9
Spring has officially left us. Summer heat settles in, evaporating the rainy season and allowing me to wear long, flowing sundresses that catch Noah’s eyes when the wind whips through them.
But today, I’m the one tracking Noah”s burly, black wolf during his daily sparring practice. I can”t stop smiling like a giddy kid. Normally it takes five wolves to challenge Noah, but with Noah’s shifting schedule, poor Yasmine is left to face him alone in his free hour. He chases Yasmine’s gray wolf like he’s playing a casual game of tag, but Yasmine is gassing out. When she shifts into her human form, groaning and flopping into the grass, Noah comes to his classic, screeching halt, his giant paws blasting dirt in every direction.
Yasmine gasps. “You bastard! I’m coated in mud!”
His ears droop. Then he bats Yasmine back into the grass.
Despite her obvious annoyance, Yasmine bursts into laughter. “Noah! You big, goofy asshole! What’s with you today?!”
He lazily lifts one lip in a weak snarl, and I laugh, knowing how fake it is.
Yasmine meets my eyes, still supercharged with excitement from their practice battle. “Agreed, Aliya. After seeing him chase you around like a puppy, his snarls don’t hit as hard.” She scoops a fistful of mud off her bare shin, slopping it into the grass with a hard flick. “I’m done sparring with you for today, you obnoxious brute of a wolf. Or maybe I’m done for the next two days. It’s just not fair.”
Noah whines, and I rise to meet him. He shifts before I can reach him, taking my breath away as his yellow eyes melt into their familiar soft teal.
Well, almost. I expect them to soften into a near-blue, but they’re stuck a little green.
“Noah? Are you oka—”
When he pulls me into a kiss, his overheated—and very naked—hips fall flush against me from the start. I let out a surprised hum at the sudden pressure. Encouraged by my pleased reaction, Noah tightens his grip, enveloping me in his desirous scent.
“I’m out of here,” Yasmine says at the tree line.
I giggle, breaking our kiss. “Sorry, Yas! Will you still come over for dinner tomorrow?”
She winks before turning her back with a wave. “Anything for you, babe!”
I laugh. But Noah doesn’t smile and roll his eyes at Yasmine’s incessant flirting like he usually would. He glares at Yasmine’s retreating back before tucking his chin over my shoulder, squeezing me as close as he can manage.
“What’s going on for you, Alpha?”
“I don’t know. I usually miss you so much during the day. It’s so nice to see you here.”
“I wish I could be here every day too.” I pull back, putting on a cheery smile. “But hey, summer break begins soon, so I won”t teach during the week. Maybe a year or two after I become Luna, I could stop working at my school to help you with—”
Noah’s brows pinch with his irritated huff. “No. Never quit your job for me. If I ever ask you to do that, wolf-divorce me.”
I sputter out a laugh. “Noah!? Oh, my God!” He softens into a half-smile, and I draw him back in for a cuddle. “It”s just— What if I could help even more kids here?”
“You genuinely love your kids. Just that alone is changing more lives than you know.”
I buzz all over, his words hitting deep in my heart. “Thank you. And I do love them, but...”
My throat tightens. I’ve wanted to ask Noah a favor for weeks, but I wasn’t sure if it was fair. I don’t want to use his authority for my benefit.
But Noah’s story last night about a distraught Rogue mom was the deciding factor. The occasional Rogue is an abuser banished from their pack, but far more Rogues are abuse survivors—and their children. It kills me to think there are so many pups suffering without the comfort of a pack community after facing trauma that I know firsthand is lifelong.
What scares me the most are our pack’s Alpha-domination men. The newest Rogues have to wait for a full moon to be formally inducted into the pack. Each approaching week before the ceremony feels like a silent threat, awaiting these Alphas’ potentially violent acts of dissent. I trust Noah’s protection of us. I just don’t trust those Alphas—or what they’re teaching their kids about their new classmates.
Noah’s eyebrows furrow. “What’s wrong?”
My voice shakes. “I know we have the Forest School for our pack pups, and that I love my job, but I feel like I see something urgent we might need here, and I feel called to help.”
I’m antsy with anticipation as Noah’s wolf appears to stare through his piercing eyes, his focus unwavering. “Okay, I’m all ears.”
