Chapter 25
Myssa
Isneak through the back door and manage to avoid everyone.
The lights are still off in the loft, and a sigh of relief escapes my lips.
I’m glad he isn’t here waiting for me. I can’t look at him right now.
I can’t face whatever he’s going to say.
I slowly make my way up the stairs and into my room, dropping my purse on the ground on my way to the bathroom.
After washing all the make-up off my face, I brush my teeth and when I look up, I’m greeted by red puffy eyes and splotches all over my face.
The tears start to fall again, as the look on his face haunts me.
The pause of rejection had shredded any hope I had.
The splinters of the aftermath wedged beneath the surface to poke at me as a reminder that I’m not worthy enough for love.
After changing into sweats and a T-shirt, I see a slew of missed calls from Vix, Knox and Zayne, their messages flood my notifications.
Don’t worry everyone, I won’t forget what’s important here.
I sit down on the bed, and for a brief second I think that maybe it should have been me and not Nik.
How bad could it be to switch places, right? I open Zayne’s messages and read them.
Zayne: Myssa please talk to me
Zayne: I’m sorry
Zayne: You left before I can explain.
Zayne: Please stay up and we will talk when I get there.
He didn’t leave a voicemail, and I’m not staying up.
I’ve felt this rejection a thousand times, but with him, it’s crushing me.
I know this sounds ridiculous, because we just met, that honestly, this shouldn’t be a big deal.
So why the fuck is it? What is going on with me that I’m letting this take me to the darkest parts of myself?
I wipe the tears from my eyes, and I turn my phone on silent.
I crawl into the bed and close my eyes. I let the fear, the doubt, and the insecurities blanket me like an old friend.
It’s what I’m used to. Tonight, I will let those feelings win.
But not tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will be back wearing my perfectly polished armor, guarding my soul once again.
Zayne
Her eyes! God, her eyes, as she takes in the words I’ve tried to articulate but twisted within myself.
The look of rejection, of despair. Her tears start to form as she backs away from my grasp.
I feel it, all of it. It consumes me, and I can’t move.
I can’t breathe. I watch her slip away from me as the melodic vibrations from the speakers echo around me.
I grip onto the banister on the dance floor, holding myself up.
“FUCK,” I shout.
Closing my eyes, I take a moment, memorizing what her lips felt like against mine, the warmth of her body, how sweet her taste was against my lips, and how her embrace made me feel.
She doesn’t get it, no one would. I want it back, I want it all back, I want her—no, I need her.
I need to breathe her in, consume her, feel her, but it’s slipping again.
“No,” I stammer out. The emptiness slowly claws at me with its outreached hands.
I shake my head, and the thoughts swirling around in it make me dizzy.
If anything, the one thing I will hold on to is that our brief intimate moment together meant something.
Fuck, it meant everything. The dark cold emptiness left buried in me for so long was full, and the heart in my chest beat in time with hers, even if just for a moment.
She was mine, she IS mine, and I will never let her go. Never.
Storming off the dance floor, I make my way to the staircase and up to my balcony. I can already feel the rush of him coming at me, but I ignore him.
“Z?” Knox asks as he comes towards me.
“I know,” I whisper, but the music is too loud for him to hear me.
“Zayne, what the hell?” “I know,” I repeat, opening the door to my office without bothering to close it.
“Goddamn it, Zayne, what the fuck?” he demands, slamming the door behind him.
“I fucking know!” my voice is harsh and loud as I turn to look at him feeling the last of her fade away. My hands are balled into fists, and a tear runs down my cheek, the only one I let slip as I try to catch my breath slow my racing heart.
The look on Knox's face turns from anger to confusion.
“What happened?” he asks in a softer tone.
“I…” I pause for a second, trying to understand it myself.
But I think I already knew, from the first time in the elevator, and the first time I touched her. The craving, the obsession, needing her close. How can you love someone so hard and so fast with only a few words spoken between you? It’s a cruel twist of fate I would find her.
The light to my dark.
The binding within my void.
My soulmate.
I just let her slip away. No, I forced her away, so she won’t suffer the same fate of this destruction festering beneath the surface within me. A secret I can’t tell, a past I’m not proud of. I can’t talk to anyone about this now. Not even Knox.
