FORTY
I thought back to all the places I’d traveled this past month—Paris, the Amalfi Coast, Santorini—and how each one had added a layer of depth to who I was.
But more than that, these places had given me the space I needed to breathe.
I had been moving so fast for so long, running from one task to the next, trying to prove something—mostly to myself.
But out here, away from the grind, I’d finally learned what it meant to just be.
The pressure had lifted, and I felt free, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, too.
For the first time in ages, I wasn’t chasing after someone else’s version of happiness.
I wasn’t waiting for validation or approval.
I was living my own life, on my own terms, and it felt good.
The clarity I had found in myself was something I wanted to build on.
I wanted to keep growing, keep pushing forward. I wanted to expand my business to Paris, build a space that was as much a reflection of my dreams as it was my hard work. And I knew that now, more than ever, I had the drive and the courage to make that happen.
My journey wasn’t over—far from it.
It was just getting started.
I had taken the first steps toward understanding who I really was and what I truly wanted.
No longer was I waiting for permission.
I wasn’t letting my fears hold me back. The world, my world, was wide open. And I was going to take it by storm.
Stepping off the plane in New York, the familiar hum of city life greeted me, but it wasn’t the same.
I felt different, like I was looking at everything with new eyes.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I saw a few texts from Luca.
My heart gave an unexpected leap, the warmth spreading through me before I could even think about it.
Smiling to myself, I tucked the phone away and reminded myself of the incredible month I had just experienced. I had learned so much about the world, but more importantly, I had learned so much about myself. And I was ready for whatever came next.
I had already started putting feelers out for office space in Paris, and the excitement of the potential ahead filled me.
This was my moment.
This was my time to make everything I had envisioned a reality.
No more excuses.
No more waiting for the right moment. I was going to do this, and I was going to do it on my terms.
I wasn’t going to spend any time dwelling on what-ifs.
June had been about embracing what was, and I wasn’t about to let it go.
The month had taught me that the most important relationship in my life was the one I had with myself.
I had found peace in my own company, and that, more than anything, was the most liberating thing of all.
It wasn’t just about business or success or even relationships—it was about choosing myself, every single day. And for the first time in a long while, I was completely at peace with that choice.
This was only the beginning, and I couldn’t wait to see where it took me.
When I opened Luca’s texts later that evening, the warmth spread through me again. It wasn’t just about what he said; it was the reminder that sometimes, the connections that matter most are the ones you least expect. And whatever happened with Luca, whether our paths crossed again or not, this moment would be a part of my story, a part of this beautiful, unpredictable journey I was on.
I had done it. I had taken the leap, and I wasn’t going to stop now.
After a shitty night of what some might call sleep, I headed to meet up with Lena. We were seated at The Butcher’s Daughter in Chelsea, a favorite brunch spot known for its relaxed atmosphere and delicious, healthy twists on classic dishes. The space was cozy yet airy, with large windows letting in the early morning light that softened the industrial-chic decor—exposed brick, wooden accents, and hanging plants. There’s a quiet hum of conversation around us, people sipped their iced lattes and dug into their avocado toasts.
I took a sip of my fresh juice and glanced around the bustling café, appreciating the calming energy. The smell of freshly baked goods mingled with the earthy aroma of coffee, and the sound of gentle clinking dishes and quiet chatter filled the air. It’s the perfect spot for a catch-up, and Lena looked like she needed one.
Her art exhibition was coming up soon, and the stress was written all over her face. She’s stirred her tea absentmindedly, her brow furrowed as she talked about her preparations. “I swear, Charlie, if I don’t get everything ready, I’ll lose my mind,”
she admitted. “It’s all coming down to the wire. I need another pair of hands, or a miracle.”
I chuckled, but I can tell she’s genuinely overwhelmed. “You’ll pull it off, you always do,”
I reassured her. “Just breathe. And take a break when you can.”
But her mind wasn’t just on her exhibit. She eyes me with a grin, her tone shifting. “And what about you? You’re still not going to talk about Luca?”
I sighed, setting my fork down on my plate. “There’s nothing to talk about. It was just a moment in time.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Lies.”
Her voice was firm, the kind of tone she used when she knew she’s right. “That kind of connection doesn’t just show up out of nowhere and disappear.”
“I told you,”
I repeated. “It’s just not that deep. We had a great time. That’s all.”
Lena leaned forward, her gaze intense, but she softened when she spoke again. “Charlie, listen to me. You’re telling me pure bullshit. That wasn’t just some fling. That was magic. You don’t just experience that and pretend it didn’t mean anything. You need to protect that, love it, never give it up. People spend their whole lives wishing for magic like that. You have it. What’s wrong with you?”
I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “It was just a moment,”
I repeated, though a small part of me felt the truth of her words, even if I’m trying to ignore it. I wanted to keep it simple—no expectations, no strings attached. Just the memory of a good time, a fun, spontaneous adventure.
Lena doesn’t back down. Her eyes never leave mine, a smirk playing on her lips. “Look at me, Charlie. Now tell me you don’t have real feelings for him, the most beautiful man in all of Italy. I was there. I saw him.”
I felt my chest tighten, but I remained silent. I didn’t need to say anything, because deep down, I knew exactly what she’s getting at. But I wouldn’t admit it—not yet, at least.
She watched me carefully, her expression softening. “I saw it,”
she said, voice steady. “I saw how he looked at you. He’s smitten. He’s in love with you. I don’t care if he never said it to you—I saw it.”
“No,”
I said, almost too quickly, shaking my head. “He doesn’t do serious. Ever.”
Lena’s gaze narrowed, her words pierced through the air like they always do. “I know you better than anyone, Charlie. And I know what I saw. I saw the way he watched you—the way his eyes followed every move you made. He’s in it, whether either of you admit it or not.”