I swallow hard. “I was wondering if it’d still be possible for me to help Rogues adjust to life within the pack somehow, and it got me thinking...” I grip my skirt, taking a deep breath. “What if I helped to start a Rogue daycare here, transitioning them into school with the existing pack pups?”
Noah’s eyes widen, and words come spurting out of me.
“It’s almost summertime, so I could easily help set it up now, and maybe even work there on weekends, or take the second shift after my half-day preschool classes—”
“Oh. Fuck, wow.” Noah grips his head, shaking it. I’m so anxious about what he’ll think of my request that when his eyes zip back to mine, I flinch. “No, no, it’s not bad. I just can’t handle— Ugh, fuck, I need to get a grip.” Noah bites his lip, his eyes swimming with affection. “That would be amazing, sweet Omega.”
My heart lifts. “Really?”
“Goddess, yes. I can just picture your presence in their lives being so healing. Not just healing, but exactly what they need, and—” Noah beams, although I sense laced pain hidden in his roaming stare. He adjusts his hold, softening his fingers into gentle sweeps down my arms. “As long as it’s something you want, and not just to please me. I’d love to support you.”
I chuckle, sorting Noah’s frazzled hair. “Okay, there’s something else off about you today. You’re stuck at 90% wolf brain; I can hear it.”
He groans, burying his nose in my neck. When I shiver, he can’t seem to help himself. Kissing my neck up and down, Noah reverts to sucking and licking my scent gland, blazing heat through my groin. It spurs my breath into a whimper. My hips grind against his on instinct, and he slides his big hands down my back, stopping on my ass.
I grip his hair, breathing into his heavy grinds as they send pulses of pleasure up my core. “Oh, God. Whatever you’re doing, I’m not going to last long. I’m glad I brought condoms with me today.”
Noah growls, smashing his lips against mine. His tongue slips into my mouth, and my thighs part for him. He indulges me with a rolling pressure against my clit, his thigh slipping against my flowy skirt.
“Mm!” I tug him to the ground, desperate to feel his weight on top of me.
But as Noah kneels over me on all fours, we jump as someone clears their throat from within the trees.
Noah’s yellow eyes bulge. “Oh, fuck— Mom!?”
Lilian scowls with a disapproving shake of her tight, gray bun. “Watch your mouth when speaking to your Luna, Noah Greenfield.”
“S-sorry! It”s just— We”re... busy.” His cheeks burn as red as mine feel.
But Lilian doesn’t look like she’s leaving anytime soon, crossing her arms and settling into one hip.
“W-what’s going on?” Noah asks.
“I—” Lilian clears her throat, struggling to meet my eyes. She brushes a leaf off her shirt, busying her focus. “I have a proposition for our future Luna.”
My heart flips. I’m still not used to her admitting I’m the next Luna.
She hasn’t apologized to Noah for the day I met her, but she’s softening up around us. But no matter how nice she can be, I can’t trust her yet. Not until she apologizes to Noah—and means it.
Noah helps me to my feet, lacing his arms around me from behind to cover his naked body.
Lilian rolls her eyes. “It’s nothing I haven”t seen. I raised you, didn”t I?”
“That’s not the problem, Mom.”
My eyes bulge, feeling the very hard “problem” pressed against my back.
I can hardly suppress my laughter, my voice shaking as I smile at Lilian. “I’d love to speak with you, Luna. Please, give us a moment.”
I help Noah gather his clothes from his tree hole, keeping his back turned to his mom. Unable to help myself, I giggle at the ridiculousness of the situation. But Noah sighs. He’d normally laugh with me, but he seems extra frustrated today. I have no idea what’s going on with him. Has he already had to deal with more of those Alpha-domination jerks today?
Noah meets my worried stare, and his eyebrows soften. “Sorry, sweet Omega. I’m okay, I promise.”
He’s not, but I trust he’ll tell me when he’s ready. With a soft kiss goodbye, Noah leaves me to meet Lilian at the clearing’s edge.
I roll my shoulders back, stopping in front of her. “Is there something I can do for you, Luna?”
She frowns at my unenthusiastic tone, and my stomach sinks. Shit. I didn’t mean to come off like that.
“You’re still mad,” she says, and it’s not a question.
“Well...”
“It’s okay. I get it.”
My heart flips. “You do?”
She links her arm with mine, guiding me into a narrow path between the trees. Anxiety burns my esophagus.
