19. Lowen
NINETEEN
LOWEN
I don’t know what I expected or how I thought it would feel to see Alain again, but it’s nauseating. The barrage of humiliating, unkind, and downright evil things he did and said to salvage his own reputation tumble down on me like bricks, but Oakley’s strong and steady pressure beside me, holding my hand, arm touching mine, grounds me and helps me maintain my composure.
Alain hasn’t noticed me yet, but the man standing beside him has, and when our eyes meet, I’m shaken. He looks like a younger version of me. His cheeks even blush pink as he tucks a lock of blondish brown hair behind his ear.
“Oh god,” I mutter.
“What?”
“His fiancé. He looks like me.”
“They all have, kitten. I looked him up. Everyone since you. It’s uncanny.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
“Not at all. He couldn’t stand me.”
Oakley tsks, sliding his arm around my waist. “He can’t stand himself, love.” I turn my gaze to Oakley, suddenly desperate for him to call me that again. “He lost a prize of a person and he knows it. He’s spent all his time since then trying to strike gold a second time, but it’s elusive. There’s only one you.”
I run my hand down his strong chest. “You really mean that, don’t you? You think that highly of me?”
He chuckles softly. “Kitten, come on. You know the answer to that.”
On some level I do know how Oakley feels about me, but what if he falls for me? I can’t shake the feeling that I’m gonna fuck it up when things get real. When he wants an actual commitment. I’ll drag him along for years when he could be out in the world meeting someone who’s willing and ready. I should cut him loose, but the idea of someone else in Oakley’s arms leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I don’t have time to spiral any further before the director of the awards ceremony notices my arrival. She extends her arms as her face lights up and she walks purposefully in my direction, drawing Alain’s attention to me as well.
“Lowen Ainsley,” she says. “In the flesh. What an honor. Madeline Turro.”
“Hello, Madeline.” I shake her offered hand and lean in for the air kisses on each cheek. “Pleasure to meet you.”
“I’m so delighted,” she says, standing back and taking me in like she just found out Santa Claus is real. “Finding you wasn’t easy.”
“I wasn’t hiding.”
“Of course not. I suppose I thought you’d settle in Europe somewhere.”
“My life is stateside now.”
I’m aware of Alain and his man lingering behind us, chatting in a small circle of people, as Madeline’s eyes move to Oakley.
“And you are?”
“Oakley Rhinehart,” he says, shaking her hand. “Lowen’s fiancé.”
Madeline’s face lights up. “Delicious. Did you meet here?”
“We did,” Oakley says, gazing at me like I hung the moon, as requested, but I think he might be convinced I actually did. “We worked on a project together.”
“How wonderful. When is the date?”
“Undecided,” I answer. “And unannounced when it is.”
She pats my arm. “Smart. That would be one hot ticket.”
“Perhaps in Paris. I live rather anonymously here.”
She tilts her head, looking absolutely confused. “And you like that?”
I nod, realizing how absolutely true it is. “After fifteen years under glaring lights, it’s nice to work without a million eyes watching.”
“Does that mean you won’t ever return to Paris?”
“Oh, definitely not. My time in Paris was everything. It made me who I am and cultivated my talents, but it doesn’t fit anymore.”
“Because of…” She glances over her shoulder.
“Not entirely. I did okay for myself after the split, if you remember.”
“Of course I do. That’s why there’s so much desire for you to return. You left a hole in the design world with your absence.”
“I appreciate that, Madeline, but Paris is a magical city. She draws the talent to her. The hole won’t be there long.”
Smiling, she squeezes my hand. “All the better then that we managed to get you here for the recognition you absolutely deserve to receive.”
“Thank you, Madeline.”
“Of course. Give us a few minutes, and then we’ll walk through a few important announcements for the week.”
“Perfect.”
After she walks away, I turn toward Oakley, lifting my face to silently ask for a kiss he happily provides.
“Madeline is very impressed with you.”
I nod, running my hands over the soft material of his sweater. “I was the shit in Paris.”
