Chapter 4 #2
I know it’s coming. It’s at night that he slips into my subconscious to play his little games. His seething tone whispers my name, taunting me. Fear takes over as I stand, frozen, watching the images of torture play repeat in my head. “Myssa.” My skin crawls with every letter hissed out.
It feels so real, I swear I can feel his breath against my ear as he taunts me.
My very own reaper of dreams. For months, I’ve delt with his manipulation and guilt.
The fear is mixed with anger at myself for not being able to reach her.
His lies, and calculating manipulation of holding Nik’s soul as some sort of weapon against me, is agonizing.
Music is the escape I’ve depended on nearly my whole life to try to drown out my thoughts or the silence of the night. I roll over quickly and press play on my playlist while grabbing my earbuds. Anything to evade the night ahead.
The melodic notes of A Perfect Circle’s “3 Libra” remix takes over, offering a threadlike lifeline from here and the abyss of my mind.
The darkness of the room consumes me past the existence of time and into the emptiness.
That state of mind between consciousness and unconsciousness.
My eyes open, and I stare at the blank wall in my room in front of me.
I watch as letters form, each one slowly tracing its way into reality—at least I think it’s reality.
I push myself up from the bed and walk to the wall.
My fingertips gently trace each letter etched in vibrant red, as if written in blood.
But there’s no wetness when I rub the pads of my fingers together—just two simple words.
Two words that torture me, bringing the guilt and shame back to the forefront.
Two words that haunt me with so many questions.
They follow me like a shadow in the daytime, only to devour me at night.
HELP ME.
I curl my hands into fists as the uncontrollable shaking takes over, my body is ready to let loose this frustration, hoping that somehow, I can breakthrough and find her. But I know it’s futile.
Once again, I’m at this crossroads and can’t help but stare at the words as if, maybe this time, they’ll tell me the answers I seek.
She’s the only one who would send this to me.
It all started just after I lost her. The pain soaks in as the tears form and fall fast and heavy, like so many times before.
This powerless torture retching through my heart.
“Nik.” I whisper, my voice breaking softly with each question.
“How? How can I help you? Where are you? How can I get to you?” No answer.
All I can hear is the music playing in my headphones.
“God, Nik, can you hear me? I’m trying. I’m fucking trying!
” Frustration floods me, and I slam my fist against the wall.
Why does this keep happening?” As if on cue, the taunting voice that curses me drowns out my music.
Did I do something in this lifetime to be forced into the revolving door of torture?
The fine hairs on the back of my neck fan out to create goosebumps that ripple throughout my skin.
His malicious tone toys with my emotions, and the exhaustion of the games he continues to play inflames my hatred further.
“Mysssa... Myyyssssaaaa.” The deep hiss in his voice echoes in my ears, making my blood boil. “Jasper,” I seethe.
He thrives on my anger, lives for the wreckage he brings. And I can’t stop my feelings every time he finds his way to me. He chuckles with a sinister click of his tongue.
“Oh, now, Myssa, when are you gonna learn? You won’t win this battle. She’s mine now, and you will never find her.”
“Fuck you, Jasper. I will find her,” I vow through clenched teeth.
“Perhaps. Perhaps not. Who knows? Maybe you’ll surprise me, but my bet…mmm, sorry, just doesn’t look promising.” His snicker lingers in the air.
“Why don’t you just show yourself and get this over with, or is this all just my self-conscious playing tricks on me?” I mutter, not really buying my own words.
“Guess you’ll have to find us to find out,” he whispers, so close to my ear it startles me.
The writing on the wall slowly starts to fade away, and I collapse to my knees, music filling my ears as if it never left. As the letters disappear, they’re replaced with a dripping crimson handprint.
“Nik,” I whisper, placing my hand against the imprint. I swear I can feel her.
Leaning my forehead against the wall, I whisper to her in hopes she can hear my declaration. “I don’t know how, but I will find a way to get you out of there.”
My tears flow freely again, and I’m ripped from whatever connection I’d imagined. Suddenly, I’m gasping as if I’ve been holding my breath, only to find I’m still in bed.
Realizing there’s no music playing anymore, I pull my headphones out and drag my phone off the nightstand. It's five A.M. already. Jesus. I lay back down and stare at the ceiling.
These night terrors always leave me with more questions than answers. Why does this keep happening? Who is Jasper, and how does he have my sister’s soul? Where is he holding her?
And how do I find her?
Obviously, there has to be a way. Why else would he bother tormenting me with these constant visions, unless he’s trying to drive me mad enough to join her?
I can’t lie. The thought has crossed my mind more than once. After all, I let her go. I let her go with a guy I didn’t know, and the guilt of that will forever consume me.
The light turns on, and the pain that was just starting to dull, quickly ramps up again, throbbing down the side of my face in tune with my heartbeat.
“Myssa,” Nik scoffs loudly. “Get up. John’s going to be here in an hour to pick us up.”
The covers are ripped away from me, and groaning in annoyance, I flip the pillow over my head.
“Shut the fucking light off. I have a migraine,” I spat out. Even my voice makes the throbbing intensify.
“Myssa, come on, take some aspirin. I need you. We’re going to a party, and you know how socially awkward I am.” She pouts.
“Contrary to popular belief, not everything is fucking about you, Nik,” I whisper angrily, attempting not to aggravate the demons tip toeing on my brain.
“Seriously, Myssa?” she questions, but when I don’t answer, I hear her start to storm out of the room.
“Whatever, fine, I’ll go by myself,” she huffs, slamming the door behind her.