There’s too much riding on the mission to get rid of Jasper once and for all. We can’t be distracted. There’s too much at stake in both realms.
“I kissed her,” I said softly, not giving him any more detail as I let the numbness take over, consuming me.
“Ok, it’s no secret there’s chemistry between you two,” Knox says.
“It’s complicated,” I say, defeated.
“So, uncomplicate it,” he demands.
“I can’t. Look, Knox, there’s just too much riding on this mission. We can’t get involved.” I try to force myself to believe that, but fail.
“Yet,” he says, smiling.
“I’m not right for her,” I say, choking down the lie.
“She deserves better,” I walk over to my mini bar and pouring a brandy for myself.
“Oh, please, who are you kidding here, yourself? I just watched you unhinge before me. So what exactly has you freaking out?” he asks.
I stare down at the liquor and swirl it around. I hesitate because I don’t know what to say.
“Let me ask you one question,” he continues. “Did you feel anything when you kissed her?”
Knox has been like a brother to me, my confidant, and lying to him is just something I can’t do.
Bringing the glass to my lips I let the alcohol slide down my throat.
“Everything. I felt everything,” I say, looking up at him.
“See,” Knox says. “I mean, when you meet the right one, you meet the right one.” He smiles at me, but I can’t return the gesture. God, if I ever voiced my current thoughts about Myssa and Jasper found out he would use that. And I can’t lose any more people. He’s already taken so much from me.
It’s as if the light bulb comes on in Knox’s head as he finally puts it together.
His eyes light up, as a grin slides across his face. “She's your—”
“Knox” I cut in, “This can never get out. As Originals, we’re already privy to information we shouldn’t know, but Jasper can’t get wind of this.
He will use her to get to me. He will manipulate her and take advantage.
I can’t have that. Right now, protecting her from him, and from me, is all I can concentrate on.
” But this feeling is so strong, and I’m torn.
I wish I could hide us somewhere, anywhere he can’t find us.
“Ok,” he says, sighing. “But, damn, man.”
I walk over and slump over in my chair, feeling defeated. I pull out my phone and text Myssa.
“Any word from Jess and Steph?” Knox asks.
“No, not yet, but hopefully soon.” I stretch over to grab the bottle from the bar and continue to do a good job of numbing myself.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No, there’s nothing to talk about. I just need to keep focus,”
“Got it,” he says, “I’m just gonna leave you to your thoughts, then.” He makes his way out the door.
I don’t protest. I need to be alone, and anger starts to consume me.
Why, why now? Why did she have to walk into my life now?
I throw the glass as hard as I can, and it shatters into tiny pieces, scattering on the floor.
I really need to stop throwing my glasses.
I lean over my desk, holding my head in my hands, and close my eyes. But my mind keeps racing.
“Zayne.”
I sit up, my eyes wide as I search the room.
His voice is a whisper but loud, as if he’s standing next to me.
The music’s still pounding through the walls, the patrons are still talking, and glasses are still clinking in the background, showcasing the good times being had below. My heart starts to thud heavily.
“Zayne.” I stand up, looking around as his voice grows louder and more prominent this time. Jess? I ask, but I already know the answer.
I close my eyes and concentrate on the frequency around me, pulling myself through the distance between both realms and into Aetheriem.
When I look around, though, it’s different—a dark room with a small shred of that crimson moonlight filtering through the cracks in the tattered walls around me.
I see something, or someone, moving in the shadows.
“Wasn’t sure if you heard me. I have to admit, I’m a little rusty.” His low voice lets out a small chuckle.
“Jess, I thought that was you, but how?” I ask, screwing my face up in confusion.
“Too long to explain, and we haven’t much time,” he says.
“Why? What’s going on? What is Jasper doing now?”
“Not sure, honestly. He’s quiet, but sources say he’s on the move. I’m not sure what he’s up to, but we found something, and I wanted to make sure you knew in case…” but he trails off. Seeing Jess like this makes all the hairs on my back of my neck to raise in high alert.
“Are you sure you want to divulge this to me?” I ask.
His expression is guarded, but his eyes are filled with sympathy.
“Zayne, when are you going to realize that it wasn’t your fault? You didn’t do anything wrong. I trust you, with my life and Steph’s.” He grips my shoulder. “Stop blaming yourself for what happened. He did this, not you.”