7
Can you come over? Amy’s mindlink throws me out of bed before I can pry one eye open.
Be there in ten, I mindlink.
I expect to feel carpet beneath my feet, but I forgot we switched to sleeping at Noah’s place toward the end of our five-day heat and rutting cycle. I remember now, sliding across the wooden flooring on one sock. My forehead narrowly misses Noah’s open closet door, forcing Noah to suck in a tight breath behind me. He must’ve been startled awake by my concern in our bond.
Noah’s quiet voice is rough with sleep. “What’s wrong?”
My sweatpants are still sprawled over the foot of Noah’s bedframe from when he teased them off me last night. I throw them on, letting out an exasperated breath. “I don’t know. Amy just mindlinked me to come over, and I’m worried.”
Noah is out of bed now too, grabbing yesterday’s black T-shirt from his nightstand. “Did she say anything else?”
“No, I just know something’s up.”
My mate is already reaching for his keys. “I believe you. Let’s go.”
A soft drizzle on Noah’s windshield gives us one last taste of spring on its way out. Clouds block the morning sun, and that’s nothing new; half the year, it feels like it’s perpetually dusk. But today, it makes my heart feel darker too.
Noah takes my hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “She’s okay. Now that I know her a little better, I can feel her.”
My eyes widen. “You’re that connected to the whole pack? That’s incredible, Noah.”
Noah clears his throat, as expected; my mate never likes to brag about his top Alpha abilities, especially the goddamn incredible ones. I stifle the adoration in my chest, too concerned for Amy to smile.
“What does she feel like, then?” I ask.
Noah winces. “She’s... afraid.” My heart thumps harder, but Noah’s grip on my hand tightens. “It doesn’t feel like I should be worried for her safety, though. I just think she must need someone she trusts to be with her.”
I swallow hard. “I know. She wouldn’t ask for help if it wasn’t serious.”
The only thing keeping my wolf from ejecting me from the car and chasing after Amy myself is Noah’s thumb smoothing over the back of my hand. Now that I think of it, he just decided he’d come with me without question. His dark hair is still damp from his morning perimeter run. He must’ve snuck back into bed with me to reform our cuddle ball, and I must’ve been used to his schedule by now to sleep right through it.
But I definitely didn’t sleep through Amy’s mindlink. It triggered a beast in me I’ve attempted to bury, but I know burying things doesn’t work. My mind flickers through every possibility of what could’ve happened to her, unable to disprove their likelihood; they can happen. No, they did. To me.
“You okay?” Noah’s voice sharpens, snapping me out of my head.
I grip my chest, taking a deeper breath. “Yeah. Just a little triggered.”
Noah hugs my arm against his chest before pulling our interlocked fingers to his lips. “I can feel it. You’re right here with me. No matter what we see, I’m here to protect you both.”
I exhale, sinking into the passenger seat as Noah’s soft lips grace my knuckles.
But as we pull up to Amy’s apartment complex in the heart of Greenfield, my heart kickstarts from a thumping jog into a sprint. Noah is still turning off the car as I jump out.
I rush up Amy’s apartment steps, ready to ring the intercom like I always used to for Amy to let me in. But Noah taps his wallet against the digital lock system, and a sharp click tells me it’s open. Noah shoves open the heavy door with one hand, leaving space for me to enter first.
I softly smile. “Thanks, Alpha.”
He kisses the top of my head as we step through the door, keeping his hand on my lower back to let me know he’s following me up the stairs.
I take two steps at a time. I’m here, A. Almost up the stairs.
The door’s unlocked,Amy mindlinks.
“Should I come in with you?” Noah asks.
I stop in front of Amy’s closed door. The second her stressed pheromones hit me from beneath the threshold, I nod. “Please.”
Without wasting another second, I turn Amy’s doorknob, speed-walking through her living room. I follow her scent down the hall, but I know where she is.
I find my best friend bundled beneath her comforter, her nose redder than ever from crying.
“Oh, A.,” I whisper.
This, of course, inspires Amy’s fresh tears.
I’m relieved she doesn’t seem physically hurt. Granted, Amy looks out of sorts. An expanding mass of tissues clutter her lap, each one as rumpled as Amy’s sweat-creased pajama shirt, but there’s no sign of forced entry into her apartment; her strewn navy, pleated comforter and teetering book stack on her golden-brown, wooden nightstand look the same as always.
I let out a shaky breath. Actually, my whole body is quivering. I take a deep whiff of Amy’s scent as I wrap my arms around her.
Noah’s voice softens behind us. “You want me to stay or go, Amy?”
Amy shudders through a bout of heavier tears. “Could you maybe stay?”
My heart warps as her eyes cloud over again. I glance at Noah, and his forehead is similarly scrunched in shared pain.
Noah crouches at my side. “Of course I can stay. We’re both here.”
I tuck Amy’s short, vibrant hair behind her ear to nuzzle her cheek. Her straight, red hair is messy from sleep and stress, but it’s still so silky that it glides from her ear, falling back into place.
