Chapter 37
RAKE
“That sounds like a horrendous fight, Rake. I’m so sorry.” Petal takes my hand across the front seat. It feels nice, and I grip hers back, my hand pretty much swallowing hers.
It fucking sucked. I walked around the rest of the day like a zombie. I don’t know how I got to be twenty-nine years old and not see my father more clearly.
I know the man loves me, and he’s always done his best to be a good father. But his bitterness is so great, so poisonous, it finally erupted in all its painful glory.
And I was just on the receiving end of every disappointment he’s ever had.
Not fun.
“It was bad. No doubt about it. I finally forced myself to see him for who he is, and the picture before me is not an attractive one. He’s a bully, been pushing me around all my life.
You should hear him when he calls me after a game.
He picks apart every single thing I did, like he took notes on my performance or something. ”
I don’t usually talk about this. I don’t like to sound like a whiny bitch.
But everything came to a head so violently and unexpectedly, that it actually feels good to tell Petal about it.
She’s listening without judgment. She’s not trying to offer solutions.
She’s just here, and right now, that’s what I need more than anything.
“I think you’ll find a way to work through it,” she says. “It might not be easy, but you’re a good man, Rake, and I’m sure deep down your dad is too.”
“I wish I were that confident. The man is so bitter about his own failings, and my success seems to rub salt in his wounds.”
I always knew he was disappointed his own pro hockey career was thwarted. That’s no surprise. But it’s like he resents that fact that I have something he doesn’t. That shit hurts like hell.
We pull into the parking lot at the Tennessee Valley Trailhead. Petal promised to take me on her favorite hike in the Marin Headlands, just outside San Francisco, and there’s nothing more I’d like to do than spend a beautiful day outdoors with my girl.
My girl. Yup, I called her that.
I pull a cap low on my head and put on my sunglasses. I’m looking forward to a day of anonymity, a day away from the city. I am desperate for a reset.
“So what’s your story?” I ask as we start to climb.
Petal warned me the hike has a lot of uphill, and she wasn’t kidding. And to her credit, she’s keeping up with me just fine. It doesn’t take long for sweat to start dripping down my temples, and it feels great.
“Until the great wedding debacle, I’d been working as an accountant. The whole thing hit me so hard, I quit my job, moved out of our apartment, and went into hiding at Mom’s cottage at the winery.”
We get high enough to see the Pacific Ocean in the distance, the view taking my breath away. “Unbelievable,” I mutter, taking in the rolling hills and ocean.
Petal takes a deep breath and looks around, nodding. “This is my happy place. Always has been. You’re fifteen minutes outside the city and yet it’s like you’re worlds away. So many people who visit never see this. It’s my favorite part of the Bay Area.”
Petal’s face, and even her posture, are different here. She’s relaxed and confident. Like she really feels at home. It’s good to see a side of her I haven’t before.
I like what I’m seeing. A lot.
We huff up the steep trail until we reach a flat spot and stop to take a breather. “Hey, when are you taking me on a tour of your mother’s winery? I figure since I’m sleeping with the owner’s daughter, I might have an in. What do you think?”
She looks at me coyly. “I might be able to help you with that. Let me call a couple people, see if I can pull some strings.”
We start walking again and I take her hand. “I’ve never been to a winery.”
She stops short. “You live in San Francisco and you’ve never been to a winery? They’re only an hour away.”
“Lame, huh. I’m always so busy with practice, games, and travel. I’ve been meaning to go, but never got around to it. Say, did you ever want to work there, at the winery? You know, after you quit accounting?”
“I could get a job there if I wanted. I always thought it would be fun. But I don’t want to be a nepo baby. There are enough of them around.”
“What about your other family businesses? I read that your family practically founded San Francisco.”
“Well, a lot people made that happen. My great, great grandfather founded San Francisco Ironworks, where they made steel for the ships, railroad, cable cars, all that. He hit it big, as you might imagine. Back in the day, his mills ran day and night to keep up with the demand. Or so the stories go. But they were all sold off a long time ago. That’s how my mom afforded the winery… and everything else.”
“That’s so fucking cool. I mean, your family built the city.”
“I guess. But not single handedly. My great grandfather and grandfather kept the companies running for years, but my mom wasn’t interested in carrying things on, so they sold. Their old buildings are still around. I’ll show them to you some day.”
We reach the top of the first hill, and I lead her to a patch of grass to check out the view.
“This is incredible, Petal. Thanks for bringing me here. I can’t believe I’ve never seen this place.”
She looks into the distance, where a few fishing boats circle their nets.
“Incredible,” I say.
“It is,” she whispers, closing her eyes and taking in the breeze.
I lean over and brush my lips against her ear. “I’m talking about you.”
“Yeah. I am incredible too,” she snickers.
I drop my head back and laugh. Like really laugh, in a way I haven’t in too long, like there’s no black cloud hanging over my head, like there are no black clouds anywhere. As if everything is as beautiful as the place we’re hanging, right now, together.