Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
SELENE
My body hasn’t stopped burning since my date with Holt. It’s a monstrous fire. I’ve told myself over and over again that this isn’t me. I’m not the one to feel this way after one date.
Holt is just like the other few I’ve dated in the past. He’s just like Adam, too.
I’m numb to their touch. Numb to the words they speak. Numb to their lips against my skin.
Holt: I want to see you again.
“Are you sure you can make these taste like the ones at the bar?” Charleigh asks twisting in her seat, looking over her shoulder to my sister working away in the kitchen.
I look back down at Holt’s unanswered text still resting in the palm of my hand.
“Trust me, Charleigh. West walked me through the recipe multiple times. I think I’ve got this.” London raises her voice over the sound of her mixing. My back is turned to her, but I picture her lifting a large, metal glass in the air and shaking it as hard as she can.
“Okay,” Charleigh sings, twisting back. “I’ll trust you.”
I’m still staring at the text when she clears her throat beside me.
I snap my head up and shut my screen off.
“You okay?” she asks, grinning.
“Fine.”
“Right.” She tilts her head to the side and studies me.
Leaning back against the couch, I cross my legs and take in a breath. “How have you been these past few days? How’s Asher?”
Charleigh’s grin widens, and I see it in her eyes: her happiness, the light, the love she has for Asher.
“He’s good. Closing out a few properties, but nothing that isn’t too consuming.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “I talked to my mom about dress shopping soon. She basically cried when I told her I wanted her to go with us. Well, we both did.”
I lean forward and give her hand a squeeze.
I know how much this means to her. Charleigh’s worked to rebuild her relationship with her mother after she moved to New York.
They grew distant when she’d moved from Connecticut, but when her mom showed up to apologize and tell her she’d left Charleigh’s dad, they began to heal.
“Shit,” I giggle, sniffing. “I might be crying, too.”
“Oh, stop.” Charleigh waves me off. “Tonight is girls’ night. No room for crying.”
The two of us turn our attention to the front of Julianna’s apartment when the door swings open and she emerges from the hallway.
Julianna recently moved. Her apartment is larger than her old one.
I haven’t told her, but I definitely think it’s too much space for one person.
I’ve resisted asking her if she ever feels that it might be, too.
I haven’t seen her since the night of the auction, but even though it’s only been a week, she looks different.
“Sorry I’m late.” She sighs, a mountain of shopping bags dangling from her arms. “Got stuck in traffic on the way home.”
“Woah.” London stops pouring whatever drink concoction she’s made up, hovering the metal cup above the martini glass. Her eyes widen as Julianna unloads the bags onto the sofa across from Charleigh and me. “You said in your text you were going out for a little light shopping.”
“Not going to lie, I had to laugh at that, Jules.” Charleigh giggles. “We all know you never do a little light shopping. I figured something was up, though, when you told me to use your spare key and for all of us to wait until you got back.”
“Yeah.” Julianna sighs with wide eyes, trading glances between the three of us. “Stress shopping was necessary to clear my head.”
Eyeing Julianna wearily, London shrugs her shoulders and pours the remaining bit of drink into the last glass. She begins passing them out to us, starting with Julianna.
Julianna immediately shakes her head and says, “No, thank you.”
“Everything okay?” London asks, handing Julianna’s unwanted drink to me.
I gladly take it. Something tells me I’m going to need it. I tip it back and swallow a larger gulp than intended. The sweet and sour mixture stings the back of my throat. It burns on the way down before settling in my stomach, like the way it felt to have Holt’s hand pressed over the same spot.
My cheeks heat, and I barely chance a glance up at Julianna.
I brace myself for truly looking at my best friend for the first time since her brother’s fingers were plunged deep inside me, building what I knew was going to be the best orgasm of my life, even if I was denied the satisfaction of falling over the edge completely.
I plan on telling her about Holt tonight. Not all the gritty details, but about our date and how he proposed a fake dating arrangement to keep up the rumors.
I haven’t fully committed to dating Holt for show.
I’m a conflicted mess at the moment, and maybe part of it has to do with telling Julianna first. Knowing how she’s been against any of her friends so much as glancing in his direction for years, I can’t imagine her being okay with it. Even if it is all just for show.
Once Julianna has her bags unloaded, she sinks into the space between Charleigh and me.
