Chapter 8 Scarlett
EIGHT
SCARLETT
Christmas is my sister’s favorite holiday, which is why she wanted to get married two days before Christmas so it will all be one big holiday. Her requirement was getting married where they celebrated Christmas to the max.
“Given the size of the grand ballroom, I think we could have invited more people,” Sienna says.
“I agree,” Mom says from her other side. “We’ll have to make some adjustments, otherwise the room is going to look mostly empty.”
“How could we have invited more people when this was all a mistake?” I ask.
Sienna and Mom look at me, smiling at me with their eyes. “Was it a mistake?” Sienna asks casually.
Simultaneously, they turn and look at where Connor is talking with Marion and another guest. They seem to think this ‘mistake’ was Connor’s doing. I’m not sure they’re wrong, but I’m also not sure they’re right. How would Connor have known my sister booked the event space in his family’s lodge?
“Not that we know what kind of man he is since we’ve never met him before,” Mom says pointedly.
I sigh, sliding deeper on the couch.
As soon as I’d walked into the room with our dinner earlier, they’d demanded to know everything about Connor and me. Their main question was why I hadn’t told them about Connor even though we’d dated for six months.
“Because I couldn’t figure out a way to introduce someone as my boyfriend,” I’d said. “It’s not like Luke, who came over for a group project in the ninth grade and never left.”
“What’s so hard about saying ‘This is Connor, my boyfriend’?” Sadie had asked. “I’ve done it lots of times.”
“I don’t know,” I’d said, shifting uncomfortably. I’d looked to dad for help because he’s the only one who understands me. My sisters take after our mother, both outgoing and fun. I take after dad--if given the option, I prefer to stay at home and not socialize.
“I thought we agreed we’re not going to talk about it until after the wedding?” Dad said.
Sienna paused in the middle of eating her salad. “But I need relationship tea. Is no one else offended that Scarlett didn’t tell us about her relationship?”
“Scarlett isn’t like you or your sister, Princess,” Dad said. “She needs time with these things.”
“She had almost two years,” Mom said. “This man clearly broke her heart and none of us knew a single thing. I find it very concerning.”
I understand why she thinks it’s concerning, but it really doesn’t need to be. I love my family and it’s not like I’m incapable of expressing emotions. I’m just a little more reserved in that department.
“When she’s ready, she’ll tell us about it,” Dad said. It seemed to draw an end to that topic.
I know dad is upset I didn’t tell anyone.
But I don’t know how to explain the sheer awkwardness I feel when I think of bringing someone home and introducing them to the family.
It’s not because my family is unpredictable or wild, or because I'm embarrassed of them. I find the whole idea of introducing someone to your family extremely cringe, for some reason. Like, hi family, this is the person I’m currently having sex with.
There’s a reason my parents put me in therapy, okay.
“I know you don’t want to hear it,” Sienna says now, “but he does keep looking over here.”
I didn’t have to look up from my ereader to know that. Connor’s gaze is heavy as it lands on me again and again, settling on me like a thousand butterflies.
“I wish I knew if I should encourage him or not,” Mom says.
“Ma,” I groan, lowering my ereader. “Just let it be.”
“Okay, okay.” Mom raises her hands in surrender. I know she’s not one to drop it this easily, but dad and Sadie bring over our hot chocolates and that keeps her from asking more.
I shift to the loveseat next to the couch with Sadie, letting dad sit next to mom. Other than dad, Sadie is the only one who won’t ask too many questions. We settle in and Sadie pulls a throw over us.
I have to admit, Marion has gone out of her way to make this cozy and comfortable and friendly.
This is the kind of niche thing which makes people come back or tell their friends about it.
There’s a healthy turn out of guests, there’s three different varieties of hot chocolate and many types of Christmas cookies.
Music is playing softly from a speaker, and if all that isn’t enough, snow begins to fall softly outside.
Marion turns off the music and steps up in front of the TV.
“Thank you so much for coming, everyone. Every year I do this, I think it’s the year no one is going to show up, but I do it anyway.” She looks around at the Christmas tree and decorations, sighing deeply.
“Christmas was my husband’s favorite time of the year. He always went all out and there were always big parties at the ranch. This is the second year I’m doing it without him but I’m so grateful to have my grandson here to help an old woman.” She smiles at Connor.
“Pretty sure you’re going to outlive us all,” he says.
“That’s what we used to say about your grandfather,” Marion says, making everyone laugh.
He helps her sit down in a large chair and turns the movie on, sitting down in the chair beside her.
While everyone is focused on the movie, I use the cover of darkness to watch Connor.
I used to wonder if I’ll ever see him again and what I’ll say to him if I do.
Now here he is, talking to Marion in low whispers, laughing quietly at whatever she’s saying.
“You’re staring,” Sadie whispers.
“I know,” I whisper back.
Marion said this is the second year she’s celebrating Christmas without her husband.
Connor left New York in August of that same year, the news of his sudden retirement a shock.
That must mean his grandfather died then, or shortly after.
Connor told me his grandfather raised him and his brothers, but he’d never wanted to stay here so he’d fought with his grandfather to leave.
I don’t want to know the reasons why he left New York because I want to hold on to my anger for as long as possible.
But I can’t stop myself from feeling a twinge of sympathy for the man I loved.
I can’t help wondering if he left because of a family emergency.
But then why didn’t he tell me? I would have gone with him, I would have supported him. I’m not fucking heartless.
Connor looks up and right at me, our eyes meeting in the darkness. From the moment he asked me out, I haven’t been able to describe this pull I feel towards him. It’s like my soul recognizes his soul and wants to be near him.
“Oh, this is so not over,” Sadie mumbles next to me.
“Sadie!” I hiss.
“Don’t say my name like that,” she says. “I’m not the one making intense eye contact with my ex after throwing water in his face, threatening to break glass over his head, and telling my family I don’t care about him.”
I wince. I have been embarrassingly erratic today. I force myself to look away from Connor. It feels like pulling apart something that’s been stuck with glue.
“It’s over,” I tell Sadie.
“Uh-huh.” She nods, glancing between me and Connor. “I believe you.”
“We’re not getting back together,” I say.
“Sure,” Sadie says, sipping on her hot chocolate.
“I don’t care what you say. I have to focus on the wedding.”
“I believe you. I’m on your side.”
It doesn’t feel like she’s on my side. It doesn’t feel like I believe half the things I’m telling her.