Chapter 14
Chapter 14
“Two Initial Contacts versus zero for me and Erin. You’re on a roll, girl!” Darcy high fives me from her barstool across the table at O’Reilly’s Pub, and I beam back at her.
“Problem is, this one may turn out to be a total weirdo, too. Right, McCarthy?” Jason drapes an arm around my shoulders and gives me a quick squeeze.
“No, he won’t!” I protest as Erin tells him not to be so cynical and Darcy tells him not to be such an ass. (Darcy is always more direct when it comes to insults. It’s something I’ve long admired about her.)
“Tell us more about this guy, Sophie,” Erin says.
“His name is Davy Crockett, he wears a hat made out of a dead animal, and he’s the King of the Wild Frontier,” Jason says before I have the chance to reply.
“I told you; stop being an ass,” Darcy repeats.
I pat him patronizingly on his arm. “Be a good boy and get the drinks in, Christie.”
“I know when I’m not needed.” He shrugs and moves to the bar to place our order.
“Okay, with Mr. Cynical gone, tell us everything,” Erin says. “Is he cute? I bet he’s cute.”
Warmth spreads through my belly as I think of David on the beach, his hair moving in the breeze, his face flushed as he talked about what he loved. “He is cute, really cute, and he’s super smart and successful. He’s a marine biologist and runs a team at the aquarium. He’s so passionate about what he does. It’s really hot.”
“A regular Aquaman, huh? Don’t tell me he looks like Jason Momoa. If he does, I might just die right here at O’Reilly’s.” Darcy has a major thing for Jason Momoa. If David did look like him, I’m sure Darcy would already have tracked him down.
“No to Momoa,” I reply with a shake of my head. “But you’ll see for yourself when he’s here, which will be really soon.” My nerves kick up a notch.
“You like this one,” Erin teases.
Darcy examines my face. “Yeah, she does.”
“She liked the last one too, and look at how that worked out.” Jason places the drinks in front of us. He lowers his voice and says with an accent, “Come with me and I’ll feed you until you’re the size of a house.”
I laugh. “What’s with the accent? Are you trying to be Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger?”
Jason grins. “I was trying to sound like a psycho, but I’ll take Arnie.”
I roll my eyes. “For the millionth time, Jas, he wasn’t a feeder. He just wanted to feed me my meal, like I was a baby.” I shift in my seat. “And yes, I heard it. That’s not a whole lot better.”
“Poor Soph,” Erin says. “This next guy is going to be one of the good ones.”
Jason takes a swig from his bottle of beer. “What do we know about him?”
I look over at the entrance to the bar and spot David at the door. He’s scanning the room, looking just as cute as he did that day on the beach, and I feel my anticipation rise. “We know he’s here.” I stand up and wave.
When he spots me, his face breaks into a grin, and he strides confidently over to the table. He greets me with a chaste kiss to the cheek, and I feel every set of my friends’ eyes on me. “Hi, Sophie. You’re looking gorgeous tonight.”
“Oh, this old thing?” I reply, pulling out the lamest—and most dishonest—line known to female kind as I paw at the brand-new blouse I bought yesterday.
“She does look gorgeous, you’re totally right,” Erin coos. “Hi, David. I’m Erin, this is Jason, and this is Darcy.”
As I take a nervous chug of my Chardonnay for courage, David smiles and says hello to everyone before taking his seat at the table.
“So, this is new; meeting the friends before the second date.”
I will Darcy not to pick him up on it. She’s not listening to the “don’t tell him it was an Initial Contact” message I’m shooting her repeatedly via telepathy. She places her palms on the table on either side of her glass of Pinot Noir. As her friend of many years, it’s a gesture I’m all too familiar with. It’s her “let me explain” gesture. Which is exactly what she does. “David. You had what we call an Initial Contact with Sophie. A short meeting for compatibility research purposes. It clearly went well enough for you to be here now. If you pass this Vetting Process, then you’ll get to go on your First Date with her. Make sense?”
Have I mentioned that Darcy can sometimes have a carrot up her butt? Because, OMG, Darcy can sometimes have such a carrot up her butt.
Seemingly unfazed, David replies, “That’s good to know. I’d always wondered what a coffee with a potential date should be called. Now that I know, I’ll never call it anything but Initial Contact.” His eyes sparkle as they flash to mine.