Giving her a soft kiss on her cheek, I rub her shoulder. “Talk to me, A. When you’re ready.”
She huffs, a strand of hair puffing off her cheek. After a heavy silence, she reaches for our hands. “I need to get us a wolf pile going first.”
I flop onto Amy, making her let out a heavy grunt.
Amy sputters into nasally laughter. “Wow, okay! I guess I got what I asked for!”
Noah and I smile, climbing onto Amy and Kira’s bed; I pull Amy into my arms as Noah settles into my side. I sigh as I snuggle in, content to be stationed between two of my best friends.
“Where’s Kira?” I ask.
Amy sighs, straightening against her headboard with a loud drop of her arms against the comforter in her lap. “She’s at work. I told her not to come home for my ridiculous meltdown, especially because we’re going to need the funding.”
Noah’s concern spikes in our bond. “Are you having a hard time making ends meet? Be honest. I want to know, because that shouldn’t be happening in Greenfield, so if those Elders—”
Amy shakes her head, looking past me to meet Noah’s eyes. “No, no— We’re good, Alpha. It’s just, we’re budgeting for only two people right now, and—”
As if she didn’t realize what she was saying until it fell from her lips, Amy’s eyes bulge as mine pop open.
“What?!” I gasp. “Are you—”
“I’m not pregnant!” Amy squeezes her eyes shut.
My mouth is left hanging as I whir over the remaining possibilities. But the more I come up with, the more my heart hurts. This is huge news, and it usually takes years to even come close to adoption for most prospective parents. Why didn’t she tell me any of this?
Amy groans, hiding her face in her hands. “I didn’t know how to bring this up with you this week, A. I was going to, but Kira and I just started talking about it, literally only on Wednesday, but then last night an opportunity came up out of nowhere, just three days later, and— Fuck, this is all happening way too fast!”
“Hey, hey, let’s back up.” I grip Amy’s arm, pulling at her hand until she allows me to lace our fingers together. “Start from the beginning.”
Amy whistles out a slow breath. She bites her nails on her free hand like she always does when she’s anxious, glancing between Noah and I before dropping her focus to our clasped fingers. “Remember how you, me, and Kira talked about potentially co-parenting next year?”
I clear my throat, sharing a surprised glance with Noah. My cheeks flush; Noah’s puzzled stare tells me he didn’t realize how serious I was about having kids so soon before meeting him. “Yes. But that was before I met Noah.”
“Exactly. And now that you did meet Noah, Kira and I were talking about having kids of our own too, not just co-parenting with you as your baby’s secondary caregivers.”
A spike of concern ripples through our bond. I glance at Noah, but his eyes remain trained on Amy’s anxious hands.
But Amy’s fearful glance pulls my focus back to her. “I hope that’s not disappointing, and I didn’t want to move ahead without you, but—”
“A.,” I rub her shoulder, giving her a soft smile. “Breathe. I’m not mad.”
“You’re not?”
“I didn’t exactly ask your permission when Noah and I started having sex either. We could’ve already been pregnant. Plus, the three of us only discussed it as a possibility in the near future, but then I said I wanted to go on a few more dates first for a year or two to be sure I wouldn’t find my soulmate out there, remember?”
She shrugs, her lips wobbling through fresh tears. “I know, but I didn’t want to disappoint you. I just know how much this means to you, and—” She shakes her head, dissolving into full tears.
All I can do is rub her shoulder. I’m a little shocked, staring at my best friend through this severe of upset for what feels like the first time—at least other than the week Amy met Kira and had an epic meltdown the first night they spent apart.
But there has to be something deeper in Amy’s tears than just breaking our almost-agreement. I chew on my lip, struggling to figure it out. It’s not easy when I also have a whirlwind of emotions blasting through our bond, and I can’t figure out what my mate is thinking either.
Until Noah wraps his arm around Amy and I, pulling the three of us into a side hug. His voice is gentler than usual. “It means a lot to you too, doesn’t it? Becoming a mom.”
Amy’s soft cries pause—until they erupt. She breaks into full-blown sobs, nodding her head as Noah and I share a pained glance.
“Yes, I—” Amy’s cries choke out her words. “I’m really afraid I’ll fuck it all up somehow. What if I’m not cut out for this?”
For the first time since I entered Amy’s apartment, my shoulders relax. I smile, running my fingers through her hair. “Guess what, A.?”
Amy groans, “Oh, Aliya, don’t—”
“Maybe you will fuck something up,” I say. Amy glares, but the second we meet eyes, we burst into laughter. “Or...”
“Maybe I won’t, I know. I set myself up for that one.”
I settle against her side, relishing in my two best friends smiling next to me. “I know I’m not hard to predict, but I’m serious, A. I’ve always been terrified I’ll fuck up everything in the world, but especially motherhood. And I honestly don’t think there’s a parent out there who hasn’t screwed up, at least a little.”
