Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
RACHEL
I ’m bruised. My heart. My mind. Everything.
I can’t make sense of it all, even after being up half the night distressing over it. The underwear. His insistence on not knowing why they were there.
The betrayal. Again. How many times will I have to go through this?
And then Nick’s desperation. His confession of love. The way he seemed to give up at the end. Was that an admission of guilt? Or did I take it too far by not believing him?
Nick had seemed as confused as I was. Genuine in that way he always is. Was it real? Was he lying? I want to believe him. God, I want to. But I’ve been burned before. And the thought of being made a fool twice now? It’s a lead weight on my chest.
I’m stuck in a tug-of-war between wanting to rush back to him, safe and protected in his arms, and hiding out here in the bakery, safe and protected behind the shields I’ve put up before, knowing they work.
Across the way, Sydney watches me unnervingly as she kneads dough.
It’s clear she senses something is wrong, even though I insisted I was fine when she asked earlier.
I won’t be able to hide it forever, but I don’t want to get into it right now, a lump still stuck in my throat that I fear won’t go away, my stomach unsettled and anxious.
At least I don’t have to deal with Hailey, too, since it’s her day off. Although she would let it be if I told her to drop it. That’s not Sydney’s style, though.
I rub my temples to stave off the pressure of an oncoming headache from the stress. Or maybe it’s from lack of sleep, I don’t know. Either way, the world feels muted, like I’m wading through fog.
Did I miss something last night? Some kind of clue that would explain everything? Or did I see exactly what’s there? A truth I never expected from Nick.
The man I was falling in love with.
Wasn’t I just thinking yesterday at the cookoff how lucky I am to have him? How I don’t deserve someone as amazing as him? We’d just had the most incredible night together. And now, this.
I try to turn off my brain, going through the motions as I stock the display case before we open.
Normally, I sneak a few pastries, unable to help myself, but there’s no temptation today.
Sydney even made her new lemon cheesecake and blueberry rolls, waving one under my nose, but I’d only been able to muster a small smile for her before declining.
At seven, Desiree shows up to open the front and I retreat into the back, working on coffee cake slices with cinnamon streusel topping and an extra tray of cinnamon rolls, knowing Mrs. Montour will be here soon for her weekly dozen.
“Are you seriously going to mope over there all morning?” Sydney asks after an hour.
I glance her way, where she’s supposed to be drizzling vanilla glaze on the tray of scones in front of her, but is instead scowling at me, hand on her hip.
“What?”
“Don’t what me. Something’s up with you. I’ve been waiting for you to talk, but you won’t.”
“I’m…” I shake my head. “Just exhausted from the cookoff yesterday. It took a lot out of me.”
Her gaze narrows, like she doesn’t believe me. I’ve never been a great actress, despite my performances in front of my doorbell. “That’s how you’re going to play it?”
“It’s true,” I insist, but even I can tell there isn’t enough conviction in my voice.
She shakes her head, almost as if she’s disappointed in me. “I’m taking a break.” She pulls her phone out of her pocket and heads to the office.
Great. Now I have someone else I’m on the outs with.
Guilt sits low in my stomach, along with the other jumble of emotions I have going on. Should I confide in Sydney? Yes, of course I should. That’s what sisters are for.
But this is humiliating. Barely over half a year ago I had to admit my then-boyfriend had cheated on me and knocked up another woman. Now this? Can’t I catch a break?
Sydney is silent when she comes back out a few minutes later to finish up the scones, but there’s tension in the air.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say when I can’t take it any more.
“For what?”
“I… I’ll talk.”
“Oh.” Something passes over her face, but I can’t tell what it is. “Well, I kind of pulled out the big guns.”
Oh, God. “What did you do?”
“I thought you were going to stay clammed up over there. So I called Jae.”
I groan, even though I can’t fault her. I’d do the same if I needed info out of someone. Jae doesn’t take no for an answer.
Well, at least she didn’t call Nick. I still have no idea what I’ll say to him tomorrow.
It takes Jae no time at all to burst her way through the doors to the back, holding a hand out to Sydney. “I was promised a cinnamon roll for my interrogation skills.”
I roll my eyes as Sydney grabs one from the tray in front of me and hands her one. “An interrogation? Really?”
“Serious times call for serious measures. You were fine when you left the cookoff yesterday, so something must have happened during your night with Nick. Spill it.”
For some reason, it’s Jae’s matter-of-fact statement that does me in, my vision blurring as I blink hard, trying to stop the tears. It’s a losing battle, though, as they track down my cheeks, gathering at my chin.
“Hey, hey.” Jae gives me a one-armed hug, holding the sticky bun away from me, but it doesn’t comfort me quite the same as her normal hugs. “Did it go badly? It was your first time together, right?”
I’d told her our plans for last night and how excited I was. God, that seems so long ago now.
I make an unintelligible noise in response, unable to come up with anything.
“Is he bad in bed?” she asks, then lowers her voice. “Does he have a micropenis?”
Her question jars me enough that I stop crying. “You think that’s why I’m upset?”
“I’d cry if my boyfriend had a micropenis,” Sydney says with a smirk.
I pull away from Jae, running my hands through my hair. “Oh my God, he does not have a micropenis.” I wince as soon as I shout it, praying there are no customers on the other side of the doors that heard me.
Jae’s smirking now, too. “Got you to stop crying.”
Ugh, I hate her and her effective techniques.
I take a deep breath, scrubbing the tears away with the back of my hand. I just have to say it and get it over with. “I found a pair of women’s underwear in Nick’s bed.”