“Yes, I do. You were right the day we met. I was... cruel,” Lilian says.
A hard lump forms in my throat.
Lilian sounds willing to grow and repair things. I have a lot to say, but if I’m not careful, it could damage any progress we’ve made.
“Thank you for hearing me out. It means a lot that you took my words in, even though I was a bit harsh that day.” I glance at her furrowed brows, bracing myself for her reaction. “But I wasn’t the only one there. And I’m not the one who needs to hear this apology the most.”
She gazes at my feet as we walk, her stoic eyes even more unreadable than usual. “I’ll repair this on my own terms. This is not what I wanted to discuss.”
“O-okay...”
Just when my hopes fall to the floor, Lilian stops, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You”re hoping to become Luna someday soon, I hear.”
My stomach flips. She’s right; all I have to do is tell Noah I’m ready, and I’ll be committed to nurturing Greenfield’s safety for life. “If time and circumstances permit, yes. But I want you to have your time to adjust first before we even consider moving forward.”
“Oh.” Lilian’s eyes widen for a fleeting moment before returning to their usual cool. “Well, thank you for that.” There”s an awkward pause as Lilian prepares to speak, stopping herself a few times between deep breaths. “What do you say if I take my time to teach you what I know? Before handing off my title to you.”
I swallow hard, struggling to steady my breath. I can”t believe it. She’s not only agreeing to hand over her title for the first time since we met, but also wants to be involved in my transition to Luna.
I’m beaming. “Luna, I’d love that.”
She softens into a smile, dropping her stare.
But she doesn’t know I have more to say. My heart leaps with every beat; it’s the second time today I’ll have to share a vulnerable dream. But Lilian seems open. Hopeful, and maybe even a little timid.
I hope this means she truly wants to repair things. I know if she lets me share my thoughts, it could do wonders for our rocky relationship.
“About the Luna title, I do have another idea for our situation, actually,” I say.
Lilian’s frown creases her brows, forcing her long forehead scar to ripple. I swallow hard.
When she lets go of me, crossing her arms, I struggle to keep my composure. What if she doesn’t understand me again and I make it worse? What if—
Okay, wait— I can do this. I can do hard things.
I face her, clasping my hands before she can see them shaking. “I know I’m not as traditional of a Luna as expected... Which is probably why Noah and I work so well together.”
Lilian doesn’t chuckle with me. Her mouth hardens into a tight line. “Go on.”
I drop my stare. Lilian doesn’t like anything about this, I can smell it, but I can’t back down. “While I don’t want to stray from tradition entirely, I feel like it’s wrong to suddenly strip you of your title.”
“But that”s how it works. Noah even said that to me the day I met you.”
I dare to face her scowl. “I know this idea isn”t a current tradition, but bear with me for a second, okay? I’m suggesting this because I think your feelings matter too.”
Lilian sighs, chewing her bottom lip.
“When I become Luna—” I grip my skirt as her shoulders tense. But Lilian doesn’t protest aloud, so I take what progress I can get. “How would you feel about becoming the Elder Luna, and continuing your title?”
Her eyebrows shoot all the way up, but she doesn’t say a word.
Spurred on by nerves, I just talk.
“I personally don’t feel it’s right to have all those Elder Alphas and one Elder Beta reigning without at least one Elder Omega”s perspective. Omegas represent over half the pack now, so you’re more vital to us than ever, Luna. After everything you”ve done for the pack, why isn”t there an Elder Luna title waiting for you? You don”t suddenly stop being important to us when you”re done birthing pups and raising the next leader. I feel like you should be involved where you want to be. Your work is important, and I want to make sure our pack acknowledges that from now on.”
Lilian bites her lip, dropping her chin. My heart aches for her, a nurturing pull gnawing at me from her somber pheromones.
I think she’s struggling not to cry. But by how desperately she’s determined to keep a stoic, strong face, it shatters me. When was the last time this grieving woman was comforted or acknowledged, rather than only comforting everyone else?
Following my instincts, I pull Lilian into a gentle hug. She lets out a soft gasp.
But as I hold her tighter, extending past the casual-hug range of time, her shoulders soften.
“You’re—” She swallows her shaking voice, starting anew with her stoic confidence. “You’ll be a good Luna.”
