Chapter 6
Vivian’s Point of View
Rule six: Gaslight your abuser.
Ever feel like everything around you is spinning out of control, and every time you grab for the pieces, they just spiral faster?
Same.
Leon is leading us back to my room. My footsteps echo behind his, following his shadow, even as my mind is locked in a nightmare.
There was so much blood…
I stumble, and Leon looks over his shoulder at me, narrowing his eyes.
No, fuck. Keep it together, Vivian. Focus on something else.
My chest tightens. It’s not like I have a small list of problems to choose from. Especially after yet another ticking time bomb was dropped onto my lap tonight.
The others spent most of the evening discussing the wedding. The most powerful and influential citizens of the realms will be attending. The union is being used to solidify the prophecy, ensuring everyone believes we are ushering in a new age of peace and unity amongst the realms.
But that wasn’t the part that detonated in my lap.
It took every ounce of Cassandra’s training not to react when Need mentioned that Leon and I will be presented as a newly mated pair.
Mated.
As in a mate bond.
A bond I already have with Sin.
A cold sweat breaks out over my body.
Fuck. My. Life.
First, I imagine any consideration Leon has for my well-being will be decimated when he learns I’ve already bound myself to his enemy. He still thinks there’s a chance I’ll accept him.
Second, I don’t know if a person can even have more than one mate bond.
Sin mentioned our souls are bound, so I imagine doubling up on bonds would be something he would need to be a part of.
Somehow, I don’t see that happening. Which, for what feels like the seven hundredth time today, leaves me in my current state of panic.
How on earth am I going to stop Leon from finding out I’m already bound?
The spiral leaves me quiet as I follow behind him, not even caring that he likes it when I do so. The dinner went on for ages, and the sun has completely set. I only see the occasional servant in the halls.
Living servants – not ghosts. That can’t be good, either.
One problem at a time, Vivian.
I’m hoping Leon will leave me alone for the evening, but of course, he waltzes right into my room. I follow, taking care to leave the door wide open.
He rolls his eyes when he notices, and brushes past me to shut it.
Unfortunately, he stays inside the room with me.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
I am not in a stable enough place to deal with more of his shit. My emotions are hanging on by a thread, and my need to break down and cry is a live wire under my skin.
Clearly, Leon is in a completely different headspace since he starts unbuttoning his shirt.
“Whoa, stop. What are you doing?” I yell, not hiding how appalled I am.
He doesn’t stop until his shirt is fully unbuttoned, showcasing the muscles that once made my mouth water. He lifts a cocky brow, as if expecting me to have a physical reaction to him again.
He gets one – just not the kind he wants. I recoil, making sure he understands that every part of him repulses me now.
A dangerous look flashes across his face before he stomps over to the bed and pulls back the covers. The tension in the room cranks up yet another notch.
“I am getting ready for bed,” he growls. “You should get undressed and do the same.”
The leash doesn’t tug on my mind. It’s a suggestion, not an order.
For now.
“Leon,” I warn, wondering how I’m going to talk him out of this.
There’s no way I’m sleeping beside him – hard limit.
He sighs, cutting me off, “Vivian, I have not held you in weeks. I have worried for you every Fates-damned moment that you’ve been out of my arms. And even though you have betrayed me, fought me, and tried to run from me, you still belong to me. We are sleeping together because you are mine.”
The venom in his words mounts with each claim, showcasing how frustrated and exasperated he is over the fact that I’m fighting him. But there’s something else there too. It’s barely noticeable behind the brunt of his anger.
Hurt.
A small part of Leon is hurt that I don’t want him.
He fully strips off his shirt, tossing it to the corner of the room, before stalking toward me.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
I know that look.
‘Jump on his insecurity. Exploit it!’ Cassandra’s memories hiss.
Panicked, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “But I’m still angry with you for lying to me!”
Leon pauses, looking at me like I’m a lunatic.
But he stopped.
That’s all the motivation I need. If I can’t overpower him, then I need to weaponize words. I’d like to think I could draw on my high school bullies for inspiration, but they were pretty fond of rocks.
Not helpful.
Instead, I remember how broken Leon sounded when he told me about Cassandra’s death. I only hope I can be convincing enough, as I stare up at him with wide, innocent doe eyes.
“You promised you’d protect me,” I whisper, in the same soft voice Cassandra used to use with him. Only now, I lace it with hurt and disappointment, as if Cassandra herself is speaking through me.
She isn’t – the only time I hear her, she’s yelling instructions to get me out of near-death situations.
I have no complaints.
Leon frowns at my accusation, and before he can start to defend himself, I take a page out of his book and keep going.
“They took me from you, Leon – in my past life and in this one. Morgana is the one who killed Cassandra. You let me die, and then, you let Sin steal me from our home. You said I would be safe there.”
The words come more easily than I expected, fueled by the way he stumbles back a step. He looks like I’ve just slapped him, and he gives a slight shake of his head, as if trying to dislodge his thoughts, before reaching for me again.
Absolutely not.
“How could you?” I accuse, in a breathy whisper.
His hand freezes, but anger quickly starts to bleed into his expression. “But – I – I told you to stay on the castle grounds. You were already refusing to comply. I needed you to understand that you couldn’t fight the bond,” he argues, trying to make himself out to be the victim.
Not a chance.
“I went looking for YOU! To apologize. I was almost blind with pain and could only follow the tug of the Keeper bond. I was desperate. I needed you!”
