Chapter 11 Zayn
~Zayn~
Win was confusing the shit out of me.
So much so that for the past few days, that oil painting on my dorm wall had been stuck on the image of me sitting on that damn stool with a what-the-fuck look on my face.
And, no, I still hadn’t taken it down. It had actually proven helpful.
I was using it sort of like a gauge to make sure I was keeping on top of things when it came to this whole emotional intelligence exploration thing that I’d been on lately.
It was why things worked now for me with our foursome, because I was no longer burying so much and cutting myself off.
I was listening, cataloguing, making improvements, trying to be a whole person, basically, not just the broken pieces of one.
And the painting reflected repressed emotions and needs. So keeping an eye on it helped me to see if there was anything slipping through that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding at bay and not addressing. Anything that could cause issues or build up inside me unhealthily, then impact our group.
The strange thing was that, in this particular case, it wasn’t me having an issue holding back unhealthy shit—it was Win.
Since we’d come back to Loxley after his abduction, he’d come to me every single day, sometimes even twice a day, wanting to feed.
And while I’d assured him that I’d be there for him whenever he needed that—and, yeah, I did enjoy him doing that with me—it was the way it had started to go down that had me worried.
Ever since the night after the kidnapping where he’d found me in his family’s den and told me he’d felt ‘cold’.
There was a desperation to it now.
He’d even often beg halfway through and say things like, “Please don’t make me stop yet.” Or, “Just a little while longer, almost there.” And, “Deeper, please can I go deeper?”
The confusing part wasn’t even this alone—and that was obviously bad enough. It was that he seemed so stable and in control outside of that. In front of everyone else. Even in front of me, a few minutes after a feeding session. Like it had never happened.
I mean, was it him gaslighting himself? On an intense level?
Or worse, was this… addiction behavior?
I’d heard about magic-wielders getting too drunk on their own power, then seeking out higher thrills.
That was how a lot of black magic indulgence started.
I mean, not all. There was a lot of nefarious planning involved sometimes too with that.
It was also seen with vampire bloodlust, where they couldn’t just keep it to feeding for nourishment or even a thrill here and there, and it went to a more dangerous place.
For Win, the danger was in it becoming uncontrollable.
Because him being seen that way, or even being suspected of being that way, could set off alarm bells all over the supernatural world. Like, seriously, it could lead to all these major protocols being triggered where all hell would break loose for Win and his family.
But maybe if I just told Sylas?
No. That would break Win’s trust in a major way.
And let’s face it, I hadn’t even told Evira or Vaxan yet.
I was hoping it would taper off soon, that it was just some holdover from everything Win had been subjected to lately.
The kidnapping, him finding out that Temperance existed, this whole Sanctus thing and that twisted Celestial’s plans for him, now him having to do high-level Necromancy with Sylas even though he’d never wanted that.
I’d just keep an eye on it.
If he didn’t calm down with it in the next few days, I’d bring it up again. If he brushed it off, I’d go to Evira and Vaxan. The two of them had a much better handle on high-level political stuff than I did, so they’d be the best bet, without outing Win to Sylas.
Besides, he was fine right at this moment.
Now he’d completed the prerequisite four classes for hybrid beings to this one, he was in here with the rest of us now in Arcane & Elemental Synergy.
And he was doing really well, being the in-control, calm and careful Winter Nox I knew him to be at his core. He was even using his necromantic side so stably.
I was currently watching him levitating an intricate four-inch amber sphere that looked like a shimmering ball of yarn, while Evira was threading some pale-blue mini icicles through the gaps.
“Intriguing.”
Vax’s voice pulled me back to what I was supposed to be doing, and I looked away from Win and Evira a few desks down, and flicked my gaze to him beside me.
“What’s that?” I asked. Shit. Had he noticed me observing Winter too intensely?
“You broke concentration for the last few minutes, yet not only did your magic remain stable, it responded accordingly to me escalating.”
I frowned and stared at the helix we’d created together, my fuchsia magical flame surrounding his citrine power without touching.
His weaves were thicker now and more vibrant, so that was what he’d meant by escalating. And if I hadn’t responded properly, the aspect of his power that he was using—petrification, not his venom—would have turned a lot of my flame to chalk or destroyed it entirely.
