Chapter 17 – Grace
What did I want? I wanted him to reach out for me. I wanted to have this conversation tucked under his chin with my arms around his waist and my hands on his lats. They were probably as ripped as his biceps. My fantasy reel was starting up again, and now I didn’t have the convenience of retreating or freezing him out to keep me from doing something stupid, like asking him to love me.
I focused my attention on Piper’s puzzle, pointing out the last corner piece and helping her place it. Business. This conversation was about business.
He was right about not being able to give me advice without knowing my future plans. And if I couldn’t even talk about it with him, how was I supposed to approach a publisher with confidence and ask for more opportunities to illustrate?
“So, you remember how Jessica writes middle grade books?” I twisted my hands in my lap.
“Yeah. I sent her a picture of them on display at the bookstore last week. ”
“Jessica writes books?” Piper asked, suddenly interested in our conversation. “Your friend Jessica who’s getting married on a storybook island?”
“Yes, dolly. Jessica writes books.” I so did not want to have this conversation simultaneously with Piper and Dean.
“Can I read one?”
I nodded at her. “Mmm hmm. I’ll buy them from the store, and I’ll read them to you.”
“You don’t have her books yet?” Dean asked, looking at me like I was a bad friend. “Sorry, that came out more judgmental than I meant. I just figured they’d be right up Piper’s alley.” He turned to Piper. “Jessica writes about these kids who work in a sweets shop for their grandparents. And they keep running into monsters and villains because even the bad guys occasionally need a cookie break.”
“I want to read them.” Piper abandoned her puzzle and looked at me expectantly. “We should go to the store right now, Mom.”
“Whoa.” This conversation had gone way off the rails, and besides that, I didn’t jump the moment Piper asked for things. If I did that, she’d start to think I could magically come up with anything for her, like a baby zebra petting zoo in our backyard, or a baby sister. Both of which she’d asked for this week. “Piper, I have grown-up, business stuff I need to talk to Dean about. We can’t go to the store right now. How about I turn on a Captain Princess episode for you, and then we’ll head in and close up the flower shop? We’ll check and see if Natalie sold a lot of flowers today. On the way home, we can stop at the bookstore. Even if you look like the raggedy-est raggamuffin I ever saw.”
“Okay. But can I have two Captain Princess episodes while you talk to Dean?” Piper asked.
“No.” I raised an eyebrow at her, and she gave me a sneaky grin in return. She was probably getting two episodes. Maybe three. She knew how long grown-up conversations could take. But I definitely wasn’t promising it. I turned the TV on in the living room, found her favorite show, kissed her dirty little head, and returned to the kitchen where Dean still looked confused.
“Have you been talking to Jessica about writing? Is that your plan?”
“I’m her illustrator.” I sat back down next to him and let that sink in.
Dean stared at me for a good ten seconds with his eyebrows furrowed, and then he got out his phone and started furiously typing into a Google search. I saw the second he found what he was looking for.
“You’re Cagney Shamaroo?”
“Stop.” I put my hand over his screen, because I knew what he planned to do next. He’d stare at the illustrations, trying to see me in them. And he’d find pieces of me if he looked hard enough. Piper’s mischievous smile. The checkered floor at Henry’s house I’d always been obsessed with. One of the characters had streaks of red in her hair. She frowned a lot, but she was the glue holding the siblings together.
“Where did you come up with Cagney Shamaroo?” he asked. When I didn’t answer and my hand didn’t move from off his screen, he clicked his phone off with his thumb and turned it face-down on the table. “I’d rather hear the details from you. I can search you to death later when it’s not making you feel self-conscious.”
I crossed my arms. “How comforting. Cagney Shamaroo is an anagram of my name. Grace Shay Romano. I only used one R, but every other letter is in there.”
“You disguised yourself in an anagram?” He broke out into a huge grin. “Like Lord Voldemort? Like Knead ?”
I deserved the teasing, but I was still ticked off that we had such a ridiculous thing in common, and that I’d been forced to reveal it. “I’m not using the name on a dating app, Dean. It’s very common to have a pen name.”
“I’m not seeing a difference.”
“Liar. ”
“Just let me bask in this for a minute, will ya?” He closed his eyes and smiled. His basking looked a lot like smirking. I reached out and playfully shoved his hard chest, which only gave my secret fantasy reel more to work with. And made him smile bigger.
