Chapter 19
No matter what I do to try and forget about it, the kiss is still on my mind. My mom had Charlee for the night, so I didn’t even have her there to help distract me.
He kissed me again. And I really enjoyed it. If Leonard hadn’t run off as quickly as he did, I might have been able to tell him that, but instead, he freaked out and
left. He acts like we have never kissed before. When we were in LA, he seemed so much more relaxed and comfortable with me.
I understand where he was coming from. He is my boss and if anything were to continue, he could have a lawsuit on his hands, so he wouldn’t want to
jeopardize the company especially when he had recently been entrusted with so much.
I lay back in my bed with a smile on my face, rethinking how the night had gone. My fingers softly trace where his lips touched mine and I fall asleep, prepared
to tell him how I felt. Certainly, there must be some kind of office relationship protocol?
When I wake up in the morning, I am still buzzing from the night before. That is until I get a text message from Leonard telling me he has to take the day
off. He was totally fine last night so I know he isn’t sick all of a sudden. I sigh. He doesn’t want to be around me.
As if that didn’t hurt enough, when I open my newsfeed, I see an article about how he was on a date with some German socialite last night. So, that’s what
he did after he left here?
I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. It hurts. I had kissed him and convinced myself everything with him would be fine, and we could even
potentially date. But I now realize I am not the type of person he wants. He wants jet-setting billionaire models and socialites. Not the single moms with a lot of baggage.
I feel like a fool for even thinking it could happen. With a long sigh, I sit up in bed and text Leonard back telling him I would hold everything down just fine.
When I get to the office there isn’t anything on the calendar and I don’t have much to do as far as work. Normally, when the days were slow, I could at least
joke around with Leonard, so his absence is deafening all day long. I wait around for the phones to ring until they switch off to go straight to voicemail. Even
though I know it is unprofessional, I spend the day practicing the lines for the audition.
I can hardly focus on the lines and my audition is the next day. I hate the way all of this makes me feel. Every five minutes I tap the screen on my phone to
see if there are any messages from Leonard, and every time there are none. I feel like I am fifteen, waiting for my crush to call me all over again.
When I get off work, I drive to my mom’s house to pick up Charlee. As much as I need a little bit of time to myself, seeing her is very exciting. As soon as I
walk through the door, she runs up to me and wraps her arms around my legs, smearing fingerpaint on my skirt as she does.
“Rayne I’m so sorry, I wasn’t expecting you for another hour,” my mom says as she chases Charlee down with a wet rag.
“It’s fine, it’s probably washable paint anyway,” I shrug as I take my coat off and sit down on the couch.
My mom looks at me for a moment while Charlee finishes her painting. I slouch down in the seat with my arms resting on my stomach and staring absently out the window.
“What’s gotten into you?” she asks me.
“What do you mean?”
“I know you better than you think, Rayne,” she offers in response.
I am not sure what I want to tell her. She has had her doubts about Leonard ever since I was hired so if I told her we kissed she would tell me about how she knew he was trouble. But I also don’t want to lie to her – especially in front of my child.
“It’s just been a stressful day,” I said, not lying but not telling the whole truth.
She looks at me with one eyebrow raised, obviously sensing the lack of information but deciding not to press any further.
“What time is your audition tomorrow?” she changes the subject.
“Five, but you don’t have to go,” I dismiss it with a wave of my hand.
“I want to go, and Charlee wants to see you perform,” she argues.
“Okay, just please don’t cheer or anything. The directors don’t care for that,” I plead with her.
“Of course, we’ll be quiet as church mice,” she replies unconvincingly. “I was thinking. Maybe we could invite Phyllis’ son, Chris, to dinner tomorrow night after your audition?”
Normally, I’d beg her not to do something like that and just let it be. I would pretend to have some other engagement, or I would find a way out of the
dinner altogether. But I don’t care. Who knows, maybe Chris could be the one and not giving him a chance would mean passing on that.
“Okay, but I’m not making any promises about us being together,” I add.
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” she says with a smile, pulling her phone out immediately to call Phyllis.
While she makes her call, I help Charlee wash her hands and hang her paintings to dry so we can make our way home for the night. I still have to cook
dinner and put her to bed before I can practice my lines.
Every time I read over the lines I think about Leonard. He encouraged me to audition. He read the lines with me in the office and at home, and he kissed me
while practicing. I wish he was still there reading over them with me, but instead, he is probably out at some fancy social club with his new girlfriend.
Seeing him at work is going to be torture.
***
Leonard actually shows up for work Friday morning and he acts like nothing had happened at all. He says hello and smiles at me like he always does before
walking through the doors to his office. He has a few big meetings scheduled for the day, so I help him prepare for them, but neither of us has much to say to
one another.
