Chapter Five
“I’m back!” I call out as jovially as I can muster as I kick off my shoes, the sun starting to set behind the hills. It’s taken me twice the
time to get the pie for dessert, having driven all the way out to San Antonio after embarrassing myself at the grocery store in town.
Everyone gawked at me in both places and not because I was some beautiful bombshell. But because I looked like a hot mess. Which,
to be fair, at the moment, isn’t far from the truth.
So much for first impressions.
“Oh my gosh, Ma,” Sparrow gasps. “What happened to your dress?”
“You know, I don’t think I want to talk about it,” I say as I hand Sparrow the pie and a half gallon of French vanilla ice cream, and then
walk into the bedroom and quickly slip into something more comfortable. . . and less covered in pie.
“Joseph take off after I left?” I ask as I walk back out to the living room.
“Took a bit of convincing from Daniel, but he left,” Sparrow says.
“I hope he wasn’t too much trouble,” I reply, feeling bad for leaving them there with Joseph. Not that I thought that Joseph would hurt
anybody, but because of the tension between them all since Joseph had done what he did.
“It was really no trouble,” Daniel insisted.
“Well, let’s get that pie in the oven and warm it up,” I say as I force a smile. “I hope y’all love some apple crumble.”
“Sounds good to me,” Sparrow says as we preheat the oven. “I’m sorry about Dad,” Sparrow apologizes.
“It’s not your fault darlin’,” I insist. “He’s acting like a hit dog, even though he’s the one that caused all of this.”
“Well, I’m sorry all the same,” Sparrow says as she wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tight.
“Thank you,” I say as I hold back tears. When the pie was ready, I cut it up as we chatted about anything other than Joseph or what
happened at the store. “Aw, you guys,” I gasp and smile as we all sit around the dining room table that they’d put back together while
I was gone. “It looks good!” “We figured it would be better than sitting on the floor,” Daniel said. “Plus, I found the electric drill in the
box labeled ‘tools’.” “It came out really well,” I say as I hand out slices of pie with paper plates and forks. “Anyone want ice cream?”
“Yes please!” both Sparrow and Daniel say, and we all giggle as we eat our warm apple pie. The pie reminds me of my own mother, of
Amarillo. . . of the life I’d shared with Joseph only for him to wreck it all. . . and I can’t hold it in anymore.
“Sorry,” I say quietly as I leave my pie and retreat to my bedroom, closing the door behind me as I sit down hard on the bed. I begin to sob, my head in my hands, when Sparrow swoops in.
“Oh, Mama,” Sparrow says as she sits down next to me, gives me a side hug, and pulls me in close.
“I’m sorry,” I reply. “It’s just. . . a shock to see your daddy after so long. . .”
“Well, he won’t be back, that’s for sure,” Sparrow replies. “Not unless he wants his butt kicked by Daniel.”
“I hope so,” I reply as Sparrow grabs a box of tissues off the old vanity I’d brought along, handing me a handful. “You know, even after
all he’s done, a part of me wanted to let him stay.”
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t,” Sparrow replies. “What he did was slimy, and he doesn’t deserve you or anyone. Besides, he’s in trouble
with the law, and you don’t want that kind of trouble.”
“No, I suppose I don’t,” I say with a nod. “It’s just. . . hard. I’ve spent the past—almost thirty years with someone. . . and now I’m all
alone.” “You aren’t all alone, Mama,” Sparrow insists. “You have me, Daniel, and Jade just a few roads away.”
“I know, but that’s not what I mean,” I say with a sigh. “You have your own lives, and I’m used to having a companion, you know?”
“Yeah, I get it,” Sparrow says, quiet for a moment as if she’s unsure of what to say. But then suddenly, she perks up. “What about that
app?” “Love and Company?” I ask.
“Yeah! Have you tried it out?”
“No, I haven’t actually,” I reply. “I just don’t think it’s for me. Not right now.”
“Why do you say that?” Sparrow asks.
“I think how I reacted and felt when I just merely saw your father today tells me I have no business being on there,” I reply. “It wouldn’t
be right to just thrust myself out there when I’m not ready.
“Is anyone truly ready to move on?” Sparrow asks with a shrug. “It’s hard but you’ve got to do it sometime.”
“Little bird, I chewed out some poor guy at the store that ran into me just because he was a man,” I say with shame at just the thought
of it.
“Yikes,” Sparrow replies.
