Chapter Thirty
thirty
Ridley
“You do know that I’ve been to Borough Market before, right?” Lanie said as they walked down the long, crowded aisles of shop stalls in the famous indoor food market.
The real point of bringing her to the market had been to help her with any last-minute Christmas shopping she needed. Borough Market was an eclectic mix of vendors selling everything from fresh and prepared foods to aromatic bath bombs and tartan-print scarves. The enormous art deco market and all the stalls were festooned with lights and evergreen boughs for the holiday season. A gigantic wreath with a red bow and fairy lights hung fifty feet in the air from the metal-and-glass rafters as a centerpiece.
“I’ve only taken you to new places,” she insisted.
Ridley didn’t think she was honestly complaining but he indulged her anyway because it was becoming his new favorite thing to do.
He smiled inwardly. “No. Not really.”
“What? The Statue of Liberty, the High Line, the New York Aquarium. I even inadvertently managed to give you a five-borough tour...”
“But I’ve been to see the Statue of Liberty before, and the High Line too.”
“You have?” She stopped midrant. “Why didn’t you say something? You let me go on and on about it.”
Because I love anything you’re enthusiastic about.
“Because I hadn’t been since they opened the extension. I hadn’t seen that Honeycomb thing yet.” He shrugged.
Increasingly, he found he’d go anywhere she wanted as long as they were together. Ridley had discovered Lanie was an ideal traveling companion. She was adventurous, willing to try anything once. She was exuberant about the things that caught her interest and curious to learn about things she didn’t know. And she was remarkably resilient. When a thunderstorm had driven them indoors the day they finally reached Coney Island, she’d merely shaken off the rain and gone to wait out the downpour in the aquarium with some hot chocolate.
“The Vessel.”
“What?” He’d gotten distracted watching her stroll through the market.
“It’s ‘the Vessel,’ not ‘the Honeycomb,’” she corrected, as she walked along eyeing various objects.
Over the past few months, Ridley found himself coveting Lanie’s pleasure, wanting to be the one who provided it. He didn’t know exactly when it had happened that their amicable relationship had begun to change, but increasingly, he felt it.
“When were you last here?” he asked.
She looked sheepish, not meeting his eyes. “When I was seventeen.”
“Has it changed since then?”
It was as if he’d teed her up; she rebounded beautifully. “Ah-ha! No! It’s Borough Market. It hasn’t changed since the eighteenth century.”
This woman .
“Now, Lanie,” he said, holding in a smirk. “Fundamentally, no. Literally, yes.”
“Yeah, well. My point stands. I’ve been here before.”
“Fine. I wasn’t aware it was a competition, but you got me.”
“Point for me!” She smiled mischievously and Ridley realized he was happy to lose.
They left the market with a few bags, feeling stuffed from sampling various snacks and giddy from cups of mulled wine. Ridley was pleased with himself. They’d made it all the way through the market and onto the Queen’s Walk along the Thames with his real surprise ahead and Lanie still unaware.
“I’m getting tired. Can we sit a spell before we head back?” She wandered toward the benches facing the river.
“You’re worse than Bea. It’s a little further, c’mon.”
“What is? Where are we going? We’ve already passed the Tate and the Globe Theatre. What other tourist spots are left over here?” She looked around with exasperation.
“You’re on the verge of whining, FYI.” He raised an eyebrow at her, locking her arm in his to keep her from sitting down at any of the very inviting seats along the walkway. “You’ll see. C’mon.”
They’d done the bulk of the walk and Ridley knew the only reason their destination had not yet occurred to her was because he’d been so adamantly against it. From their current vantage point, it could already be seen, looming large and obnoxious above the treetops.
When they finally arrived, Lanie stopped, craning her head upward to stare. “No the hell you didn’t!”
And there was that big, bright megawatt smile that made Ridley’s heart physically ache in his chest.
“No,” she said again, shaking her head.
He nodded and she screamed. He did not expect that.
“But you said you hate Ferris wheels?”
“Technically, the London Eye is not a Ferris wheel. It’s a ‘cantilevered observation wheel’—whatever that means,” he said dryly. “And I’m sure my acrophobia will appreciate the differences.”
“Aww, Ridley, thank you!”
Lanie turned into his arms and hugged him. He settled his chin into her hair, as they both held on a little longer than normal. And with a great sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Ridley recognized how right this felt.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispered into her curls, as his mouth dried and his throat stopped working properly.
He gave the attendant his name and reservation information as Lanie waited on the landing, watching enclosed observation pods circle slowly on the giant wheel. When he was done, he came up behind her in the relatively long line. Lanie leaned back into him as they waited and Ridley placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them occasionally.
