Chapter 29 - Reece
It didn’t hit him until he was sitting on the edge of the hotel’s indoor pool, his feet dangling in the water.
Reece told Nick that he loved him. It just slipped right out.
Nick didn’t have a chance to respond, and Reece wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
He tried not to overthink it, but he couldn’t help worrying.
Maybe he’d gotten too comfortable. But then… maybe not. Nick was so sweet on him. He claimed Reece was his and his alone. He kissed him and took him on dates and let him all but move in with him.
They were basically boyfriends anyways.
And, really, Reece had always loved him.
Was it too hard to believe that Nick could love him too?
After everything? No, Reece believed in his heart that Nick really cared for him, too.
If he didn’t love him yet, maybe one day he could.
And, if nothing else, as long as nothing changed, he was sure Nick would accept those words for what they were.
The same simple truth that had always been just what it was. A fact Reece could deny with his words but never his true feelings.
His overthinking was a mess, but it helped him come up with a plan on the off chance that those words scared Nick. Reece would reassure him like always. And distract him.
It wasn’t easy, but with a little pleading and promising the photographer a favor, Reece ended his day with some raw shots from the day.
He blushed a little thinking of showing Nick him posing like that.
No shirt. Buttoned shirt completely open.
A blue silk robe. Him on the floor at the end of the bed, bare feet planted on the plush carpet, legs spread to show the intricate details of the patterned silk piece.
The swimsuit shots somehow appeared more innocent, but even those made him feel shy.
Nick wanted to see though, so Reece would show him proudly, even if he was bashful about it.
It was quiet when he let himself into Nick’s.
Dark for the early evening. And Reece was a bit later than usual, so the fact that he didn’t smell dinner in the works when he walked in was immediately concerning.
He took off his shoes, willing his heart to calm as he walked in.
Reece set the folder with the pictures on the coffee table and walked into the kitchen like he did every day.
Kent wasn’t there, no food in sight, but Nick was. Alone, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.
The look on his face was so tight that Reece’s heart twisted at the sight of it. And he was afraid. But he took a breath, telling himself that he was worrying for nothing because that was his Nick and just a few hours ago they’d been having sushi and kissing and—
“Is Kenny okay?” he asked, voice so quiet that if his nerves weren’t shot he might’ve been embarrassed.
“I gave him the night off so we can talk.”
Oh God. Just that fast. Just that easily, Reece was about to lose everything that meant anything to him. He was going to lose Nick just because he got ahead of himself. He voiced his feelings unthinkingly, and now Nick was going to break up with him.
“Nicky, please, if it’s about what I said, I didn’t mean it—I mean I did mean it but—b-but it doesn’t change anything, I prom—”
“I’m up for the draft next month,” he said, cutting Reece off, expression still hard. Even his voice was cold.
But that news was so good, so amazing that Reece forgot everything else for a moment. He didn’t dare fling himself at Nick to embrace him like he wanted to, he just clasped his hands instead, and smiled like his heart wasn’t unbearably fragile at the moment.
“I’m so proud of you, Nicky! I knew they’d call. Oh my God! Next month is so soon! So fast! Oh, this is exciting! Everything you worked so hard for—”
“Reece.” His name might as well have been a knife to his heart. “That means this—us—we can’t fuck around anymore.”
Reece couldn’t breathe. He had to be dreaming. He had to have fallen asleep at work and gotten sucked into some nightmare he desperately needed to wake up from.
“No… That’s not… I mean—Why can’t we? Y-you’re overthinking it.”
“I’ll be moving soon.”
“I’ll follow you. I’ll go wherever you go, Nicky. It’s okay, things can still be the same. You don’t have to leave me.”
The last words were near silent, a plea he didn’t have the strength not to utter.
It hurt. He was hurting so much, chest aching. He couldn’t breathe, panic starting to settle in as he recognized the finality in Nick’s eyes.
He’d already made his decision.
“You have a whole career here, Reece. And I have mine. We’re following separate paths. We had a good time while it lasted, but we both knew there was a finish line. And we reached it. No bad feelings.”
“But, Nicky, I l-”
“Don’t.” Nick cut him off sharply, his blue eyes dark and icy, and Reece couldn’t stop his tears from falling.
He thought that he could handle it, that having Nick for even a moment would be worth any amount of pain if and when it ended. But this pain was worse than death. It hurt so deep that Reece couldn’t comprehend it.
And Nick turned away from him as if he couldn’t even stand to look at him.
It was over. The best thing that had ever happened to him was crushing him beyond repair and Reece was trying to keep it together, trying not to cry, but the sobs were tearing out of him unbidden.
“I’ll leave you to get your stuff together.
I have some things to take care of.” He walked out of the kitchen, toward the door, and Reece was cold.
He was cold and hurting and scared. He was so scared.
“And Reece…” He couldn’t turn to look at Nick, feeling as if even that would shatter whatever was left of his soul. “Thank you for everything.”
* * *
Nick walked out and Reece crumbled right there on the kitchen floor.
He hugged his knees to his chest, rocking himself as he cried.
And he cried in a way he never had before because he’d never experienced a heartache like this.
It went too deep. It was so overwhelming that he groaned and pleaded to whatever greater power there might’ve been to help him.
To take it away. To just put him to sleep so he wouldn’t have to hurt anymore.
It was forever before he was able to drag himself off the floor, and even then, everything set him off and made him cry harder. Nick expected to break his heart and then have him get his stuff together and…
…and leave.
No more Nick. No more hugs. No more kisses. No more sweet nothings. No more cocky flirting. No more late nights. No more Nick.
It took him a full hour to get the few things he had in Nick’s living room. The thought of even walking into his bedroom was too much for Reece to bear. So, he got his phone out of his pocket, hands shaking so bad he could hardly open it and find Alex’s contact.
“Reece?”
“A-Alex,” Reece choked, the hand not holding his phone to his ear on his face. His nose was stuffy and running at the same time, his face and neck wet with his tears. “I n-need help.”
“Where are you?”
And Reece couldn’t tell him, couldn’t utter Nick’s name because even opening his mouth to attempt it set him off all over again.
“Is Nick okay?”
“Alex, please,” Reece sobbed.
It wasn’t even ten minutes later before Alex was walking into Nick’s place, and with his help, Reece managed to get all his clothes and products packed up.
He only ran out of tears when he walked out of Nick’s place.
The place he’d somehow started to consider his home.
The place he’d been living for the better part of three months now.
Nick wasn’t wrong. It was good while it lasted.
It had been beautiful and perfect, and he had so many memories that he would cherish forever.
Nick really had given him more than he ever expected when they started hooking up, so Reece counted his blessings and promised himself that no matter what, he would continue to love and support Nick forever.
If that meant letting him go, then Reece could do it. If being without him is what would make Nick truly happy, then he would accept it.