Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
SELENE
Forever didn’t exist until there was Holt.
And tonight, I almost lost forever.
Holt carries me all the way home. I keep my arms tightly around his neck and my head on his chest. He even holds me in the back seat of the car. I don’t speak a word. Shivering uncontrollably, I can’t decide if it’s from the freezing cold or everything that happened tonight.
I keep my eyes squeezed shut until Holt lays me in our bed and covers me under the safety of the blanket. He tells me I need to eat, but I refuse. Not arguing, he climbs in after me, sidling up behind me.
He’s removed his suit jacket and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. What little skin exposed is warm as it wraps around me. His entire body molds to mine, his legs and back pressed tightly against me. I place my hand over his, weaving our fingers together.
Tilting my face into the pillow, I cry.
I cry for Holt. I cry for his mother. I cry for my parents. I cry for the baby growing inside me. I cry for myself.
Holt buries his nose in my hair and breathes me in. Deeply. The gesture creates a new wave of goosebumps. It’s been hours since I was sitting on the bench of the upper deck on Holt’s yacht, staring out at the water, when Rhys and his men suddenly showed up, pointing a gun directly at my face.
My tears haven’t stopped, remembering the terror that consumed me from that moment on. Rhys ignored my pleas to tell me who he was or why he was there, insisting he would explain everything once Holt showed up.
And he did. But Rhys never let up on his threat to kill me. Not until Holt vowed his secrecy.
“Talk to me, Selene.” His whispering voice forces my eyes open. “Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours.”
I stare blankly at the slate-painted wall.
“I…” my voice breaks. “I don’t think I can.”
“I get it.” He pulls me closer, soothing his hand over my stomach. “I just need to know I haven’t completely lost you. With what happened tonight, with Rhys, I wouldn’t blame you…”
I abruptly shift, rolling over to face Holt. His face is broken and weary. His bright blue eyes are swollen from crying.
“You haven’t lost me, Holt.” I press my hand to his cheek. “What made you think that?”
“You haven’t talked since we left the yacht, and you’re never silent when it comes to me.” The corner of his mouth twitches. “You have a sharp tongue for me, Wallflower.”
I frown. “Holt…”
“I know.” He sighs, closing his eyes. “For everyone else, you’re silent. Not for me.” He moves his head just enough to lean against my touch as if he’s memorizing it before it disappears.
“Right.” I scoot closer to him, raising my leg to wrap around his hip.
“For everyone else, but never for you.” I dig my fingers into his hair, around to the base of his neck.
My gaze drops to his lips. The same lips that have reassured me a million times he isn’t going to disappear.
The same lips delivering a million promises of forever, both in words and kisses.
His nostrils flare as he exhales heavily before cracking his eyes back open.
We’ve traded places. For the first time, it isn’t me who’s worried the promise of forever will end and I’ll be the one watching as he walks away.
Holt’s worried this has pushed me away for good. My silence is scaring him.
“Look at me, Holt.”
He lifts his gaze, crippled with fear. His chest inflates but never settles.
“Tonight was terrifying. I don’t even know where to begin.
” I blink rapidly, sorting through all the thoughts crowding my mind.
“Whether it’s the thought of my parents and their death, or the way this has reminded you of your own mother’s death.
Or the fact Rhys O’Connell, a high-ranking member of the Irish mafia, is your cousin and has been watching us for God knows how long.
” I draw in a breath. “It’s a lot to process, and therapy has taught me to sort through my thoughts and feelings before reacting. ”
“I’m so sorry, Selene. I still can’t get it out of my head, seeing you like that. And I can’t shake the feeling I had. You felt so far away, even though you were only a few feet from me. I was helpless.”
“I know.” I swallow the bile threatening to spill out of me. “I felt helpless, too.”
Holt wraps his arm over my side and presses his palm against the small of my back.
Having the tip of a gun pressed against the side of your head, knowing your life might be stripped from you by the simple pulling of a trigger changes you.
My brain chemistry isn’t the same as it was a few hours ago.
It changed the day I watched my father do the same with my mother before turning it on himself. Now, it’s changed again.
Death is an ugly, vile thing, taking a piece of you each time you’re forced to witness it.
Even the possibility of death is enough to steal a piece of you.
But what it’s never done is steal my love for Holt.
That it can never take away from me.
“I’m sorry if it made you think I was withdrawing the way I used to,” I say, brushing away the dreadful knot growing in my chest. “Or that I was treating you like I do anyone else. But I love you, Holt. I’ve never loved anyone but you. You’re the only one who has ever seen me for me.”
He finally exhales, his body sinking into the mattress. I slide my hand from behind his head to grip his arm. I feel his corded muscle, down the length of his arm, before feathering it back up to his neck.
“You made me a promise, now it’s my turn to do the same.” I pull him close, bringing his mouth just in front of mine. “I never believed in forever. Until you. So… I promise you have my forever, Holt Capuleti. No matter what.”
