Chapter 30
thirty
PRESENT DAY
brANDON
What in the world is going on?
One moment, I was strolling the parade route, nursing my annual regret by eating my body weight in roasted peanuts.
The next moment, Kate’s mom is implying that Kate and I are in some sort of romantic relationship, but I can’t quite get a full read on the context of the situation.
The fact that Kate didn’t immediately refute the idea spoke volumes, as did the helpless sheen across her dark eyes.
It’s like she needed me to play along but couldn’t get the words out.
Vivian Rochester-Chen continues to eye me like a charity case, albeit a charming one. Kate’s dad seems like he’s counting down the seconds until he can get out of here. I can’t decide if he’s the strong and silent type or just dismissive as all hell.
Kate does a little snuggle thing, laying her head on my shoulder, and my bones melt further into a puddle. I’m torn between letting her have her snuggly way with me and the warning alarm blaring from the back of my skull.
Spending the night with Kate in the motel woke me up from what felt like a daydream.
A daydream in which I would give anything to win Kate back.
While I don’t regret telling her the things I did that night, and although she handled it really well, it forced me down a memory lane I never wanted to revisit.
Since then, I’ve been reliving the fear I felt for my mom. The horror at finding out she could serve time in addition to recovering from her car accident. The ache of needing someone to support me so badly through it all.
But Kate walked away.
Or rather, she let me walk away. Easily.
Yeah, I’m glad she now knows why I never showed up to the parade years ago, but the reminder of the long months after—during which she never reached out—are still woefully fresh in my mind.
As much as I like Kate, might love her even, I don’t know if I can go through that again.
This strange new feeling of weighty hesitation around Kate feels like a one-eighty degree turn from what I thought I wanted, and my head is spinning.
I don’t just want Kate. I want support. Trust. A partner to weather life’s storms with.
Liza continues to grin up at me like I’m a long lost story.
I can’t help but smile back. She looks more like Vivian than Kate does, with her brown hair and flushed cheeks, though they both share their dad’s pronounced Chinese features.
“So, Kate, are you bringing Brandon to Marisol Bay for family vacation next week?” Liza’s brown eyes shine as she informs me, “It’s my only break from my residency for a while.”
Kate sputters a cough like the idea went down the wrong pipe. She raises a fist and hacks against it. I give her a good-natured thwack on the back, turn my megawatt smile to her family, and give them a vague answer.
“She’s told me all about it,” I lie, twisting back to Kate. “You okay, tinkle monkey?” I pat her head, and she finally stops coughing.
“Great,” she gasps. “Just great… bunny ears.”
“I’m so excited for you both to come to Marisol Bay!” Liza exclaims. “It’s gonna be a blast.” She’s definitely a hugger, because she wraps us both into another one.
“We’re…” Kate sucks in another breath, pushing a palm to the chest of her overcoat. “We’re gonna get out of here.”
“It was nice to meet you all,” I say.
“I guess we’ll see you both next week, then!” Liza beams.
Cameron bumps my fist with his. Vivian smiles beneath glinting amber eyes, and Kate’s dad nods again.
Kate tugs me away, and we slink into the shadows. The sensation of her black gloves threaded through my fingers makes the alarm pounding in my chest roar to a new decibel. I can’t ignore it any longer. I stop on the sidewalk and gently withdraw my hand from hers.
“What was that all about?”
Her neutral mask slides into place like a drawbridge gate. “What was what?”
I blink. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe skipping the whole, hey, good to see you tonight, Brandon. Maybe we should be friends, ya know, before I feed you to the wolves?”
Her lips twitch, though she tips a shoulder. “We are friends.”
“That’s all you got from that?”
She shrugs again but sweeps a glance behind her as if looking for someone. I dip my chin closer, tugging her jawline back toward me until those obsidian eyes meet mine.
“No matter what your mom thought we were,” I say, “I’m not a piece of meat you can flaunt anytime you need a stand-in.”
Her neutral mask cracks, and she rolls her eyes. I can’t help the corner of my mouth ticking up. She’s just so cute when she’s irritated.
“I didn’t mean to flaunt you, Brandon. Really. And I know that was uncomfortable—”
“I never said it was uncomfortable. I rather liked having you all over me.”
Her gaze snaps to mine, though a smile toys at her lips. “You really are an incorrigible flirt. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“That is brand new information,” I say, and her laugh cuts the cold air. “But can I ask why your mom assumed we were dating?”
She nibbles her bottom lip, which is thoroughly distracting.
“She was pissed when I showed up to the parade without Tanner,” she says.
“I didn’t exactly tell them when, or why, we broke up.
Then I got a text that—” She freezes. After a moment, she continues.
“That distracted me. And I didn’t know what to tell them.
She saw me run to you, then assumed I had cheated on Tanner with you.
” Her eyes flit to my cocky smirk before she playfully backhands my chest. “Focus. Anyway, I just didn’t have it in me to correct her.
I mean, I corrected her about the cheating part, but not the rest… ”
Her knee bounces like she’s got a spring embedded in it. A long strand of hair falls over her cheek as she picks at the lint on her gloves.
“So now what?” I murmur.
Her sigh clouds in the air between us. “Apparently, all I need is a fake boyfriend for Marisol Bay. It’s a weeklong vacation at the beach house my mom inherited in Florida. But really, Brandon. You don’t have to do this.”
I draw closer, her timid expression the flame and I the moth. “Do you want me to do this? Are you asking me to do this?”
Her eyes search mine, almost black in the darkness. After what feels like years, she gives a tiny nod.
“I guess I kind of am.”
My heart and mind have taken up war. The warmth racing through my chest tells me that I’ve won. Kate will be mine again.
Mine.
But…it would be fake. What happens after? Does she discard me like she did last time? I know I’m pathetic and desperate to even entertain this idea, but I can’t bring myself to turn her down. But I can’t say yes yet, either.
I sigh. “Give me a bit to think about this.”
“Sounds good, Brandon. You have my number.” Another long strand of hair falls across her face as she looks down at her pointy boots. “But thank you all the same. For tonight.”
I shove my hands into my pockets to keep from holding her again.
“What exactly happened with Tanner, anyway?” I ask.
“I…” She bites her lip. “I wanted things to be different with him. I wanted to be different, but I couldn’t make it work.”
I nod, although I’m not quite sure of the context of it all. Does it matter? She’s available, seeming more like the old Kate than ever, and wants a relationship with me.
A fake one.
Kate toes the concrete with her boot. “Would you mind walking me to the subway?”
“Of course not, Kate.”
We begin to walk. The parade music grows fainter, red lanterns grow smaller, and everything I’ve wanted for the past six years occasionally brushes my arm.
So why can’t I say yes?