Chapter 14
As the sound of the front door opening echoes through the house, signaling Jackson and Henry”s return, I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing
heart. I hear their excited voices and the quick pitter-patter of Henry”s footsteps approaching. I want to greet them with the same warmth and
enthusiasm, but the weight of my own turmoil dampens my spirit.
The next moment, they enter the room, their faces alight with anticipation, their joy contrasting sharply with the heaviness within me. Henry rushes
toward me, his small arms outstretched, a beaming smile on his face. ”Maya!” he exclaims, his voice filled with innocent delight. He seems to have
forgotten all about what transpired in the morning. Children—what tender hearts they have.
I manage to smile, though it doesn”t reach my eyes. ”Hey, sweetie,” I say, my voice tinged with weariness. I pull him into a gentle embrace, savoring his
warmth and the pure love radiating from him. But even his presence, usually a source of solace, can”t fully chase away the shadows that cling to my
heart.
Jackson”s eyes search mine, his brows furrowed with concern. ”Hey, are you still moody?” he asks, his voice filled with a mixture of hurt and worry. I feel
ashamed to look him in the eye after how I acted in the morning.
I struggle to find words; my throat is constricted with emotion. My gaze flickers between Jackson and Henry, the ache within intensifying. Finally, I gather
the courage to speak, my voice barely above a whisper. ”I need to talk with you, Jackson. I found---------I found open alcohol bottling throughout the
house, are you drinking Jackson? I slowly lead Jackson into the kitchen, and point at all the bottles, awaiting an explanation that will soothe my heart.
“Maya, I do not know how to tell you this” Jackson tries to respond, but in my frustration. I abruptly cut him off “Tell me what Jackson? That you are an
alcoholic, oh let me guess those bottles were Emily’s?” Jacksom speechless reaches for my hand “Maya please let me explain.”
I take a deep breath and sadly say “I am all ears, Jackson; I am all ears.” Jackson takes a long sigh within, and tears start to slowly flow down his cheeks.
“Maya, when Emily passed away, I thought I would die. Had it not been for Henry, I would have just given up. I hate to admit this, but I did start drinking
nonstop. Maya, please try to understand, at that time, it was the only way I could make it from day to day.” With tears continuing to flow down his face,
“Maya I am so ashamed, but please believe me. I have stopped drinking. It took me some time, but I realized Henry needed his father, not a drunkard dad, I swear I am sober and have no desire to drink.”
I am so disappointed my heart is sinking within for Jackson. I can feel his sincerity and pain, but that does not change the fact he has not been honest with
me, I thought our relationship was different and open. “Jackson, I cannot express how hurtful this is for me, why did you withhold this from me? I would
have still loved you the same. Nobody is perfect and I understand you loved Emily and losing her was awful for you and Henry. I wish you would have
trusted the love I have for you and let me in. Is this the reason Margaret harasses you the way she does”? Jackson drops his head, and the tears continue
to stream down his face, he silently and ashamedly nods his head. I feel so sad for him but cannot help but wonder, am I a calculated project? “So, was this whole fake marriage thing a part of a strategy just to cover your tracks for Margaret, was any of it real?” Jackson passionately grabs me within his arms, tears steadily following and with remorse expresses “Maya, I love you. I knew the day I held you in my arms in that fire, I loved you. I am so sorry for not being honest. I was ashamed, but I promise I have stopped drinking. I do still go to classes for support, but that chapter in my life is over, you must believe me.”
Embraced within his muscles and emotions, I stare him in his eyes “Jackson most of the bottles are dusty and it was obvious they have not been opened
for a long time.” I sigh heavily and point at the one bottle where the dust has been wiped off and the cap untightened. “Why does this bottle look like it’s
been opened recently, if you have stopped drinking, Jackson?”
He pulls me closer, glides his hand down my face “Maya, the day you left, I did consider it, but I could not even pour it. I was so ashamed for even thinking
that way, but I realized that day, I am free from it. Why I have not thrown them away is just stupid. I will throw every bottle out. I need you to know, that
as fake as our marriage may be, it is just as real to me, and I pray it is our reality one day. Me and Henry’s life has changed drastically since you walked
into our lives, you must know this.”
“I need some time, Jackson.” I manage to say, my voice heavy with resignation. Henry walks into the kitchen and overhears me talking to his dad.
Henry”s expression shifts, his excitement giving way to confusion. ”Why? Don”t you want to play with me?” he asks, his voice laced with a hint of sadness.
Tears well up in my eyes as I kneel down to his eye level, gently cupping his face in my hands. ”Oh, Henry, it”s not about you, my sweet boy,” I say, my voice filled with tenderness. ”I just need some time to figure things out, to find myself again. Jackson please do not feel that I am trying to punish you, I am not. I just need time to process all of this.” After snapping at Henry this morning, I realized, I am dealing with insecurities and he does not deserve that, I feel so ashamed for allowing my frustrations to get the best of me. Henry deserves the love of a mother, and I question it. Can I be the mother he needs? Then I found those bottles”. I take a few steps back from Jackson.
