Chapter 5
BETH
H ope and companionship are two things I’ve given up on the further away from Eruption we get, and as I'm walking toward the pantry to see what I can find, I'm fighting back tears.
My chest tightens almost unbearably as I realize I'm no longer in this alone.
Granted, I don't know for how long or how much I'll be able to count on Knox, but for however long this lasts, I'm going to hold onto it. Being by myself has been so fucking stressful, just knowing there’s someone in this with me is enough to make me want to sob with relief.
Opening the bifold pantry doors next to the fridge, I almost collapse. Inside are two neatly stacked cases of bottled water.
Luck hasn't been on my side since Eruption started, but it looks like Knox has brought it to me in spades. Clearing my throat, I get my emotions under control before I shout happily. "We have two cases of water in here, Knox!"
"No shit?"
"Yeah, maybe deciding to travel together opened up a doorway to good things for us."
He holds up a couple of cans, giving me a grin. "Found food, so we don't have to eat what we brought. It's not fine dining, but it's better than nothing."
I recognize the orange cans. I used to eat the pasta back when my mom and dad didn't have a whole lot of money. Funny how it brings nostalgia now and tightens the hell out of my throat. "It'll be fine," I say, although my voice is paper-thin. “Think we can cook it in the backyard?”
“Should be able to. It’s been pretty quiet since we got here.”
It takes us a few minutes, but we find a pot and a couple of bowls. It's crazy that we don't even need to speak; we work like a well-oiled machine. He carries some paper and a box of matches we found, while I bring the pot, bowls, and the two cans of food.
Carefully, we step out of the back door and glance around because it's starting to get darker. "We can’t keep the fire going for very long," he says, his voice low and quiet. "If there are people around, they'll be able to see the flame and smell the smoke."
I reach up and rub my earlobe, fingering the earrings. Thankful that things have worked out for us today.
I know he's telling the truth, but I would kill for us to be able to sit by a fire and talk to one another.
We work together, getting the fire started and then putting the pot on the flame.
"Do you think it'll take very long? It makes me nervous being out here, as much as I would love for us to be able to be out in the open with no time limit.”
"Not at all. Twenty minutes, if that."
Sitting next to him, I allow my gaze to roam the parts of his body I can see.
His strong forearms flex as he stokes the fire, and I can't help but notice the tattoos that cover that flesh.
For a few moments, I allow myself to wonder what it'd be like if I could scrape my nails along the skin there and claim it for mine.
"You okay?" he asks, glancing over, with a smirk tilting up his lips.
"Why?"
God, I hope I didn't do anything that was embarrassing.
"You groaned. Just making sure nothing's wrong."
Shit. Leave it to me.
"Yeah, just thinking about when we have to leave here and how much farther we have left to go. I'm not looking forward to it." I hope he believes it and he doesn't know what I was thinking.
"Yeah, but hopefully with the Jeep, we'll be able to make it in a couple of days. It'll still be slow going, but we'll be able to move faster and safer."
It's what I hope too, that we'll make it in a couple of days. I've been roaming without a real direction in mind. Just trying to survive, and almost afraid to get too far from what had been my home. It was as if I stayed as close as I dared, then I wasn’t really leaving behind the life I knew. Which was fine right after the last of my family passed away, but I’ve been doing it for a long time now.
That changed recently. A few weeks ago, I heard about the community that's being built in what was Nashville.
That's when I'd gotten the idea to head that way.
There's only so long I'll be able to keep myself safe alone, but I do have reservations. "What if it's not what we think?"
He tips his head toward me. "What do you mean?"
"Like, what if we get there and it's dangerous? What if it's cult-like and we have to agree with stuff we don't want to in order to be able to stay there?" I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth and chew on it.
Stretching his legs out in front of him, he makes a noise when his knee pops. He winces, reaching down to rub the ache. "Then we'll leave, Beth. If you don't feel safe there, if I don't feel safe there, we'll leave. We're not staying somewhere that isn't good for both of us."
My chest warms, and I smile softly. "So we're planning on staying together?"
He raises his eyebrows and gives me an affectionate look. "Right now, it's nice to have someone with me. I've been alone a very long time, and it's nice just to have someone to talk to."
"Yeah, I agree. It's been lonely."
Our eyes meet. His have turned so dark they're almost black.
There are shadows there, and I wonder what he's seen in this time we've been apart and alone, but I don't want to ask him.
Then he might ask me what I've seen too.
The food in the pot starts bubbling, and he grabs the handle with a potholder.
"This should be hot enough. Let's get back inside. "
We stand and stomp out the fire with our boots, kicking dirt over it.
Once it’s out, we look around and let our eyes adjust to the night that's bearing down on us.
Once we can see, we head toward the back porch and enter the house.
"I found some emergency candles in the pantry. Let me go get one to light."
It takes me a few minutes to feel my way through the house and back to the pantry. Once I get there, I reach to where I knew the candles were. My fingers wrap around one, and then I head back to the kitchen. He lights it, and then we have a seat at the table.
"I don't know about you, but I haven't eaten at a table since Eruption." He says the words thoughtfully as he chews. "Didn't realize until this moment how much I missed it."
"Me neither. I'm glad I'm sitting here with you tonight."
He has a wistful look on his face. "I'm glad I'm sitting with you, too."
After we eat, Knox takes me outside again to take care of business while he keeps watch, and then I do the same.
We sacrifice a little bit of a bottle of water to wash up and brush our teeth.
Then we head to the bigger of the three bedrooms. It's got a king-size bed. He pushes a chair in front of the door to buy us time if anyone comes into the house while we’re asleep.
It’s designed to keep others night, and not me in.
"Are you okay with us sleeping in the same bed? I can make a pillow wall between us or sleep on top of the covers if you want to sleep below them."
I contemplate what he's asking and give him an honest answer.
"I haven't slept in the same bed with another person for years.
There's a part of me that's a little uneasy.
I knew you before the world ended, Knox.
That event changed a lot of people, and how do I know you aren't lying about who you are right now?
You've been extremely nice to me, and it seems like you're the same guy I knew, but you could be putting on an act, right? "
"I could be."
"But my gut, which I've learned to trust, tells me that you're fine. So don't fuck me over, Knox."
His lips are pressed together in a tight line, but his stance relaxes when I say those last words. "I won't, Beth. I promise, you don't have to worry about your well-being while you're with me."
Just like that, I believe him because I want to and because being alone again is the last thing I want to do.