“It was absolutely embarrassing,” I reply, sniffling. “How am I supposed to just move on or do anything like that when I can’t even
handle being around men?”
“It’s okay Mama, I’m sorry. Listen, you don’t have to be ready for that,” Sparrow replies. “I already told you it’s not just for dating, it’s
for friends too. You don’t have to use it to find a new partner, I’m sorry I pushed.”
“It’s alright. I know you mean well, sugar, but. . .” I trail off and try to hold back the tears. “I feel like I can’t trust anybody besides you,
little Joe, and Daniel now.”
“Oh, Mama. . .” Sparrow replies with a frown.
“The man that I gave my heart to, the one that I thought had my back and I was supposed to be with forever just. . . crushed me. And
then seeing him again today just further proved to me that I’m still a wreck over it. I’m not sure any new ‘friends’ are going to want to
deal with that.”
“That’s not true,” Sparrow replies. “I’m sure there are plenty of other women out there that will get it,” Sparrow insists. “You should
create a profile and find yourself some girlfriends. I’m sure there are other people in the area who have been through a lot of what
you’re going through.”
“You really think so?” I ask as I pat my eyes with a tissue.
“Of course,” Sparrow says with a smile.
“I haven’t really tried to make friends in years, not anyone besides from work anyways,” I reply with a shrug. “I always just hung out
with your father when we had time.”
“See? That’s precisely why you really should get out there and find some cool people to chill with,” Sparrow replies. “New people with
new ideas, new ways of living that maybe will help you want to get out and experience the world.”
“That. . . actually sounds nice,” I say as she swoops back in for another hug, and as she holds me tight, there’s a knock at the door.
“Hey, sorry to bother you guys, but Jade’s getting really tired,” Daniel says as he pokes his head in.
“Yeah, she definitely was far too busy being a hellion to nap today,” Sparrow replies and stands up. “We better get going, Mama.”
“That’s alright. I don’t want my little Jade bug to get cranky,” I say as I stand up and walk them out, peppering grumpy little Jade’s
cheeks with kisses until I get her to giggle.
“We will see you soon, okay?” Sparrow says as she’s walking out the door, Daniel already at the car. “And remember, check out that
app! There’s plenty of fish in the sea, friends or otherwise.”
“Alright,” I say with a nod as I close the door behind her, and I watch out the window as the lights on their van light up, slowly backing
away until they’re out on the road and they disappear from sight.
Immediately, as I step away from the window, I’m hit with a gripping sensation of loneliness that makes me start to cry again as I clean
up the table from dessert. Then comes the anger, the bitterness, and the sadness all rolled up into one as I slam my hand on the
wood.
How could he do this to me? To us! And then, after he messes it all up, he has the nerve to come to my home and ask for a place to rest his head? Unbelievable! What a sad sack of crap!
I’m a hurricane of emotions as I finish up cleaning and decide to take a shower, realizing there are still bits of blueberry in my
strawberry blonde locks. I wash it really well before I blow it dry, put on my silk cap, and hop into my pj’s, dragging myself into my
lonely bed.
I’m so tired, exhausted even, but the sandman isn’t on my side tonight. I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable, but my mind is a
buzzing whir that just won’t shut up. The events of the day replaying over and over in my head.
Annoyed, I grab my phone and decide to look up the weather for tomorrow when my finger slips and accidentally hits that blasted
pink heart on my screen, pulling up the Love and Company app.
“Dang it,” I grunt in irritation, but as I go to swipe it away, I pause for a moment. Maybe Sparrow is right. I don’t have to be lonely. I
can just make a couple friends in the area, maybe some other women who’ve been hurt. Maybe we can be as close as the Golden Girls
even!
Except, maybe without all the sass. But instead of making my profile, I lose my nerve, sighing as I put my phone down and stare at the
ceiling.
I don’t need some sort of app to make friends, I think to myself. I can make them at work. There’s also no need to get caught up in anything serious either, that’s for sure.
I mean, I have never known the touch of another man, and even though I feel starved in that department. . . I’d rather feel like this than
get hurt like that again. Like I still am. Missing and pining over a fool who didn’t know what he had. Beating myself up, wondering if it
really was my fault for months and months. . .
No thanks.
I’ll figure it out on my own. I don’t need some computer mumbo-jumbo to help me figure out who I’d be best suited for, friends or
otherwise. That sort of stuff will fall into place organically.
As for men? I don’t even want to look at another one right now, let alone make friends with them.