I’m not fond of talking about my feelings but pretending like nothing happened really hurt. I try to shift my mind away from the feeling as best as I can,
practicing my lines whenever I have the chance and psyching myself up for the big audition.
It will be the first acting role I will have played in years, that is if I am cast for it. I landed an insurance commercial a few weeks before Charlee was
conceived and ever since I was pregnant, I haven’t acted. I am extremely nervous and worried that I will be rusty once I get on the stage. Knowing my mother
and Charlee are going to be out there only makes it worse. If I don’t let my mom in, she would just find a way to sneak in, so telling her no is more trouble than
it is worth.
Leonard’s meetings are running long, and I am supposed to wait for them to end so I can clean up the conference rooms and schedule any other meetings
for him. I look at my watch and see that the time is cutting close to my audition time, and I really need to leave. But it does not look like they will be wrapping
up anytime soon.
What makes it worse is that it does not even look like they are talking about business. I can’t miss my audition because these guys are in there catching up
on each other’s lives. Leonard is the one who told me to do this in the first place. Has he forgotten about it already?
Who am I kidding? Of course, he has. Why would the date of my audition even matter to him? I start packing my things to leave before it will be too late to
make it at all. When I stand from my chair and throw my bag around my shoulder Leonard looks at me with an apologetic face and waves at me to leave. I give
him a halfhearted smile and call the elevator to take me down.
Thankfully, the audition location isn’t too far from work. It only takes me about twenty minutes to get there. Mom and Charlee are already waiting in the
lobby of the theatre by the time I arrive. I run over to give Charlee a quick hug before I explain to her, I have to leave again and go on stage.
She cries when I walk away from her and it breaks my heart. I consider just walking away and heading home with her and Mom, but my mother convinces
me to continue the audition.
Ever since Charlee was born, she has spent almost every hour of every day with me. Aside from a few times, I went to the grocery store without her, we
have always been together. I did worry that my work would come as a bit of a shock to her when I first started, but the time she spent with my mom seemed to
have distracted her. But walking away from her and seeing the hurt on her face as if I am too busy for her makes me want everything to go back to how it was.
I sit in a row of seats next to three other women who I assume are also auditioning for the lead role. We chat while the rest of the auditionees file in and fill
the seats. There are a lot more people here than I thought there would be. Part of me expected to see some of my old classmates and drama club buddies
there, but I am kind of relieved to see they aren’t.
My name is called, and I walk out onto the stage and stand in the center, the light shining in my face and obscuring the faces of the audience.
“My name is Rayne Stevens and I’m auditioning for Carol Bratter,” I say, looking forward and projecting my voice as best as I can.
“I’m ready when you are,” a male voice calls from the darkness surrounding the stage lights.
I take a deep breath and nod my head before I read my lines. It feels good, as soon as the first words pass my lips, almost natural. The rush of being on
stage overtakes me and I slip right into character – forgetting everything that has happened with Leonard, all of the troubles with Reece – it is just me and the stage.
“Thank you very much,” the director calls to me when I finish the scene. His voice is flat, but I don’t let it bother me because I know it has to be. He could
spotted the next Meryl Streep and be forced to maintain a stoic expression.
I walk off stage and make my way to the back of the theatre where my family waits for me. I sit down next to them to watch the rest of the auditions,
pulling Charlee into my lap to hold her.
“You were marvelous up there,” my mother starts with a proud smile.
“I was a little rusty, but I think it was okay,” I bashfully reply.
The rest of the talent auditioning is exceptional, and I wonder if I would even get a part. Everyone is auditioning for the leads except for one older man who is reading for the role of the Bratter’s neighbor.
“Thank you all for coming in,” the director says to us after the last person finishes their lines. “We hope to email you all a cast list in the coming days.”
“Did you get it?” Charlee whispers to me after the director turns his back on the crowd.
“Not yet,” I laugh in response.
“We should get going if we’re going to make dinner with Chris,” my mom interjects.
I had somehow forgotten all about the dinner I agreed to. But I nod my head and plaster a smile on my face. There is no use backing out of it now,
especially not when Chris is probably at the restaurant waiting.
Mom hops in the car with Charlee, and I drive us there in silence, thinking of good excuses to leave early in case it is awkward with Chris. The trusted
excuses would be something about my daughter not feeling well or not falling asleep, but she will be there with me so it has to be something work-related.
When we pull up to the restaurant my mom smiles at me and points to a man standing by the entrance looking at his phone.
“That’s him,” she says before rolling her window down and waving at him.
We introduce ourselves and I can’t help noticing how nervous he is. He is cute, but not my usual type at all. Throughout the entire dinner, my mom keeps
trying to get him to interact with Charlee, but he is clearly not used to talking to children much.
Overall, it isn’t a bad time, but it isn’t memorable. I don’t feel any spark with Chris. Not like I did with Leonard, anyway.