Chapter 36
Vivian’s Point of View
Rule thirty-six: If monsters are haunting you, haunt them back.
The void inside my chest aches, and each pang feels like I’m taking one step closer to death. My eyes flicker over to Sin. His hard gaze is locked ahead of us as he walks at my side.
He hasn’t said a word since we left Morgana – not since he found out reforming our mate bond would kill him.
More pain in my chest radiates out through my body, and I’m not sure if it’s from the shattered bits of my soul or from my heart slowly breaking.
Still, I try not to show any signs that I’m in pain or that I’m spiraling.
Sin doesn’t need another reason to worry about me.
I’ve already caused so many problems for him.
We turn down another corridor, and I’m completely turned around. This part of the castle is unfamiliar, and I’m too afraid to ask where we’re going.
What will happen when we’re alone?
What if he’s just biding his time, waiting to tell me it’s over between us?
I can’t fault him if he does. He deserves so much better. If he’s finally figured that out, then I’m going to put on my big girl pants and be happy for him. I’m–
“Stop it,” Sin growls, finally looking at me. The corridor is empty, and I almost jump at the sudden break in the silence.
My eyes dart around us, trying to figure out what I’ve done. “Stop what?”
“Whatever you’re worrying about. Stop it,” he clarifies, his eyes narrowing on me.
I huff. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m perfectly fine.”
He stops in his tracks, gently taking my hand so that I pause with him. His eyebrow arches, and the corner of his mouth tilts up, just a fraction. It’s all the warning I get before he prowls toward me.
A small inhale gets stuck in my throat as his body presses against mine. He walks me backward until my back hits the cool marble wall, caging me there with his hands. He moves like a predator, and it causes my heart to flutter.
Should immortals be concerned about arrhythmia?
His gaze drags over me, slowly, and my face heats. Someone handed me a long shirt after the battle, and it hangs to my knees. It’s not particularly flattering, but it certainly beats the torn, dirty dress I was wearing.
“Still trying to lie to me, kitten?” His voice is a low, amused purr.
There’s a challenge behind his words, but I don’t have it in me to play along. Instead, I cross my arms and lightly shrug. “Our bond is broken. You can’t tell if I’m worrying.”
The comment is supposed to come out lighthearted, but it feels as though the crumbled pieces of my soul are cutting into my vocal cords. My voice breaks.
Sin’s gaze burns into mine with an intensity that leaves me unsure as to whether he’s angry or about to ravage me. Both seem like solid responses to this situation.
Tension ripples through his body. “Your half of the bond is broken. That bastard may have burned me from your soul, but you? A piece of your soul is still very much intertwined in mine, where it belongs. And I can feel everything.”
The relief that hits me is staggering.
Sin still wants me.
His gaze drops to my lips, reminding me that we are in a very intimate position. My skin buzzes everywhere we touch, and a jolt of desire sparks through me.
I only have a second to catch Sin’s eyes flare before the ground disappears. An involuntary yelp escapes my lips as he sweeps me off my feet.
Cradling me against him, he starts down the hall again, moving at a fast clip.
“What are you doing?” I ask, laughing.
His jaw works, and he’s back to staring straight ahead. “Distracting you,” he grits out.
His muscles are still taut, and I trail my fingers along his neck to see if it will help.
His chest stills.
He’s stopped breathing.
I frown. “Distracting me from what?”
Sin’s steps get even faster as he turns down another hall. He doesn’t answer.
Not content to be ignored, I gently tug on a strand of his hair.
“Fates above,” Sin mutters, turning on his heel and shoving open the nearest door. It leads to what looks like an unused bedroom, similar to the one Leon had. The linens are accented with deep greens and gold.
He sets me down in the center of the room, then steps back to close and lock the door. Only then does he finally release a shuddering exhale.
I tilt my head, giving him a curious expression, as I fight back my smile.
Is it weird that I missed his mood swings?
He leans against the door, his eyes still locked on me. “I was distracting you from wherever your thoughts were headed,” he finally answers, crossing his arms. White spots bloom across his knuckles from how tightly he’s clenching his fists.
My brow pinches. “What thoughts? What’s wrong?”
A tortured look flashes over his features, and he rakes a hand through his hair.
