Chapter 6 – Five Years Earlier – Dean
I knocked on Grace’s door with the groceries aggressively in view. When you show up to keep someone company and you’re not sure how they’ll feel about it, it’s best to come bearing gifts.
My best friend was going out of his mind with worry over his sister, and somehow he thought I could help. “Just be there,” he kept saying. And I got it. He was six states away studying for finals.
Grace had always intimidated me, though. In some ways, she treated me like a sibling, with the teasing and the long-time jokes, but we didn’t have the closeness of a sibling bond. I didn’t throw my arms around her just to make her squeal, and she didn’t call me during the night if she heard a strange noise. We hadn’t shared Christmas mornings, or the flu, or had times where we’d broken something after a wrestling match and sworn not to tell Mom. At least, I assumed that’s what a sibling bond was like. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters.
The door cracked open, and Grace peered out at me. “Isaac put you up to this, didn’t he?”
“Yes, he did. But that doesn’t mean anything because he’s not the boss of me. ”
She smiled at that, and then covered her mouth because she was still swollen from having her wisdom teeth pulled. Poor thing.
“I really appreciate this, Dean. I do. I promise I’m fine though. I’m a lot better today.” She reached out for the groceries with the hand not shielding her face, but I pulled them out of reach.
Groceries couldn’t keep her company, not even the excellent stuff I’d picked out after scouring the internet for what to get. “I’m glad you’re better. That’s why I only texted yesterday. I figured if I came over while there was gauze and ratty bathrobes and loopy confessions going on, you’d kill me where I stand.”
“Some of that is still happening.”
“Which part?”
“Not the loopy confessions, Dean. That’s the only fun part, and you missed out.”
I was pretty sure she was smiling again, but she still had her hand in the way of her mouth so I couldn’t be sure.
“You don’t have to hide your face from me. I know what getting your wisdom teeth out looks like.”
Reluctantly, she dropped her hand and turned her head back and forth for me like she was modeling, tucking her hands under her chin.
It was an invitation to laugh at her, but if I did, I’d be labeled a terrible person. Only Grace would set a trap like that. I went with a diplomatic, “Looking pretty good for day two.”
“Thanks. I’m so lucky these teeth decided to show up in my twenties. This is karma for all the gloating I did when Isaac got his out at sixteen.”
“Is Piper with her dad?”
It was the wrong question to ask, or maybe the right one, because while it made her shoulders drop and her smile fade, she also gave up fighting me and opened the door all the way so I could come in. “Yeah. This is the longest I’ve ever been away from her. I’m not a fan. ”
“I’m sorry.” I had a million questions about it, but none of them were my business, so I put my bags down on her kitchen counter and started pulling things out. I was here to help, not pry. “I brought you some soup. There’s this café in North Phoenix that everybody swears is the best. They even pureed their favorites for you, but if anyone asks, they don’t do that.”
I glanced over at her, saw that she was still fighting her emotions, and continued talking like I hadn’t noticed. “I figured you’d be tired of ice cream and chocolate pudding by now and would want real food. But just in case you weren’t tired of ice cream and chocolate pudding, I also brought those.”
Yep, that was a sniff I just heard. Grace never cried. Not even the time she slammed her hand in the back door while chasing us boys. If Grace cried in front of me, the world as we knew it might end.
She cleared her throat and said rather thickly, “That’s sweet of you to assume I’d ever tire of eating ice cream.”
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
“A little. Will you eat with me?”
“Sure.” I never tired of eating ice cream either. And I wouldn’t turn down an invitation to stay. Isaac hadn’t been worried about Grace’s ability to follow her doctor’s instructions. He was worried about her being alone and in pain with nothing to do.
Grace got out a saucepan and studied the label of the tomato basil soup I’d brought. “I’ll be good and eat some of this first. What would you like?”
“I’ll have the same. And then ice cream.”
“And then ice cream,” she repeated. We picked up the pints from the counter and carried them to the freezer so they wouldn’t melt while we ate. I’d bought her fudge ripple, mint chip, and strawberry, adding to her collection. She already had rainbow sherbet and an assortment of chocolate flavors.
