Chapter Forty-One
Later that evening, Mary joined Nick at the kitchen table and handed back Lily’s diaries.
‘Thank you for letting me read these. Seems like my son married a lovely girl. I’d have loved to have met her.’
‘Mum was the best, but then I’m biased. It is wonderful to have her diaries, though, we get to see a side of her we never saw as her daughters.’
‘And I got to meet my son. He seems to have been a lovely man.’
‘The very kindest, and the funniest. He’d always get us laughing, even if we were in a mood. Especially, if we were in a mood. He and Mum were both musical, so they were always singing and playing on the piano. There was one time this lad called round to take Ari out and Da sang Ari a love song as they walked off down the street. Ari was mortified but her date made sure he brought her back on the dot. Da had a funny way of letting people know he meant business. It was always through humour, but no one ever messed him about.’
‘It must have been tricky for him having five girls to worry about!’
‘He said his greatest hardship in life was having to wait in line for the bathroom.’
Nick put some cheese on toast under the overhead grill of the antiquated cooker. Mary rummaged through the fridge pulling out bits for a late supper. There wasn’t a lot and Nick made a note to go shopping .
‘He would have been so proud of you all, from what you’ve told me. You are all so successful.’
Nick snorted inelegantly. ‘I think I might be letting the side down somewhat at the moment.’
Mary looked across at her and Nick returned her stare. She might be her grandmother but what did this woman really know about her? If she was about to say something trite, Nick would just have to bite her tongue.
‘Yes, I suppose you have, haven’t you? In your eyes.’
Nick was flummoxed and Mary continued.
‘You don’t see yourself properly. You haven’t taken time to view yourself as an individual.’
Nick was still at a loss. ‘I don’t follow. I’m totally independent?’
‘Well, you are and you aren’t,’ she paused and put some pickle on the toast that Nick handed to her. ‘But that’s hardly surprising, is it? The five of you grew into adults knowing that you had to pull together as a family. And I don’t mean knowing in some airy-fairy way. I mean if you didn’t, you would have been physically separated. Taken into care.’
‘You make it sound like us pulling together was a bad thing?’ Nick chewed on her toast thoughtfully. She wasn’t sure what Mary was driving at, but it was interesting to have an outsider’s viewpoint. Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes could throw up a new angle.
‘Not in the slightest, but it has made you all over-achievers, and that can be tough to handle when things go wrong. ’
‘I’m not sure you could describe us as over-achievers? The inheritance was utterly outside of our control, we didn’t even know about it.’
Now Mary snorted. ‘That has nothing to do with it. My son and your mother had a strong marriage and created a loving family that shaped all of you. Their deaths forged and tested you in a way that few have to cope with. And it made you who you are today. A fancy title and lots of money has nothing to do with that.’ She poured her tea checking the colour and then continued. ‘Ari fought to make the best of a bad marriage for the sake of her children and sisters.’
‘But that was a mistake,’ said Nick. That had had nothing to do with over-achieving. ‘She should have kicked him to the kerb years before.’
‘I don’t disagree,’ replied Mary sipping her tea, ‘but all she knew was that she had to keep everyone together. I mean, from what you said, she gave up everything at eighteen to do that. When she took Greg on, no doubt she felt the same overwhelming desire to protect her marriage as well as her family.’
‘Then there’s your twin, a girl that had a talent for modelling but no passion for it. But she rose close to the top simply in order to put food on the table. The same with Clem, fighting her way into the fashion industry, working in sweatshops just to put money in the family coffers. Then there’s you, taking those pennies and turning them into pounds. And finally your baby sister Aster getting a double first from Cambridge. If that’s not an over-achieving family I don’t know what is. ’
Nick shrugged. ‘I’ve never looked at us that way. We just went to work and got on with it.’
‘Indeed, and you’ve all done a bloody good job of it. But some of you now have other things to focus on beyond the day job.’
Nick had just started to eat her toast but now it felt like a heavy lump in her mouth. ‘A husband or a child? Modern women don’t think in those terms, Mary.’
‘Rubbish. Modern women are still humans. And humans like love. They like company.’
‘I like my job!’
‘And what if you don’t have it anymore?’
‘Then I’ve failed.’
‘Failed how? Failed who?’ Mary challenged Nick as the two women snapped back and forth.
‘If I go to jail. Christ, I can’t even think about it.’
‘So don’t. You won’t go to jail, unless you did do something wrong.’
‘I would never!’
‘You might have if you needed to protect the family?’
‘Oh.’ Nick stopped short. She and Mary had been going back and forth but suddenly she came to a halt. Would she break the law to protect the family? ‘I’m not sure that I would ever do something illegal,’ she said hesitantly.
‘But you’re only not sure. Not certain. Do you see how much your family means to you?’ asked Mary.
‘But that’s a good thing,’ protested Nick.
‘Of course it is, it’s incredible. And I am so proud to see my son’s children pulling together like this. All I’m trying to say is that you need to start thinking about doing things that make you happy, not just that are good for the business or good for other people. Take some time to think about what makes you smile.’
‘Work makes me smile!’
‘And if you can’t work?’
‘We’re going around in circles!’
‘Yes, we are, and I suspect it’s time for bed. Come on, child, leave those dishes and go to bed, I’ll tidy up.’
Bemused, Nick said that she would go for a ride first. Mary had given her a lot to think about and she wanted to stretch her legs.
***
An hour later she cycled back to the house, the full moon had made the ride enjoyable and spooky at the same time. As she cycled along the drive she listened as an owl called out in the woods. Propping her bike by the kitchen door she walked into the kitchen to see that Mary had indeed tidied up. Ohana was fast asleep in her bed and Nick tiptoed past, careful not to disturb her.
It all seemed so simplistic through Mary’s eyes, but Nick didn’t think she properly understood the severity of Nick’s plight. Like Seb, Mary seemed to think Nick would manage just fine if her trading licence was revoked. But they didn’t know how that made her feel. How she wanted to retch every time she thought of the shame it would bring, and how much she would miss doing what she had loved doing for a decade. Maybe Gabe was right, maybe she needed to think the impossible and start to consider a new five-year plan .
Thinking of Gabe she sent him a quick text explaining that she tracked down her grandmother.
-I’m afraid I invited her to stay with me for a bit. Is this a problem?
A second later the phone buzzed as if he had been waiting to hear from her.
-Wow! That’s incredible news. Of course it’s not a problem. There are some old beds on the top floor if Rafe or I need to stay over. Please tell your grandmother to feel at home. As much as is possible in that place. X
-Thank you.
She paused typing. She didn’t want to keep the conversation going but didn’t want it to end either. Instead she attached a photo of Ohana in the kitchen sink with a tower of soap suds on her head. Nick didn’t know what the dog had rolled in, but she had never smelt anything quite so rank.
-That’s fabulous! Can’t wait to see you again. X
-Agreed. Good night. X
Nick looked at her message. She rolled her eyes at ‘agreed’ and then laughed at the ‘X’. Talk about mixed messages. She tried again.
-It really will be lovely to see you again. Sleep tight.
Happier with her second attempt, she smiled as he returned a picture of a pack of playing cards .
She typed another reply.
-You’re on. Now I have to go to sleep!
- 3
Nick looked at the little heart on the screen and wondered what to make of that. Smiling, she fell asleep.