Chapter 83
Oh, shit. You said the librarian looked at your brother the same way. Did you ever wonder if I could be your brother?
I’ll just clear that shit up right now: I don’t have a sister.
In fact, I’m an only child. My parents have raised me at arm’s length.
They’re involved in my life and care whether I succeed or not, but I don’t feel like they truly know me.
You probably already know me more than they do.
At times, I feel like I’m living a double life.
The person I show to the entire world versus the one I show you and only you
I’ve done a million things I know I shouldn’t, all for the sake of my family name.
All for the sake of carrying on the family legacy.
I’m almost certain my father would have disowned me if he found out I’ve watched Pride and Prejudice before.
Or that I’ve been writing letters to a girl I’ve never met for weeks now.
A girl I’ve fallen for without ever meeting, without hearing her voice or even knowing her name.
I couldn’t get you off my mind the entire time I stared at my dinner plate on Thanksgiving.
All I thought of was the letter waiting for me after we got back from our break. Fuck, I think I’ve gone insane.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I’ve never felt that soul-tearing type of loss before.
Now that I’m sitting here thinking about it, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be capable of feeling a loss like that.
The kind that rips you apart. I’m not certain I’ve been raised to ever allow myself to feel those kind of emotions.
I don’t know what that says about me, but I know I like writing you. I need to know something, 17. Give me something, anything. Something no one else knows about you. Something only I could ever know about you.
More intimate than the details we share through our emails.
83