My eyebrows warp with emotion, but I”m too afraid to thank her. She could barely whisper that as it was. I don’t want to push her too far when things are finally going well.
And I can tell she needs this badly. Her scent emits a potent longing, urging more pheromones from my thudding heart.
I rub her back softly, resting my chin deeper against her shoulder. Her shaky breath gives her tears away, but she pats my back as if she’s comforting me.
Until Lilian jerks away, turning her back.
After a tense silence, she treks ahead through the forest so quickly that I have to jog to catch back up.
“Luna? I’m sorry, did I—”
Lilian squares her shoulders as she strides. “Let’s go. We have a lot of preparation to do before dinnertime, and Noah tells me you’re interested in supporting our Rogues. They’ll be pleased to see you.”
We trudge deep into the forest, nearing the Community Center, but my heart is still back in that clearing, restless with distress for Lilian. Just like her son, she can’t accept being held for once.
This trend needs to end in Noah’s and my generation. I want to make sure of it.
We”re flooded with wolves the second we arrive at the Community Center. Like everyone has described, it’s fuller than I last saw it, growing weekly. There’s still room to walk, but remarkably less.
As Lilian introduces me to a few adult Rogues, one little Lycan grips onto my skirt, begging me for a hug with desperate, outstretched arms.
Their grown-up gasps, diving to pull the little wolf back. “Honey, don’t interrupt our future Luna!”
“Oh, no, please don’t worry about me! I teach preschool for a living, so this is gladly welcome.” I pat the little wolf’s head, unsure if I should return their hug. But when I look at their grown-up to ask her what’s appropriate, I”m shocked by her furrowed brows.
Lilian mindlinks me without a single glance in my direction, nodding along to another Rogue’s hushed concerns. Lycans will misunderstand your “polite” hesitation as disgust if you follow human rules. Especially as a Luna.
That’s right. Noah said he treats all pack members as a cuddly family. No personal boundaries.
Dropping to my knees, I accept the little one”s hug. Then every hug that comes flying toward me—and there’s plenty. Pups dash in, screeching and laughing. I”m grateful to fall back in my element, letting my laughter calm my nerves as ten little Lycans pounce on me.
Once they overtake my head, climbing up my back, Lilian yanks them off me, one by one.
It’s the brightest I’ve ever seen her smile. “Alright, alright! Our future Luna is busy. Go play chase before I lose my patience.”
The little wolves skitter away with squeals of laughter, chasing each other through the courtyard.
The Rogue grown up smiles, a distant look in her eyes as she watches her pup. “Goddess, I gave up everything just to hear that laugh again.”
My eyes flush hot with tears. Before I can think, I slip my hand into hers.
Shit, that was my impulsive wolf. Touching her could’ve startled her after what she has been through—I know from experience—but she must smell my aching heart for her. She turns to me with hopeful, wide eyes.
And I speak my heart despite my shaking voice. “I’d love to support you too. I’m sure it’ll be nothing compared to what you’ve done for your little one, but please, is there anything I can do to make your life easier?”
Her lip wobbles, her stare flitting between my eyes. When she crashes against my chest in a tight hug, all I can do to keep from crying is to hug her back just as hard, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Just being here in Greenfield means a lot,” she whispers. “We’re doing just fine.”
I rub her back, and she purrs. It brings a rush of relief to my heart. “Just fine isn’t ‘great.’ From Omega to Omega, please share anything you’d like with me about your experience here. Even if it’s just needing another pair of socks.”
She takes a deep breath over my shoulder, huddling into me a little tighter. After a silent minute, she mutters, “We lost everything, Luna. Absolutely anything makes a difference.”
My heart shatters. How could anyone be so heartless as to act like these Omegas are making up this pain? It’s so real, I don’t just smell it: I feel her agony in my chest.
Maybe Steven forced me to make a choice to leave him, but it wasn’t without grueling, torturous questions I weighed for years beforehand. I never knew I was getting myself into an abusive relationship, and I know these refugees didn’t either. But with wolves’ social pressure to bond with a fated mate right away, tying our souls to someone before we even know them, how confusing must it have been for this woman to need to leave her abusive mate?