As the wheel slowly came to each stop a new group was admitted into the pods stationed at the landing. Finally, the attendant put his arm out to pause Lanie. She hung back as the doors closed on the people before them and the wheel started up again, rotating that pod away.
“I think a couple more people could’ve fit on that one but whatever,” she intimated to him under her breath as she peered over her shoulder.
Ridley just smiled at her eagerness. Despite his own reticence, he’d known Lanie would love this.
When the next pod landed in front of them, the previous occupants disembarked and the attendant let her and Ridley on.
“Watch your step,” the attendant advised.
Lanie raced around the oval bench to the far side of the oblong, egg-shaped pod.
“Have fun!” the attendant said as the doors closed and the pod began to rise.
Ridley’s stomach was already doing somersaults just seeing the full 360-degree, wall-to-wall windows, even though they weren’t yet two feet in the air.
Lanie spun around, only then noticing that none of the other people in line had joined them. Her face was a question mark. “We have this whole pod to ourselves?” Her eyes went wide. “For real?” She clapped her hands together and made a quick lap around. “Oh my God! Ridley, thank you!”
He so wanted to take all the credit, but his stupid conscience nagged at him. Yes, he’d been waiting for this since Gavin first suggested it. But ultimately it was still Gavin’s suggestion. “Wasn’t my idea.”
Lanie paused, her brows furrowing a little. “Whose idea was it?”
The answer to this question was far more involved than he’d intended. Against his better judgment, Ridley glanced outside. With floor-to-ceiling windows on all sides and London spreading out beneath them, there really was no other place to put his eyes. It was either Lanie’s face or the drop into the Thames outside.
A powerful wave of nausea hit him and he slumped to the bench.
“Ridley!” Lanie rushed to him. “Are you alright?” She grabbed his hand, crouching in front of him.
“I’m fine,” he said, but in truth, he felt incredibly woozy and maybe even a little frightened. “This is why I hate Ferris wheels.” Even to his ears, his voice sounded shaky. He looked up to the ceiling, but even that was made of glass. “We’re in a damn giant glass egg,” he whispered to her, feeling even worse now, if that were possible. He panted, opening the collar of his button-down.
I fly on planes all the time, dammit! The last time his acrophobia had been this bad was the last time he rode a Ferris wheel, coincidentally. As a kid, he’d gone up in one with his sister James, then wet himself when they sat helplessly at the top for five minutes due to mechanical difficulties.
“How long is this thing?” He couldn’t remember what the website said.
Lanie opened the little pamphlet she’d snagged near the ticket counter, then bit her lip. “Thirty minutes.”
Ridley moaned.
“I am so, so sorry, Ridley. If I’d known your fear of heights was this bad, I would never have pushed it!” Lanie’s words came fast and flustered. “Y-you fly all the time. I really didn’t understand.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. The pod moved so slowly that with his eyes closed, it didn’t feel like he was going to tip over even though he was seated. “Well, Lanie, I know. I didn’t either. So, make that make sense.” Lanie squeezed his hand and he opened his eyes for a second to look into hers. “I’m sorry for ruining this for you.”
“Ridley, the gesture alone was more than enough.” She swept a hand over his face, using delicate fingertips to remove his glasses and close his eyelids. “Keep your eyes closed.” She sat beside him and huddled into his arm. “You’re gonna keep your eyes shut and I’m gonna distract you.”
“Unless you’ve got a sedative or a tranq dart in your pocket, I don’t see how.” It felt like there was no power on earth that could erase the image of the river, the Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace and the rest of Metropolitan London looming three hundred feet below him.
“Watch me,” she said defiantly. “Or you know, listen . Don’t open your eyes.”
Ridley took a deep breath, focusing on that intoxicating jasmine-and-rose scent that constantly wafted off Lanie. It was on her clothes, in her hair, and anytime he was within a foot of her, it filled his nostrils. He used it as aromatherapy right now, breathing it in and out as her curls tickled his nose.
“I’m waiting,” he said into the silence.
“For what?”
“The distraction.”
“Oh, yeah. Where’d you get the tickets for this?”
“I thought you were supposed to do the talking?” He was being mildly evasive.
“I never said that.” She held his arm tighter, her head settling comfortably into the crook of his neck. “Talk.”
He sighed. “I got them from Bea’s biological father. Guy named Gavin.”
Lanie said nothing as he detailed the mess that was his life right now. Including the increasing risk of losing Bea, and therefore the deal for Christmas he’d struck with Gavin. She listened intently.
