Chapter 17
17
Aaron
I stand with one hand poised to knock and the other balancing a tray with champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries, trying to steady my breath. This screams “trying too hard” but when it comes to Holly, I could never do enough. And as much as she’s been downplaying it, I want to make tonight special for her.
Holly wanting to freshen up gave me time to take a desperately needed shower— needed because I started sweating like a glassblower’s arse when she told me she wanted to do item three.
As I showered, a heavy weight settled on me. I’ve yearned for this moment. The chance to be with Holly means more to me than anything else in my life—other than the happiness of my mum, of course. More importantly, Holly trusts me enough to include me in this life-changing experience. Is she right? Am I making this a bigger deal than it is because I’m being a typical guy? Regardless, you always remember your first time, good or bad, so I can’t let her down.
I won’t let her down.
Taking one more fortifying breath, I knock on the door. “Holly?”
Jesus, I can’t believe how nervous I sound. Man up, Aaron. Confidence is sexy. Having the glasses rattle because I’m shaking so much is not.
“Come in.”
When I open the door, I find Holly standing in front of me in boy shorts and a tank top. I kick the door closed and set the tray down, not taking my eyes off her. God, she’s beautiful.
She chews her lip. “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t very sexy.” She waves her hand up and down in front of what has, literally, made my mouth go dry. I’m grappling for words to express how gorgeous she is when she tacks on. “I… uh…didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard, or like I was expecting anything, you know? From… uhm, whoever was going to help me with…you know. Which is stupid since it being on the lists means I was expecting it but…” She exhales a quick burst of air. “I probably shouldn’t talk about a hypothetical guy when you’re standing in front of me.”
She’s so adorable right now that I don’t even acknowledge the spark of jealousy. Someone else could have been standing here right now, but Holly chose me. Even from a few steps away, I can see her pulse beating in her neck. She keeps swallowing hard and licking her lips, clearly nervous. But there an energy radiating off her. A confidence I doubt I’ve ever seen on her. It’s a huge fucking turn on.
“C’mere.”
I hold out my hand to her and she closes the gap between us. Her dark, wavy hair falls just below her shoulders, and she’s not wearing any makeup. I swear to God if Holly, wearing what she is wearing now, looking at me with her wide, trusting eyes, was standing next to a Victoria’s Secret model, I would walk on fucking coals to have Holly in my arms.
Needing to touch her, I put my hands on her upper arms. My trembling fingers betray how much this moment matters. My voice is low, roughened by the weight of what I need her to understand. “Holly, you’re breathtaking. Not just because of how beautiful you are—God knows you are—but because of everything that makes you you . Your mind, your soul. The way you handle everything that life throws at you with strength and courage that I could only wish to have. It’s the way you care for people, for me, without hesitation. It’s your laugh, and your wit. Holly, every single part of you turns me on, and I can’t stand the thought of you doubting that for even a second. You’re perfect, just the way you are.”
She looks at the carpet. Maybe I took it too far, but the words exploded out of me, and I couldn’t have stopped them if I tried. I touch her cheek, and she looks up at me. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
She nods, and I swear she’s holding her breath just like I am. “I know. I trust you.”
God, this woman is going to bring me to my knees. Before things get more intense, I need to bring some levity in.
“And…you’re even sexy in a housecoat.”
She punches my shoulder. “Loser.”
I shake my head. “Not tonight. Tonight, I’m the winner of the best prize.”
What the fuck was that? Jesus, I must be more nervous than I thought. Either that, I’m becoming as cheesy as the old farts down in the pub. “You think you could kiss me and save me from myself?”
Her laugh is like melted chocolate. “I think I should.”
She kisses me, but just as I try to deepen it, a laugh bursts free of her.
I take a step back and place a hand on my heart. “You’re killing my ego here.”
She wipes away the tears of laughter, and I fight back a smile. “How the hell were you Willowmoore’s biggest man-whore with pick up lines like that?”
My nerves dissipate. “Fuck knows, but keep laughing, Trouble. I’ve been itching to give you a spanking since the day you arrived.”
“That so?”
“You have no idea.”
“You better make good on that promise, sir.”
I tuck a stray stand of still damp hair behind her ear. She smells edible. “I plan on it, Trouble. But not tonight.”
I smirk at the disappointment on her face. I love how expressive she is. Ever since she asked me to help her with the list, she’s become more comfortable and confident about telling me what she wants. That’s going to be so important for us going forward. “All in good time. BDSM is not something you go straight into before you’ve tried plain old vanilla first.”
She blows out a breath. “Okay fine, what do we do next to get this show on the road?”
“Aren’t you the eager one?”
“Uh, yeah. Wouldn’t you be if you were a nineteen-year-old virgin?”
“You make it sound like you’re in the eighteen-hundreds and about to be labelled a spinster.”
She folds her arms across her chest and narrows her eyes. “Compared to everyone else I know, I may as well be.”