She must’ve held so much hope that her mate was “the one,” only to be crushed when they hurt her. Out of countless difficult questions she must’ve asked herself, every answer had to be horrifying: either fate—her Moon Goddess and source of faith in life—was dead-wrong, fate chose to torture her on purpose, or her mate took advantage of her heart’s trust. No matter what, her abusive mate locked her soul into a never-ending pain spiral, and the only way out was to rip their bond apart. I know from experience that leaving meant losing her livelihood, friendships, and status quo on top of already being hurt by her abuser for years prior.
And yet, we both somehow made it here, into each other’s embrace.
Following my instincts, I wrap my arms as far as I can around her, holding her close. She grips me like a lifeline. It’s not until then that she breaks into tears. My eyes flood with her, just the sound of her broken heart ripping through my chest. But as I whisper my ideas about additional monthly care packages for her and her new Community Center family, she loosens in my arms. A piece of me heals with each of her relieved breaths.
When it’s time to say goodbye to the Rogues for today, I follow Lilian through the Community Center Cafeteria, amazed by the details Noah hasn’t shared with me. There are Lycan pups and adults everywhere, laughing, playing, and eating lunch amongst each other despite their mixed pack backgrounds.
From what Noah described, cultures are wildly different from pack to pack. Most top Alphas claim mixing them is no easy task, warning potential pack traitors that nothing but struggle awaits them as Rogues.
But as I look around, I have visual proof our top Alpha is right; all I see are relieved, unified smiles as we care for one another. Witnessing this community’s healing in action steals my breath.
Is this cafeteria for everyone who lives at the Community Center only?I mindlink Lilian, afraid to break the beautiful vision in front of me.
No, it’s for the entire pack. Every night, we offer free dinners for wolves who can’t afford it. No questions asked.
That’s so wonderful, Luna. And you cook, yourself?
We trade off with any volunteers available. Sometimes we’ll make enough to last a few days. She glides through the kitchen doors, and I follow on her heels. “But towards the end of the month, bills are due in the human world. That’s always when we need more hands.”
I gladly take the apron Lilian hands me. We gather ingredients for five massive pots of stew, lining up an array of meat and vegetables on the steel countertops.
My stomach churns as I dice a large onion, still mulling over my interaction with our refugees. But with one glance at Lilian, my heart aches for her too. I thought I saw some knowing in her eyes as she spoke to the Rogues, but it didn’t sink in as to why until now; she knows firsthand how badly it hurts to have her soul ripped apart from her mate.
But she survived too, and now she helps others through similar pain—just like her son.
“I so admire you, Luna,” I mutter.
Lilian’s rhythmic carrot skinning slows. But as she picks up the pace again, her shoulders soften just enough to warm my heart. I figure she won’t have anything to say in response, but as her soft voice wavers, I stop chopping to listen to her every breath.
“Thank you for comforting that Omega,” she says.
My heart leaps. I clear my throat from threatened tears, unsure if it’s the onion or my wobbling emotions. “Oh, no need to thank me. I’m so relieved I could make a difference for her somehow.”
Lilian hums. “I can relate.”
I adjust my shaky grip on the knife, recalling what Lilian told me when we first met. “I know you’re passionate about supporting those who have lost a mate. And I’m not sure how you feel about this, and maybe it’s not the same because my ex wasn’t my mate, but I never expected to grieve my relationship with him as much as I did. It didn’t matter that he hurt me severely; it was still a huge loss in my life. All those expectations, hopes, and trust in life disappeared along with his abuse, and it didn’t hit me how much I lost until he was truly gone from my life.” My heart hammers wildly as Lilian pauses to glance at me. “I guess I just mean that I could really relate to the Rogues too, in a way. Since I know you can, in your own way.”
After a few silent seconds, Lilian returns her focus to her carrots. She slices them faster than I can comprehend, but her tone remains even. “You’re spot on in describing that grieving process. Those Rogues still experienced a loss, even if that loss was in their best interest.”
The subject is heavy, but my heart inflates with hope; I feel heard.
I hope she does too.
Lilian gives me a passing smile, stowing the vegetables we’ve sliced before sliding the next cutting board to me.
As we get to work slicing raw beef into large chunks, I try not to stare too long at Lilian as she bursts into action. Her fingers move quickly but gracefully, every minor movement even-tempered and purposeful. But I know she’s watching me in her peripherals too, even before she breaks the silence.
“From Omega to Omega, I thought I should warn you that your Alpha is slipping into a bad, bad rut.”
