Chapter 25 #2
“Right,” he says. “This is to help me get my hockey career back on track. To fix my reputation and keep my spot on the team.”
My heart sinks, but I nod and add, “And so I can stay in the country and find a new job.”
“Exactly,” he says, skating closer again and leaning in. “We had rules.”
“Yes, we did,” I say, lifting my chin to meet his gaze and holding it. “We drew up a contract, stipulating every single rule.”
Without breaking his gaze, I lift a piece of paper from my back pocket. The one holding the makeshift contract we wrote that night in my kitchen on a page torn from my family cookbook.
“I’ve been going over this since last night,” I admit. “Trying to find the mistakes we made, to figure out why we are struggling with this. I can’t find the loopholes—we had clear cut boundaries and expectations.”
He grabs the paper from my fingers and rips it to pieces, tossing it to the ice.
“The mistake we made” he says quietly, “was writing that thing in the first place.”
His words cut deep, and for a moment I can’t breathe. He wishes we never even stepped into this.
“Avah.” The way he says my name, filled with desperation and emotion, pulls me back from thinking the worst. “I’m here because I want to make this real.”
The stick in my hand clatters to the ice. We’ve been dancing around our attraction, each one taking a step closer without admitting anything. But last night when he said we didn’t owe each other anything…I expected him to put a permanent end to us.
“Real as in…” I ask cautiously, needing to make sure I understand him.
His dark gaze bores into mine. “No agreement. Just us.”
I search his eyes, not fully allowing myself to believe him. “But we’re married,” I say.
“And I want to stay married to you.” He slips his hands around my waist. “I want to live with you. I want to come home to you. I want to talk to you. I want to watch you make dinner. I want to fight with you.”
“Declan—” I look down, shaking my head. His words are burrowing into my heart and if he doesn't stop, they’ll find a permanent place to stay.
“Listen,” he says, his voice rough with emotion. “Right now, I’m not what you deserve, not even close. I might never be the man you need, but what I’m trying to say is that I’d like the chance to try.”
I swallow back tears, unsure if I’m able to look him in the eye. If I do, I’ll crumble.
“I want to stay married to you, Snowflake,” he says, his hands against my waist as he pulls me closer.
“Whether Boqvist is here or gone, whether I wear a Rangers jersey or get asked to pack my bags…I don’t care.
All I care about is that things are looking up for the first time in a long time, and it all happened the moment you decided to walk into my life. ”
I shake my head, resting my forehead against his chest. “I’m not your Savior, Declan.”
“I know that,” he says. “But being with you allowed me to be in a spot where I could actually meet Him. And that’s not nothing to me.”
His words have me finally looking up, finding truth in his eyes.
“I get I still have a long way to go here, Avah, I’m not an idiot. But I found purpose, I found Him and I know He’s got a plan for me and that He’ll continue to work on me until He’s done.”
“Philippians,” I mumble, unable to believe those words are coming from his mouth. “That’s a verse from Philippians.”
He nods. “I spent most of the night reading through the new testament. Some things were familiar, some things were new, but it all had meaning for the first time in my life.”
I search his gaze, my heart leaping in my chest. Declan found a way to God. That’s the most important thing.
“I’m so happy for you, Declan. Truly,” I say, meaning it from the bottom of my heart.
His gaze dips to my mouth, he leans down slightly, waiting for me to meet him.
I want to.
There’s nothing I want more right now.
But I promised I’d do this right.
“Declan, I didn’t do any of this right with Axel,” I whisper, placing my hand on his chest, feeling the beat of his heart beneath my palm. “I promised God I would do it differently this time. That I would honor Him, and obey Him and His lead in whatever comes next.”
He watches me, silently, waiting for whatever comes next.
“That means if I kiss you, I’m going to mean it,” I continue softly. “If I kiss you, you’ll be the man I’m going to kiss for the rest of my life. Is that something you’re alright with?”
A smile spreads on his lips, his dimple deepening as pure joy sparks in his dark eyes.
“You love me that much, Snow?”
Hearing him say it, naming what I’ve been too afraid to admit, shifts something deep inside of me. Fear grips my heart. Because I do love him. I’m in love with Declan Murphy…and it terrifies me.
He tips my chin up, his touch gentle and almost reverent. Then he presses a kiss to the tip of my nose.
“I want to kiss you now,” he murmurs against my skin, his voice rough with emotion.
His lips brush my cheek. “I want to kiss you tomorrow,” he breathes, his warm breath tingling against my skin.
His lips trace along my jaw, coming to a halt a mere breath away from my own. “I want to kiss you forever, Avah.”
I close the distance between us, thanking God for this while asking Him to breathe life over the two of us and our new relationship.
He breaks the kiss suddenly, a small frown forming between his eyes.
“The ring—”
“I tossed it in the Hudson,” I interrupt him before pulling him back to me again.
It’s in this moment, with Declan’s arms enveloping me, his heart beating against mine, I find the truth in God’s promise of grace and redemption.
Things might not look the way they’re supposed to, but it doesn’t matter to God.
He redeems what we thought was long gone.
He saves what we thought lost.
And He restores love to hearts that once felt beyond saving.