“I don’t… I mean, I guess I did feel a push, so I responded without thinking much about it.”
“On a conscious level.”
“Yeah, obviously, what else—oh.” My eyes widened as I realized what he was getting at, then saw the proof of it right between us. “My magic can become… sentient?”
“Not exactly that. You can affect it on a conscious and subconscious level, yet the latter is also within your control, still at your will, yet in a less obvious way—at least at first glance.”
“Wow… that’s really cool.”
“It certainly is. You’ve come a long way.” He twirled his hand and the helix started to twist slowly, becoming animated in a picturesque way. He was even impacting my magic along with it somehow, without it hurting or causing any issues whatsoever, like some sort of natural gravitational pull.
“How did you do that?”
“I can teach you sometime if you like. Now that you’re ready to learn without the worry of you being an unruly force.”
“You actually think I am? This isn’t just a one-off moment of awesomeness? I mean, I’ve been at Loxley for ages. I’m in my fourth and final year, but I’m only able to do this now?”
“Everyone progresses differently. Besides, you also had the disadvantage of not having a support system before.”
Right, because my parents basically left me alone to my own devices due to their own shame over the Cursed Servitude nightmare.
My magic flared at the thought of that.
But only briefly, as I was able to ground myself.
Now I actually had grounding available to me.
Vax was right. The fact I could connect to a deep wound like that and still be okay, still maintain control of my magic in this way, while interacting with somebody else’s that was so different to mine, said it all. It definitely wasn’t a one-off. It was my new normal.
And also, we were gonna do the cooking thing tonight I’d suggested a little ways back during one of our breakfast hangs.
The goal was to bring the fun to food for Vax and Win, and to teach Evira to make more than quiche, because she had the itch for cooking but not the confidence that she could branch out.
And that whole thing was gonna be happening at my old family home.
Something I’d been okay with bringing up and even setting as the location.
I guess, being with the three of them transcended all that for me.
That balance and calm I’d always been missing had been found in them.
“I’ve seen it from you in other ways, too,” Vax told me.
He erected an auditory reduction spell. “Most recently, when Winter was kidnapped and you didn’t lose control, didn’t spiral.
You were steadfast and rational even through warranted panic and upset.
Since we’ve been back here, you’ve maintained control of your magic whenever we make love—not an easy thing to do.
” He dropped the spell, smiling out at me. “I’m deeply proud of you, Zayn.”
A wave of warmth rolled through me at his words.
“Yeah?”
“Most definitely. And here I thought I needed to ensure I wore this blazer over my short-sleeve tee today to avoid distracting you when we decided last night that we’d work together during this class. I know how much the sight of my biceps arouses you.”
That was un-fucking-deniable. They absolutely did turn me on. So big, so well-sculpted. And touching them was a whole other deal.
I eyed his black blazer with the metallic spikes all over it. “Well, it’s for sure a shame to have them covered up, but that thing is also badass as hell.”
“Badass, hmm?”
Whenever he tried out a new word like that, it was somehow both sweet and hot as fuck all at once.
“No doubt.”
He flinched all of a sudden and then swung his head at Evira.
A grin spread over his face, then he shook his head and turned back to me.
“What?” I asked.
“Our dragon princess just sent me a quiet message across the classroom.”
“Ah, the kind only perceptible to supernatural animal senses?” I asked, even as I caught sight of some vampire hybrids smirking, as they’d obviously heard.
“Yes.”
“What did she say?”
He rolled his eyes. “Take it off. Take it off. A chant.”
I burst out laughing and looked out at Evira, who caught my eye and winked.
Damn. She looked so sexy today in that strapless crop top paired with a gray mini-skirt that was so soft to the touch, much like her furry thigh-high boots.
She even had her hair pulled up today, and every time she moved a little it bounced and brought vivid imagery to mind that my dick liked far too much.
And Win had his hoodie hanging off the back of his chair, so his biceps were in full view, a white tee beneath that was a little sheer because he’d spilled some water on it at breakfast earlier and hadn’t dried it with his magic, or his shadows.
The fact he’d stopped me from doing it when I’d offered… he was trying to titillate me.