I put away the rest of the groceries while she heated up the tomato basil soup on the stove. Everything in her house was cute and tidy, which was no surprise. In the corner of the living room, Piper’s toys were lined up in brightly-colored cubbies, and in her pantry, every box and can faced out in neat little rows. “Who else has come by?”
“My mother went with me to the appointment. She’s not great with medical stuff, so she was happy to leave once I was home and had pain meds in me. No need for her to miss a whole day of work.”
Isaac had correctly predicted that one. Hence the push to send me over to check on her. “And your dad’s on his honeymoon.”
“Correct. He did call.”
“That’s good.”
“Jessica called, too.”
“My cousin?”
Grace raised an eyebrow at me. “My old college roommate and good friend. She can’t help being your cousin.”
“She likes being my cousin. It’s you who doesn’t like it. Though I have no idea why.” Okay, I sort of knew why. Grace brought Jessica home with her one weekend, and before she could even introduce her, Jessica ran across the room and threw herself into my arms. And then I got invited to their movie night, and lunch the next day. So, there was that.
Grace yawned. “That’s about it. It’s been pretty quiet. Oh, Henry called, too. But I was in the shower, so I got one of his famous three-minute voicemails.”
“The ones where he talks until the recording shuts him off?”
“Yep. Every time.” Grace took the empty grocery bags out of my hands and twisted them neatly until they were small and compact before placing them in an empty laundry tub under the sink. That was the secret to tidy people. They never put off what they could do right that second.
“My dad does love to talk. What did he have to say?”
“Piper’s birthday card is in the mail. He told me he was sorry I was getting my teeth pulled. Oh, and he told me about the time he cracked a tooth while trekking in the Alps and had to have an emergency crown put on.”
“Heard that story a time or two.”
“I need to call him back when I’m feeling better. Henry always makes me laugh, but that sounds painful right now.”
There were circles under her eyes I hadn’t noticed before. “How are you sleeping?”
“Just fine.” She suppressed another yawn. “I mean, I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m usually a stomach sleeper but I couldn’t do that. And then the night before I was up late thinking about the surgery. I knew I’d be getting up early, and I didn’t have Piper with me and she usually—” She cut off abruptly.
“Sleeps in your bed?”
Grace shrugged. “I know I’m supposed to be firm.”
“Who says that?”
“I don’t know. The sleep books.”
“Is it a negotiation where she screams until you give in?” I felt confident asking because I already knew the answer. Grace would be appalled at how much Isaac shared about her on a regular basis.
“Um, no. It’s more like a regularly scheduled pajama party with a two-year-old.”
“Sounds like good parenting to me.”
“Whatever. Like you’d know.” Grace smiled and then touched her face, wincing.
“When was your last pain pill?”
She glanced at the clock over the oven. “Time for ibuprofen. And an ice pack.”
“I’ll get it.” I jumped up, moving to the cupboard she pointed to. Grace looked bewildered by my helpfulness. When was the last time she had anyone fussing over her? I got a glass of water, a large ibuprofen pill from her prescription bottle, and an ice pack out and brought them to her. “Go sit down. I’ll bring you soup in a minute.”
“Dean…” She sighed, looking into my eyes and then down at the floor. “You’re being too thoughtful. This is weird. ”
“It’s weird for me to be thoughtful?”
“It’s weird for it to be aimed at me.”
“Exactly. You’re due. What about this other pain med they prescribed?” I touched the bottle next to the ibuprofen. “When was the last time you had that?”
“Vicodin makes me itchy. I’m making due with Tylenol and ibuprofen.”
“Okay.” She was a grown woman. She knew her limits better than anyone. But she was probably feeling terrible. I watched as she slowly eased herself down into a chair at the kitchen table and draped a blanket over her shoulders. Like a little old lady. Only Grace was not a little old lady. Even with her pajama pants, her hair with a flat section in the back from her pillow, and her poor swollen face with an icepack against it, Grace was distractingly beautiful.
I checked myself for thinking about her like that, and then realized I had nothing to feel guilty about. Grace wasn’t married anymore. I had never flirted with her. Not even before she met Rob. I was younger than her by two years, and she never let me forget it.