I press my lips together to stop a giggle from escaping. I love Darcy, she’s one of my besties and I would do anything for her, but she can be more than a little uptight about things. Sometimes I wish she’d just go with the flow more, like Erin and me.
“I’ve got a question,” Jason begins and I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that he’s not going to be difficult.“Are you someone who likes to feed women their dinner?”
“Feed women their dinner?” he guffaws.
“You know, scoop it up in a spoon and literally feed it to her. Kinda like she’s a baby,” Jason explains.
“No,” David says with a laugh, and I beam at him. “That’s just weird.”
Jason taps his chin as though deep in thought. “We’re glad to hear that, David.”
“Okay, now we’ve got that cleared up, shall we begin in earnest?” Darcy asks.
David leans back on his stool. “Do your worst.”
As much as I like David, I don’t want to be here for his interrogation. Part of me wants to stay to protect him from the coming onslaught, and part of me—the part that wins—wants to be far, far away. “I’ll go get you a drink. What would you like?”
“I’ll take a beer, thanks. Same as Jason’s.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere,” Jason says with a smirk. “Does that mean I get to ask the first earnest question?”
David replies with, “Sure,” as I make my way over to the bar.
I wait at the busy bar for a long time as the two barmen make what appear to be ever-increasingly complicated drinks for a group of girls out on a hen’s night. They’re laughing and joking among themselves, the bride-to-be dressed in a plastic tiara and veil. Eventually, after not one but two of the merry hens accidentally step on my sandal-clad feet, I place my order.
Back at the table, I put the beer in front of David as he’s regaling my friends with a story about a school of sharks he “met” while diving in Sydney Harbor. Although it sounds horrendous to be deep down in the dark water, surrounded by sharks, my friends are riveted. As I sit down on my stool, I allow myself a small smile at what that might mean for David and me.
“Where else have you dived?” Erin asks.
“I started out on the Great Barrier when I was a teenager. It was an amazing experience, and I’m so lucky to have had the opportunity to get my ticket there. If you haven’t visited the Great Barrier, you should go, like, immediately. It will blow your mind.”
“Where else?” Jason asks.
“Cozumel, Mexico. That’s stunning.”
“Oh, I’d love to go to Mexico,” I say.
“Do you dive?” David asks me.
“Ah, no. The idea of being deep under the water like that with just a tube to breathe through isn’t my idea of fun. I snorkel, though.” Well, I’ve snorkeled once, and I got freaked out when some seaweed skimmed my legs. But David doesn’t need to know that.
His face lights up as a chuckle escapes from his lips. “It’s a start. I can work with that.”
We share a moment in which we gaze into one another’s eyes, and I imagine myself all sleek and tan post dive on the back of a boat off the coast of somewhere exotic with him, discussing all the fish we’ve seen in the watery depths.
“Remember when Sophie got a totally sunburnt butt when we went snorkeling in Rarotonga a couple of years back?” Darcy asks unhelpfully. “Remember, Soph? You couldn’t sit down for days without some serious wincing.”
I shift in my seat at the memory of that bright red, raw, stinging burn. “Thanks for reminding me.”
“Is that why you walked around the apartment like a bear with a sore head when you got back from that trip?” Jason asks.
“More like a bear with a sore butt,” Darcy says with a laugh.
I glance at David’s amused face before I say, “Yes, thank you, friends . Not helping. And anyway, aren’t you meant to be asking David questions? Not humiliating me ?”
“Sorry, Soph,” Darcy says. “But you’ve got to admit, it was funny.”
I shoot her a look. “Not so funny for me.”
“So, David, getting back to what we were talking about before,” Erin leads, “before we got onto the diving stories.”
“Ah, yes. The whole ‘am I a decent enough guy to date Sophie’ thing.” David flashes me a smile, and my cheeks heat up.
“That’s the one,” Erin replies. “Would you say you’re honest with women you date?”
“Totally. With me, what you see is what you get. If you’re not going to be honest, what’s the point?”
“Exactly!” Darcy’s enthusiasm is obvious. “You see? This is what we’re looking for, right, girls?”
Erin and I nod.
“Why don’t more guys have that attitude?” Darcy directs this question at Jason and David.