He opened his eyes. “Okay, I’m done. I promise.”
“You sure?”
He put his business face back on. “I want to know everything about this. Do you have other illustration projects you’ve done, or ones that are in the works?”
“It’s just this series. Jessica lent me her agent. He was more than happy to negotiate for me and take a cut.”
He looked thoughtful. “But you’re considering doing illustrating full-time if you sell.”
“Yeah. But what if…” I didn’t want to voice my fear out loud, because deep down, it felt like what I deserved. “What if I don’t love it anymore when I have to rely on it? Drawing is an outlet for me, and I like keeping it a secret. I don’t answer to anyone except Jessica and the book team. I have work, and then I have my hobby. Shouldn’t that be enough for me?”
“Grace, you still have guilt tied up in not loving your business the way you thought you would. Let that go.”
“It’s not that simple. What if it’s not guilt? What if it’s a warning that I’m about to do the same thing and ruin another thing I love?”
Dean made a thoughtful growly noise. “Okay, I get your point. It’s the ol’ hobby versus career conundrum. When your hobby starts making you money, do you lean into it or leave it be?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “Like the woman selling jewelry. Whatever happened with that?”
“She called me yesterday and said she gave up her lease. She’s going back to selling online. She said it feels like she’s suddenly breathing with fifty-percent more air.”
“See? ”
Dean frowned at me. “Your situations are different. Scaling up her hobby business didn’t work for her. But it might for you.” He shifted closer so our legs were resting against each other again. It was for moral support. Go team. We were talking about serious things, and therefore, it was a business decision to lean in. It didn’t feel very business-y, though. His hand came to rest on the edge of my chair, and I couldn’t stop staring at it. Man, I was rusty at this body-language thing. When in doubt, you were supposed to play it cool and pretend you didn’t notice the other person coming into your physical space. Unfortunately, I had no coolness factor left in me. Not a drop.
“I have a few questions for you,” Dean said.
“Okay, shoot.”
“Are you meeting your deadlines?”
I nodded. “Always.”
“Do you have trouble with feedback? Do they ask you to change things?”
“They do. I’m fine with it.”
“Has anything they’ve asked for been beyond what you’re capable of? Like, maybe you can draw faces, but your horses look like underfed dogs?”
I smiled. “Are you speaking from experience?”
“I’ve drawn a lot of underfed dogs wearing saddles.”
“I had to learn how to format things the way they wanted, but no, I’m not intimidated by the actual creation of anything.”
He turned and looked longingly at his phone. “Can I please take a look? I have Cookie Crimes in eBook form. I remember the illustrations being good, but I was focused on Jessica’s writing at the time.”
“Fine. One peek. But I don’t know how that’s helpful. Are you wanting to critique me?”
I’d lost him the second I gave him permission. He scrolled through his reading app with a concentrated look, and once he found Cookie Crimes and opened it up, he stared at each page so intently, I could have thrown an eraser at his head and he wouldn’t have noticed .
Not wanting to stare at him staring at my work, I woke my computer back up and reread through the two offers from Flowers United. There was still the option to turn them down altogether. I could go on like I had. My life was good. I didn’t have to change it just because I’d been given the opportunity.
“Grace.” I looked over at Dean and found him staring at me as intently as he’d been staring at my illustrations.
“What?” I glanced away, feeling flustered.
“You’re amazing. How can you not want people to know how amazing you are?”
“Um, because I don’t like attention on me. You already know this.” I took his head in my hands and gently turned it towards my computer screen. That’s where his focus should be. Yes, I’d worked hard on those books, and I was proud of what I’d accomplished, but I’d never said anything truer in my life. I didn’t want or need the attention from it. “Dean, Flowers United wants an answer in ten days. That’s not very long.”
I slid my hands off of the sides of him, wishing I could take some of his warmth with me. And wishing I could leave behind the memory of what his sideburns felt like against my fingertips. I seriously had issues when it came to this man. His admiration of my work was not helping, either.
“Don’t worry about their deadline yet.” He rolled his shoulders and then sat back with his arms folded. “I think you should reach out to your publisher and see if they have more illustration work for you. See what they say.”
“Publishers are notoriously slow. They may not get back to me for a while.”
