Chapter 29
twenty-nine
PRESENT DAY
KATE
The box plummets back to the porch as I scramble to fit my key in the lock. A car door slams down the road, and a small cry flies out of me until the lock twists.
I barge into the condo. Slamming the door shut, I press my back against it.
The living room is quiet. Dark. No indication of life or serial killers.
I’m a petrified statue with my ear against the wood, straining to hear any approaching footsteps. Five minutes pass before I decide that whoever slammed their door probably lives down the street and doesn’t care that I’m this close to peeing my pants.
Stealing through the darkness, I yank my curtains closed. My hand clutches my pepper spray and I flip it open, then I click each light switch and check every closet. But my sigh of relief freezes in my lungs when I realize that I never checked the garage.
I sprint toward it and fling open the side door.
It is also empty.
I’m utterly alone.
H.Y. knows where I live. They either have the access code to the gates or took advantage of them glitching.
A thump sounds through the wall Mrs. Kovolchuk and I share, sending me into a crouch by a kitchen cabinet. I don’t think I’ve ever been so terrified in my life. A whimper escapes, and my eyes fill with hot tears.
Night presses down on me, making my exhausted eyes sting even more, but there’s no way I’ll be able to sleep here by myself.
So I dial Liza’s number. “Pick up.” I plead with each whisper.
She doesn’t, and her cheery voicemail only makes an ache smart in my hammering chest. I shoot her a text.
KATE: You coming home tonight?
LIZA: So sorry! I’m in a late movie and I wasn’t able to answer your call. No, I’m staying with Cam.
I know she’d come home if I asked her to. But like Amantha, Liza has so much going on. Wedding planning with my mother is no easy feat, and her residency has been kicking her butt. Can I really throw in a paranoid sister on top of all that?
LIZA: Oh, I forgot to ask. You coming to the Lunar New Year parade tomorrow?
KATE: I’ll come.
LIZA: Oh, goodie. K, love you!
KATE: Love you, too.
I bite my lip, fingers stalling on Amantha’s number next. Her home is farther away, but I know she wouldn’t mind if I crashed there. Anthony is staying at Ryan’s this weekend, so I could probably use his room.
But then she’d ask why I needed to, and I can’t burden her with this either.
I take a deep breath. The condo has an alarm system. The doors and windows are locked.
I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.
Regardless, I fall asleep clinging to my pepper spray like a child clings to their mother.
Traditional red lanterns swing to and fro above the busy parade route. My heavy cream overcoat swishes against my legs as I walk. This year’s Lunar Parade falls one week after Valentine’s day.
One week since I broke up with Tanner.
Guilt still festers in my gut, but I know it was the right choice.
He’s a wonderful man, but he wasn’t the man for me.
I pick up my pace, skirting around other parade goers moving at their leisure. My eyes dart from face to face, and I occasionally sweep a glance behind me.
Maybe it’s my lack of sleep, but my paranoia hasn’t dimmed in the slightest. Being out in public by myself is the last thing I want to do, but I won’t be alone for long. Besides, I already told Liza I’d come.
Despite my skin crawling from so many strange sets of eyes watching me, I forge a path through the crowd toward the corner of Wentworth Avenue.
I soon glimpse a sleek caramel-colored head of hair. Mom’s wearing leather gloves and a designer houndstooth overcoat. Her ivory cheeks are flushed with rose, her makeup precise.
From this distance, I can see why my father married the Kentucky-born debutante with the charming smile and carrying laugh.
The one who probably seemed like a steady choice after growing up with Grandma Chen’s quirky antics that he so outwardly hated.
Even after all these years, Mom is still stunning.
But some beauty cannot withstand a closer inspection.
Mom’s mouth slants as she sees me approaching, alone.
“Where’s Tanner? I thought you were bringing him?”
Hi, Mom. Nice to see you too.
Before I can respond, Liza spots me over Cam’s shoulder and barrels over with a hug. I grin, loving the moments of levity Liza seems to carry in spades.
Her signature marshmallow coat is baby pink this year, matching the cold on the tip of her nose. Liza is one of those people who if she finds something she likes, she’ll buy it in every color.
“You came!” she says.
I laugh. “Told you I would.”
Cam and I exchange a smile as Liza burrows against his side.
Dad nods, as if that will complete the required etiquette when seeing his daughter.
I nod right back.
Mom’s black leather glove takes my arm. Her petite frame is shorter than mine by a half-inch, but her presence still makes me feel small.
“Where’s Tanner?” she asks.