Jackson”s hurt is palpable, etched across his face like a scar. ”Henry, please go to your room and change. I”ll come play with you in a moment,” he says, his eyes still fixated on me.
He takes a step toward me, reaching out as if to touch me, but then he withdraws, a mixture of pain and resignation flickering in his eyes. ”Maya, please
help me understand,” he says, his voice tinged with sadness. ”I have told you the truth about my past, and want you to be assured, you are all the mother
and wife we need. I told you I was going to do my best to ensure Margaret or anyone or anything else doesn”t make you feel inadequate. You don’t have
to leave; we can figure this out together.”
”I”m sorry, Jackson. I do not mean to hurt you; I just need some time away from all this. I can”t do this anymore,” I confess, my voice trembling with a mix of
frustration and fear. ”I feel so lost, so inadequate, and I know how you have tried to help me through this, but I don”t know if I can be what Henry needs or
even what you need. I need time.” I finally look up into his eyes and hold his gaze. What I see in them breaks my heart, but I can”t stay here and cause him
and Henry more pain with my confusion.
When he speaks, his voice is laced with desperation. ”Can”t we talk about this? Work through it together?”
My heart aches at his plea, the ache of a love that may be slipping through our fingers. But I know that to find my footing, to rediscover my purpose and passion, I must take this step. ”I appreciate your concern, but I need to do this for myself. I can”t ignore the turmoil inside me anymore. I need to find clarity, to figure out what I want and who I am.”
”I”ve packed a few things,” I say, my voice trembling. ”I”ll be staying at Maria”s place for a while, just to clear my head and find some clarity.”
Jackson”s eyes glisten with unshed tears as he watches me, his pain mirrored in my own.
”Maya, please reconsider,” Jackson pleads, his voice tinged with a mix of sorrow and frustration. ”You don”t have to go. I”ll give you all the space you need to clear your head, but you don”t have to leave.”
My gaze meets his, the love and pain entwined in his eyes is almost too much to bear. I take a deep breath, my voice laced with determination as I
respond, ”I need this time for myself, Jack. Our marriage... it”s not real. We both know that. I can”t keep pretending, not when everything feels so
uncertain.” I pause for a moment. ”And there”s something else. James called me earlier while you both were away... my paintings, they didn”t sell. The art
show... it”s canceled.”
His eyes widen with a blend of surprise and concern. ”I”m so sorry,” he says, his voice gentle. ”I know how much your art means to you. I want you to
always remember that I love you. I”ll support you in whatever you need to do. If this is what you need, then I won”t stand in your way.”
The weight of my decision hangs heavy in the air as I gather my belongings, which have been carefully folded and tucked into my suitcase. The bedroom
feels stifling, suffocating me with its memories and unspoken tensions. I can sense the hurt radiating from Jackson”s gaze, his eyes filled with a mixture of
sadness and resignation. Even Henry, usually full of energy and laughter, is sullen and withdrawn. He”s mindlessly playing with his toys beside me, but I
know he”s broken inside. But my mind is made up—I need this time away, a respite from the overwhelming chaos of my emotions.
When I finally stand to leave, Henry blocks my exit, his eyes filled with accusation. ”Maya, don”t go,” he pleads, his voice wavering.
I crouch down to his level, cupping his face in my hands, my heart breaking at the anguish in his eyes. ”Oh, sweetheart, it”s just for a few days,” I say, my
voice quivering. ”I love you so much, and I”ll be back before you know it. This is my way of figuring things out so that I can be the best mommy for you.”
His small hands grip mine tightly as if trying to anchor me to this place. ”Promise?”
A lump forms in my throat, making it difficult to speak, but I manage a weak smile. ”I promise, my love.”
His small arms wrap around me, forgiving and unconditional. ”I love you, Maya. I”ll be waiting for you.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as I release him, my heart aching for the pain I”m causing. I turn to Jackson, my voice filled with a mixture of gratitude and sorrow. ”Please try to understand, I’ll be back as soon as I have everything sorted out within me.”
With a heavy heart, I bid them both farewell, my eyes lingering on Jackson”s pained expression before turning away. As I walk out the door, the weight of
this moment presses upon me, amplifying the turmoil within. My footsteps echo in the hallway, a dissonant soundtrack to the ache in my soul. As much as
I realize I need this space, I feel like a failure. Jackson and Henry have already been hurt by the passing of Emily, and now I am leaving them, they deserve
so much better.
The commute to Maria”s place is a blur of restless thoughts and fragmented memories. I stayed with her after the fire ravaged my former building before
the renovations were done. My fingers fidget with the strap of my bag, the nervous energy radiating through my every movement.