“Um, because all men are horrible human beings who aren’t even worth the leftovers on your plates?” Jason offers.
Darcy waves his comment away with her hand. “Total hyperbole.”
“I can’t tell you, but I’m not sure you’re right, Jason. All I know is honesty is really important to me,” David replies.
I beam at him. So far, so incredibly good. “Awesome.”
“Okay, so considering you’re honest, tell us, are you into anything weird?” Erin asks.
David knits his brows together. “Weird?”
“You know, hobbies, activities, things that other people might not be so open to?” Erin clarifies.
He lifts one side of his mouth as he looks around the table at us. I hold my breath. He’s clearly considering whether to share something right now, and I’m hoping against all hope it’s not going to be a deal breaker.
“David?” I question.
“Full disclosure, right? Otherwise there’s no point in moving forward with this thing,” he says.
Please don’t be a weirdo, please don’t be a weirdo, please don’t be a weirdo.
Jason leans back and crosses his arms. “This is gonna be interesting.”
“I hope it’ll be illuminating for you all, actually. A different way to look at the world, maybe?” David says.
My smile is weak and forced. “What are you talking about, David?”
“Like you, Sophie, I’m looking for someone special, someone who can share my passions,” he begins.
“Like diving?” I ask, hopeful. Diving might not be my favorite thing, but at least it’s not weird.
“More than diving,” David explains. “It’s a lifestyle, really. Something I committed to a couple of years back. In fact, I celebrated my two-year anniversary of living this way only last month. It was a super special day.” He turns to me. “If you’re who I think you are, who I hope you are, I believe you could have shared that moment with me in a really beautiful way, Sophie.”
My hopes drop to my shoes. Uh-oh. Alert! Alert!
Jason leans his elbows on the table. “Okay, dude. Enough preamble. Give it to us straight.”
David’s face is bright when he states simply, “I live my life as much as I can in the world of merfolk.”
Merfolk?
Oh, no no no no no no.
There’s a stunned silence around the table as our jaws collectively drop.
“In the world of what?” Darcy asks, her eyes shooting to mine.
“In the world of merfolk,” he repeats as though he’s just said something totally normal, like “in an apartment downtown,” but in reality, what he said is the complete opposite of normal.
“Merfolk. As in . . . mermaids ?” I manage to ask, even though I really don’t want to know the answer. I’m pretty darn sure all my hopes with this guy have just been dealt a Game of Thrones -scale deathblow.
He nods. “Mermaids, mermen, merboys, and mergirls. We’re a community, people coming together from all walks of life in the merfolk lifestyle.” He places his hand on mine. “I really hope it’s something that resonates with you, Sophie. Perhaps all of you.”
Jason puts his hand up in the air. “Oh, I’m definitely in on this.”
That strange Darryl Hannah comment about growing my hair suddenly makes sense. He wants me to be a mermaid with him, “living the merfolk lifestyle!”
This cannot be happening. The cute guy from High Tea who seemed to have it all going on, the guy with his head screwed on right, who loves his mum is a freaking merman ?
No, just no .
I think I’ve burst a blood vessel in my brain.
“You’d make an amazing mermaid, Sophie,” he continues, gazing at me as he takes a strand of my hair in his hand.
I’m too stunned to respond. Instead, I simply gawp at him as though . . . well, as though he’s just told me he’s a merman.
“Okay, explain something to me here, Dave,” Jason begins. “You like to swim around dressed up as a fish with a bunch of other people, also dressed up like fish, and do what? Commune with sea life? Braid seaweed together? What?”
Jason’s tone isn’t lost on David. He might be a wannabe merman, but he’s not stupid. “I get it. This is new to you. A lot of people have this reaction when they hear about my merfolk lifestyle.”
I swear, if he says, “merfolk lifestyle” one more time, I may blow enough blood vessels to render my brain completely useless.
“So, you’re trying to be Aquaman?” This from an amused and persistent Jason.
David shakes his (human) head. “Oh, no. Aquaman’s not a merman. And anyway, he’s not real.”
“Jason Momoa is though,” the Momoa-obsessed Darcy comments.
“Aquaman’s not real but mermen are real?” Jason is trying to suppress his grin—and barely managing it.
