Chapter Nine
"Goddess give me strength," Talia muttered, squeezing her eyes shut as she tipped her head back to the ceiling.
The room was littered with papers. Books and stacks of reports were piled high on every surface. Talia sat at the desk, hunched over yet another meeting transcript from the Council while I was crossed legged on the floor pouring over the plethora of history books I had pulled from the library.
My eyes stung from hours of concentration, my hand cramped from scrawling notes.
This meeting better be worth it.
"We're in the home stretch," I assured her, stretching my arms over my head, soft pops cracking down my spine.
"Until the next time," she grumbled and swiped her fingers underneath her eyes.
She was right.
We had been in my room prepping since the early hours of the morning for a meeting that would inevitably stretch through the evening. And then we would have to do it all over again.
Lucien was right. The Council didn't trust me. They feared the unknown and would take any opportunity to shoot me down.
I couldn't let them take the shot. Preparation was my armour. Planning my shield. I would be prepared for whatever they decided to throw at me.
"I'm going to get you some sugar and then you go back to sleep," I decided, pushing myself from the floor.
Talia shook her head but I could see the tiredness lurking in her eyes.
"You don't need to go to the meeting. You've done more than enough to help this morning." My tone left no room for argument even though I could see her straining not to.
"You don't have to face them alone." Her voice was small, soft, making me freeze as I turned the handle to leave.
The ache filled my chest - the yearning to just let go, to feel the pressure bleeding behind my eyes to finally break. My shoulders longed to share the burden. Only I couldn't do that, not to her. I knew Talia would take it on if I let her but I couldn't be that selfish.
"You know me," I answered, barely glancing over my shoulder in case she could catch any wavering in my eyes, "I love a good fight."
The halls blurred together, doorways blending into one as my feet moved on their own.
Something tugged deep in my chest - a black hole, sinking and inevitable. It gripped my heart, squeezing and crushing, dragging me down as my mind poured over all the possibilities, everywhere things could go wrong.
If I could prepare for all eventualities, I wouldn't be caught out. I just needed to keep going.
Never stop moving.
I turned the corner with my mind racing, ears not listening, nose not checking.
I skidded to a stop moments before my face would have collided with a chest.
Fresh pine. Musky amber.
My heart stalled, breath catching in my throat as I recognised that unmistakable scent that threatened to fill my head with cotton wool.
Dax.
My wolf howled, urging me to sway forward and lean into the warmth radiating from his chest. The pull hummed under my skin, a magnetic current that called to him.
No. Not now.
I took a step back, making sure my mask was fully in place before I looked up at those soothing, chocolate eyes.
He was already looking at me, his shadowed jaw clenched, thick brows set in a stern line. It was the most casual I'd seen him, a check shirt stretched loosely over his broad chest and tucked into a pair of dark jeans. Neat and polished with an edge of ruggedness. It suited him.
Dax cleared his throat. The sound hung between us, stilted and awkward.
"How's your shoulder?" he asked and I had to fight back a shudder as the deep, velvety sound wrapped around me.
There was a deep throb at his question, like the wound was remembering even when all that was left days after the attack were some nasty scabs.
"It's fine," I answered, sharp and short.
Apparently that wasn't good enough. His lips pressed in a line, hardened eyes flicking to my shoulder.
"You didn't go to the healer." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. He knew. He checked.
Warmth threatened to burn away the ice in my veins.
"I didn't need one." The coldness was forced, artificial, but I couldn't let my guard down now, even if my wolf was pleading to fall into him.
"You nearly bled out," he snapped, eyes flashing amber. He started to take a step forward, his leg moving into my space before he planted firmly to the ground again and swayed away from me.
"It was barely a scratch." I brushed off his concern with practiced nonchalance though my heart trembled at the concern buried under his frustration.
"You could have died, Kiera," Dax growled, rough and protective but quiet enough to keep our conversation private even though there were no prying eyes.
My name on his lips felt reverent. Fated.
I wanted to hear it again, growled in the heat of passion and whispered as his last word before he fell asleep.
No.
He made it clear how he felt.
"I'm fine, Alpha Varyn." I could feel the icy coolness, the frosty detachment as I spoke. I almost regretted it when I noticed the subtle flinch in his eyes, the twitch of a frown before his expression smoothed again.
"I'm not being responsible for you dying on my land," he ground out, nose twitching in disgust and everything made sense again.
This wasn't care or concern - it was self preservation.
The realisation stabbed my chest with a scorching blade.
I levelled him with a cool glare. "I don't go down so easily."
I turned before I could feel my heart waver again, before I could let myself melt in his warmth.
Cracks spidered the surface but he wouldn't see me break.
Everything was focused, measured. Every breath, every step the picture of composure. I wouldn't be shattered no matter how my heart splintered.
"Daxy," her sickly sweet voice cooed as she almost skipped down the hall. "And Kiera. How lovely to see you."
I wanted to claw out those doe eyes and watch her scream.
Instead I took a steadying breath and gave her a polite nod.
"I heard you had a little struggle with a rogue," Lyra said with sympathy I could almost believe was sincere. "I'm so glad Dax was able to save you. I guess there's not much to fight all the way up there. Except for snowstorms."
She let out a tittering giggle at her joke, her smile beaming as she took her place next to Dax's side. Her manicured claws wrapped around his arm, one around his bicep and the other resting on his forearm while her body leaned into his.
"We have our share," I answered coolly, feeling the tempting chill rise at the back of my neck.
"Oh you do?" she asked, her head tilting to the side as she watched me. "I hadn't heard your rogue problem was as bad as ours. I guess I can see why you're here to plead for the Council's help."
Her words had me bristling and the effort of holding back the icy chill that wanted to spread was bringing back my headache.
"I'm here for a treaty."
Her hand slid slowly over Dax's arm, subtle and comforting.
"Well don't push yourself too hard," she said, giving me one of those warm smiles. "I wouldn't want to start out my time with Eclipse Hollow with a reputation for not taking care of the Council's guest."
Guest.
The word hung in the air between us, a heavy reminder of what I was really seen as here.
Not a fellow wolf, not an Alpha, just an outsider.
My eyes moved to Dax. His jaw tensed, a flash of something behind his eyes, but he stood stoney faced as Lyra leaned her head against his shoulder.
I wasn't even worth defending.
The bile churned in my stomach, pin pricks of fiery darts stabbing my chest.
I gave the two a nod and walked around them to continue down the hallway.
Dax's fiery gaze heated my back, twisting the knife in my heart even further.
My skin crawled. Disgust gnawed at me.
After everything, every heartless interaction, I still yearned to be near him.
The self loathing crept up my spine as I realised how easy it would be to forget the pain and humiliation if he would just accept the bond.
But he wouldn't accept me. He wouldn't defend me, wouldn't love me.
I was an outsider, a political nobody, not seen as strong or useful. I was unknown, a threat.
That's how he saw me, how all of them saw me.
Well they could try and freeze me out - I'd survived worse storms and I wasn't about to break now.
I would show them what the North was made of.
The pull between them in strong but Kiera is stronger.
Does Dax care or is he just being careful?