I tried to shake off the weight of her words, but it lingered. Lena’s right. I saw it, too. I saw the way Luca looked at me, the way his gaze lingered a little too long when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I felt it, the connection, the pull between us. But I’m not ready for that kind of intensity.
Instead, I avoided her gaze. “We said we’d keep it simple. No expectations. If we’re in the same city, we’ll see each other, but that’s it. No promises.”
Lena let out a dramatic sigh, but she doesn’t push further. “Fine,”
she muttered, “but I’m telling you, you’re fooling yourself if you think that isn’t going somewhere.”
I can’t help but smile at her persistence. “Maybe. But I’m not going to rush it. Let’s just enjoy what we have right now.”
She rolled her eyes but finally gives in. “You’re impossible.”
The conversation shifted, but the tension between us remains. I can’t quite shake the thought of Luca, of the things I’m trying so hard to ignore. As much as I wanted to protect the magic of what we shared, I also knew that things can’t stay this easy forever. But for now, I’m content with the uncertainty. We’ll see what happens when the next city calls us both.
For now, I take a bite of my omelet, letting the flavors fill my senses, and let myself be present in this moment. I’ll deal with tomorrow when it comes.
“Stop denying yourself the big love,”
she urged, her voice gentle but insistent. “You deserve that, Charlie. And yeah, it’s scary, and yeah, it might not work out the way you want it to. But what if it does? What if you’re missing out on something incredible because you’re too afraid to take that leap?”
I felt a tear slide down my cheek, quickly wiping it away with the back of my hand. Lena was right. I had been so focused on protecting myself, on avoiding the pain of loss, that I had closed myself off from the possibility of real, deep, all-consuming love.
“What do I do, Lena?”
I whispered, my voice trembling slightly. “How do I change?”
“You just have to let go,”
she said simply. “Stop trying to control everything. Let life happen. Let yourself feel—the good, the bad, all of it. Take the risk, Charlie. You’ll never know what’s out there if you don’t.”
I nodded, feeling a mixture of fear and hope swirling inside me. It was terrified to think about letting go, about opening myself up to the possibility of being hurt again. But it was also freeing. Maybe it was time to stop running, to stop trying to curate every moment of my life, and to just let myself live.
Lena smiled at me, a warm, encouraging smile that reminded me why she was my best friend.
Two days later, I met up for a Happy Hour with Lena, Amelia and mom at a cozy bistro in the West Village, the kind of place that feels effortlessly chic with its exposed brick walls, soft lighting, and vintage Parisian posters. I sat with them at a round table by the window, watching the world go by outside. There’s something so comforting about being with them, like slipping into a favorite sweater.
We started with drinks, of course. Lena ordered a spicy margarita, Amelia went for a French 75, my mom picked a chilled glass of Sancerre, and I settled on an Aperol Spritz. As we sipped, laughter filled the air, and the conversation flowed naturally.
Mom started reminiscing about our younger days, her smile warm and full of love. “You three were always up to something. Sneaking out of the house, thinking you could outsmart me. But I always knew, of course.”
Amelia laughed, shaking her head. “We thought we were so clever, but we never got away with anything, did we?”
Lena chimed in, grinning. “Well, we tried. But I think we had more fun getting caught than actually getting away with it.”
I looked at Mom, feeling a rush of affection. “You were always so patient with us. I don’t know how you did it.”
She waved it off, though I saw the pride in her eyes. “I loved every minute of it. And seeing the three of you grow into the amazing women you are now… It’s more than I could have ever hoped for.”
We dove into our meal—fresh salads, roasted chicken with herbs, and crispy frites. As we ate, Mom starts talking about France, her voice tinged with nostalgia. “I’ve been seriously looking at places. There’s something about Paris that’s always calling me home.”
Lena gestured with that mischievous grin of hers. “We had so much fun with Alessandro in Santorini!”
Mom looked surprised, her eyebrows shooting up. She smiled. “Alessandro? I bet you did.”
Lena’s grinned turns teasing because she drilled Alessandro on the beach about mom. We were going to infiltrate their little secret—if it was real. “Uh-huh. Well, he certainly seems like someone who could be more than just a friend. I mean, he’s not bad on the eyes either.”
I watched Mom closely, trying to gauge her reaction. “Mom, is there something you’re not telling us?”
She shook her head, though I caught the slight blush on her cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re insinuating, Lena. Alessandro and I are close friends. Besides, he’s in Italy most of the time. It’s not like anything could happen.”
Lena disagreed immediately, “I spent time with him and I think he wants plenty of things to happen.”
I let out a sigh and shifted the conversation to Luca. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Luca and me.”
Lena interjected to annoy me, “I have also been thinking about Luca and how hot he is.”
“He’s known for being a ladies’ man. No long-term relationships, just casual flings. And yes, he’s ridiculously good-looking and charming, which doesn’t exactly help. Between Alessandro and Gia’s stories he’s the poster boy for a broody bachelor with women in every city. I don’t care about that.”
Amelia nodded, giving me a sympathetic look. “But Charlie, you’ve always been different. Maybe he sees something in you that’s worth showing up for.”
Mom reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Don’t let fear dictate your choices. If you think there’s something real with Luca, chase it, even if it’s not the traditional path. You never want to have a moment where you think back and say ‘I wish I would have’ because it’ll eat you alive. We never know how long love will last. We all think it’ll be forever and we’ll die peacefully in our sleep holding hands. It clearly doesn’t work that way. You can’t avoid it or be mad, just enjoy the journey.”
We finished the meal with a shared chocolate tart, and by the time we left the bistro, I felt a little lighter. I knew whatever came next I’d have these incredible women by my side, and that made all the difference.