I have to stop slicing, too distracted by the sharp sting in my chest to think about anything else. “W-what?! How do you know?”
“Agitation. Intense desire. Nearing a fourth full moon without impregnating his mate.” She glances at my flat belly, and I flush to my neck. “I”m surprised he hasn”t busted in here yet. He has more self-control than I gave him credit for.”
Before I can stop it, my underlying anger simmers into a boil, ruining the sense of safety we established moments prior. “Wait. You think I owe him sex? That it’s my job to calm his sexual urges?”
“No,” she snaps back. “But I think you want to carry his pups. Especially now that you didn”t question that major portion of the issue.”
I swallow hard.
I never thought I’d be talking about my sex life with Lilian. She’s basically my mother-in-law.
Lilian pretends not to notice my scent’s stinking embarrassment, slicing the last beef chunks for me before tossing them into each massive pot on the stovetop. I follow her to the sink to wash my hands, hoping she said everything she wanted, but she clears her throat.
“Listen, I— I didn’t have my mom around to talk about these things with either.”
My heart sinks, threatening tears.
Lilian tosses the towel she used to dry her hands, not daring to meet my eyes as she whisks by. “So if you don’t want to look at me as you say it, fine. If you just want me to voice it for you, that’s okay too. Goddess knows I’m used to mothering shy, soft hearts. I won’t judge you for it.”
Her track record doesn’t really make me believe that.
But one thing is true: I really miss coming to my mom for support with these things. Mom is missing everything. When Noah and I do decide it’s time to have a baby, she’ll miss me giving birth, let alone our baby’s first laugh or smile. My lip wobbles, aching for her more than ever.
“You can hide things from me. But don’t hide the truth from Noah,” Lilian mutters.
My chest tightens. “I’m not! There’s no rush to bring a living, breathing baby into the world. We want to take it slow. Noah suggested it, even.”
Lilian puts her hand on her hip, stirring the stew with her back to me.
I grip the countertop behind me, stifling my rapid breath.
Lilian chuckles. “That’s what he told you? So you want the baby now, and he says what, exactly?”
My breath quivers as I weigh my response, but Lilian doesn’t rush me. She’s leaving a surprising amount of room for me to speak, her soothing scent softening my shoulders.
“That’s between Noah and me,” I say.
“Alright, alright.”
“We only met four months ago, and I never grew up expecting to be having a baby with someone right away. Noah wants to respect my cultural background.”
She drops the lid onto the fifth pot, turning around to face me. Her stare is surprisingly soft.
“You’re welcome to believe what you want. But Noah is like his father. He’d rather let something eat him alive inside than let the people around him get hurt.”
I chew on my lip. Noah said the exact same to me—well, in less brutal terms.
“Alphas can’t keep track of every birth, death, and major life change in the pack, but they definitely hear about the bad ones, whether they want to or not. With the way he looks at you, he’s never going to force you to carry that risk inside of you. Quite literally.”
My heart pounds as I muster up the courage to squeak out a question I’m dying to ask. “Are you saying Alpha Ritchie did something similar? Not wanting to hurt you by having pups?”
She sighs, picking at her nails to hide her reddening cheeks. “I had to drive him wild to get him to crack. He needed me to.”
I can’t believe she’s telling me this. “And it took you a while?”
She smiles at her shoes, more reminiscent of Noah than ever. “No. I let him mate me in front of everyone the day he welcomed me into the pack.”
My gut burns with jealousy, revealing the truth no matter how much it shocks me. I guess I really did want to participate in the mating ceremony after my welcome. I just wasn’t ready. Noah hasn’t realized I’ve changed my mind since the first ceremony, but how can he? I haven’t told him.
Lilian peeks up at me, and I don’t bother hiding my regret.
“Between us, she was my doing—Noah’s older sister we lost.” Lilian’s voice comes out as a whisper, tempting me to lean in closer.
But I”m frozen, awestruck by how much she’s opening up.
“Noah was my doing too. I almost didn’t survive his older sister’s loss—physically, I mean. Although, emotionally, it was difficult to survive as well. Very similar to losing a mate, since I developed a soul bond with her immediately.” Lilian’s voice remains even, but her words gut me. “On top of being afraid for my health, Ritchie didn’t want me to have to suffer through another loss. But I had to tell it to him straight. That was the only way he’d feel safe enough to tell me what he wanted—” She bites her lip, staving off tears. “Even if what he wanted could scar me for life.”