There’s stunned silence and then Jae, always quick to react, leans forward. “What?”
Smoothing out my apron, I repeat, “Women’s underwear. Lingerie. Lacy. Red. And not mine.”
Sydney’s brows lift. “You think Nick…”
“I don’t know what to think.” I hate how pathetic I sound. “I asked him about it and he didn’t have an explanation. Said he was as confused as me.”
Jae lets out a sharp breath, her gaze darkening. “You think he cheated on you?”
I wince, hating how blunt it sounds. “I don’t want to. But what else am I supposed to believe? Why would it be in his bed, otherwise?”
Sydney’s gaze is soft and filled with pity. That’s a sure sign things are bad if she’s given up sarcasm. “You said he was confused. Is there a chance that’s the truth? That he actually doesn’t know how they got there, either?”
I rub my forehead, the beginnings of my headache from earlier stirring. “Maybe? I don’t know. I just feel…” I huff a little laugh, though there’s no humor in it. “Humiliated. Angry. Stupid. I let myself believe I could trust a guy again and look what happened.”
Jae sets down her cinnamon roll, still uneaten. I can practically see her brain whirring, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. “This doesn’t sound like Nick. He’s not shady. And I swear he’s head over heels for you.”
I swallow hard. “He… he told me he loved me last night.”
Jae and Sydney both suck in a breath.
“Before or after you found the underwear?” Jae asks.
“After.”
The memory of Nick’s raw voice, unsteady and desperate, echoes in my mind. I’ve dreamed of him telling me he loves me… but not like that. Not when I can’t trust anything.
The timing had been all wrong, and the cynical part of me is afraid it was merely damage control. As if he could throw the words at a wound, hoping it would stitch it shut.
But what if he had meant it? What if I had walked away from something real because I was too scared to believe in it? To believe him?
Jae shakes her head. “This makes no sense. Even if he was going to sleep with someone else—and not saying he did,” she makes sure to add.
“But wouldn’t he get rid of the evidence?
And red lacy panties are pretty big freaking evidence.
Like, who leaves lingerie lying around? Especially somewhere so obvious.
” Her gaze turns speculative. “Something doesn’t add up. ”
Sydney looks between me and Jae. “I don’t think he cheated on you, Rachel. Nick’s a stand-up guy.”
I nod, my mouth trembling. What they’re saying makes sense. But if it’s true…
Desiree pokes her head in from the front. “Do we have any more cinnamon rolls? Mrs. Montour wants two dozen.”
“I have some here,” I say, needing to get away from Sydney and Jae’s accusatory looks. Or maybe it’s only me interpreting them that way. Because I have the sudden sinking feeling I might have made the worst mistake of my life.
I follow Desiree and pack up the cinnamon rolls, listening to Mrs. Montour chatter on about how amazing the chili cookoff was yesterday.
I nod politely in all the right places, but have to stop myself from reacting when she says, “I’m getting an extra dozen today to give to Nick.
He’s been mowing my lawn for me, but won’t accept payment for it. ”
That’s right. She lives near him. And of course he’s doing things like that for his neighbors. Like Sydney said, he’s a stand-up guy.
“Now, tell me if I’m wrong,” she says with a coy smile, “but are you two an item? I saw you acting pretty friendly with each other yesterday.”
My insides shrivel up. I should have let Sydney come out here to deal with her. “We’re dating,” I say, half-wondering if it’s still true.
“Oh, honey. That’s wonderful.” She reaches across the counter to squeeze my hands in hers, her expression looking like the clouds parted and a choir of angels started singing. “You two are perfect for each other. I’ve always thought so.”
If she has, she’s never mentioned anything to me about it, but I don’t rain on her parade. “Thank you,” I say quietly. My heart gives a leap in my chest before my brain squashes it. I still don’t know the truth, even if the Hardy Boys back there are convinced Nick is innocent.
Her face falls slightly. “It’s a bit strange that he’s friends with your ex, though.”
My brows narrow. “They’re not friends.” Enemies, if anything.
“Well, maybe it’s Tanner that is. I saw Kyle at their house yesterday, is all.”
My heart stops. “You what?”
She appears flustered, her lips pursing and flattening as a spot of color rises to her cheeks.
I guess I said that harshly. “Well, I had left the cookoff early. I didn’t want to leave Dolly alone for too long, you see.
And Kyle was coming out of their house. Although, now that I think about it, neither of them would have been home. ”
Kyle was at Nick’s house. Kyle. Of course it was Kyle. He must have put the lingerie there.
My mind races, connecting the dots. Before I’d deleted Kyle from the video doorbell app, Nick and I had been on the porch talking about me staying the night at his place on Saturday. Kyle knew I’d be there. So he had been watching our performances.
The truth lands like a stone in my stomach, my pulse stuttering as the pieces click into place.
Oh my God, I really am stupid. Kyle had been itching for a fight saying all that dumb shit about me sucking dick and then we’d kicked him out of the cookoff.
Knowing him, he wouldn’t take that lying down.
“I’ll have to ask Nick about it,” I say as evenly as I can, though my knees are already weakening. I don’t want to start any gossip with her if I can help it. “It was so great to see you, but I have to get back to work.”
“Of course, dear.” She pats my hand. “Now that you’re dating Nick, maybe I’ll see you over around my way sometime.”
I smile, the action forced, and drop it as soon as I stumble through the doors to the back. My chest tightens painfully, remembering how hurt Nick had looked after telling me I meant more to him than anything and all I could say was I didn’t know if I could trust him.
I let the worst version of my fear take the wheel trying to protect my heart.
And in the process, I’d wounded his instead.