“Not for long, Trouble. So, I’m getting the impression you’re still up for doing this, but I need to be sure.” I wink at her. “Are you certain you still want to do this?”
She laughs. “Am I sure I want the guy I’ve been fantasising about for years to fuck me? Hell yeah.”
Fuck! I kiss her, stifling the groan that wants to burst free from my throat. Her taste, her lips moving tentatively against mine… It’s so goddamn sexy. I deepen the kiss, telling her with my lips what I I dare not say with my words. I love you.
I grip her hips and pick her up. Her legs instinctually wrap around my waist as I carry her to the bed and lay her down gently.
“Holly, I’d like to take your clothes off now.”
She stretches her arms above her head. “Be my guest.”
“Sit up for me, Trouble.”
She does as she’s told, but I have no illusions that she’s giving up control, and I don’t want her to. I’ve witnessed her transformation from someone who was controlled at every turn to this amazing woman who is actively reclaiming her life.
My fingers graze the bottom of her tank, and it feels incredible to touch her skin. As I lift the top over her head, I slide my fingertips over every inch of the exposed skin along her ribs.
Goosebumps erupt in the wake of my fingers, and her breathing becomes erratic. My cock twitches at how my touch affects her. I toss her tank to the floor, and sit back, my gaze raking over her body. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” I lower my head and take her nipple into my mouth.
Her hands immediately tangle in my hair. She tugs me closer, her back arching off the bed. “That feels so much better when you do it.”
I graze my teeth over her nipple. “It’s rude to talk about other guys when someone is devouring you.”
Her face turns crimson. “I wasn’t talking about Ben, although, yeah, you do it better than he does. What I meant is, it feels so much better when you do that versus when I touch myself.” She throws an arm over her face. “I’m about to die of embarrassment here. Would you mind continuing so I can at least die happy?”
Even though she is clearly feeling shy and embarrassed, I love that my girl is still asking for what she wants.
“Baby, I’m going to make you feel so good, but I need to know a few things first.” I’m a fucking asshole because we should have had this conversation before I started getting her naked.
She pulls the comforter around her, and I hate that I’ve made her feel so vulnerable.
“Holly, I want this to feel good for you. To do that, I need to know how much experience you have.”
She blushes a beautiful shade of pink and dips her head.
“Hey, you don’t need to be embarrassed, okay? Look at me. Trouble, look at me.”
She raises her head. “I don’t have experience. Ben…Ben and I would fool around. Occasionally he would do some stuff, but clearly not well and um…” she dips her head again but just as quick lifts her head in defiance. “I’ve touched myself, but… oh God, this is mortifying. This is why losing it to a stranger is better.”
She starts to squirm her way off the bed.
“Holly, please don’t be embarrassed. “Losing it to some one-inch wonder who just wants to get his dick wet is never going to be better than losing it to someone who cares about you.”
“You care about me?”
“Of course, I care about you.”
I see the doubt in her eyes and wish I didn’t have to be so vague. I wish I could tell her I was in love with her. But I won’t lead her on. There’s more to my decision than just breaking a promise to Spencer. Now that Holly’s gaining control of her life, I don’t want to do anything that could influence her. She needs to have as many life experiences as she can. It’s not like I think Holly will throw her life away and beg me to marry her, but she doesn’t need me to complicated. So, I’ll keep things light and fun and make sure this experience is something Holly remembers for the rest of her life. I won’t think about how my heart will shatter when she leaves. I’m just going to be grateful that I’ll be her first.
And on that note, I need to get as much information as I can before we start because I need to know how much I’m going to hurt her.
“Trouble, I know this is uncomfortable, and I’m not trying to be a dick. There’s a good chance this is going to hurt, and I need to know how much I’m going to hurt you. Because it’s killing me to know that I’m going to cause you any pain. Other than if I was giving you a spanking that is.”
Her laugh brings me such relief, so I jump into the other question I need to ask. Maybe it would be less uncomfortable to have a stranger do this because they wouldn’t take the time to care—supposing they even knew she was a virgin to begin with. But I want to make this as painless as I can.
“Have you used a vibrator before?”
She crosses her legs on the bed. “Although I have never been so mortified in my life, I will give you this…you would make the absolute perfect book boyfriend. Reader’s ovaries worldwide would be exploding all over the place.”
“Say what now?”
She shakes her hand. “It’s a bookish reference. To answer your question, the only things to ever come near my fun parts in a sexual way is fingers. And I’ve only every orgasmed with my own fingers. My turn to ask you uncomfortable questions.”
I move forward, so she has to lie back down and part her legs for me. “How about I make you come instead?”
“I think this is a cop-out.”
“Well, if you think so…” I start backing off her.
She grabs me by the shirt. “Oh no, you don’t.”
“Apologise for the cop-out comment.”
“Over my cold, dead body.”
“The romance just keeps coming from you.”
“Thank you, after all, I am a romance author.”
I give her a sly smile. “What do you say I give this romance author a mind-blowing orgasm?”
“I’d say what are you waiting for?”