Chapter 27
27
“Gen?”
Evie is in the passenger seat of Imogen’s Ford Maverick, a recent acquisition on her path to becoming a full-fledged (eco-friendly!) mountain lesbian. She was cueing an episode of Sarabeth & Jack from the comfort of her couch when Imogen broke into her apartment midafternoon, insisting she pack an overnight bag and request to take a personal day tomorrow. And what was the first thought that entered Evie’s brain? It’s Survivor Wednesday . Pathetic. She reached for the backpack on the top shelf of her closet the moment her phone buzzed with Sadie’s permission. Ok. Now they’ve been driving north on the 101 for over an hour. Imogen blasts a pop girlie playlist. Chappell Roan. Sabrina Carpenter. Fletcher. Bops her head and sings along off-key as she drives up the Southern California coastline until Evie cuts the music and demands an answer.
“ Imogen . Where are we going?”
Her sister’s fingers drum on the wheel, eyes fixed forward on the road. “To the most magical place on Earth.”
But.
They’re driving away from Disneyland.
Oh.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Imogen.”
“Trust the process.”
Evie groans, then presses her cheek against the window. She should’ve asked follow-up questions. She didn’t. So, aside from flinging herself out of the truck à la Lady Bird , there’s nothing she can do but accept her fate. An hour later, after leaving the coastline and weaving through the Santa Ynez Mountains, they arrive in a small mountain village that’s straight out of a Hans Christian Andersen book. Solvang. It’s impossible not to be charmed by the authentic Danish architecture, the windmills, the people who just… live here? Naomi used to bring them, her two princesses, to this fairy-tale town for a fairy-tale day. Imogen loved it so much, she begged Pep and Mo to take them back every summer. She still makes this annual pilgrimage. It’s a step away from real life, a lo-fi excursion, a certified angst antidote.
Evie should’ve Lady Bird –ed herself.
“I hate you.”
“I love you, too.”
Imogen pulls into Solvang Inn & Cottages and Evie isn’t taken by the thatched-roofed accommodations.
She’s not.
They enter the bare-bones cottage and Imogen tosses first her backpack, then herself, onto the one bed they’ll share. “I texted Steve.” Steve is a local who Imogen befriended years ago during an aforementioned pilgrimage. Midforties. Wears eyeliner. Has a chihuahua tattooed on his biceps. “We’re going to the Tiki Lounge tonight.”
“Okay.”
“It’s karaoke night.”
“Have fun.”
“Evie.”
“What?”
“It’s been two months. ” Imogen’s nails dig into Evie’s shoulders. “I love you, but this mess of your own making? It’s so dumb . So! We are here to have fun, because we are happy in Solvang! Then? You’re going to go home and talk things out with Theo. Because you love him and he loves you and this ”—Imogen lets go and gestures at the lovesick mess that is Evie Bloom—“is such a bummer to be around.”
“So then why are we here?”
“Because—”
A knock on their cottage door cuts off Imogen, who’s on her feet to answer like she’s been waiting for it. Evie is so overcome and overwhelmed to see her grandparents at the threshold. Pep, dressed in an NPR T-shirt, loose linen pants, and hiking boots. Mo, with a sunburned nose and a grown-out beard.
“Hi, Sweets.”
Imogen waves dramatically at their grandparents. “Because!”
Wrapped in their familiar embrace, Evie is happy to see them.
She is .
But also.
Is this an ambush?
“I can’t believe you’re here!” As much as she misses Pep and Mo, she’s unable to keep the suspicion out of her voice. How does she get out of whatever this is? Imogen has her cornered. “Sorry. What are you doing here?”
Mo makes a silly face as he ruffles her hair. “We missed you, too, kiddo!”
“Oh, we’ve been meandering our way back down the coast!” Pep slips her shoes off. Makes herself comfortable on the two-seater couch. “Just came from San Simeon.”
“Have you not seen the photos?” Mo frowns. “We send them to the clouds.”
“The cloud , Mo.”
“Is that not what I said?”
Pep rolls her eyes. “Anyhoo, Genny called. Wanted us all to be here together before her big move. So we came!”
Oh .
This… is not an ambush?
She feels like such an asshole for her assumption that she goes along with everything Imogen wants to do, which is likely what her sister wanted all along. Imogen Bloom is sort of a mastermind like that. We are here to have fun, because we are happy in Solvang! Evie attempts to embrace it. Solvang. Serotonin. It’s easy when she’s spending time with her grandparents, who are still so stupid in love with each other. Mo surprises Pep with her favorite ice cream, unprompted. Pep reapplies sunscreen to his nose every ninety minutes. Hand in hand, they browse the street stalls and gift shops and this— this —is the love that Evie wants. Over thirty years of choosing each other without being tethered by a marriage license. She sips on soda water and picks at crackers and grapes on a charcuterie board while listening to their travel tales during a wine tasting that stretches on for hours.
