Chapter 15
Vivian’s Point of View
Rule fifteen: Absolutely no unsupervised emotions after midnight.
Leon’s footsteps stopped hours ago, and I’m sure he’s fast asleep. Still, I wait a bit longer, unmoving in the silent darkness. The only sound is the thumping of my heart, already picking up, because it knows what’s coming next.
Just as I do every night before bed, I take a breath and reach for the connection between Sin and me.
As soon as I start to pull back the curtains to open our connection, a trickle of electricity hums along my skin. It’s accompanied by an urgent sense of relief, frustration, and then longing.
Sin’s emotions.
I’m sure that at this point, he’s realized I know how to shut him out, and he isn’t thrilled. Guilt mounts inside my gut over the fact that I’m hurting him again, but I shove it down. Instead, I focus on sending him all the love I have for him. He deserves better than my negative emotions.
More warmth radiates through the bond, and I lie back against my pillows, closing my eyes for just a second.
I jolt awake the moment I feel myself starting to fall asleep.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Every minute I let him in, he’s at risk of feeling something terrible from me. Falling asleep with the bond open is reckless – especially after Leon tried to sneak into my room the other night.
The memory makes me shudder.
Deciding I’ve selfishly put him at risk enough tonight, I send him a final wave of love. It’s answered by frustration and panic when Sin realizes I’m about to close off our connection again.
I try to send back how sorry I am, and then, I shut him out.
A hollow ache settles over me when he’s gone, and I curl in on myself. No matter how guilty I feel over hurting him, I will not give him a reason to get captured by the Council.
The thought of Sin in chains sends rage igniting within me. The intensity of it is almost dizzying.
“Kitten, please believe me when I tell you – you don’t just have anger. You’re drowning in it.”
Sin’s words play through my mind, and for the first time, I believe them. I’m not sure if there’s anything I wouldn’t do to keep him safe.
A chill crawls down my spine, and I’m suddenly grateful that I’m a Creator, and not a Destroyer.
That kind of power clearly doesn’t belong in me.