“Are you under contract to not do work for other publishing houses?”
“No.”
“Then put that agent to work. Let him find out how in-demand you are.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Dean looked shocked that I didn’t argue with him .
“Yes. I think that’s good next-step advice. Stop smiling like that.” If nobody wanted me, I’d have my answer.
“Smiling like what? Like I can’t believe how much better your secret talents are than mine?”
“That’s because you don’t keep your talents a secret. Everyone who’s ever met you knows you’re great at being the boss and telling other people what to do.”
“Ow.” Dean clutched his chest. “That one hurt.”
“No, it didn’t. You know the truth.”
He raised his eyebrows at me, forcing me to elaborate.
“It’s a real talent, Dean. You encourage people to step up and do the things they haven’t been doing. You cut through the garbage they’re hiding behind. You make them braver and better than they would be without that nudge. I’m a recipient of that. So is Isaac.” I wasn’t usually one to drop heartfelt compliments, and now I knew why. It made me feel naked and vulnerable, and I immediately wanted to go back to Dean thinking I hated him.
He was touched by what I’d said, based on the expression on his face, and I… I just couldn’t deal with it.
“I’m gonna go check on Piper.” I launched up and fled the room, snuggling in next to my daughter on the couch. Captain Princess was literally the dumbest children’s show on the planet, but I stayed put and watched the last ten minutes of the episode like it was the season finale of The Bachelor . Dean left shortly after that. I gave him a wave. A wave. I really was a bad friend.
Maybe I would call him later when I didn’t feel like I was upside down and inside out. I’d promised myself after catching feelings for him that I would never, ever let him know about it. So far, our one-day renewed friendship had been a series of me letting out more of myself than I ever intended.
Piper and I went and closed up the flower shop, and then we headed to the bookstore where we bought Cookie Crimes, Donut Disasters, and éclair Emergencies. Once Piper was cleaned up and ready for bed, we snuggled in together and read all three, even though that made her bedtime way later than usual. She fell asleep with the books tucked under her arm.
I was just about to text Dean when Henry called. I hopped onto the couch and pulled a blanket over my legs.
“Hey, Henry. How are you?”
“I’m good. How are my girls? What did you two do today?”
I told him about Piper’s lemonade stand and mentioned I’d gone on a hike, though I left out the details of who I went with. Henry didn’t mean to be a gossip, but he loved to talk so much that sometimes he spread news without meaning to. If Dean had told him about going with me today, I’d already know it. He would have opened with that.
“I love hiking around this time of year.” Henry launched into a story about the last hiking trip he went on with some business associates up in Prescott. “I know everyone thinks all the business deals are brokered on the golf course, but you have to be good at golf for that. And like the sport.”
“You don’t like golf? Don’t you live by a golf course?” In fact, now that I thought about it, his gorgeous backyard had a view fence that backed up to the course.
“I do, because I like golfers. They make great neighbors. They’re social people and for some reason they adore yardwork, so they’re always outside ready for a chat.”
I bet he loved that. I put him on speaker so I’d have my hands free and got out my tablet and stylus, working on the last few touches for a scene in Gummy Bear Gamble.
“Have any wayward golf balls made it into your yard yet?” I asked.
“Just once that I know about. Found it in the pool. I chose a spot pretty far away from the sixteenth hole and not in the direction people should be hitting. But you never know. I’m sure there are plenty of golfers out there with a killer arm and worse aim than I have. Did I ever tell you about the time I played racquetball with a couple of NBA defensive coaches? ”
“No.” I laughed. Henry had a story for everything, and the great thing was, he had so many of them, he rarely repeated himself.
Henry sighed. “They beat the socks off of me. But before I get too off into the weeds, I wanted to ask you something. I even wrote it down on a sticky note so I wouldn’t forget the purpose of my call. I have to do that more and more these days. Either I’m getting more long-winded or my mind is aging. Don’t say it’s both.”
“You’ve always been this long-winded, Henry.”
“Oh good. It’s my best and worst quality.”
“I like you just the way you are. Now what was your question?” I prompted him.
“Right. So, I know you’re busy, but I’m wondering if you’d be able to come with me to a charity event on Friday night.”
“As your plus one?”
