Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
January bleeds into February, and Noémie and Felix are now a thing. Whenever I see them together, I seethe. I’m not succeeding at acting blasé. Wayne consistently lets me know that I’m being a bigger ass wipe than normal.
If Noémie notices that I’m saltier than usual, she doesn’t comment. For the most part, when Noémie isn’t out with Felix, we are carrying on as usual—we go to work, we go home, she makes dinner, and then we crash on the couch to watch Netflix.
Our routine changes around early February when Felix starts coming over. At first, Noémie tries to get me to join them for dinner, but I’d rather cut my tits off. More often than not, I’m eating dinner in my bedroom now, and I stop drawing in the living room. It gets to the point where even when Felix isn’t around, I’m holed up and alone.
There is a highlight—I’m more productive than ever. I’m almost finished drafting the fourth volume of my graphic novel series. Also, I somehow grew a fucking backbone and connected with Francois.
To my shock, he is genuinely delighted when I reach out. We don’t even talk about my project during our first chats. We talk about everything else—like the industry, the gossip, and the comics we’re currently reading. It’s easy to talk to Francois. We’re alike in a lot of ways. For a really successful artist, he’s super humble.
Francois thinks that my series has the potential to make it big, and we’re developing a plan to gain me some traction online before I launch a Kickstarter.
It’s all very new to me, and I’m kind of excited about it. For the first time in a long time, I’m allowing myself to dream.
Following Francois’s advice, I open a few social media accounts for my brand and to promote myself. I begin to post daily voiceover videos of me drawing. Frankly, the videos are cringe. But I’m getting a little better at editing and more confident on camera with every post. My follower count is dismal, but Francois says, if I keep at it, I’ll find success. I actually kind of believe him.
The first and only time Felix stays the night, it’s the last Friday in February. The sound of their lovemaking assaults my ears and hollows out my soul. Needing an escape from the racket, I go out for a walk despite it being negative one thousand outside.
Canadian winters suck. I can’t fucking wait for spring.
While I try to think about anything else, all I see in my mind’s eye is Noémie and Felix going at it. On repeat, I conjure the images of them together—missionary, doggy style, reverse cowgirl … It turns my stomach. I go a little crazy.
Fifteen minutes into my walk, I shoot Audrina a message. I get no response.
My feet carry me to a drag bar in the Village. There, I down five beers and snort lines in the washroom with a hot Korean woman named Kim. We hit it off and have a super sloppy make-out session by the fire exit. Kim takes me back to her place. I know we have sex, but when I wake up, I can’t remember if it was good or not.
Disentangling my limbs from Kim’s, I struggle to stand and put on my clothes. I’m dizzy and nauseous as I trek back home on the TTC.
Céline barks in greeting when I walk through the front door. The sound scrapes against my brain.
Needing water very badly, I shuffle to the kitchen. When I see Felix sitting at the island, scrolling through his phone, I groan. He swivels his stool to look at me. Noémie stares up from a waffle iron that she just ladled batter on. The air smells like waffles, and I don’t find it the least bit appetizing.
“Long night?” Felix asks with a grin.
Fuck him! I don’t answer as I walk over to a cabinet. I open it and remove a glass. My hand shakes as I flip on the tap and fill the glass with water. I gulp it all down and then fill the glass back up with more.
“Do you want waffles?” Noémie asks.
Just the thought of food makes me wince. “No, no food,” I reply. “There’s some Gravol in my room that’s calling to me.”
Felix chuckles at my comment. Noémie doesn’t. She looks a mix of concern and pissed off. “Do you need help getting upstairs?”
I shake my head. “Nope.” Glass of water in hand, I retreat to my room where I strip out of my bar clothes and collapse under my sheets. The world goes blank the moment my head hits the pillow.
The sky is dark when my phone rings, rousing me. I reach for it. The caller I.D. displays Sarah’s name.
I swipe the screen to answer. “Hey, what are you saying?” I answer, my voice all raspy.
“I wake you?”
“Yup. Long night.”
“Do I even want to know?” Sarah asks.
“Probably not.” I sit up in bed, repositioning my pillow behind my back. “What’s up?”
“So … I’m moving back to Toronto.”
I sit up a little straighter. “What?”
“I’m sick of Vancouver’s sad weather,” Sarah says. “Also, Veronica and I broke up.”