If Noah is like his parents, and I’m like my parents, they taught me I needed to stifle my wolf. Hide my truths. Even though it was to protect me, I bet they would regret that too, if they saw me now.
Rules can change.
I imagine it: telling Noah what I want, and when I want it, straight to his face. Watching him open up. Wanting a baby, right now, as badly as me.
Lilian’s expression shifts into concern when my lip quivers over huffing, desperate breaths. She waves me over, quickly wetting a washcloth.
“Come here. Lean over the sink.”
I do as I”m told, letting tears slip as a blazing fire pushes its way to my skin’s surface. She drapes the cloth over the back of my neck, cool water dripping into the sink below me, but it doesn’t quell the burn.
All at once, I remember what it felt like to believe I lost Noah after the first day we met; the furious heat that consumed me is all-too-familiar as it whips my insides. I struggle through every breath with sharp gasps, not wanting to go back there. My whole body shakes as the first cramps hit, my desire so strong that I curl over the sink in overwhelm. Noah has always been there to mate the heat out of me, but now it feels stuck. Maybe it’s been worsening this whole time, just like Noah’s rutting.
Lilian rubs my back, softening her voice. “You”re okay. This is normal.”
“It hurts.”
“Of course it’s going to hurt. You have to stop denying your wolf. They’re our inner guides, carrying us toward what our hearts crave most. And your dreams are the whole reason you’re alive. If you don’t nurture her heart in return, what could be more important?”
“B-but I don’t want Noah to feel pressured. It really is early. What if we decide to have the baby, and we suddenly don”t love each other anymore?”
“You feel the truth in your heart, don’t you? Wolves are all heart, no logic. And your heart is what matters here.”
“I want it to be all that matters. But what if it’s wrong? What if I’m jumping to conclusions again, and he’s not the man I think he is?” I slip into panic, struggling to catch my breath between tears. “I don’t want someone to hold my dreams against me again, especially not this one. He can say it”s my fault he hurt me again if I ask for it. I don”t want to give him a reason to hurt me.”
Lilian lays her head on my shoulder, rubbing my back as I shake the two of us with my tears. I inhale as much as I can of her calming scent—at least enough to allow me to breathe again.
“That was then,” Lilian says. “This is now.”
I close my eyes, letting out a heavy sob at her words.
She holds me in silence before muttering, “How can you know Noah will do the same, unless you ask what he wants?”
“I did ask. This was his answer.”
“You told him very clearly you wanted to have a baby?”
“Yes,” I groan. “Someday. And he said he wants to wait until we feel ready.”
“Did you tell him you were ready to have one now?”
I take the napkin Lilian hands me, quickly hiding my dripping nose. “Well... No...”
When she looks at me knowingly, one eyebrow quirking up, I have to laugh through my tears.
“Okay, you”re right. I should tell him the entire truth.”
Lilian breaks into a gentle smile. “Come sit.”
She sets me up with ice water and a refreshed washcloth at the center island. But before I can fully relax, I”m mindlinked.
Sweet Omega, this is my heads up that I’m already on my way over to help you. No need to dissuade me; I’m never too busy for you.
I groan, and Lilian whips around in surprise.
“Noah’s ditching work for me,” I say.
She chuckles, readying some premade rolls for the oven. “As he should.”
For the first time, she allows herself to show pride for her son around me. It both melts and breaks my heart.
Please, universe, Moon Goddess, someone—get Lilian to tell Noah how much she really loves him.
Now that I’ve made my decision to tell Noah, the heat settles enough to be a quiet, tolerable simmer in my gut. I hop off the stool, gathering spices to add to the stew once it boils. Lilian falls into silent dance with me around the kitchen, handing me more food to prepare with her—as if we hadn’t just discussed life-altering decisions that could affect the pack for generations.
When Noah finally bursts through the kitchen doors, I do a double-take.
His teal eyes still edge on green, wild and desperate. Just the sight of him makes me want to soothe his stress.
Then the smell hits.
Alpha musk crowds the room, making my knees weak. My core flexes with desire, heat striking me in the gut.
Oh, God. I want to tell him. Not soon. Not tomorrow. Now.