Chapter 13
Kayla
I don’t know why Ethan gets under my skin so much. He is genuinely being nice. But people who are that nice are usually up to something. They bait you with their friendly behavior and then stab you in the back once you trust them. That’s why I don’t trust anyone.
It doesn’t matter the way my heart fluttered when he held Susie-May in his arms and pinky promised her something so mundane as bedtime stories. It doesn’t matter the way I shifted on my feet when Jared just looked at Ethan and, with no words, knew that he was perfectly safe and had no concerns.
Family is a weird concept to me. Sure, I grew up with one.
I had a mother and a father who loved me.
But at the end of the day, we weren’t normal.
I didn’t have friends growing up. I didn’t have people who cared about me.
Just those two, and when they died, I was left with no one.
I still have no one. But maybe I prefer that.
At least that way, no one can hurt me if I let them get too close.
“You’re doing that thing again.” Ethan’s voice comes from behind me as I make it back to my camper.
I let out a breath. “And what might that be? Putting my items away so that I can get ready to go home? Finishing what I started so I can leave this fucking place for good?”
He leans against the camper, blocking my way to my door, and frowns at me. “You’re shutting down, and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to cause it.”
I let out a breath. “You didn’t do anything wrong.
” I motion between us. “I just don’t do whatever this is.
I’m a loner. I do life alone, and that’s how I like it.
It’s safer that way.” I squeeze my eyes shut briefly before staring directly into his eyes.
“Just go back to your family, Ethan. That’s where you belong. ”
But he doesn’t move. Instead, he reaches for me, but I push his hand away. “Leave, I don’t want you here.”
He shakes his head. “You’re a liar. Why do you keep pushing me away? I’ve done everything you asked. I’ve listened. I’ve learned. Yet, you still keep such a distance between us. Why?”
I let out a tiny growl and clench my fists.
“Why do you fucking care so much? You literally don’t know me.
I am a nobody to you. A random stranger that you caught in the act of something horrible, and then we fucked.
That’s all it was. Why are you attached to me like some lost fucking dog?
!” I yell, and he jolts like I’ve smacked him in the face.
I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth, but it has to be this way.
Being near me is not safe. I’m a monster.
I know that. I accept that, but he is good and sunshine and deserves someone fucking better than me.
I step around him, open up my camper door, and take a step inside.
“Just go, Ethan. Live your life and leave me the fuck out of it.”
I sink to the floor once the door shuts as tears well in my eyes. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to dim his light, but I can’t do this. Whatever this even is. He gives me too much hope for a normal life, and normal doesn’t like me.
After a moment, I expect to hear his footsteps moving away from my camper, but instead, the door opens, and he presses inside.
He wastes no time, scooping me into his arms and sinking to the floor with me, letting me curl against his chest. “Why are you here? I told you to leave.” I grumble against his shirt, yet make no effort to actually push him away.
“Because I don’t want to leave, Kayla. You can push all you want, but I’m stronger than you think.”
I shake my head. “I don’t belong out there. I belong alone and to the silence.”
He kisses the top of my head and holds me tighter against him. “You don’t have to belong to that out there, but you can belong to me. I could be enough if you’d let me.”
I look up at him. Really look at him. His steel blue eyes stared back at me. He means it. He wants me and whatever fucked up thing I’m into. But I still don’t understand why. Or how. How could someone really want me? Me, of all people. “I’m not good enough for you.”
He chuckles, his body shaking mine. “Why do you get to decide that?”
My fist squeezes his shirt in a vice-like grip. “Because you are too good. You are light, and I’m darkness, and you deserve the light.”
He cups my cheek, gently running his thumb along my chin. “I happen to like the dark, Kayla. And in case you just can’t see it, I like you too.” Then he leans down and presses his lips to mine.