As I arrive at Maria”s doorstep, a sense of familiarity washes over me, offering a glimmer of comfort amidst the storm of emotions. The door swings open,
revealing Maria”s warm smile and outstretched arms, ready to welcome me into a space of solace and understanding.
”Maya! Oh, it”s so good to see you,” Maria exclaims, her voice filled with genuine joy and concern. ”Come in, come in. Is everything all right? You sounded a bit somber over the phone.”
I step over the threshold, my eyes scanning the cozy living room. The air is infused with the aroma of freshly baked cookies, and soft music plays in the
background, lending an atmosphere of tranquility. I take a deep breath, gathering the courage to share the weight that burdens my soul.
”I”ll tell you about everything in a moment,” I say.
As we sink into the plush couch, Maria”s eyes, vibrant with curiosity, meet mine, beckoning me to share the burdens that weigh heavily on my heart.
”Well, there”s something you need to know,” I begin, my voice a delicate tremor betraying the vulnerability I feel. ”Jackson and I... we got married...”. Within I realize that I like the sound of those words.
A surge of delight washes over Maria”s face, and she springs up from the couch, her joy contagious. She enfolds me in a tight embrace, radiating pride and excitement. ”Oh my goodness! Why didn”t you tell me?” she exclaims, her voice brimming with genuine happiness. ”I”m so proud of you. But... why are you here? Did Jackson have to travel suddenly?”
I shake my head, a mixture of relief and trepidation intertwining within me. ”No, he”s actually in town,” I respond, carefully choosing my words. ”It”s just that... we”ve been going through some difficulties lately.”
A flicker of surprise dances across Maria”s face, her brows knitting together in concern. Leaning closer, her voice a gentle murmur, she inquires, ”Oh, really? What happened? Are you okay?”
Drawing in a shaky breath, my gaze fixates on a distant point, as if seeking guidance from unseen forces amidst the tangled web of emotions. ”It”s been a challenging time for us. We”re trying to find our footing as a family, particularly with the added pressure of Jackson”s mother-in-law intruding on our lives and constantly questioning my place.”
”His mother-in-law?” Maria interjects, her voice coated with curiosity.
I nod, a hint of weariness creeping into my expression. ”Yes, Jackson”s late wife”s mother. She keeps inserting herself into our lives, scrutinizing Jackson’s
parenting, and she makes me question my worth. We had a recent encounter, and it was... truly terrible. I know she lost her daughter, and I want to be
understanding for everyone. I genuinely believe Emily was a beautiful soul, but I cannot help how all this is affecting me. Is it wrong for me to feel this
way, Maria?”
Maria”s hand reaches out to grasp mine, her touch warm and reassuring. In that simple act, she offers a lifeline, a connection that soothes the ache in my
soul. ”I hate seeing you go through this,” she says, her voice filled with empathy. ”It”s not easy to navigate such complex family dynamics. But I want you
to remember that you are strong and resilient. You deserve happiness and respect.”
Tears shimmer in my eyes, reflecting the flickering candlelight as Maria”s words wash over me, carrying a glimmer of hope. ”Thank you,” I whisper, my
voice laden with gratitude. ”Your words mean more to me than you”ll ever know.”
A moment of silence settles between us, punctuated only by the soft hum of the air conditioner. ”And... there”s something else,” I confess, my voice
quivering with a blend of disappointment and vulnerability. ”My recent paintings... they didn”t sell. The art show I had been eagerly anticipating... it got
canceled.”
Maria”s eyes widen with genuine sorrow and her hand tightens around mine, offering a steadying grip.
”Oh, I”m so sorry,” she murmurs, her voice a tender caress. ”Your art is extraordinary, a reflection of your soul”s journey. I can only imagine how devastating it must be to see your creations go unnoticed. Your paintings carry a profound beauty and meaning that transcends the confines of a gallery or a price tag.”
Her words envelop me, and I release a shuddering breath, allowing myself to lean into Maria”s unwavering support, basking in the sanctuary she provides.
”I know,” I reply, my voice laced with a mixture of sadness and determination. ”It”s just... it feels like a blow to my self-worth. I poured so much of myself into those paintings, and to witness them go unnoticed feels like a personal rejection.”
With a tender squeeze of my hand, Maria conveys her understanding, her eyes filled with unwavering compassion. ”I understand, Maya. It”s natural to feel
disheartened but don”t let this setback define your worth as an artist or as a person. Your talent and your resilience will guide you through this, just as
they have in the past.”
A heavy silence blankets the room, carrying the weight of unspoken emotions.
”So what about Henry?” Maria asks, breaking the silence.
”He is devastated by my leaving, and it broke my heart to walk out on them, but I needed to clear my head and think about the recent happenings. I also
found myself being impatient with him and he just does not deserve that.”
”I know this must have been really hard for you. I”m glad you came here; I”m here for you. Whatever you need, just let me know.”