“Right-o. I haven’t been out on a date in six months, and I’m not planning to change that anytime soon. There is this one gal, she’s a golfer, mind you. She lives on my street and likes to invite me over for lunch sometimes. Would you consider that a date? Maybe I am dating again and I don’t even know it. Sneaky woman.”
“Why don’t you take her to the charity event?”
“Oh, no.” Henry sputtered. “I’ve just come around to the idea that she might be dating me. Can you imagine what ideas I’d give her if I brought her somewhere fancy? No, I’d rather take my goddaughter and enjoy dinner and dessert. You won’t believe how well they feed you at these things. We can even skip out after that if the speaker is boring. I wouldn’t go, but the organizer is the most ruthless woman. She conned me into buying tickets and said the event wouldn’t be the same if I’m not there to talk to people. It’s not all bad. Dean will be there with a date, from what I hear. When you’re tired of me, you can go talk to the young people.”
Dean would be there with a date. I shouldn’t hate that idea, but I certainly didn’t love it. I put my stylus down and reminded myself this was not unexpected. Dean had always dated a lot. And it wasn’t like I’d sent him any signals that he should take me out anywhere. I guess I’d just figured with the dating app, that he was taking a break or trying something new.
“Henry, I’m going to be really honest, because I know you’ll be honest with me. Something like that is not my scene. There has to be someone else you can take. You know everyone. I will not be disappointed to not go, although I love that you thought of me.”
“Is it because of Piper?”
“No, she’ll be with my dad and Jill. They want to take her to see the Castle Monster movie that’s coming out.” I probably shouldn’t have admitted that, but I would not use Piper as an excuse not to do things. She didn’t deserve that, and I was extremely blessed to have family and friends who loved her as much as I did. I still didn’t want to go, though. “What about your sister?”
“She’s in Hawaii on vacation with her book club friends.”
Lucky woman. “What about your executive secretary?”
“She’ll be there with her husband.”
I rubbed my head. I’d just asked the man to make his married executive secretary his plus one. What was I doing? “Okay, I’ll come.”
“Really? Oh, I’m so pleased. I promise you’ll have a great time. There’s dancing, and their silent auction tries to out-do itself every year. I’ll buy you something fun. Also, I don’t want you to worry about what to wear. You’ll be getting a call from a wardrobe company in the next few days. They assured me they’ll come to you and let you try on anything you’d like.”
“Henry, are you serious?”
“As a heart attack. I’ve had one of those so I know what I’m talking about.”
“I thought it was indigestion.”
“Well, it felt like a heart attack. Don’t say no. The tickets are ten thousand a pop, and I want you to be every bit as admired as anyone there. ”
“Ten thousand dollars?” I squeaked.
“Outrageous, right? But it’s for orphans in Calcutta. Every cent. The woman who puts this on pays for the venue and the food and the flowers, the band, the valet parking. Everything. Our donations go straight to the orphanages. Don’t get me started on why we have to throw a party to make people donate money, but I can’t say it doesn’t work. Last year they raised nearly two million dollars.”
I was speechless. He really should have led with that part. “And you want me there?”
“Of course. Last year was my first year going, and I took a date. Have I not told you this story? She told several people at our table that she was my fiancé. And then when I explained to her that I never planned to remarry, she stole my dessert. I’m just glad she ate it rather than making me wear it.”
“How many dates had you been on?”
“Just the one. About a month before that, we were both sitting alone at Durant’s one day, and she waved hello, and I waved back, and the next thing I knew we were sitting together at my table for lunch. After that, we made it a regular thing.”
Henry really did not understand what made something a date. Just for fun, I Googled Durant’s. Over $100 a plate. “Best filet-mignon,” one of the reviewers claimed. “Henry, I hate to say this, but I think she pounced on you at Durant’s.”
“That’s what Dean said. He called her an opportunist.”
I smiled. That was a much nicer word than a gold digger. Leave it to Dean to phrase it so nicely.
Sometimes I forgot how rich they were. Henry and Dean were both down-to-earth with a strong work ethic. It made me want to turn down Henry’s offer to help me get a dress, but I didn’t want to embarrass him either. If he said I needed a designer gown for this, then I did. I’d just sell it when I was done and donate the proceeds to the orphanages in Calcutta. I told him as much and made him laugh. He said he’d gladly match it.