places them on my hips and pulls me against him, his eyes roaming all over me.
“We should—”
He starts to speak, but I cut him off. “Maddox. Why?” He sighs, his eyes bouncing between mine as if looking for the words to speak there. “Maddox, are you in pain?” I can’t help but ask.
His brow pinches, as if those words themselves hurt him.
“Sweetheart. Losing the bond with you was the worst thing I’ve ever felt in my life.
Seeing you eases that pain, and touching you lessens it even further.
But I fear that I no longer deserve to be close to you.
It’s a pain I deserve for letting that happen to you. ”
My eyes shine with tears, and I try to blink them away as I look up at him. That’s what’s been bothering him? That he feels responsible for my kidnapping?
“Maddox, it wasn’t your fault.”
“It was,” he grits out. “It’s my job to keep this entire pack safe. You even called us in tears wanting us to come home and we didn’t.”
“You didn’t know,” I tell him, pressing my palms into his chest as I shake my head. “Maddox, it’s nobody's fault but Blaze’s. You shouldn’t punish yourself.”
The sound of the twins laughing in the hall has me glancing toward the sound. When I look back, Maddox’s expression is no longer that pained longing one; it’s more… resignation. Like he feels like shit and is okay with that.
“Come on, let’s give you that swimming lesson,” he says, grabbing my hand and tugging me into the hall before I can argue.
As we walk down the hall and into the yard, I stew over his words. Do Bain and Gage feel the same? Is that why they have been a little distant?
I want to shake him, tell him he’s being stupid, and force him to try and reseal the mate bond with me. But doubt has me holding back. If I try to force intimacy and find out the bond isn’t there, it might push us further apart.
Maybe Erica and her grandmother can help. Maybe there’s some potion that can help establish a broken bond. Internally I nod, letting that sprout of hope bloom, pushing back my dark thoughts as Maddox leads me to the pool.
I see the twins turn our way, their eyes filling with heat, and decide not to let this sour my mood right now.
Everyone is safe, healthy, and I’m back in the pack bond. That will have to do for now.
“You picked the one I bought you,” Chase says with a devilish smile.
“I should have known it was you,” Maddox says in amusement as we step into the shallow edge of the pool.
“You’re welcome,” Chase tells him with a smirk.
Hunter grabs my free hand as he asks, “You ready for your swimming lesson, baby?” I nod as I look at the water and bite my lip. I keep my hand in his and Maddox’s as we walk down the slope. When the water reaches my waist, I let go of their hands to run my hands through it.
Chase stands in front of me with the other two beside me, and with every step I take, they take one too. As if determined to make sure I don’t so much as slip under the water.
“Can you guys give me a little more space?” I ask in amusement. In unison, they all take a single step back, and I try to hide my smile.
I take another step forward then lift my legs and start kicking them as I move my hands back and forth.
“Hey!” I say in delighted surprise. “I’m doing it!”
“Maybe you know how to swim in your human form?” Hunter asks.
“I don’t know,” I say as I hesitantly start to swim toward Chase, who’s holding his hands out toward me. “I don’t remember.”
“Well, you’re doing great,” Maddox encourages. “You’re a natural.” Chase keeps his arms out but moves backward as I continue swimming toward him, a huge smile plastered on his face.
“Look at you go! You’re doing amazing!” I smile back and try to move in bigger strokes but end up splashing myself and start spluttering when water gets in my mouth.
Instantly, I’m scooped up in Maddox’s strong arms as he cradles me to his chest. His bare chest. I give it a firm pat. “Thank you. But I wasn’t drowning.”
“I wasn’t willing to take that risk,” he says seriously.
Awe, this guy. Unable to resist, I wrap my fingers around the back of his neck and pull him lower, pressing my lips to his. He seems surprised at first, but then he lifts me a little higher, making it easier to kiss, and I moan in approval.
When his tongue touches my lips, and I open for him, I know I haven’t completely lost him. He still wants me. He’s still my mate.
He’s just scared. As am I. I can’t help but wonder if Bain and Gage are too.
After that heated kiss, I did a little more swimming before I decided that I wanted to lie in one of the lounge chairs and watch them. I chose one that also let me watch Bain chopping wood near the back of the yard.
I wasn’t sure why he was doing that. We hadn’t had a fire in days, and there is a giant pile of cut wood right behind him that he keeps adding to. Eventually, he pulls off his shirt, clearly getting sweaty from the physical effort, and I sit up a little as I try to get a better look at him.
Somehow, even though I see him all the time, I’m still surprised by the sheer size of him. He’s positively massive. His muscles bulge as he swings the ax over his head and drives it down into the log, splitting it clean in two.
I think about those arms lifting me up and driving me down on his cock, and suddenly I feel my cheeks heating as I press my legs together, hoping nobody notices my sudden arousal. It’s been far too long since I felt him, but nerves keep me rooted to the chair.
What if he feels the same way as Maddox?
He must, otherwise wouldn’t he be using what can only be described as pent-up energy on me?
I bite my lip, unsure what to do, but the need to make sure he’s not in pain has me climbing to my feet and wrapping my towel around me under my arms as I make my way toward him.
He hears me coming instantly, his head jerking up to me, and he slams the ax down into the cut tree stump he was using as a base. Silently, he turns to me, his hands fisted at his sides as he watches me approach.
“Hi,” I squeak out as I stop a few feet from him.
He tilts his head as if assessing me before he asks, “What are you doing here, angel?”
I try not to let him show how that question hurts me, so I press forward, asking, “Am I not allowed to come see you? Do I need a reason to see my mate?”
“Of course not—”
“You’re being weird,” I tell him with a sigh.
“Weird?” he asks, his hands clenching tightly at his sides as if he’s resisting reaching for me.
“Yes! Like that,” I say, pointing at his fists. “It’s like you’re stopping yourself from touching me. You used to pull me close whenever I was near you.”
He lets out a small grunt, almost sounding amused as he holds his hands up to me. They are covered in dirt. “Baby, I didn’t want to get you dirty.”
I blink at him, feeling stupid, but then I think about why he’s out here in the first place. “But why are you cutting wood right now if not to avoid me?”
He steps closer, wrapping his arms around me without his hands touching me, pressing my face into his sweaty chest… which I don’t mind at all. “Baby, I’m not avoiding you. I’m just trying to let off some steam.”
“But why do you feel you need to do that?” I ask in worry. “Is it because you’re in pain from our missing bond?” he tenses for a second before I feel his head nod.
“Yeah. That’s part of it. The other part is just knowing what happened and that Blaze is still out there.”
“But you feel better when you’re touching me?” I ask for confirmation.
“I do.”
“Well then, you should be doing it more often.”
His chest bounces a little as he lets out a small chuckle. “Okay, baby. I’ll make sure to touch you more.”
“That’s all I ask,” I say with a sigh as I hug him tightly. After a minute of silence, I whisper, “Bain?”
“Yeah, angel?”
“I love you.”
He kisses the top of my head before whispering, “I love you too.”