Chapter 20
AVAH
Opening the door, I allow Hannah to come inside.
We’ve only been living here for a week and already this place feels like ours.
Declan’s running shoes are still on the floor by the door, my laptop’s open on the coffee table, and the blender is out where I made him his protein shake before he went to Tarrytown for a work-out with Lindgren and EJ.
“This is a great place you have,” Hannah says as she slowly takes in everything around her. “How did you get everything moved so fast?”
I lead her into the living room, gently tugging on a throw pillow that was perfect to begin with. I haven’t seen her since after the wedding, and that may or may not have been on purpose.
“Well turns out Declan’s brother might just be the best agent in the entire industry. He made this all happen in a day. He insisted we get a fully furnished place, so the rest of my stuff will be delivered some time during the week, as well as Declan’s. We’re not fully in yet.”
Hannah nods, not taking her eyes off me for a second. I know she knows something is going on, she’s got a knack for reading people. But she didn’t say anything specific at the reception dinner, anything that leads me to believe that she knows this marriage is nothing but an arrangement.
“So how are things going with the two of you?” she asks, taking a seat on the couch, her eyes not leaving me for a second.
It’s been almost an entire week since we got married, and it’s been…
interesting to say the very least. We are comfortable around each other in a way that shouldn’t make sense.
We’ve fallen into a bit of a routine already.
Since I no longer have a job to go to, and Declan is still suspended, we’ve been spending a lot of time together.
Not just because of the dates and appearances Brady lined up for us, but the quiet moments at home.
He lingers in the kitchen while I make dinner.
When he watches game tapes, he invites me to sit with him.
He actually listens to my opinion on the game, which I really appreciate.
“Things are good,” I answer carefully.
Hannah’s lips curve like she can hear everything I’m not saying.
“I guess it’s a stupid question, since you two are all over social media. The Rangers’ newest couple…people are loving the romance vibe for the team.”
I shrug, not sure of how to answer her. While we were out and in the public eye, we did what we had to do.
We held hands and smiled…Declan held me and hugged me.
We haven’t shared another kiss, and I’ve realized that my ‘no intimacy’ rule was kind of misguided.
I may have meant it as no physical intimacy because everything this week was intimate.
Being in each other’s space, sharing our needs honestly with one another… how can that not be intimate?
But as far as Hannah’s concerned, I’ve made it abundantly clear that I have absolutely no interest in Declan whenever she asked me before.
And then I marry him, without telling her about it.
I can almost taste the hypocrisy.
“Avah..?” she asks when I don’t immediately answer, her tone light at first. “I know we haven’t known each other for a very long time, but you can’t fool me you know.
” She smirks, then tilts her head. “Perhaps this isn’t exactly what you had in mind, but I believe this is exactly where you’re supposed to be.
” She shrugs, a teasing tone filling her voice.
“Besides you’ve had your eye on that defenseman from the moment I met you… ”
“That’s not true—”
“You can’t stand there with a diamond ring on your finger and tell me otherwise,” she challenges, knowing she’s got me in a headlock.
She studies me for a second, her expression softening as she gets up and reaches out toward me.
“Listen, I’m not sure you believe this…so it needs to be said. I don’t think for one second you married Declan because it allows you to stay in the country.”
I narrow my gaze at her. That’s exactly why I married him. Or exactly one of the reasons.
“What are you saying…?” I’m not sure I want to argue with her. Her believing that just makes this whole situation easier. It means I don’t have to work too hard at convincing her that this is real.
“That this came at the perfect time,” she says carefully, studying me. “In such a way that you could use this as a cover—”
“Hannah!” I stop her line of thought, unable to let her go on.
“Are you telling me you don’t have feelings for him, Avah?” she asks, a small victorious smile spreading on her face that used to be more innocent than it is now.
“I thought you were a pastor’s daughter!” I toss at her, since it’s the only thing I have left in my arsenal. “Which means all this,” I wave at her, “is not nice.”
“I am!” she says, laughing. “That still doesn’t change the fact that you’re swooning for your hubby.”
“Am not.”
“Deny it all you want, my friend. I have eyes.” Her expression softens. “And I also see the way he looks at you, Avah. Maybe the two of you aren’t ready to face it yet, but there’s more than just an agreement going on here.”