“Thyra and I, well, it wasn’t quite what we let people imagine.” Ridley shrugged. “We met in school, but it didn’t start as some great college romance. For one, she’d had a serious boyfriend when we met—Gavin. He’s actually how I met her. Gavin was a resident on one of my intern rotations.” He opened an eye, quickly scoping for Lanie’s expression. She seemed impassive, absorbing the information without judgment.
He exhaled, continuing, “I did fall in love with Thyra, yes. And I followed her here to England, yes. But, God help me—” He took a deep breath before starting. “Thyra was extraordinary, you know? Ridiculously pretty, funny, bold, brilliant. Much smarter than me. And I developed a crush on her that grew into something more, the more time we spent together. Gavin and I were, let’s call it, ‘cool’ with each other.”
He was rambling, he never rambled, but getting to the nuts and bolts of this was hard for many reasons.
“And essentially, I was always around, offering to help her study or bringing her meals. All it took was seeing everything that Gavin was and being the opposite—which was easy because he’s a dick.”
Lanie snickered.
“I want to be clear, we weren’t together while they were together... exactly . I was her friend. But in all honesty, it wasn’t for a lack of me trying. And I know how it probably sounds. It’s just that I knew he didn’t deserve her. That she’d get fed up with him...and, well, eventually, she did.” He peeked again. Lanie’s nose was scrunched in a frown. Ridley’s heart kicked up in panic.
“So, you ‘nice-guyed’ her.”
“You’ve lost me.”
“Basically, you pretended to be her friend, biding your time.”
She said it frankly, but Ridley felt the sting of reproach in it. Lanie had clobbered him with the blunt force of the unvarnished reality. No matter how he dressed it up, he supposed...
“No! I never pretended... You don’t understand.”
My God. Was that what I did?
“I mean...” He paused to really consider. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t stop,” she encouraged him nevertheless, holding him tightly.
“They broke up and, admittedly with very little space between, we started dating. Then she found out she was pregnant. And reasonably, the baby couldn’t have been mine, so I was terrified she’d go back to him. But then suddenly she got sick.”
“Her lupus?” Lanie prompted him.
He nodded. “Developed a blood clot in her leg that could have killed her.” Ridley took deep breaths, trying not to relive the terror of that time as he recounted it.
“It’s okay if you want to stop.” Lanie seemed to feel him tense but held him tighter.
“No, it’s okay,” he continued even as his chest constricted. “I don’t know why I’d been so afraid. Because Gavin, of course, did what the Gavins of the world do: abandoned his responsibilities to his unborn child until it was convenient for him to acknowledge them.”
“Asshole.”
“Yeah.” Ridley couldn’t have said it better. “I showered Thyra with all the attention and affection I had to give. While he ignored the fact that she was going through this.”
“So, you continued dating her when she was sick and pregnant with another man’s child?”
Ridley wondered at the slightly awed tone of Lanie’s voice and thought back to the little she’d told him of her own parents. “Of course.”
Perhaps her father is a “Gavin” too? He hated that for her. He’d long ago realized what he did wasn’t something every man would do. But it seemed illogical to him that any man who claimed to love a woman could not love and care for her child too.
“It didn’t matter. By then, I was already in love with her.”
Ridley looked at Lanie. Her cartoonishly large eyes ran the length of him like she was taking his measure as a man.
What does she see? he wondered. The calm, capable, trustworthy man he aimed to be, or something else? Whatever it was, it was less the carefully crafted fa?ade of Ridley Aronsen that most people got. And the idea of that disquieted him some.
“Well, it’s good you were there when Bea was born.”
Ridley shifted in his seat.
“Not exactly. Thyra left Boston to go back to her parents once she knew Gavin didn’t intend to help her. She was all alone in the States. No family, and between the baby coming and the lupus diagnosis, she needed more help than I thought I could give.”
“And you?”
“Like I said, we hadn’t been dating that long. I was just a kid. Only in my third year of medical school.” He shrugged. “So, she broke up with me and I stayed there to finish.”
He didn’t bother with the sordid saga of Thyra confronting Gavin, only to be bought off by his family with that house—that it turned out they didn’t even buy for her .
“But immediately I knew I’d made a mistake letting her go. So as soon as I graduated, I followed and begged her to take me back. Bea was one and a half by then. Gavin’s parents offered Thyra some financial support but only after she’d done a paternity test and put his name on the birth certificate to force their hand. But sometimes I wish she’d waited for me. Still, I can’t blame her for not doing that. She was young and struggling.”
