Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
Dean
By the time we got back to the Village after the closing ceremony, most of the athletes were either packing or pretending they weren’t leaving in the morning.
Luka kicked off his shoes the moment we got into my room and immediately stole half the bed.
I watched this happen with a wry smile. “Can I remind you of something? You have your own room. You act like you live here.”
He appeared unrepentant. “I have spent the last two weeks establishing territorial rights.”
“That’s not how territorial rights work.”
He beamed. “Too late.”
I laughed and sat beside him.
“Does the closing ceremony always feel so strange?”
I cocked my head. “Strange how?”
He shrugged. “The pressure is gone. The medals have all been awarded. The Games are over. And yet nobody seems ready to let go of them.”
I huffed. “Yeah, I see what you mean. I guess the answer is yes. Well, this one felt exactly the same as the last one.”
For a while neither of us said much. The city glowed beyond the window. Somewhere down the corridor, somebody was singing badly.
Luka listened for a few seconds, then chuckled. “That sounds like Ethan.”
“Possibly. His room is right down the hall.” I listened intently. “Yeah, that’s Ethan.”
The singing grew louder, and then somebody yelled at him. Peace returned.
Luka’s smile faded a little as he gazed toward the window.
I recognized that expression.
“You’re thinking.”
He bit his lip. “I am always thinking.”
“Unfortunately.”
That earned me a small laugh, but not enough of one.
I waited, knowing he’d cave eventually.
“Helen called this afternoon.”
“And?”
“The training center owns several furnished apartments. Athletes use them when they relocate.”
“That sounds useful.”
“It is.” Luka picked at a loose thread on the blanket. “Helen said one would be available if I need it.”
I frowned. “If?”
He shrugged. “As she pointed out, she prefers solving practical problems before they become practical problems.”
That sounded exactly like Helen.
I laughed. “She’s a terrifying woman.”
“Very.” Luka’s gaze drifted back to the window. “She wanted me to know I would have somewhere to go.” After a while he said, “I didn’t realize how much of my hesitation was tied to that.”
“To housing?”
“To arriving with nothing.” Luka rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “If I choose this…”
I let him take his time.
“Helen made it sound manageable.”
“That’s her job.”
He let out another quiet laugh. “I think her actual job is making impossible things sound routine.”
“Also true.” His smile lingered for a second. Then I took in his stiff posture, the way his teeth still worried his lower lip. “She said I wouldn’t be alone.”
My chest felt constricted.
I reached for his hand. “You won’t be.”
Luka looked down at our joined fingers, then back at me. “I know.”
“But like I told you yesterday, you can stay with me. I have my own place.”
He expelled a slow breath. “Should the situation arise, I think I would take her offer of an apartment.”
I hadn’t realized until that moment that a small part of me had apparently been imagining him turning up at my house with a suitcase.
Luka glanced at me, his face tightened, and I knew he’d seen something cross my face. “Dean…”
“It’s fine,” I told him.
“No, it isn’t, not if you’re disappointed.”
Yeah, he’d seen it, all right. The annoying thing about Luka was that lying to him had become almost impossible.
I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck. “Okay, I am, a little.”
Luka looked down as though he was trying to find the right words.
“I wanted to say yes.”
That got my attention.
His gaze met mine again. “I still want to say yes.”
My chest was so freaking tight. “Then why aren’t you?”
Luka was silent for a moment.
“I’ve spent most of my life belonging to something. My federation. My partnership. Other people’s plans.” He stared at his hands. “If I decide to go to Colorado, I need one thing that’s mine.”
I understood that. I’d watched him fight for the right to speak, to choose.
“If I move in with you immediately…” He let out a soft sigh. “I think part of me will always wonder whether I built a life or simply stepped into yours.” He shifted closer. “I need to know I can stand on my own feet.”
The irony of hearing an Olympic champion say that wasn’t lost on either of us.
A laugh escaped me, and Luka smiled. “See?”
I reached over and stroked his cheek. “It sounds very you.” Then I took his hand again, and Luka’s fingers tightened around mine. “You wanna know what the worst part is?”
He stared at me. “What?”
“I agree with you.”
He blinked. “Really?”
I chuckled. “Don’t sound so surprised.” I squeezed his hand. “Luka, you’d be moving to another continent.”
“That does sound dramatic.”
“It is dramatic.” I continued before he could interrupt. “You need to know you can do this because you’re Luka.”
I saw the tension seep from him, saw his shoulders drop. “Helen said something similar,” he admitted.
“She’s smarter than me.”
“That is untrue.”