Her words stick. An agreement? Maybe I should just come clean to Hannah. She knows me, she knows Declan. She knows the situation.
“Who said anything about an agreement?” I ask innocently, looking down at my hands. Declan and I agreed we wouldn’t tell anybody about our agreement. If anything it was supposed to make this whole thing less complicated. Although right now, it feels like the exact opposite.
“Right?” she says, with a teasing smile. “This is all about love.”
Love? That word feels too heavy, filled with too many expectations and pitfalls.
“This isn’t about love.” The denial is out before I can help myself.
“Maybe it didn’t start out that way,” Hannah says with a shrug. “Some things start with curiosity, maybe even a little denial with a sprinkle of desperation. But that doesn’t mean it can’t turn into something more and lasting if it’s nurtured right.”
I want her words to be true. But our agreement is for two years. That’s not lasting.
“For now, we are what each other needs,” I say simply. It’s the truth.
Hannah hums, clearly not convinced. And why would she be?
Anyone with eyes can see that there is something between me and Declan.
I can’t deny the pull I feel toward him, the way he makes me feel comfortable and at home while still challenging me in the best way.
Still, there can’t be anything more than what we agreed on.
Mutual respect, kindness and honesty. It’s what will work between us.
The silence stretches, heavy and knowing. I toy with the ring on my finger, wishing I could say everything and have it make sense. Perhaps I don’t ever have to admit anything to Hannah—she’s my best friend. She knows. I know she knows, and that’s enough too.
I swallow, searching for air. “Can I make you some coffee? Or tea?”
“That would be great,” she says, squeezing my arm before following me to the kitchen. She takes in the blender still on the counter. “Is Declan here?”
“He’s at the rink right now.” I reach for the mugs, grateful to have something to do to keep my hands busy. “He’s been going alone for the past week. Today, he’s there with Lindgren and EJ at least. He really needs to get back on the ice with the team.”
He’s been antsy all week, watching every game, glued to the media interviews. It’s been hard to watch the coach praise Axel’s try-out, and even the response from the fans. They like the way Axel is playing with the team. It gets under Declan’s skin every time he has to watch it.
“You think he’ll be able to handle it?” Hannah asks. “That the suspension did him good?”
I’ve seen him stay away from alcohol the entire time we’ve been together. He’s been nothing but patient with me, but then again, he hasn’t been on the ice. I don’t think he’s an angry person in general but on the ice everything is different. Tensions are high and opponents bait you until you bite.
“Do you know who’ll be starting tomorrow?” I ask, trying to sound casual even though my stomach is in knots. Declan has his first game back tomorrow night and it would be great for him if he could start instead of Axel.
“Lucas said they want Declan,” Hannah says, stirring her coffee. “But it’s the Coach who will obviously have the final say.”
“Has Lucas said anything about how the team has been since Axel has been playing with them?” I press, my voice lower.
Hannah sighs, clinking the spoon on her mug before setting it down. “There’s been tension in the locker room…but Lucas says on the ice, it’s flawless.” She lifts her gaze to meet mine.
“That’s what I was afraid of,” I admit. “No one can deny Axel’s talent. Plus he’s played with EJ forever.”
I take a sip of my coffee, wondering how this is happening.
“Lucas said he can definitely see their compatibility on the ice,” Hannah concedes. “But they also know that Declan has been the best for the past four years. He was brought in for a reason. He just…” she trails off.
“He just has to keep his anger in check,” I finish for her, wondering if he’ll be able to do it. “He was struggling with the idea of a PTO, and now that he knows it’s Axel…”
A smile tugs at the corner of Hannah’s mouth. “So he’s a little jealous?”
“No, not jealous,” I defend. “He has no reason to be jealous.”
“I know that,” she says with a shrug. “But it’s a guy thing.”
“I just don’t want him to do his ‘guy thing’ and lose his spot on the team. Not because of me. I’m supposed to help him stay on the team. And this just…complicates everything. Why did it have to be Axel? Why now?”
Hannah’s gaze softens. “God works in strange ways, Avah,” her voice is gently, cutting through the spiraling in my mind.
“Maybe he knew you’d be facing your past one way or another.
And this way he gave you a chance to have someone by your side to handle it.
Someone who needs you just as much as you need him. ”