Chapter 38
Vivian’s Point of View
Rule thirty-eight: I take it back. Be the prey.
Sin’s words hit me like a bucket of ice water, and I jerk back against the bed, frowning. “You can’t be serious.”
His gaze darkens as he pulls away from me, giving me space to sit up. “Of course I’m serious. Fates above, kitten, did you seriously think I’d stand by and do nothing as you die?”
Stunned, I gape at him for a moment. “Sin, you can’t possibly believe I’d agree to letting you break your soul for me. That’s ludicrous.”
I can’t believe this conversation even needs to happen. Morgana said that if Sin splits his soul, it will eventually kill him.
The shattered pieces of my soul ache, and even though it’s only been a few days, it already feels like it’s gotten worse. The thought of condemning Sin to this pain is unthinkable.
Gray eyes track every shift in my expression, narrowing the second I let myself think about the pain. He must be feeling my emotions, I realize, and I try to shove it back down.
His jaw ticks, and he only looks more frustrated. “When is enough going to be enough, Vivian?”
My eyes widen at his use of my real name, but he continues, “You keep insisting on sacrificing yourself for others, but you refuse to let us do the same for you.”
I wish he sounded angry, but he sounds bitter and hurt instead. His expression is tortured, and he looks as though he’s trying to peer into my soul.
It leaves me feeling raw and exposed.
Instead of answering right away, I huff, sliding off the bed in search of my shirt.
He’s right, I would never let my loved ones sacrifice themselves for me. They don’t deserve to suffer.
My shirt slips over my shoulders, just as Sin all but growls, “Stop thinking you don’t deserve to be helped. Sacrificing–”
Sacrificing. The word sends a bolt of anger surging through me.
The fucking audacity of this man.
Snapping my gaze back to him, I storm to where he’s still seated at the edge of the bed.
“You want to get angry with me about sacrificing? You tried to have your soul eaten by the Fates to get me out of here! And now two out of three, possibly all-seeing, all-powerful creatures think they get to consume your soul. I’m not going to agree to something that will leave you even more vulnerable to them, or to the other Destroyer, who is very much intent on killing you.
I will gladly stay broken if it means you can be whole. ”
Anger and frustration crackle between us, and Sin looks murderous as he stands to meet me.
“I respected your wishes when you wanted to end your mortal life, and when you decided to choose Leon to save others. Every time, I could have stopped you. But I didn’t.
Because what you choose to do with your body is your choice.
Always.” His gaze bores into me. “But this time, the choice is about my soul, my life. It’s your turn to bend, kitten. That’s how relationships work.”
My chest heaves as I try to rein in my anger. Even now, I can see some truth to his words. He could have stopped me. Every time, he could have forced my hand, but he didn’t.
The thought is enough to give me pause and really consider whether I would have stood by him and respected his wishes if the tables were turned.
Some of my anger dissipates when I realize the answer.
I don’t think I would have.
Not out of some twisted desire to control him, but because at our cores, there’s one major difference between us.
Every sacrifice I’ve made has been to save the people I love. I would do anything for Sin, because I love him. And while I know he cares deeply for me, I also know my love is one-sided.
Sin doesn’t love me.
It’s not just the fact that he’s never said the words back, even when I’ve mouthed or written them. This goes deeper, because even when our bond was whole, he never sent love through it.
I’m not even hurt. If anything, I’m just grateful he cares for me at all. But ultimately, how can I let him forfeit his life for someone he doesn’t love?
The answer is simple.
I can’t.
He watches me, waiting for my answer, and I force down the lump in my throat.
I can’t tell him the truth. If I do, he’ll just lie and pretend to love me, so that he gets his way.
The thought hardens my resolve.
Crossing my arms, I meet his glare. “It’s not only your choice. It affects my body as well.” Almost as an afterthought, I lift a brow and add, “And have you considered that maybe you’re just a better person than me?”
Sin’s eyes flare at my blatant challenge, and before I can blink, he’s apparating us. We land on the far side of the room, with my legs wrapped around his waist, and my back pressed against the cold wall.
His hands are locked beneath my thighs, and my core presses against his hard length. The molten desire from moments before roars back to life, and Sin grinds into me.
My nails dig into his shoulders as I arch against him. At my response, he lifts me higher, kissing the junction of my neck before sucking the skin.
I moan, and he pauses just long enough to gruffly whisper, “Those are my terms, kitten. You want everything? Then you take everything, my soul included.”
His teeth sink into my neck, and I gasp, even as I try to press myself closer to him.
When he finally finishes sucking at the mark, I manage to rasp out, “Are you trying to use sex as a weapon against me?”
He licks my neck, and I gasp again, now half-laughing. “That’s manipulative, Sin.”
There’s a rumble in his chest, and I can’t figure out if it’s a growl or a laugh.
“It is. But, my fierce little mate, since you’re under the impression that you aren’t a good person, then I’ll gladly play the villain, right alongside of you,” he purrs.
My knees go weak when he calls me his fierce little mate, and suddenly, I’m grateful that he’s holding me up.
Sin doesn’t look like he’s in much better shape. His fingers twitch from where they’re resting, millimeters from my exposed center, and his breaths are heavy.
“So, you think you can hold out on fucking me for eternity?” I smirk.
Not to sound overconfident, but I’m feeling pretty good about my odds here.
Sin wants me. He’ll give in.
“Not at all,” he answers simply, still holding me against the wall. “I only need to hold out until you give in.”
I scoff, “Good luck with that.”
The look he gives me is purely predatory, and I can feel the shift in him.
The one that tells me without a doubt that I’m now being hunted.
But instead of pouncing, his hands loosen, and he gently sets me on the ground.
“Do you remember why I was selected to become a Destroyer, kitten?” He asks in a low tone.
Vaguely, I remember him telling me that it was because people thought he could read minds, but my answer lodges in my throat when Sin slowly sinks to his knees before me.
His voice slides over me like silk when he adds, “I think you’ll find I can be very persuasive.”