Oakley’s chuckle vibrates through me, reminding me that I’m strong enough to do this. “You still are, kitten.”
I shrug.
“Am I talking too much?”
“No. You can say whatever you like.”
“Okay. It just seems like you’re curating everything you say.”
“I am, yes, but you don’t have to be anyone but who you are. I’m careful so nothing I say can be taken out of context or used to start drama.”
He lifts my chin with his fingers. “I understand. For what it’s worth, Alain looks better in pictures than he does in person.”
Laughing softly, I nod. “He’s aged. Even though it’s only been a couple of years since I’ve seen him, he looks a decade older.”
“And his man looks two decades younger.”
“I agree. Shall we get a drink?”
“We shall.”
With his hand on my back, Oakley guides me to the bar where we wait behind a few people. One of the couples in front of us turns, and the woman’s face lights up.
“Lowen Ainsley?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Hi.” She smacks her partner’s arm. “My name is Candace Mitchell.”
“Oh. I’ve read about you.”
Her face goes blank. “What? You have?”
“Yes. In Parisian Couture, I think. You designed the wedding venue for the singer Amaya in Florence, Italy last summer, right?”
She nods, practically hyperventilating. The man next to her rubs her back, smiling warmly. “Yes, that was me. I don’t normally do weddings, but Amaya is a friend from childhood and she asked.”
“It was beautiful. Very well done and elegant while having a modern and edgy feel.”
Candace blanches like she might pass out. “I’m low-key losing it right now. You’re my style icon, Mr. Ainsley.”
“Please call me Lowen, and that is so sweet. Thank you.”
“You don’t understand. I saw a layout of a courtyard you did for a castle in Scotland. Do you remember? It was almost ten years ago.”
“Yes. I remember. The Hight Castle.”
Candace smiles. “I fell in love and instantly knew that I wanted to make inspiring spaces like that too. Because of you I changed my major from business to design and I went to art school. I spent three years studying in Paris and seeing all of your work in person. Now you’re standing right in front of me. You’re the reason I have this career.”
I take her hand in mine, squeezing softly. “ You’re the reason you have this career. It’s your talent, vision, and drive that got you where you are. If I inspired you on any level, I’m humbled.”
She gives me a beaming smile. “You’re nice too. I wasn’t sure.” Her eyes go wide as she slaps a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that last part out loud.”
I laugh. “It’s fine. I know I don’t have the warmest public persona.”
“Could I ask you one more thing?”
“Please.”
“If you could go back in time and tell your younger self anything, what would you say?”
The question takes me aback for a moment, but it’s brilliant. “I would tell myself to believe in my own vision and my instinct because I’m gonna need that faith. The design world is glamorous, beautiful, and it’s amazing to be able to make a career doing it, but if you’re not careful, it picks away at you. Guard your soul, young one.”
Candace beams. “I’ll remember that.”
“Let me get your drink.”
“Thank you.”
“What are you having?”
“Whatever you’re having,” she says.
The bartender looks up. “Can I help you?”
“Can you make a French martini?”
“Yes, sir.”
“We’ll take four.”
After we get our drinks and say goodbye to Candace and her man, Oakley leans close and kisses my cheek.
“I always knew you were something special, but it’s amazing to see how people react to you.”
I shrug. “I suppose it’s nice that I still matter in this world. I worked hard, you know, and I thought he ruined it.”
“Why?”
“For a long time after the split, no one would ask me what I was working on. They only asked me questions about him. How I felt about his latest project without me, did I see his new arm candy, was I dating again. It was like they forgot I was a designer in my own right before I ever met him. I even had a few clients who expressed concern about my presence bringing unwanted attention because it felt like the paparazzi followed me everywhere.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“When Indy called me and proposed his wild idea, I don’t think I even hesitated. I didn’t know how to reclaim my life until he called. Coming back to America, doing small projects in a small town doesn’t feel like a downgrade at all. Instead, I’m remembering why I wanted to do this in the first place.”
“I owe Indy big time.”
Smiling, I lean into him, nuzzling his beard. “You and me both, big bear.”