“So… what’s up?” Charleigh asks, concern etched in her expression. She lifts one leg up onto the cushion and twists to get closer to Julianna. “You said you wanted to do this girls’ night ASAP, but that was a week ago.”
“I know.” She shocks us when she jumps out of her seat between us. She paces the space between the couch and the large, wooden coffee table as the three of us exchange glances.
“I’ve never seen you like this, Jules,” I say quietly. “What’s going on?”
It’s true. I’ve never seen her like this. It’s worse than the night of the auction. She seemed off then, but it doesn’t seem as if she’s gotten better since. If anything, she looks more stressed and unlike herself.
She comes to an abrupt stop, anxiously wringing her hands in front of her. The tips of her fingers turn white, contrasting against her black nail polish. Her chest freezes as she inhales. “I need to tell you guys something.”
Her eyes well with tears, and I’m officially freaked the fuck out. Apparently, so are Charleigh and London. We all sit forward, inching closer to the edge of the couch. I set my drink down on the end table beside me, afraid I’m going to spill it along with Julianna’s confession.
With tear-lined eyes, she closes them and inhales another deep breath through her nostrils. When she opens her eyes again, she starts hyperventilating as she blurts out, “I fucked up. I submitted the anonymous article.” She slams her hands to her chest. “It was me.”
“What?” Charleigh’s jaw drops.
Then London’s.
Then mine.
The blood drains from my face before I’m snapping it shut, swallowing the weight of her confession. Silence fills the room, suffocating and all consuming.
“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” London eventually asks.
“I wanted to…” Julianna’s pacing a few feet between the table and the couch, her glazed eyes frantic as she explains, “But I didn’t know how.”
“I don’t understand,” Charleigh cuts in. “What do you mean you were the one who wrote the article?”
“Remember how I told you Rome and I have been playing these pranks on one another?”
“Yeah…”
“Well…” Julianna tips her head to the side, then presses her hand to her forehead.
“We’d been falling into this pattern of tit for tat.
He was pissed about the erectile dysfunction newsletter I’d signed him up for, so he got back at me by breaking into my office at work and littering it with a million pieces of notebook paper.
Like, tiny, little, cut up pieces of paper everywhere.
They covered every single surface. And I don’t know… it got to me. I just saw red and…”
She waves her hands in the air in front of her as if she’s running through the entire memory in her head again. A tear slips from her glassy eye as she stares blankly into the distance.
“How did you know it was him with the paper scraps?” Charleigh asks.
“The security cameras caught him.” She closes her eyes. “He was wearing a mask, but I knew it was him. I just, I knew it was him. He must have paid the security guard to allow him access that late at night. I wouldn’t put it past him to do some shit like that.”
Julianna’s story leaves all of us confused. I’ve never seen her this worked up.
“I mean”—London shrugs, scrunching her nose—“leaving tiny scraps of paper all over your office doesn’t sound terrible. More annoying if anything.”
“You don’t understand.” Another tear slips from Jules’s eye, then she looks up, shattered. It’s the only way I can describe the way she looks. Her bottom lip wobbles and her eyes are full of tears. The mask she constantly wears has completely disappeared. I’ve never seen Julianna this raw before.
“I was so angry with Rome,” she grinds out.
“About scraps of paper?” Charleigh asks, eyebrows raised.
“Yes.” Julianna’s bottom lips quivers, pinning Charleigh with a look. “I was so angry that I didn’t even think when I submitted the article to Holt’s magazine.”
“So, is the story of his sex parties even true?” London asks.
“No,” she admits meekly.
“Does Holt know?” I finally ask.
I’ve been silent up until now, overcome with emotion from my best friend’s confession. But I also can’t help thinking of Holt. He’s been consumed by this lawsuit, and I’ve seen the weight of it he’s been carrying around with him. My heart breaks for them both.
Julianna shakes her head.
“You need to tell him,” I tell her. I can’t help it.
“I am,” Julianna admits. “I will. I tried the day after the auction. I met him at his office, but we got into an argument about something else and I couldn’t do it. He didn’t even want to talk to me anymore, so I couldn’t tell him. We haven’t talked since. But I do still plan on telling him.”
“It’s been a week, Jules,” I say softly, wincing.
“I know.” She nods, her shoulders raising as she inhales. “I’ve spent all week trying to reach out to Rome to fix it.”
“Is that why you’ve been quiet all week?” Charleigh asks.