“Your arousal, kitten. I felt it. I am so starved for you; I would have taken you in that hallway. But you need rest, and I don’t,” he pauses, looking unsure, “I don’t know what he did to you – if you even want to be touched.
And I don’t want you to feel pressured. I…
I just want to take care of you, if you’ll let me. ”
Chills break out over my skin. Despite how incredible his words are, they wrench the memories back to the surface. I don’t dare blink, trying to escape them.
The flashbacks come anyway.
The stone floor is cold, and metal digs into my wrists. Leon’s hands are everywhere, his teeth rip into my thighs.
“Kitten? Kitten, come back to me,” Sin coaxes.
The sound pulls the room back into focus, but it does nothing for the shivers that wrack through me. Inhaling, I try to find the courage to meet Sin’s eyes, hoping he doesn’t know where my mind went.
His devastated expression cuts through me worse than a blade. He must be feeling my fear.
I bite my tongue to stop myself from screaming.
What is wrong with me?
Why can’t I stop hurting him?
Uncertainty hangs between us, all because I’m too weak to move on. But after everything I’ve put him through, the least I can do is give him the truth.
“He tried,” I rasp, hugging myself. “He tried to rape me. And even though he didn’t, I can still feel him, still feel the fear and the pain.” The words come out choked, and the confession makes me feel stupid.
I don’t deserve sympathy or comfort. But tears stream down my face.
I’m a disgrace.
“I’m sorry. I know I should be grateful he didn’t do worse, not when others weren’t as lucky. I just–”
“No.” Sin’s tone is hard.
His steps are slow as he comes to stand before me, giving me plenty of time to back away. When I don’t move, he cradles my cheek to brush away my tears with his thumb. His palm glances over the fresh cut from Leon’s blade.
“Your pain and your fear are valid. No matter what others have gone through, what you experienced was real. It was terrifying and traumatic. You’re hurting, and you’re allowed to grieve.
You deserve to be held through it, not judged – especially not by yourself.
” He presses his forehead to mine. “Nothing good comes from comparing your pain to others. Comparison doesn’t heal. Compassion does.”
His words feel like a balm to the jagged edges of my soul, and I wrap my arms around his neck. He holds me like I’m made of glass, and I melt into his touch.
Some of the pressure eases from my chest.
This is my safe haven.
We stay like that for a while, until my eyelids start to droop.
“Come on, let’s get you tucked in,” he whispers, bending to pick me up. His hand brushes my thigh, right against one of Leon’s bite marks.
My eyes snap open, and I desperately try not to see the memory associated with the pain.
Sin freezes, sensing the change. But when my body stays rigid, he gently sets me on the bed and backs up. His hands are raised in a gesture of surrender.
My eyes widen, realizing what’s happening.
Sin is afraid to touch me.
Leon isn’t here, and still, he’s taking from me. He’s stealing things that were never his to claim.
Only now, the thought doesn’t leave me feeling small or afraid.
It pisses me the fuck off.
“What do you need, kitten?” Sin asks, slightly panicked.
Rage builds within me, and I dig my fingers into the blankets to try to control it. The wells of power inside me feel like they’re trying to bubble over as my fury draws them together.
No more.
Leon has taken enough.
“You,” I answer. My eyes lock onto Sin’s, and I make sure he can see the absolute certainty behind the word.
His brow drops, and he doesn’t move. Worried gray eyes search mine. “You’ve been through something horrible. You should rest.”
He takes another step back, like the distance will help him do what he thinks I need.
But he doesn’t get to decide how I heal.
Getting up, I follow him until we’re inches apart. “I need you. Every time I close my eyes, all I can feel is him. Help me erase the memories. Claim me so completely that your touch is the only thing my body remembers.” My eyes turn pleading as they hold his. “Take back what he stole.”
Something dark and possessive flickers across Sin’s face, and the room glows a faint red. A shiver of anticipation trails down my spine.
His eyes flare like he felt my response, and his hands flex once before he whispers, “Safe word, kitten. I am going to reclaim every piece of you, but if you need me to stop, say it. You’re in control here. Understood?”
Heat surges through me, and I instinctively press my thighs together.
My answer comes without any hesitation. “Yes.”