“Look, I know you’re finding this hard to get your head around. But did you know that for thousands of years, many cultures around the globe have had stories of merfolk? Many, many cultures, not just one or two. Coincidence? I think not.”
“Back up the bus here,” Darcy says. “You’re telling us that not only do you ‘live the merfolk lifestyle,’ but you believe they exist, too?”
“Well, yes,” David replies as though it’s a commonly held truth that half human, half fish creatures swim through our waters every day of the week. “Could all those cultures be wrong?”
Err, yes, David. Yes, they could.
“How do you do it, exactly? How do you swim around dressed as a merman?” Erin asks.
“It’s really quite simple. I’ve got a monofin I use when I swim. It straps around my hips and stays on in the water. It’s a work of art, really. So beautiful. It’s very freeing to swim with it in place.”
“I would have thought it would be the exact opposite of ‘freeing,’” Darcy mutters quietly to me.
Erin darts me a quick look before saying, “Right. Well. I, ah, think we’ve learned quite a lot about you today. Thank you for sharing that with us, David.” The ever-tactful Erin gives him a shaky smile.
“I’m always keen to share this part of me with new, open people. I sense some of you might find this a little hard.” He looks pointedly at Jason. “But I hope you’ll reflect on it and perhaps even consider the lifestyle one day.” He puts his hand on mine and gives me a meaningful look.
“Well, I don’t know about the rest of us, but I’m guessing that about wraps things up,” Darcy says. “Sophie? Any final words?”
Other than “no way, José,” nothing. “I’ll, ah, see you in a minute? We need to discuss things.” I say to him.
He gives my hand a squeeze and stands up. “Is that how this works now? You discuss me, and I see if I passed?”
“Yes. We will see if you passed.” Erin does her best to suppress a grin.
Once David’s out of earshot, I shake my head, “Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.”
“Has that guy watched The Little Mermaid one too many times or something?” Erin asks.
“Soph, you’ve outdone yourself with this one. Your date thinks he’s a fish,” Darcy manages before her laughter overflows.
“Half fish, half man,” Erin corrects, Darcy’s laugh catching as she too erupts.
“Imagine if he didn’t get the memo on which parts were meant to be fish and which parts were meant to be human. He could turn up to one of these merfolk lifestyle get-togethers with a fish head and human legs.” Jason laughs at his own joke, and before long, all four of us are swept up in our laughter together.
I wipe the tears from my eyes. “I don’t get it. What’s the appeal? You can’t move your legs and you’ve got to spend all your time trying to stay afloat in the water.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Jason says. “It’s a sex thing. He wants to get it on like he’s a fish.”
I slap him on the arm. “Jason!”
“Come on. What else can it be? The guy’s a marine biologist, he loves marine life, he works in an aquarium; he’s got a serious thing for fish.”
“Maybe he wants to do it with tuna?” Darcy says.
We continue to laugh as we all come up with increasingly ridiculous jokes about fish, until the fact I’ve lost another potential date begins to settle into my brain.
Jason’s smile is cheeky when he asks, “Where are you going on your first date with him, McCarthy?”
I shoot him a look. “Don’t be a jerk, Christie. You know I’m not going to date that guy.”
Erin gestures toward the bar where David is still standing, beer in hand, scrolling through his phone. “You’d better go tell him.”
I let out a heavy sigh. Telling the guy I’d pinned my hopes on as one of the non-weird, non-jerk variety that it’s not going to work out between us is not the way I saw this evening going.
I approach him at the bar, and he looks up at me with an inquisitive look on his face.
“I’m sorry, David. There’s not going to be a first date.”
“I get it. It’s too much for you.”
I press my lips together and nod. What else can I do? He’s one hundred percent right.
“You know, you really should give the merfolk lifestyle a chance. I think you’d find it very appealing.”
I beg to differ.
“Thanks for putting yourself through this, David. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. No hard feelings?”
He touches his fingertips to my hair once more. “Grow it. You’ll look sensational. And yes, no hard feelings.”
That night, after an inevitable string of merman jokes from Jas, I climb into my bed and pull the covers over my head. A large, heavy brick settles in my belly as a feeling of hopelessness washes through me.
Merfolk and feeders. Way to go, Sophie.
Will I ever find a decent guy to date?