“I’m so sorry, bud. I know you really wanted things to work out with her.” I’m not surprised things with Veronica didn’t pan out.
“It is what it is.” Sarah sighs over the receiver. “Anything new with you, besides prepping for your Kickstarter? By the way, you’re doing great. Your last reel is doing amazing.”
I blink. “It is?” I tap on the Instagram app to check. “Holy shit! There’s, like, ten thousand views.”
“And counting,” Sarah says. “Look at you, getting out of your comfort zone and putting yourself out there. I’m so proud of you, Jay.”
We talk some more. Mainly, we complain about how the cost of renting in Toronto has become even more ridiculous. A few times, Sarah asks me about Noémie. I deflect any questions about her.
When our call ends, I rise out of bed, take a shower, and pull on some sweatpants and a hoodie.
I know I should probably work on recording another video to ride on my last video’s success, but I’m not in the mood. My muscles feel like Jackie Chan beat the crap out of me. At least the Gravol worked—it’s my hangover hack. I’m no longer nauseous. I’m hungry.
Exiting my room, I go down to the kitchen. Thankfully, Felix is not there. I hope he’s left. His presence in this home is bad juju for my sense of peace.
I set the kettle on the stove to boil some water and grab a package of Indomie from the pantry. Leaning against the counter, I watch the kettle, which is a dumb thing to do. Everyone knows that water takes longer to boil if you watch it.
There’s a slap of slippers on the floor. Looking over my shoulder, I see Noémie enter the main room. She’s dressed down in a pair of yoga pants and an oversized white tee—no bra underneath. I avert my gaze.
The kettle whistles, and I turn towards the stove to pull it off the fire. I get to work and start preparing my noodles.
“You’re always eating those,” Noémie says, coming to stop beside me. “I can’t remember the last time I had instant ramen. Want to make me some?”
Her nearness makes my pulse race. I consider correcting her, telling her that it’s not ramen. “Yeah, sure,” I say instead, walking over to the pantry and grabbing a second packet.
If the noodles were just for me, I would flip them out on a dish and have at it, but because Noémie will be having some too, I decide to get a little fancy. By fancy, I mean chopping up some fresh green onions to sprinkle on top.
I set our two steaming plates down at the dining table. Noémie takes her seat first, and then I take mine.
“It feels like we haven’t sat down to eat together in forever,” Noémie says. “I’ve missed you. Like, I mean … you’re here, but it feels like I never see you anymore.”
“Yeah, kind of feels that way,” I agree, scooping up some noodles with my fork and popping them in my mouth. I chew.
“I guess it’s for the best. All the work you’re doing is paying off,” she says with a half-smile. “Your last videos were very good.”
They were not very good. They were better. I still have a lot to improve on. “Yeah, thanks.”
Noémie frowns and puts down her fork. “Do you even want to talk to me? Everything out of your mouth is yeah this or yeah that.”
“Sorry,” I say. “I’m hungover.”
Noémie drums her fingers on the table. “I didn’t know you were going out last night.” Her tone comes out harsh.
“Do I have to tell you when I’m going out?”
She blinks. Her face reddens. “No, but you usually tell me.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I don’t say anything. I continue eating. I’m almost done my food.
Noémie, I notice, isn’t touching the noodles I made for her.
“Why don’t you like Felix?” she asks.
The unexpectedness of her question almost makes me choke on a mouthful of noodles. I cough. “Who said I don’t like Felix?”
“Whenever he’s around, you get really quiet and disappear in your room for hours.” Noémie sits back in her seat and folds her arms over her chest. “You’re also so curt when you speak to him. It’s like you become a whole different, colder person.”
“I like Felix, He’s … great,” I lie. “And I’m sorry if I seem whack lately, I’m just running on empty. I barely have any brain space left now that I’m looking to launch my graphic novel.”
“Do you need help?” she asks. “I told you already that I’d be more than happy to help you with recording and editing.”
I shake my head. “I think I need to do it myself.”
“Okay.” Noémie bites her lip.
Done eating, I stand, grab my empty dish, and leave the table.
Noémie sighs loudly, and slumps down in her seat. She toys with her fork, and I’m a little irritated. Why’d she ask me to make her noodles if she wasn’t planning on eating them?