He’d never gotten the whole story of what happen before he arrived and, having learned that even the part he thought he knew was a lie, Ridley tried not to speculate or even care anymore.
All that mattered was Bea.
“So, where are Gavin’s parents now? Does Bea see them?”
“Devon somewhere. Bea gets a birthday card and a Christmas gift every year. She’s never met them.”
Lanie squeezed his arm sympathetically. “There’s a whole side of my family I don’t really know either. That’s why my mom had to ship me here to my gran every summer. No childcare in New York.”
He nodded in understanding. “I don’t know where Thyra and Bea would’ve been without my in-laws. Where I would be now either.”
When Bea was small, Thyra had leaned as heavily on her parents as Ridley did now. Philip and Clare-Olive were angels who were due an immense debt of gratitude...but also overdue for a break.
Ridley’s pulse had calmed. And when he finally looked out, they were on the other side of the apex. He exhaled with a shudder.
“I think you should go.”
“Go where?” He could tell Lanie was trying to distract him again, but just having her there, leaning against him, made things better.
“To Colorado.” She hadn’t said anything when he first mentioned Gavin’s ludicrous offer; he should have known she was merely formulating her opinion.
Ridley frowned furiously. That is absurd . He wouldn’t stay under that jackass’s roof.
“Seriously, if the custody is such a done deal, maybe this is his peace offering. A way of saying he wants you all to be okay with each other. If he’s gonna get at least shared custody then it behooves you to improve your relationship with him...at least for Bea’s sake, if not for your own.”
“It ‘behooves’ me?”
“Lanie know many big word.”
He chuckled.
“And if he’s still a jerk, you be the better person.” She pulled out of his embrace and he felt the loss acutely. She took his face in between her hands. “Ridley, listen to me. That animosity in your heart only eats at you. Gavin? He’s gonna be out here living his best life with your daughter in tow.”
Oof. The idea of that burned.
“Choose to extend Gavin a little grace and believe he invited you to Colorado in order to mend fences and not for some other nefarious intent. Take it from a child of divorce: if you’re going to have to co-parent with him, you need to bury the hatchet now. For your sake as well as Bea’s.”
She’d said the magic words that unlocked his heart then filled his vision with her big, mesmerizing hazel eyes staring at him as he inhaled her intoxicating scent. Ridley felt bewitched.
“I’ll think about it.”
Lanie’s palms, still bracketing his jaw, pulled him forward infinitesimally. And his arm, which had remained loosely wrapped around her lower back, tightened. Greedily, Ridley took her all in this close-up, lingering on her pretty bowed lips before returning to her eyes. She searched his face in return, bringing him incrementally closer until his mouth was slotted over hers.
Ridley pulled that bottom lip he was already deeply enamored with into his mouth and Lanie sighed. The blood drained from his brain. He could already feel his pants tightening. His other arm snaked around her too, pulling her into his chest.
As the tip of her tongue traced the line of his upper lip, Ridley lost track of how high up they were. Lanie and her mouth were the whole world opening before him. He captured her tongue and savored the taste of mulled wine there. Inhaling the heady mixture of her floral signature and the spicy cinnamon and oranges on her lips, he bit her lightly. She moved in closer as he slipped his hand into her open coat and cradled her ribs just below the swell of her breast. He relished every sigh she emitted as he rubbed the underside of it with the knuckle of his thumb. Lanie moaned, gripping the back of his neck to steady herself as he dipped his tongue into her mouth. And she sucked on it until he could feel himself hardening.
“Please stand clear of the opening doors,” the automated announcer instructed overhead, startling them both.
They sprang apart like guilty teenagers as the doors of the pod opened. The attendant smirked but otherwise pretended not to have seen anything through the glass.
Ridley hadn’t even registered the last few minutes of the ride and he rose from the bench like he was coming out of a fog, shopping bags covering his crotch. Lanie’s tan skin was flushed red and her lips were kiss-swollen and sexily plump. Looking at her, Ridley’s mind ran riot. On one hand, seeing her, brown eyes wide and dazed, lips pink and pillowy from his kisses with her hair slightly disheveled, all he wanted was to push her up against the wall and finish what they’d started. On the other, however, he was deeply embarrassed. They were friends, and she was young and still figuring herself out while he was married with a kid.
Well, not married...not anymore.
“Thank you,” he said quickly as they both hustled out of the pod, shamefaced.
“I’m sorry about that.” He rubbed at his lower lip as if in evidence, removing the remnants of her lip gloss.
“No worries. I said I’d distract you, didn’t I?” she joked.
But Ridley knew Lanie well enough now to see the smile didn’t reach her eyes.