Chapter 15
KNOX
M y mouth feels like it’s full of cotton, and I don’t have a good idea of where I am.
I’m only in my boxer briefs under the blanket that covers my body.
They must have used some of the pain medication we came across on our trip down here, because I'm fuzzy as fuck as I start to wake up. There's only one person I want though.
"Oh my God, Knox, you're awake!"
That voice. It sounds familiar, but not the person I was hoping to see.
I'm trying, in the depths of my mind to figure out who it is, and where I've heard it before.
However, I'm not firing on all cylinders and it isn't until I open my eyes that I know exactly who this is. "Maple? What are you doing here?"
The frown that spreads across her face tells me more than anything how annoyed she is with what I've said. One of the reasons why we couldn't make it work in the end. "I'm your wife, Knox. Ryker thought you might want to see me when you woke up."
"Babe," I shake my head. "We were married at one point, but we're divorced now. I'm happy to see you, but where's Beth?"
The frown deepens, and she crosses her arms over her chest in that way she always did when she felt like she wasn't going to get her way in the end.
My ex-wife hasn't changed much. She's still gorgeous, and although we're at the end of the world, I'm pretty sure she's still wearing makeup.
But looking at her doesn't do a single thing for me in the arousal department.
I don't have a reaction to her like I did when we first got married.
What died before Eruption is still completely gone.
The world going to shit didn't change that.
"Beth is the woman you came in with?" Her voice has an edge to it that I don't have the energy for right now.
It's the same one she'd get when we were married and fighting.
"She's been pacing outside that door for the better part of three hours.
" She pauses, watching to see what those words do to my expression.
I school it carefully. "She barely let Dr. Harmon touch you until she'd gone over everything herself first. Wouldn't leave until Ryker practically made her. "
“Why did he make her leave?” I ask, my voice scratchy and full of gravel.
She rolls her lips together with a practiced patience. When we were married I was always on her nerves because I had questions, and she hated giving answers. The same look on her face she got back then, is on it now.
“She was watching over the doctor and giving advice on how to treat you. She was in the way, and Ryker wanted her to get looked at, too.”
If she was in the way, then she was worried about me, and the chill in my chest turns fucking flaming.
Although I'm trying to keep my expression unreadable, she sees something there. I can tell by the way the interest in her eyes shift. When I first saw her, she had light in them, now it's much darker, like she understands that she and I won't be picking up where we left off.
She's always been smart enough to read a room, even when she didn't like what it was saying.
I try to push myself up onto my elbows and the pulling sensation in my side stops me short with a deep hiss of pain.
"Easy," she says automatically, reaching out to steady me, and for a moment she's the women who cared about me while we were married.
"Fine, I'll go get her," she says quietly. "She deserves to know you're awake."
"Thank you," I breathe out, trying to get comfortable. "I appreciate that."
Maple wants to say more, I can tell, but she doesn't, and instead turns on her heel to leave. Closing my eyes I inhale as deeply as I can and then let the breath out.
The door opens less than a minute later and then Beth is there, rushing in and jogging to my side.
The heaviness in my chest unknots itself just at the sight of her.
We've traveled together for a short amount of time, but seeing her right now?
It reiterates that everything that's changed in this world since Eruption has lead me to one conclusion. For me, this woman feels like home.
I never felt it before, when I was by myself. Constantly moving from one spot to another, trying to figure out where my place was. Being with her has somehow given me a purpose I didn't have before. Hopefully we can stay here. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I glance at her again.
She looks completely exhausted. There are shadows under her eyes that weren't there yesterday and her hair has come half down from whatever she'd put it up in, like she's been running her hands through it the way she does when she's worried.
She's still wearing the same clothes from this morning, and I notice she's got a smear of dried blood on her forearm that I'm pretty sure is mine.
Just inside the doorway, she stops for a second, like she's making sure what she's seeing is real, and then she crosses the room and sits down on the edge of the cot I'm lying on, close enough that I can feel the warmth of her.
Her eyes assess me, the way a nurses do, checking to make sure everything appears to be okay.
Then they find mine, and the clinical gaze drops away entirely.
"Hi," she says, and her voice comes out smaller than I think she intended it to.
"Hi," I say back. I reach over and cover her hand with mine where it's resting on the edge of the cot, and her fingers turn immediately and thread through mine like they've been doing it for years. "I'm okay, Beth."
Her jaw tightens, and she nods once. But I can tell by the way she's pressing her lips together that she is not going to let herself cry in front of me. I wish she felt comfortable enough to do that. "I know," she says. "I know you are."
"I'll be back to myself in no time at all."
Reaching up, she pinches her nose. "It burns," she explains.
Which means she needs to cry, but she's not allowing herself to do it. "You can let those emotions go right here. No one will know you're not a complete badass every second of every day. The fact is, you don't have to be, Beth."
"You saved my life," she sobs, leaning forward to wrap her arms around me. It's awkward, but she manages to hug me in a way that doesn't hurt. "Those men would've raped me and left me there, if they hadn't killed me first, if it wasn't for you."
"Hey," I lift her head up, pushing the falling tendrils of hair back from her face. "You survived a long time without me. You don't need me for that."
"I'm finding that I do," she whispers. "Not being with you for the last few hours has been hard."
I look at her face, really look at it the way I haven't let myself since we met at that abandoned building and she pulled her gun on me, and that's when I notice them.
Small pale studs, one in each ear, catching the low light of the room in a way that makes them look almost the same color as her eyes.
I don't know how I missed them before now.
Maybe I was too busy trying not to notice everything about her all at once.
"Where'd you get those?" I ask, reaching up to touch one gently with my fingertip.
She blinks, caught off guard by the question in the middle of all this other shit we have going on.
"My grandmother gave them to me," she says softly.
"I never take them out. I've had them since I was sixteen.
" She reaches up and touches the one my finger just left, like my noticing them made her remember they were there.
"I've had them through everything. Every hard day since Eruption.
They're the one thing I kept that still feels like the person I used to be. "
Her admission gets me right in the chest. The idea of her carrying that small piece of her old life through all of it, makes her more human than anything else we've been through.
She hasn't let Eruption break her, and those studs in her ears are proof of that.
I let my hand drop from her ear to her jaw, tilting her face up the way I did back in Beaver Dam, except this time there's no point to make and no authority to establish.
This time it's just because I want to see her eyes when I say what I'm about to say.
"I'm not going anywhere," I tell her quietly.
"And neither are you. We made it, Beth. We're here. "
"We are," she whispers. "And I want to stay. Wait until you see what this place looks like."
"Could it be home?" I ask, almost afraid of saying those words.
She nods, her eyes shining bright with unshed tears."I think it could be. If they allow it, and if you want to stay with me."
There's nothing else I'd rather do, but I don't think right now is the time to say those words. I'm saving them for the perfect moment, but I do allow myself to take the kiss I've wanted since she walked through the door.