Chapter 19 #2
I rock backward for a second, surprised, until I gain my footing and wrap my arms around her in return, cautiously at first, afraid she might slip away.
To have her willingly press against me like this, her body warm and soft…
My heart clenches in a way that almost hurts.
Like maybe I’m halfway to earning that trust I so desperately crave.
She’s still silent, but it doesn’t feel heavy.
More like something fragile, but real. A tenuous connection I grab onto with both hands, afraid to lose it again.
I want to stay in this moment, memorize every second of it.
The way her fingers curl lightly into the fabric of my shirt.
The way her head rests against my chest.
She leaves all too soon, though, letting go and taking a step back as she wipes under her eyes. “Sorry,” she mumbles.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“I feel like I’m jerking you around and I don’t want to be like that. I’d hate if someone did that to me.”
She looks like she has more she wants to say, so I wait.
Her weight shifts from foot to foot, glancing at me then away as she sticks her hands in her pockets.
“You’re right that trust isn’t something I give easily, especially lately.
I don’t want to get hurt again. But that’s not fair to you, when you’ve done nothing but show me over and over you’re here for me. ”
She looks at me, her hazel eyes a mesmerizing mix of green and honey-brown, clear and hopeful. “I really like you, Nick. Even if that scares me a little.”
My pulse pounds loud in my ears, wanting to believe I heard her right, but a part of me is afraid to move, afraid to breathe for fear the moment will slip away.
I’ve spent so long sure that my feelings for her were one-sided, that there’s no way I could atone for my past mistakes.
But she said she forgives me, that she was never angry to begin with.
Warmth trickles through my chest, equal parts relief and exhilaration, all the words I should be saying jumbling together in my throat that’s suddenly gone parched.
I swallow hard. “I really like you, too.” It’s all I can seem to manage.
“Maybe we can take things slow,” she whispers.
I nod before she’s finished, embarrassed at my eagerness, but she seems to like it from the way she smiles, biting her lip as she looks up at me shyly.
Unable to help myself, I slide my hand around the back of her neck, loving how her eyes drift shut, a dreamy expression on her face as I bend to kiss her. The touch of her soft lips is a homecoming, and I purposefully keep it light, not wanting to scare her off again.
This time is a gentle exploration, learning the shape of her lips. I ache to grip her waist and tug her in tight against my body, to press her against the counter and let her feel exactly how much she turns me on.
But if she wants to take things slow, I’m right there with her. I want her to be comfortable.
I end the kiss, resting my forehead against hers, my fingers playing with the loose strands of hairs at the back of her neck.
“If I keep kissing you, I won’t be able to keep it slow much longer.” The words are gravelly, the stirrings of lust thickening them.
I feel her grin more than see it, and she gives me one last peck before moving away. “Thank you. You ready to eat?”
I nod, my gaze lingering on her lips, already wanting dinner to be over so I can kiss her goodnight.
But I’m happy to listen to her chatter throughout the meal about a breakthrough she had with Sydney today and a promotional idea she has for Father’s Day in a few weeks, which notoriously doesn’t get as many sales as Mother’s Day.
More than anything, I love that she’s opening up to me and letting me into her world.
Near the end of dinner, she claps her hands over her mouth and says, “Oh my God, I forgot the garlic bread.” She scrambles to get up and I catch her hand.
“It’s fine. The lasagna is amazing.” Seriously. She’s as good a chef as she is a baker.
“I made sure to bring home bakery bread and everything. But then we started talking and—”
“We got a little distracted, didn’t we?”
Her thumb brushes over my knuckles as she sits back down, making my stomach dip low. “We did. Next time, then.”
I like the sound of there being a next time.
When dinner is over, Rachel yawns, and I’m reminded of her telling me she works baker’s hours. She must get up crazy early.
“I can do the dishes, then get going,” I tell her, but she shakes her head.
“You did them at the bakery the other week. We’re not making that a recurring thing.”
She walks me to the door, her hand slipping in mine. Already it feels completely natural for it to be there.
“Thank you for coming over,” she says, as if I was the one doing her a favor.
I nod, savoring the warmth of her palm against mine. “Can I take you on a date sometime soon?”
Her lips twitch, as if she’s fighting a losing battle with a smile. “I’d like that.”
“I work tomorrow, but I’m free Monday.” Shit. Is that too soon? Then again, she knows I’m crazy about her. It’s too late to play it cool.
Her hand squeezes mine. “Monday’s good.”
“How about the bistro?” It’s not gourmet, but it’s the fanciest restaurant we have in Aurora without having to travel further.
“That sounds great. I haven’t been there in forever.”
This seems too easy. Things don’t go this right for me, especially when it comes to Rachel. I have to get out of here before I screw everything up. But first…
I cup her jaw, sweeping my thumb over her cheekbone. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” She leans toward me, and that’s all the cue I need to take her lips in a soft kiss.
It’s not the kind of kiss that steals the air from your lungs, but everything else fades away all the same. It’s slow and warm and grounding. Like stepping into a quiet moment I hadn’t realized I’ve been waiting for.
My heartbeat steadies as my hand cups her cheek, hoping my fingers aren’t too rough against her delicate skin. She leans in further, and though it’s not the desperate, frenzied kiss like the last time I was at her house, it’s just as good. Solid in an undeniable way.
The start of something more.
When we finally pull back, only a breath apart, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act like I don’t need this all the time. Need her. She said she wanted slow, but I’m in so deep…
There’s no coming back from this.
“I’ll see you soon.”
She nods in response, and I love the slightly hazy look in her eyes, as if that kiss affected her as much as it did me.
I don’t think two days are ever going to seem so long.