Chapter 29 – Grace
Dean’s house had this great archway above his porch and enough warm light for me to see every step from my car to his door. His house wasn’t huge, but it was beautiful and luxurious inside and out, and I’d always loved driving through his neighborhood because every house had character and everyone took such great care of their yards.
In my neighborhood, everyone had as little growing in their yard as possible because our water bills were so high.
Dean answered before I had time to ring the doorbell a second time and stepped out, shutting the front door behind him. He was barefoot, with jeans that fit him just right and a t-shirt that said “Let’s Make Questionable Decisions” across the front.
I pointed at the words, trying not to pay attention to how nicely the shirt fit across his chest and shoulders. “Did you put that on for me?”
“You wish. I was already wearing it.” He stepped closer, and my heart picked up speed. He was always so present when he looked at me, and now that I knew what it was like to kiss him, my mind was already there. But he leaned in and kissed my forehead. Our fingers found each other and laced together, and I sighed. Everything would be right in the world if I could just stay like this forever. How could something that scared me so much bring me so much comfort at the same time?
“How is Rob?” he asked.
“We had a real conversation tonight. It’s sort of your fault. I’ll explain later.”
“Is a real conversation bad or good in this scenario?”
“Anything real with him is good. We usually just pretend everything’s fine. I’ve been pretending for so long, but it’s time we both deal with some things I’ve been putting off.”
“Hmm.”
I tilted my head up to look at him. He had a little bit of delicious scruff going on along his jawline that I wanted to investigate with my lips, but I would not be doing that. “We should go in. I’m assuming that red truck in your driveway means Charlie and Olivia are still here.”
“They are. They’re probably peering out a window at us right now. That, or they’re daring each other to finish off our dessert before we get there. Olivia made turtle brownies.”
“With pecans and caramel?”
“Yeah. They already ate half the pan, but the rest is for us.” Dean smiled and opened the front door, keeping a loose hold on my hand as he led us in.
His friends were not peeking through windows or stealing brownies, but they did stare at me with open curiosity and mischief. I hadn’t put two and two together on the phone, but I recognized Charlie from the gala. He’d given me a genuine smile from across the room when I’d first walked in. And later, I observed that he was a pretty terrible dancer with a good heart. He’d asked several old ladies to dance and took them out for a spin on the dance floor before leaving early.
Olivia was a stranger to me. She looked like someone comfortable in her own skin. Beautiful and tough, but also quick to laugh, based on the laugh lines around her eyes. The way her feet crossed with Charlie’s under the table made me question them being strictly business partners. I’d have to ask Dean about that later.
“She’s here for the turtle brownies,” Dean announced.
I raised my hand. “Guilty.” They’d cleaned up dinner and left the brownie pan in the middle of the island counter. “But I don’t want you guys paying attention to how many I eat. Should we play Jackbox games?” They’d offered it as an option over the phone, and I’d always wanted to play. I also had no desire to answer questions about my relationship with Dean tonight. If I thought about it too much, I might bolt and go with what I’d originally planned for my night—a cheesy Christmas romance and matching socks.
Dean got us set up while Olivia poured me a glass of milk and set three brownies in front of me on a plate. “I’m going to brag a little and say these might change your life.”
I took a bite. So good. “I believe you. These are amazing. Thank you.”
“Take them to the coffee table. Dean’s not fussy, but you know that.”
I did know that. I knew his goodness, and his love of ridiculous things, and his generosity. I just didn’t know what to do about… us.
We started with a game called Fibbage, which was basically like Balderdash, where you make up answers to fool everyone else, except Fibbage was in video game form. Dean sat across the room from me, which was almost worse than having him next to me. I had a front-row seat to seeing him laugh at all the dumb things Charlie came up with. Even funnier, Olivia fell for Charlie’s answers every time. She was in last place, by a lot.
By the time we got to Trivia Murder Party, where the host killed you for wrong answers to trivia questions, we had a serious rivalry going. We all knew a lot about certain niche categories, and did a lot of dying thanks to knowing very little about everything else. I pulled out a win when my ghost took everyone else out on the last round .