Maybe one of these days I’d try it out. Just for fun. She would absolutely hate it. But not today. Today was not a day for flirting.
I brought her soup to her, and then went back for mine and brought it to the table. We sat next to each other and ate in comfortable silence. It was practically a crime to eat tomato basil soup without a crusty piece of bread slathered in butter, but since Grace couldn’t eat bread, neither would I.
Her phone pinged, and we both looked around for it. I spotted it first on the counter by the fridge. “I’ll get it.”
“Thanks.”
I purposely didn’t look at the message on the screen, but I almost wished I had when she bit her lip and stared at it for way too long. Finally, she set the phone face down on the table next to her and returned to eating, but she looked miserable, and the longer we went without talking about it, the more I felt like I was part of the problem.
“Should I go?”
“Stay.” She put her hand on my arm, holding me in place. “I mean, if you want to.”
“I want to,” I whispered. Maybe it was just the feeling of being needed, but I truly didn’t want to go. I couldn’t. Like a pressure valve about to break off, Grace was on the edge of something.
“It was a text from Rob,” she ground out.
“Is Piper okay?”
“Oh, yeah. His mom’s there. I love his mom.” A tear broke from the edge of her eyelid and slid down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away.
“What’s the matter?”
“I can’t tell you.” She got up and took her bowl to the sink and began rinsing it out. “This is a friend-to-friend, or therapist-to-patient kind of thing. You don’t want to hear about this. Trust me.”
“Do you want to talk to Jessica about it?”
She shook her head. “Jessica knows. And I love her, but she’s like a dude, she just cuts me off with well-meaning advice.”
“Not every guy is like that. I’m not like that.”
Grace turned and studied me for the longest time, and then the story came out. How Rob had been so fun to be with. Short-tempered at times, but a big teddy bear. And how everything was great for the first year, until they had a fight about whether to keep renting month-to-month in an apartment that was too far from her job and family or move somewhere closer and be locked into a new year-long lease.
“He said he didn’t want another contract, he already felt trapped enough. We’d just found out I was pregnant with Piper.” Grace shook her head. “That was the first time he left. But he always came back. ”
She had the edge of the sink in a death grip, but when I got up and put my hand on her shoulder she turned and pressed her forehead into my collarbone. Not exactly a hug, but we weren’t really huggers.
“I thought he and I would be done with this part by now.”
“Which part?” I murmured.
“The part where he dangles getting back together as an option.”
“You still love him, then?”
Grace shook her head. “No. That’s not it. I just want to be a good mom for Piper. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Trying to make him stay won’t solve that. He’s good at guilt, though. You know?”
“I’ll bet. You sure Piper’s okay?”
“She’s okay.” She sounded like she was reassuring herself as well as me. “I should call, right?”
“You should.”
Grace straightened and went to get her phone from the table, taking it over to the couch. “Leave the dishes,” she called out.
Fat chance. I washed our dishes, and once there was nothing left to clean in the kitchen, I hesitated in the doorway to the living room until Grace waved me over just as she was finishing up. She’d put Piper on speaker phone, probably because holding the phone against her cheek hurt too much. Piper’s little voice was my favorite.
“Bye, Mommy. Wuv you. See you a-morrow!”
“See you tomorrow. Love you, too.”
Grace put her phone down and burst into tears. “Sorry! I never cry.”
“I know.” I began laughing, which had to be the most terrible response ever, but she ended up joining me.
“It’s going to be okay,” I reassured her.
She nodded. “I know.”
And then I did something completely stupid. I sat down next to her on the couch, scooped her up, and put her in my lap. At the time, it hadn’t felt like an overstep. Mostly because she instantly melted against me, and there were no confusing romantic feelings in play, on her part or mine.
In fact, all she’d said was, “I’m like a Great Dane pretending to be a lap dog.”
I’d shushed her and rubbed her back until she’d fallen asleep against my neck.
But she had said one other thing. A throw-away comment that would come back to haunt me. “This never happened.”
I didn’t realize how true those words would come to be.