I leaned over and kissed the tip of his nose. “I appreciate your loyalty.”
Luka laughed, and it lasted longer this time. Then he leaned against my shoulder, and I wrapped an arm around him.
“I was afraid you’d think I was choosing the apartment over you,” he murmured.
I turned my head. “Is that what you think you’re doing?”
“No.”
“Then why would I?”
He looked at me for a long moment before shaking his head. “You can be irritatingly reasonable sometimes.”
“I have my moments.” Luka rested his head more comfortably against my shoulder. “Besides…”
“Hm?”
“You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re actually going to spend much time in that apartment.”
Luka laughed. “Dean.”
“You’ll be at my house constantly.”
“I will not.”
“You absolutely will.”
There was a knock at the door.
Luka
“Saved by the bell,” I said with a grin.
“You say that as though you were winning.”
“You weren’t,” I retorted. I was still smiling when he opened the door.
Mila stood there, looking calmer than she had in days. She glanced between us.
“Sorry it’s so late. Have I interrupted something?”
“No,” Dean answered in a heartbeat.
“Yes,” I insisted.
Mila nodded. “Good. Nice to see some things remain consistent.” She glanced at Dean. “I need to speak to Luka.”
He smiled. “Which translates as ‘Dean, could you take a walk for a minute?’” Before she could get another word out, Dean grabbed his jacket.
“I’ll go on a coffee hunt. I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway.
” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Buzz me when it’s safe to come back.
” Then he headed for the door. “I’ll leave you two to it. ”
“Thank you,” Mila said earnestly.
The door closed behind him, and for a moment she stood there, looking around the room. Then she crossed to the chair by the desk and sat down, tucking one leg beneath her.
“I wanted to tell you before tomorrow,” she said eventually.
Her tone made me sit up straighter. “What is it?”
She met my gaze. “I’m going home.”
For a second I thought I’d misunderstood. “Home.”
Mila nodded. “Tomorrow morning.”
I stared at her. Out of everything I’d expected her to say, that hadn’t even occurred to me. “Mila…”
She gave a half smile. “I know exactly what you’re about to say.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
She gazed at her hands for a moment before answering. “Because I don’t want to disappear.”
My mind went blank.
Mila leaned back in the chair and let out a slow breath.
“Everyone keeps talking about leaving as though the difficult part is getting on the plane. It isn’t.” She swallowed. “The difficult part is everything you leave behind.”
I thought about the last conversation I’d had with my parents. About all the conversations I still hadn’t had.
Mila’s gaze drifted toward the window. “My parents are still there. My grandmother’s still there. My brother’s still there.” She shrugged. “They’re going to hear about Donna. They’re going to hear about all of this. Half the country probably already knows.”
I couldn’t argue with that. “That happens when you post a picture of yourself and your girlfriend on Instagram.”
Her lips twitched. “Maybe not one of my better decisions.” She took a deep breath. “My family may never understand. But I want them to hear it from me.”
The certainty in her voice wasn’t defiance.
“I spent years trying to be the version of me everyone wanted,” she continued. “I don’t think I can leave without showing them who I actually am first.”
I ran my fingers through my unruly hair. “That sounds scary.”
She smiled. “Which is how I know it’s probably the right thing.” I laughed, and she seemed pleased with my response. “I knew you’d understand.”
“Unfortunately, I do.”
Her smile lingered for a few seconds before she sobered again. “And Donna deserves better than half-truths.”
A year ago Mila would have buried something this important beneath six layers of sarcasm and stubbornness.
“She’s part of my life,” Mila continued. “If I’m asking her to be part of my future, then she deserves to know where I come from. All of it. The complicated parts too.” I couldn’t help smiling, and she noticed. “What?”
“You sound happy.”
The expression that crossed her face was almost sheepish. “I am.”
The admission seemed to surprise her as much as me.
Then she looked me in the eye. “Still no decision?”
I huffed. “I’ve been waiting.”
“For what?”
“A sign, maybe? Something unmistakable that would tell me exactly what to do.”
She chuckled. “A voice from a burning bush? I don’t think that’s how God works anymore.”
I’d had snatches of an answer. Dean laughing at two in the morning, arguing passionately about grocery stores, taking my hand in front of thousands of people as though it were the easiest thing in the world.
Helen’s card was still in my pocket.
“I think there’s one more thing to cross off before I say yes.”
Mila rolled her eyes. “Finally, we’re getting there.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
Her eyes sparkled. “Oh, absolutely not. I’ve got several speeches prepared.”
“God help me.”