“We’re leaving now,” Olivia announced. She got to her feet and dragged Charlie with her.
“Why are we leaving?” Charlie asked.
“So these two will have some time together. Duh.” She smiled at me and then at Dean. “Let’s make this a thing. We don’t even need to be all together to play.” She gave me a hug, and then they were gone, and the only sound was the happy theme music coming from the TV.
Dean turned the TV off and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. “I’ll be honest. I’m a little bit afraid of you right now.”
“You’re afraid of me?”
“Yeah. I know how to tease you and talk you into doing dumb things with me. My skillset is a little bit weak when it comes to...” He rubbed his hands down his face. “I don’t want to pretend like everything is normal between us. But I also kind of do. Does that make sense?”
“It makes a lot of sense.” After all, when I got here, I’d told him Rob and I usually pretended like everything was fine instead of having real conversations. It was a different flavor of dysfunctional we’d adopted because it made things easier with Piper. But I didn’t want that with Dean.
I stood up and moved to the loveseat where he was sitting and laced his fingers with mine, resting our joined hands on his knee. His hand was warm, and strong, and slightly calloused. I’d come to his house with the promise of hand-holding, and that had seemed like enough at the time, but Dean was right, we needed to connect with our words, too.
“Piper told Rob you came over for a pajama party. It sort of smashed the everything-is-fine filter we keep running at all times. So, I took him outside and explained what Piper’s definition of a pajama party was. And then you weren’t a part of the conversation after that, except in my mind.” I looked into Dean’s brown eyes. He was never solemn. Sometimes he was business-like, but his expression at that moment was solemn and intent .
“What were you thinking?” he asked.
“That I have a lot of reasons to be scared, but I should probably be nicer about it.”
Dean bopped our hands against his knee. “You should be real-er with me.”
“That’s not a word.”
His mouth twitched. “It should be a word. We’re not playing Scrabble. Basically, I want to know what you’re thinking. Like, I guess I want to know what it is about me that’s giving you doubts. Unless it’s my looks or my personality. Then maybe don’t tell me.”
I buried my face into the side of his arm, rubbing my nose across the curves of his muscles before settling there. “I’m a big fan of your looks and your personality. But Dean, I’ve never seen you commit to a woman longer than a month or two. The cavewoman part of me is happy about that. But mostly, it just makes me think this won’t work.”
I felt his fingers softly weave their way through the back of my hair. “Sometimes a business idea fails, and no one knows why. There’s a ton of enthusiasm, the marketing is on point, and the items are high quality. But it just bombs. Customers don’t show, no matter what they do. Relationships are different, though. It will work because we’ll choose to make it work. We don’t need it to work for anyone else. Just us. Well, us and Piper.”
“Us and Piper,” I repeated.
“You’re not wrong about me, though. I’ve never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else. And now that I’ve said that, I almost want to take it back.”
Because I might not accept it. I should have reassured him, but instead I froze, and I knew he could feel the tension filling my body because he stopped playing with my hair and sighed. He deserved better than this. He deserved better than me.
“Grace.”
“Yeah. ”
“What do you need right now? You can worry about the what-ifs later when you’re supposed to be sleeping.”
Ah, insomnia, my old friend. He wasn’t wrong. But I didn’t want to make this about me. “What do you want to do?” I asked. I made the mistake of looking up at him, and I knew exactly what he wanted to do. The answer was in his gaze, and probably mine. He wanted to kiss me, and then I’d kiss him back and soon I’d forget my own name.
He broke the moment with a smile. “Why don’t we play with my golf simulator. It’s down in my gym. We’ll blast some music and hit some pretend golf balls.”
“Um, okay.”
He stood up and reached out his hands to pull me to my feet. “We’re going to be buddies right now, Grace. Until you want to be more. And in the meantime, I’m going to woo you.”
“Woo me?”
“Yeah. It’s like seduction, but better. Because I don’t just want your body. I want your mind and heart in tune with mine. I want you to love me so much you’ll never let me go. And until then, maybe we should stay away from dragon-shifting reenactment.” He grinned at the look on my face in response to that, and then led the way to his basement with a loose hold on my hand.