Chapter Four #3
“I would run through the woods, try to lose myself there, try to be one of the animals, because there was nothing left in me as a human but darkness. I lost my heart, and if we have souls, that was gone as well. I couldn’t feel for anything or anyone.
My father had shaped me into a killing machine.
The military did the rest, giving me more tools.
Everywhere I trained only added to my arsenal of weapons.
I felt nothing. I’d become the very thing my father was. ”
Harlow didn’t believe him. He might see himself that way, but she saw him differently. She saw into him. She absolutely knew she wasn’t building a fantasy about who he was. She’d witnessed his kindness, how gentle he could be. “Wilder…”
His thumb slid across her lips, silencing her.
“Let me get this out. You don’t know the reputation I have in my agency.
I am the psycho. The wild card. The one Blom sent when he needed multiple cartel members taken out because I have no fear of death.
I have no filters. I never stop. That’s what he values in me. ”
She’d definitely heard that rumor about him. Yet…“What about Rainier?” Because to Harlow, Rainier seemed far scarier.
“Rainier keeps to a code of honor, and he instilled that in me and a few others. Having a man like Rainier believe in me kept me from being a complete psychopath, but I still knew there was no redemption for me. And then one day, I saw you. You were on a boulder, and the sun hit you just perfectly. You looked like a fiery angel with your hair blazing red, blowing in the wind. I saw you helping two climbers who were obviously new to the sport; you were so patient with them. They were older and obviously strangers, but you took time out of your recreation to help them. After that, every chance I got, I came to Knightly to see you. I stalked you like the creeper psycho I am. When Sam needed help and wanted you and your friends safe, I drew your name, and I knew it was fate. I was supposed to have you.”
Harlow found herself blushing. She was a redhead, her skin pale, and when she was embarrassed, she had never been able to stop the wild color from creeping into her face.
She remembered that encounter with Wilder very vividly.
That had been the start of her secret obsession with him.
She didn’t need him bringing up that particular event.
She hadn’t behaved with her usual reserve.
In fact, she had no idea what had gotten into her.
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that.” Although she liked that her first encounter with him hadn’t been the first time he noticed her. She actually liked that a lot, even though he had described himself as a creeper and a stalker.
“Maybe we need to talk about that. You fought me, do you remember? Because every single second of that day is burned into my memory. That was the day a light started in me. You were like a little wildcat, all flames and claws.”
The memory flooded her mind—and body. She had no idea why she had suddenly been so out of control that day.
She was all about discipline. All about control.
As a child, she had learned to act, to show the world the perfect family.
Her training had come with her father’s heavy-handed lessons and her mother siding with her father, even if he’d given her a black eye or split lip.
She knew how to play a part, but whenever she was close to Wilder, every single bit of self-control seemed to go out the window.
Wilder had come to get her to take her to a safe house where Sam’s friends would watch all the women they believed were in danger.
She had refused to leave her shift. Wilder hadn’t argued with her; he’d simply picked her up and carried her out.
She’d been shocked. She had fought him but not for the reasons she should have been fighting.
One simply didn’t leave their shift. She wanted to blame her reaction on that sacred fact, but it wasn’t about that.
She was terrified of her body’s reaction to him.
She’d never experienced anything remotely like that attraction before.
She had fought him, slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, as if she didn’t weigh anything at all, when she was no petite woman.
He stopped abruptly in the dark hallway, dropped her feet to the floor as he pushed her back against a wall, trapping her there with his body.
If she was being honest with herself, she couldn’t remember if she had been the one to make the first move or if he had.
She only knew their chemistry was explosive, something she had never experienced and found impossible to resist.
His mouth came down on hers, and the world around her ceased to exist. The strict boundaries she’d always placed on herself shattered.
The earth moved, and colors burst bright and hot through her mind.
He wasn’t gentle. There was nothing gentle about him—or her.
She wasn’t exactly experienced, but it didn’t seem to matter.
Wherever he led, she followed. There was such an exchange of air, as if she were breathing it right from his lungs.
When he finally lifted his head—and she had no idea of time passing—he swung her back over his shoulder and took her out to the waiting truck.
“Yes, well.” Harlow really didn’t want to talk about her reactions to him. And it wasn’t the only time. There had been one other. She’d reacted to him exactly the same way. It was so humiliating, and he probably thought she threw herself at every man she came across.
She’d been at the Grill with her friends, dancing, and two males, both tourists, were drunk and got very handsy with her.
She stepped outside to get away from them, and of course, they followed her.
She was about to deal with them when Wilder came out of nowhere and did it for her.
In under a second, both men were on the ground.
He’d dispatched them with such ferocity and quickness, she felt as if she’d blinked and both men were writhing, bloody and broken.
The nurse in her had kicked in, and she started to aid them.
Wilder yanked her up and away from them, hauling her around to the side of the building, and just like that, she was once again trapped between his body and the wall.
He’d growled when his hand had settled around her wrist to pull her away from the two men.
Actually growled. She should have been afraid of him.
He looked untamed. Scary. His eyes, that light, crystalline green, seemed to glow in the darkness.
Was she afraid? No, because she didn’t have an ounce of self-preservation when it came to him.
Their mouths fused together, and just like the first time, he transported her to a different place—a different world where she was truly free.
There was no thinking. No worry. No blame.
Only pure feeling. His hand was rough in her hair, pulling her head back to give him better access.
His body was hard against hers, making her feel as if she were surrounded by a fortress, steel walls impossible to penetrate.
Nothing could ever get to her. No one could ever abuse her physically, emotionally or mentally again. She was safe.
But she wasn’t. She could fall in love with this man.
He was born of violence. Of danger. There was something dark and twisted in him, and it called to something that was deeply ingrained in her, something she’d never been able to overcome.
Compassion? Empathy? The need to nurture?
She only knew that this was the one man who put her in more danger than any other.
She had a deep need to nurture others, to save them, and unfortunately for her, Wilder was the ultimate male who needed salvation.
“Physical attraction doesn’t make a relationship.” She went for superior. Haughty.
“Do you really think my need of you is just about physical attraction? I’m addicted to the way you laugh.
The way you are with your dog. The way you treat your patients.
How thoughtful you are with your friends.
It’s beautiful to watch you when you’re interacting with children.
I know we belong, Harlow, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not.
You and me, and I intend to get us there.
You may not know it, but you need someone in your life who is willing to protect you, someone who will put you above everything and everyone else.
Someone to see to your happiness. That someone is me. ”
That left her with nowhere to go. As he declared his intentions, his strange light green eyes glowed like the moon.
The truth was Wilder was a dangerous man, and one couldn’t be in his presence without feeling it.
That should be what scared her about him.
Knowing he was ruthless and hunted human beings should have sent her running.
That he was the man sent to foreign countries or maybe a remote area on his own to track criminals or traitors and quietly dispose of them should terrify her, but none of those things did.
The way he looked at her did. The possession.
The need. A hunger. Even stark desire. It wasn’t the same as when other men looked at her and wanted her.
Wilder took it to an entirely different level, and everything in her responded.
Harlow knew he didn’t give his attention to anyone else.
She had watched him closely when he was in Knightly with Rainier and the others.
He didn’t look at women, although if he was in the bar or coffee shop, the café, it didn’t matter where, there was always someone flirting with him.
He brushed them off, or sometimes, he didn’t deign to notice them.
But he always noticed her. She knew he was aware of her the moment she walked into a room, just as she was always aware of him.