Imogen shares photos of her soon-to-be cabin in the woods.
Everyone Evie loves is in the same place.
Almost.
Still. It’s just one day. A fleeting moment. She yearns for a universe where this is their life, where she’s a part of a family who stays. She isn’t. David left first, before she knew her father enough to even miss him. Naomi left over and over again. Hanna. Pep and Mo sold the bungalow. Imogen is going to Denver. Theo back to New York. Everyone left or is leaving, and she considers what it could feel like.
Leaving, too.
“How’s Theo doing?” Mo asks.
Evie swallows wrong, has to cough to clear her throat before she answers. “Good.”
“Did you hear his news?” Imogen asks.
Pep’s eyebrows rise. “News?”
“Yeah! Theo—” Imogen is cut off by the swift force of Evie’s foot connecting with her shin under the table. “Ouch. Shit. Did you seriously just kick me ?”
“ Girls .” Pep chuckles, her chide so unserious. “Well. Now I must know this news!”
Imogen looks to Evie.
Gives her a chance to break this news.
Then blurts, “Theo accepted a job in New York.”
Pep’s eyes widen as she covers her mouth with her hands. “Evelyn! What?”
Evie’s eyes shift from Pep’s overzealous expression to Mo, who is staring at the ground. “You already know.”
Her grandmother drops the act. “Of course we know.”
“Theo comments on our pictures in the clouds.”
“Cloud.”
Mo waves off the correction, then rests his hand on Evie’s shoulder. “Are you okay, Evelyn?”
Imogen shakes her head. “No.”
“Gen.”
“What! You’re not.”
Evie snaps a cracker in half. “It’s, like, a dream opportunity for him. He has to take it. I told him to.”
Pep’s expression softens. “It’s okay to not be okay.”
“You can be happy and sad all at once,” Mo says.
“I’m fine .”
Pep, Mo, and Imogen each flash their own distinct no , you’re not expression.
Then they drop it.
At the Tiki Lounge, Imogen duets “My Heart Will Go On” with Steve, who has an ethereal voice that puts her sister’s to shame. Pep and Mo sing “Islands in the Stream,” so wine-tipsy and adorable that Evie can’t not giggle. Solvang magic. Imogen signs them up for “Wannabe” and drags Evie to the makeshift stage to do the ridiculous dance that Evie choreographed for a talent show when they were in elementary school. It’s fun. Evie leaves the stage laughing. Damn it, Solvang magic! She grabs another soda water from the bar, then returns to the high-top where her grandparents are seated, returns to her phone that’s face down but glowing with a notification.
Notifications.
She has five missed calls.
Theo.
Theo.
Theo.
Theo.
Theo .
Something is wrong. Is it Jacob? Theo? She doesn’t think, just calls him back, pressing her phone to her ear as her feet carry her outside.
Theo answers on the first ring. “ Ev .”
“What’s wrong?”
“Where are you? Are you okay?”
She closes her eyes and exhales. “I’m fine, Theo. I’m in Solvang.”
“What?”
“I’m in Solvang with Gen. My grandparents, too.”
“ Oh .” His voice is so soft. His heart is so loud. She wishes she could reach through the phone and press her palm against his chest. “Shit. You could’ve told me.”
“I… did I need to?”
“I thought something was wrong.”
“Why?”
“It’s Wednesday.”
Oh.
Her heart is in her throat. “Right.”
“But you’re good?”
No.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll let you get back to your family, then.”
Theo disconnects the call. The first thing Evie sees on her screen is a Google Alert that spoils the Survivor finale—and that is the moment when she loses it on a park bench. Outside the Tiki Lounge. In Solvang. Because Theo hasn’t even left yet but he already feels so far away, and it’s her fault because she pushes, she checks out, she built a concrete wall around her heart and it’s fine, she is fine, it’s what she wants. It is what she wants. If she keeps telling herself this, it must be true.
“Sweets?”
Evie wipes her eyes, unsure how long she’s been out here, and it’s all so ridiculous.
Sobbing in Solvang.
Her life.
She hiccups. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Pep’s answer is so simple, so obvious. “You’re in love.”
Evie is exhausted, so sick of everyone telling her how she feels.