I glimpse the yawning mouth of a parade dragon as it wiggles past, pumping sticks attached to its underbelly. The urge to run in front of it is stupid, since the dragon obviously won’t ingest me to avoid my parents.
No, what’s more likely is a ten-person pileup and a brief straightjacket vacation.
Rubbing my sleep-deprived eyes, I decide to rip off the bandaid.
“We broke up.”
Mom’s lipsticked mouth falls into an “o” for a millisecond before snapping shut. “What did you do?”
Cam and Liza shift awkwardly in an effort to give me privacy, and I sigh.
Spending the night alongside Brandon in the motel loosened something inside me. My last nerve, quite possibly. When I was with Tanner, all I could see was what I’m not.
I’m not proper, steady, or predictable.
The real me is broken, messy, and reckless.
Brandon’s words wash over me for the millionth time. “Whatever skewed version your parents convinced you to be—don’t. Just be you, Kate. I need you to be you.”
I brace myself. “Nothing, Mom. I didn’t do anything. He’s great, but it just didn’t work out.”
“Well, then, fix it,” Mom demands. “He may be the best you’re going to get.”
I tip my head and let out a grating laugh. “The best? Really, Mom?”
Mom swivels toward Dad, who shrugs like I’m the mud stuck to his shoe and he’s given up. She turns back, and I can tell she’s fighting to keep her voice low.
“Yes, Katherine. The Evanses are well connected, wealthy, and handsome. So I’ll ask again, what did you do?” Her amber eyes are cutting, and I fight the tired burn behind mine.
I haven’t even disclosed that I was the one who ended things. For all she knows, I could have had my heart broken. The injustice of it all heats my blood, but my tear ducts begin to sting. It’s like a week’s worth of repressed emotion is gathering behind them.
“He wasn’t the one,” I say. “Now can we move past this?”
“Oh, wake up,” she snaps.
Wake up.
Always time to wake up. Time to admit that the life that I want, the love that I want, is likely impossible.
Dad looks unaffected, Liza looks embarrassed, and I look for a way out. It’s difficult, though, because my gaze is beginning to blur.
A text distracts me, and I fish out my phone.
UNKNOWN: I’m saddened to see you didn’t wear my gift this evening. Maybe you would prefer something else? - Hopefully Yours.
Terror pushes me toward my breaking point. Fear makes me want to shrink into the sidewalk cracks and hide forever.
I scan the blurring crowd, a mesh of skin tones and unrecognizable faces. One thing is clear—I’ve got to get out of here. Now.
I don’t take the time to respond to my mother before I turn and stride down the sidewalk. My heart throws itself against my ribcage as my ears strain to listen for following footsteps. All I hear are my family’s voices, clamoring and questioning after me.
But I only walk faster.
There’s nothing here for me anymore. Nothing but ugly reminders of my bleak future.
I curse through my terrified tears, then curse again.
How in the world did I get here? Not only did my New Year’s Resolution to find love fail me, but I also failed it.
Because how can I let someone love me when I don’t even know how to love myself?
I can still hear my family calling me back, but I keep my gaze trained on the undulating crowds. Keep listening for anyone that might be pursuing me. My pepper spray canister is smooth beneath my fingers, concealed in the pocket of my coat.
Beyond the swimming lights, a movement across the street catches my eye.
A horizon of fan dancers sweep through the parade as a light winks off a black leather jacket.
My gaze trails up to find a square jaw and tousled inky waves.
Brandon’s eyes meet mine, but I’m too far away to make out the expression in them.
Is he as surprised to see me as I am him?
Brandon shrugs as if to explain his presence, the corner of his mouth ticking up.
An immediate sense of safety suddenly expands my tight lungs.
I don’t care if this is coincidence, karma, or kismet; he’s here.
The next thing I know, I’m dodging fan dancers in an attempt to get to him.
My bewildered family calls after me as I cross the street, but I still don’t stop.
My legs pump as fast as my heart, and I don’t allow myself a single breath to second guess.
It’s as if this moment also belongs in the same pocket of transcendent darkness as the motel.
So I let myself fall into the safety of his arms, the scent of leather, the scent of him. Brandon keeps me wrapped inside his haven, and I let out a shuddering breath.
Because he’s here. And I suddenly don’t care that he’s six years too late.
“Hey, Katie Cat.” Brandon whispers against my hair. “Fancy seein’ you here.”
I give a watery laugh, attempt to casually wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand, and swat his arm.
“What are you doing here?”
His concerned gaze roves over my embarrassingly tear-stained face before he utters yet another secret into the darkness. “I try to come every year.”