Chapter 20 #2
It’s a twenty-minute walk home, but I wore heels in an attempt to be fancy, and there’s no way I can make it that distance wearing them. Better call for a ride.
I don’t want to dissect the date the way Jae will want to, and don’t want to be teased the way Sydney’s sure to do, so I call Hailey. She says she has dinner in the oven but can be there in fifteen minutes, which I gratefully accept.
I flag down our waitress and pay, but can’t tell if her look is one of pity or not as she boxes up our leftovers and hands them to me.
Heading outside to avoid any more unwanted sympathy, I cross the street to look inside the flower shop’s window while I wait for my sister.
It’s already closed for the day, but the soft glow of the streetlamp nearby casts a golden wash over the display.
Pale pink flowers I don’t know the name of curl up next to cheerful daffodils and tulips in a vase, clusters of tiny white baby’s breath nestled between them.
Something about seeing the flowers like this when the shop is closed, like they’re ready for someone to buy them tomorrow, reminds me of the bakery before we open.
I sometimes imagine the pastries lined up in the display case are waiting in quiet anticipation of all the people who will come in throughout the day.
Who will be chosen and who will be left in the case at the end of the day?
We all want to be chosen.
Sadness settles in my chest, and I take a deep breath to banish it. Tonight wasn’t about Nick choosing something else over me. He didn’t have a choice.
I turn, startling when I catch sight of the one person I don’t want to be caught with while in this downcast, introspective mood.
Kyle.
He’s walking a dog—a tan, scruffy mutt I’ve never seen before. Maybe he and Autumn are practicing caring for someone other than themselves before the baby comes.
I glance around, searching for somewhere I can escape, but everything is open out here. And it’s too late because he’s spotted me, his eyes widening as recognition hits. Well, at least it doesn’t seem he stalked me if he seems surprised to have run into me.
“Rachel.” His gaze runs over me from head to toe, but it doesn’t heat my blood the way it did when Nick did it. “You look amazing.”
My fingers tighten on my to-go containers before I consciously loosen them, but I don’t respond.
He looks down at the food in my hands, then across the street at the bistro. “Are you here with Nick?”
What are the chances I could act selectively deaf and mute, and he’d leave? I look again at him, but he doesn’t seem to have any urgency to keep moving, his dog casually sniffing the patch of grass along the sidewalk.
“Yes,” I reply, wanting to get this conversation over with. “I mean, I was. He had to go. He had a fire emergency.”
“A fire emergency,” he repeats, tone thick with skepticism.
“Yeah,” I confirm, meaning for it to come out firmly, but there’s something unsure in my voice I can’t control.
He gives me a pitying smile. “Looks like he’s already showing you his priorities.”
Damn it. I don’t need any more pity tonight. Even if that awful voice in my head said the same thing earlier. “It was an emergency.”
“That he told you.”
I look away, unwilling to argue about this with Kyle, of all people. If he wants to talk, I should bring up how he was accessing my video doorbell footage. Bet he’d shut up real quick, then.
Oh, but then he’d know I was pranking him.
I keep quiet, watching his dog for something to do. When the hell will Hailey get here?
“Hey, I’m sorry,” he says, voice properly chastised. He’s forgotten how many times he’s pulled that with me, though. How we were arguing near the end and he’d do it to placate me. How it lost any meaning it once had. “How are you doing? It’s been a while.”
I shake my head, looking away. I’m not doing small talk with him.
“I miss you.”
I glance at him, finding regret all over his face.
“What I did… It was the biggest mistake of my life.”
I stare at him, baffled. I wanted an apology before, and though I’m not sure this qualifies, it’s the closest I’ve gotten. Does he think it’ll make me cave or something?
He’s silent, waiting for me to respond, but what the hell does he want me to say? It’s been half a year since he left me.
“I don’t think Autumn would like you saying that to me,” I finally tell him.
Something flickers in his gaze—annoyance, maybe, but it’s gone too quickly to be sure.
He rubs at the back of his neck, his expression turning sheepish. “I’m only with her because of, you know…”
Yeah, kind of hard to forget. What a shitty start for that baby.
“Do you think you could ever forgive me?”
“No.” My answer is immediate and instinctual.
He winces, even though he deserves much worse. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”
“No.”
“Because you’re with Nick?”
I nearly laugh aloud. “He has nothing to do with it.” Regardless of my dating status, I have no interest in getting back together with Kyle.
“It’s not serious?” he asks, hope in his voice.
In some ways, this thing with Nick feels more serious than anything I ever had with Kyle. Nick is patient and kind and sees me in a way Kyle never did. He uplifts me, rather than drags me down.
When I was with Kyle, it was the Kyle Show and I was along for the ride. With Nick, it already seems like my wants and needs matter more.
Even if he left me tonight.
Hailey pulls up to the curb, and I’ve never been so glad to see her beat-up Civic.
“I have to go.”
He touches my arm. “Could we talk sometime?”
I move away from him and toward the car. “There’s nothing more to say.”
He goes to follow me and his dog whines, stopping him.
Hailey’s looking between me and Kyle with wide eyes when I get in.
“Go,” I say, and thankfully she doesn’t need me to tell her twice before she shifts out of park and takes off down the street.
“What was that about?” she asks.
“Nothing,” I mutter, wanting to forget all about it.
Kyle isn’t a part of my life anymore.
No matter what he thinks.