Hates that it’s so obvious how she feels.
“Am I like Naomi?”
Pep’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“Theo said I am.”
“People say things they don’t mean when they’re hurting, Sweets.”
“I don’t know. I stay. I’m here . But sometimes I get so overwhelmed and I just… check out? Just like Naomi did. Does. Maybe I am like her. Jules is right. It’s always about Naomi. I am basic and boring.” She wipes snot from her nose and exhales a sharp laugh. “I threw the accident in Theo’s face. My fall. Made him think I blamed him for it. I don’t know why. No, I do. I think it really messed me up? Not because I lost dance or because of my diagnosis.” Evie lets out another shuddering breath. “You know what one of my first thoughts was on the way to the hospital? Mom will come home .”
Evie has never said those words out loud before.
“Oh, Sweets.”
“She didn’t. Or, well, she didn’t stay. Obviously.” Months after Evie was discharged, when she broke down over this at Theo’s house, it was Lori who held her hand, who told her the purple tulips next to her hospital bed were from Naomi. Her mom did make an appearance, dropped off those flowers while Evie was asleep. Didn’t stay because seeing her daughter in a hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines? Learning that all this time Evie had an undiagnosed IBD? It was all too much for Naomi. Too much for her . “So. How am I supposed to trust him, anyone, when she didn’t stay for me? My mom .”
“Listen to me, Evelyn.” The furrow deepens, her grandmother’s expression turned sad and serious. “Naomi’s decisions have nothing to do with you. Some people are just not capable of being a parent. Okay? Her loss was our gain. David’s loss, too, though I suppose that one’s on me. Him being raised by a workaholic and all. You and Genny were my chance to do better, and you have to know your grandfather and I think the world of you. We love you.”
Evie blinks back fresh tears. “I’m sorry.”
Pep rubs her back. “What on earth are you sorry for?” Evie wordlessly gestures at the mess that is herself and earns a soft chuckle, then her grandmother holds her closer. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
“I think I love him.”
“You think?”
“I can’t leave LA.”
“Why not?”
“Well. I can’t exactly bring my doctors with me, and I spiral into panic at just the thought of finding new ones. I don’t want to. So.”
Pep nods. “I understand that. But Ev? Your care team will still be here if New York isn’t the right fit. Or maybe they won’t! Maybe Jules will switch practices and no longer take your insurance. Maybe Dr. G’s research will take her elsewhere. There is no guarantee that staying means keeping them forever. But you trust them, right? So, if there’s a part of you that does want to go, trust them to set you up with excellent care, no matter where life takes you.”
Pep’s point is a fair one. Evie hasn’t considered this and will surely spiral over her care team leaving her before falling asleep tonight. Cool. Awesome. “It’s not just that. I sort of have a great thing going here with Sadie?”
“New York isn’t exactly lacking in opportunity.”
Evie blinks. “Are you, Peppy Bloom, suggesting I put my career on the backburner and move across the country for some man?”
“Theo isn’t just some man .” Pep tsk s, swatting her shoulder. “Stay! Go! Either way… it’s okay to try to make it work, to hold on instead of push.”
“Even if the end result is the same?”
“You don’t know that, Sweets.”
“I do .”
“How?”
“I don’t want to be married to him.”
“No?”
“I won’t be reduced to a wife.”
Pep is quiet for a moment. Leans back on the bench. “Is that how you see it?”
“Is that not how you see it?”
“Evelyn. Sweets. No. Not at all.”
“You and Mo are the strongest couple I know, and you’re not married.”
Pep chuckles. “Mo and I both had that already, and we didn’t want to go through the hoopla again. That was our decision, but it doesn’t mean we don’t believe in marriage. More importantly, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t.” She tilts her head, considering. “Of course, it’s also okay if that is how you feel. Is that a deal-breaker for Theo?”
She sniffles. “He says no, but—”
“Evelyn,” Pep cuts her off. “I’m sorry, but I’m even more confused. What is the problem?”
Silence.
Evie faintly hears Imogen butchering “Shake It Off” and everything in her wants to run back inside, toward her sister, away from these feelings, but she forces herself to stay still, to listen to the thrashing of her heart, to listen to herself. Theo loves her and she loves him, too, and marriage isn’t a deal-breaker for him so… what is the problem?
Is she the problem?
“Me.” She brushes her knuckles across her cheeks. “When I saw you and Mo, I thought you were ambushing me. I didn’t mean to ambush myself.”
“Oh, Sweets.” Pep stands and holds out her hand, lips upturned in a wry smile. “This was always an ambush.”