Chapter Thirty-Eight
thirty-eight
Lanie
■ 12-JAN ■ Trans-Continental Airways ■ Flight: 3714 ■
JFK-John F. Kennedy Int’l Airport ? LHR-London, Heathrow
Seat Assignment: 11K
“I’m giving those two seats to my sister Hyacinth and her husband. Otherwise, I’ll never be able to show my face at home ever again.”
Lanie smirked. With only a month now until the wedding, the seating chart, like a battle plan, was spread across the dining room table for inspection. Gran had been charged with this meticulous logistical job but Lanie was charged with serving Gemma’s interests. It amazed Lanie how much all weddings were the same. Somehow, they morphed into your parents’ affair that you were merely a guest at.
When and if her turn ever came, she was going to City Hall. She’d already decided.
“You do know Uncle Basil and Aunt Hy are not the only people you can stay with when you go visit Antigua? Or, gasp —” Lanie clutched her chest dramatically “—you could stay at a hotel!”
Gran sucked her teeth and cut a glance at Lanie that made her mouth snap closed.
“Wait,” Lanie said, “if you put them there we’ll be a seat short.”
Tulip looked at her blankly and set her mouth.
“Aunt Elliot?” Lanie shrugged. “I don’t know. Gemma just told me to make sure.”
Her gran nodded with a sigh, smudging out Aunt Hyacinth’s and Uncle Basil’s names with her thumb to add her absent daughter’s. “Now we’re one guest short.”
Lanie stared at the spare seat for a moment before sucking in a fortifying breath. “I’ve got a plus-one we could put there, I think.”
Gran’s head rose from poring over the seating chart. She smiled. “That’s the doctor with the nice house in Notting Hill Gem told me about?”
Lanie groaned. Damn Gemma’s big mouth again . She gave a tight smile as inexplicably her heart double-timed it.
As she had expected, Lanie saw much less of Ridley after they parted at the hotel on Christmas Day. There had been less flying for him as he handled business, details of the clinical trial as well as appointments with his solicitors—so Lanie gave him space. Even on this visit, they’d only managed one brief afternoon assignation after a picnic on Hampstead Heath. But to her surprise, Ridley hadn’t disappeared on her. And throughout, more than once, he’d promised to clear his busy calendar to accompany her to the wedding. Though previous boyfriends and purported relationships had never lasted long enough to put stock in plans made months into the future, Ridley appeared to be the exception to the rule. It was time, she supposed, to begin acting like it.
“Yes, Ridley.” It felt like her heart expanded in her chest from being able to finally share their changed status with someone. He was not a topic of conversation at home with Ryan, and Narcisa was too guarded to be any fun.
“Tell me about him.” Tulip rose to her regal height and went into the kitchen.
Oh shit , Lanie thought, she’s putting the kettle on .
“I’m so happy for you, my love.” Gran grinned, patting Lanie’s hand. “But a man with a child? And a widower? You certainly jump in when you commit.”
“No committing,” Lanie said, alarmed. “This is casual. We’re just dating.”
“No such thing as ‘casual’ dating a man with a child, it’s not like dating a single person. Each and every decision he makes has to factor in his daughter. You’ll come to learn you can’t be the center of his world.”
“Of course. And I don’t want to be!”
Her grandmother gave a barking laugh. “You say that now. But even your father learned that after you came along...part of why he left your mother.”
Lanie was stunned silent.
“He wanted to stay the sun your mother revolved around. And early on, Ryan called me, desperate, begging me to take you. But I refused. Instead, I came to New York for a while to help her care for you while she went back to school. Abandoned the cello and got that nursing degree.”
Lanie knew the second detail but not the first one. “She wanted you to take me? But you ended up staying with us for four years!”
“You’re focused on the wrong part, girl. She didn’t want me to keep you forever, just a few months to shore up her relationship with your father. But I could have told her that wouldn’t work. That’s why I went to her instead.
“By the time you were born, their relationship was already souring. Sending you to me wouldn’t have helped. Just unlucky in love, all of us Turner women are.” Her grandmother rocked in her seat a little, as if self-soothing. “We choose wrong. Even your aunt Elliot was left to raise two babies when her Leslie disappeared.”
A “broken picker,” just like Narcisa said. A generational curse, apparently .
Lanie knew that whole thing was a scalpel-sharp point of contention among the family. How Gran had left her older married daughter to tend to her younger divorced daughter, only for the married one’s husband to abandon her too. Lanie suspected Gran saw choosing Ryan, even briefly, as reparations for leaving her behind in Antigua years earlier while taking Elliot with her to the UK.
Further unacknowledged was the fact that Gran had also done so to escape her own bad marriage. And that her return to England only coincided with her husband’s funeral.
“I’m not suggesting a parent can’t love. Of course not. Just be careful with this Ridley person. And try not to take it personally if his priorities are not always aligned with yours.”
Lanie nodded.
“But,” Gran said gleefully, “I have faith. You and Les and Gem have learned from our mistakes! Look at her with Jonah. He’s such a sweet boy! Though I always thought—” She caught herself, eyeing Lanie guiltily.
“It’s okay. You thought it would be him and me.”
Gran shrugged, not unkindly.
“Me too,” Lanie admitted, shrugging also. “But things change.” Remarkably, the tears she’d expected didn’t come.
“I’m so proud of you, Sec,” Gran said, seeing her response. “I’ll admit I was very worried about how you would handle all of this. I think we all were.”
Lanie tried not to visibly cringe.
“Thank you for being so kind to your cousin, so understanding, so helpful. The way you always are, the way I knew you would be. You truly love each other like sisters.”
They hadn’t been terribly sisterly recently. But Lanie knew that was her fault. Initially, it was just difficult being around Gemma. Her understandably ceaseless joy had taken a while for Lanie to learn to endure. Still, Lanie hadn’t felt that way in months. Not since she’d met Ridley, in fact.
“Thank you,” Gran said. “Because I know it hasn’t been easy.”
Why is she always doing this to me? Lanie’s eyes ached. She would not cry just because her grandmother acknowledged how difficult this had been for her.
“And I want to also thank you for coming back and forth.” She gestured to herself, stroking Lanie’s hand. “Because I know that you wouldn’t be doing this if you weren’t concerned about me.”
Lanie shook her head. “No, Gran. I—”
“Hush now.” Gran ignored Lanie’s denial, pulling Lanie into her arms and squeezing her tightly.