When I press my lips to his, I pour all my traumas, fears, hopes, and promises into this one kiss.
My kiss must heal the part of him that had him worried, because his grip on me tightens. The tips of his fingers sink into my back as he presses his lips harder against mine.
“I must admit though, Selene.” He kisses me once before reluctantly pulling away. His eyes lock onto mine. “I don’t know where we go from here.”
“Did you mean what you told Rhys? Your promise to not tell the police the truth? I’d understand if you didn’t.”
“Shit, Selene.” He sighs heavily, like he can’t believe I’d even question his commitment to his promise.
“I meant what I said. I fully intend on holding my promise to Rhys. I never thought there would come a day I would accept letting go of pursuing my mother’s killer.
But now that I know the truth, and now that I understand what it would mean if it got out, I don’t think I’ve ever been more certain of anything.
Because after all this, only one truth remains. ”
“What truth is that?”
“If it means a long, long future with you, I’m willing to let go of the past.”
I give him a small smile, his declaration rocking me to the core. It’s the kind I feel settling into my bones. In my DNA. That’s what Holt is now. He’s a part of my DNA. He is my future, and just like him, I’m willing to release the pain of the past in order to have a future with him.
Holt and our family.
We have done nothing but live in the ugliness of our pasts. It’s easy to get swept up in the hurricane of it all, shadowed by the darkness of witnessing death, allowing it to blind us from the colors life and love have to offer.
And when I look into Holt’s blue eyes, all I see is a life filled with a myriad of colors.
“I do have one question.” I rub my feet against Holt’s under the blanket. “It has to do with something Rhys said.”
Holt’s face pales. “What is it?”
“Rhys mentioned something about my security detail.” I raise a brow. “Did you hire someone to follow and keep an eye on me?”
Color returns to his cheeks in the shade of red. His mouth pops open, but no words come out.
I jerk back, dropping my jaw, pretending to be appalled. I stab my finger to his chest. “You did!”
He tries to roll onto his back, quickly covering his eyes with his hand. It’s amazing how his usual tough exterior fades away when it comes to me. There’s a softness to Holt—one he only has for me.
That thought makes my heart explode.
He groans before rolling back to face me. “I can explain.”
“You don’t need to explain.” I giggle, feeling light for the first time all night. “I get it.”
“You do?”
“Yes, of course, I do.” I grin, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. “You weren’t lying when you said you were obsessed with me.”
His delightful growl vibrates across my body as he slips his hands around me. He leans in and draws my mouth to his.
I kiss him when I get this sudden thought.
Holt was in love with me long before I even realized.
I drape my arms around his neck, and he digs his fingers into my waist.
Shifting onto his back, he pulls me with him.
I lift my leg and move to straddle him. I’m still wearing the sage green dress I picked out for our date night.
He slips the fabric up my thighs, then over my hips.
After lifting my arms in the air, he removes my dress and tosses it aside.
The warm air of Holt’s apartment soothes the remaining parts of me still carrying the chill of the night.
I rock my hips, grinding against Holt’s hardened muscles. Pressing my palms to his chest, I stare down at him, knowing I’ve never loved anyone the way I do him.
He sees me in a way no one ever has.
“I just realized something,” I say in a low voice, unbuttoning his shirt.
“What’s that?” he rasps. His vibrating hands run impatiently up and down my thighs, sending an electric jolt straight to my core.
I moan, quickly sticking my tongue out to swipe across my lips while gathering my bearings. I tuck my bottom lip under my teeth then bend forward. The little knot in my lower stomach tightens, knowing in just a few short weeks or months, I won’t be able to bend over as easily as this.
I plant a kiss on his mouth before hovering my lips over the shell of his ear. His breath dances across my neck, and I fight for self-control when I whisper, “You kept a secret from me, and you know what happens when we keep secrets, Mr. Capuleti.”
His heated breath brushes against my skin with more force when his hands move to cover both my ass cheeks.
He squeezes them before I sit up. A yelp makes its way out of my throat when he tosses me back onto the bed and settles between my legs.
With his knees bent, he begins unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants.
His blue eyes shine in the late-night city lights pouring through the window.
Once he’s freed his cock from his pants and boxer briefs, he falls forward, pressing one hand into the mattress beside my head. I raise my chin, craving him.
He places a soft, gentle kiss to the tip of my nose.
“We’ll get to your punishment a little later, Wallflower,” he drawls in a deep voice. “But right now… right now I intend on showing you just what you mean to me, and that I’m never letting you go.”
“So,” I tease. “What you’re saying is that we’re stuck with you forever?”
His devious grin fades only for a moment, noticing how I said we instead of just me. His smile quickly reappears, lighting me up from the inside out.
“Forever, Wallflower.”
He sinks his cock inside me, and I arch my back, gasping as he fills me. I moan, never feeling more loved or worshipped than I do in this moment.
I guess I was wrong.
Love can be trusted.