Tears fall from my eyes, and I funnel all my hurt and anger into showing him how truly betrayed I feel.
I look at him like he has broken my heart, like he was the most important thing in my world, only to fall from grace.
It’s a feeling I’m sure haunts him, ever since he was demoted from a Creator to a Destroyer.
A broken look crosses his face, and victory blossoms inside of me.
But I’m not finished.
Who knew gaslighting your abuser could be so satisfying?
“I needed you, and you left me. I am so deeply angry with you.”
“But you and Sin–” Leon tries to interject, even more panic in his tone.
I scoff, infusing it with hurt and disbelief. “Do you have any idea of the terror that comes with being left at the mercy of such a powerful creature? I did what I needed to do to survive, Leon. You threw me to the wolves, so I fought until I could find a way to lead them.”
I wonder if the metaphor is too much, but I’m delighted when I hit my mark. Leon falls to his knees, looking up at me like he’s horrified.
“I’m so sor–” he starts, and I cut him off.
“You broke us,” I whisper, crossing my arms.
I wonder if this is all it will take to shatter Leon’s self-worth. The possibility makes me ridiculously happy. While I know I’m a terrible actress, this doesn’t feel like acting.
I want to break Leon.
He’s shaking his head, staring at the floor. “No, no, no, no. It can’t be,” he mutters.
His fists slam against the floor before he starts pulling at his hair. His muttering continues, but the words grow less coherent by the second.
Honestly, Leon having an emotional breakdown wouldn’t be a bad outcome either. Unfortunately, his display only lasts a few more moments before his gaze snaps back to me. Equally disappointing, his look of horrified guilt has already faded, only to be replaced by steely determination.
Oh fuck.
This may backfire in the worst way. But it’s all I could come up with on such short notice.
“How do I fix this?” He asks.
YOU CAN’T! I scream internally. Yet somehow, I have a sinking feeling that if I tell him as much, I’ll lose whatever ground I’ve just gained.
And no matter how badly I want to continue to fight Leon, my need to keep Sin safe is much stronger.
If I can get Leon to back off willingly, that will hopefully give me the breathing room I need to try and solve this mess.
Instead, I sigh, pretending to give his question some deep thought, when really, I’m trying to come up with a goal that is completely abstract and unattainable, but still sounds legitimate.
“We need time to rebuild, Leon. Time to process the pain, before we can move forward.” I say it with conviction, like I know exactly what I’m talking about (I don’t).
Leon slowly stands, nodding like he can see some semblance of logic in my words. “We need time to work on us.” He says it like he’s just found the solution to a complex problem.
Still, I’m not going to argue.
“You’re right, we do,” I agree, sounding relieved.
He smiles, like he’s been given the chance of a lifetime, before taking both my hands in his. “Don’t worry, pet. I am going to give you every spare moment of my days. We will spend every possible minute together until we are perfect once more. It will be easy. It is, after all, our destiny.”
I almost choke at how quickly this is backfiring. “B-but until then, you agree that it would only slow down our healing, if we’re intimate?” I stammer out, really hoping he doesn’t catch the panicked edge of my voice.
Leon releases one of my hands to stroke my cheek. “Of course. I’ve already told you I’d wait for you.”
I bite back my snarky reminder that he’s already threatened to break that promise, numerous times.
Eyes on the prize, Vivian.
“And, uhm, I think sleeping apart will help too,” I add, the gears in my mind spinning as I try to find a reason that Leon will accept.
His jaw ticks, and I’m terrified he’s already starting to suspect that my motivation is less than aligned with his.
“Distance makes the heart grow fonder!” I blurt, nodding like a deranged bobblehead. “We need the evenings to reflect. To think about our relationship, without the added, uhm – temptation.”
Leon is still frowning, so I keep rambling, desperate to make a compelling case. “Right, so the last time we slept together, things were heated, and uhm, our relationship was still broken. I won’t be able to reflect if you’re in bed with me. I need the space.”
His gaze heats at my mention of when we were intimate, but he nods like he understands. “It would be difficult to keep our hands to ourselves if we’re pressed together,” he concedes with a sheepish expression.
“So difficult,” I agree. “But it will take less time to heal us if we really commit to working on ourselves. We need to rebuild with a solid foundation this time.”
Leon sighs but ultimately releases me. “I suppose you’re right,” he notes, stepping away. “You’re always surprising me. Who knew my betrothed could be intelligent?” He smiles like he’s seeing me for the first time.
I flip through Cassandra’s memories, searching for the most painful way to kill someone, even as I give him a dainty shrug.
“Well, goodnight then,” I answer, giving him an awkward wave.
“Goodnight, pet.” Leon gives me a final, longing look before turning and heading to the door facing my bed – the one I assumed led to an ensuite bathroom.
It is not, in fact, a bathroom.
Is the universe punishing me for all the bad karma that Cassandra racked up?
Seems a little unfair.
Instead, Leon pulls open the door to reveal a second room, with an even larger bed, directly across from mine. My jaw drops, but I snap it shut before Leon turns to look back at me with an easy smile.
“Our quarters. You’ll eventually sleep in here with me, but I made sure you had your own space so you can prepare yourself for me every day.
The connecting door doesn’t lock, since, of course, our bathroom is on my side.
” His grin turns lascivious. “I look forward to seeing you every time you come into our shared space, pet.”