Amy shrugs, her forehead warping back into overwhelm.
“That doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for this,” I say.
She huffs. “But I’m not like you, Aliya. I don’t have that sweet, nurturing side that kids are drawn to, and I don’t have Kira’s goofy side that would make them laugh.” I glare at her, and Amy laughs. “Don’t look at me like that!”
“Don’t talk to my best friend like that, then!” I rub my forehead into her shoulder until she falls onto her side of the mattress in a giggling heap. “I don’t know where this is coming from after I’ve spent my whole life laughing beside you, and being comforted by your presence.”
Amy is silent for a long while.
My stomach squirms, especially as Noah remains more silent than usual, his swirling emotions in our bond leaving me curious and confused.
But as Amy dissolves into soft sniffles, my heart breaks.
“What’s wrong, really?” I ask.
“They sent us a photo,” Amy whispers.
My heart skips. “Of a pup?”
Amy reaches for her phone, tapping her passcode wrong twice with shaky fingers. By the time she finally unlocks it, her ribcage tightens in my arms with her held breath.
Amy pulls up a picture of a small Lycan pup, and the air is sucked from my lungs too. The second I see this sweet baby’s tight brown curls, round, curious eyes, and pouty bottom lip, I know in my heart she’s Amy and Kira’s. I cover my gaping mouth, my forehead contorting through fresh tears.
Amy does a double-take over her shoulder. “No, Aliya! Stop it!” She lets out a sharp sob, and we both dissolve into weepy, disastrous laughter. “Dammit! She’s just—”
“Beautiful,” I choke out, my heart pounding into overwhelm. “Oh, my God, she’s so little.”
“She’s only 20 months old,” Amy whimpers.
Noah sucks in a sharp breath, leaning over my shoulder to view her with us. As Amy and I continue to melt into a puddle of mush, Noah’s eyes rim in red—except he has the biggest smile he can manage.
“I can feel how much you already love her,” he mutters.
Amy whimpers, burrowing her face into her pillow. I rub Amy’s back, my heart aching as a massive wave of tumultuous emotions pour from her scent. Noah catches my eyes in concern, and I bite my lip.
“A., I can only guess how overwhelming or exciting this must be, but I don’t fully understand what’s making you smell so sad. I can feel how much you want this, but—”
Amy lifts her head to suck in desperate air. When she speaks, her voice is clouded with congestion. “But that’s just it. I want this, but does she? She lost everything already. What if I’m not enough for her? What if I fail her?”
My heart rips. I shut my eyes, breathing through Amy’s pained cries.
I snuggle up to her side as tight as I can press. “All you can do is your best. And from all the love you’ve given me, I know your best can save her life, no matter how imperfect your best might be.”
Amy drops her hot forehead into my chest and releases the rest of her tears. With Noah and my hands on her back, it only takes two full minutes of Amy letting it all out for her breath to slow, her eyes falling shut to my gentle scratches against her scalp.
“You’re right. She needs us, either way. Her biological parents passed, one after the other, and there are too many other pups to adopt. The orphan rate is higher than ever with all the Rogues seeking asylum and dying from broken mate bonds,” Amy mutters.
I glance up at Noah, startled by this.
He nods, but he can’t bear to hold eye contact. “A lot of Rogue Omegas are sacrificing their lives, escaping abuse and dying from broken mate bonds in exchange for their pups’ safety. But the orphan rate is higher than humans for Lycans in general with how many mates die together, leaving their kids.”
My stomach drops. “I never thought through how much higher it’d be.”
But now that I am thinking about it, my heart speeds into a sprint. Noah and I are interlocked so deeply, there’s no way we won’t both die when one of us does. What’s going to happen to our future kids? Is it irresponsible of me to want them, just to guarantee them to be left all alone later in life? Maybe even early in life, with how much danger Noah faces daily? I know he doesn’t tell me how bad it really is, and the more I’ve listened to small hints lately, the worse his situation has seemed.
Noah’s hand lands on my shoulder, and I jump. He shoots me an apologetic glance, his forehead knitted and eyes scanning my face. Are you okay?
I sigh, adjusting my cuddle on Amy until we’ve mashed into one tangled unit. Yeah, mostly. That’s just a scary thought.
It is.He drops his stare, analyzing Amy’s slackening body in my arms. But it’s life, isn’t it? Like you’ve said to me, everything in life except death is uncertain.
I swallow hard. He’s right, it is life. Now that I know I’m a Lycan, I can’t escape this added complication to my own mortality.
Of course no one likes death, but to imagine my dear Noah leaving this earth? My eyes brim with tears, but my body doesn’t stop there. A literal, physical pain hammers on my heart, restarting my breath as I wince. I nuzzle Amy’s cheek to soothe myself, and she nuzzles harder back, still half asleep. But before I can torture myself any further, a soft knock at Amy’s bedroom doorframe turns all three of our heads.
Kira gives us a sad smile. “Mind if I join you?”