Chapter 52 Keldarion
Keldarion
Caspian wavers like a specter. With his pitch-black hair and dark clothing, he’s a swirling pool of oil across the white horizon. His eyes can’t find purchase, darting from my face down to the ground. He wraps his arms around himself. “I don’t understand.”
But I do. I’ve known it this whole time and tried and tried to pretend it wasn’t true.
Caspian still loves me.
Every day, I’d look at the bracelet cuffing my wrist and beg my heart to stop loving him. Convinced myself I was the only one holding this tether between us. And there was nothing to be done, because Caspian had ruined my heart so entirely, it would never fully beat without him.
Maybe that’s still true.
Maybe I don’t want to be healed.
“Don’t lie to me, Kel,” Caspian gasps.
“I’m not lying.”
I don’t need to ask him if he is. It is as if my heart has been speaking in a language I do not understand but I suddenly have the ability to comprehend. He’s not lying. Caspian loves me.
And if he loves me, if he’s mates with Rosalina…
Why would he hurt us? Why would he bring to pass the future I saw in my vision?
The Fates’ visions always come true. Don’t they? Or is my own fear blinding me?
Caspian still appears in shock. I could almost laugh. Surely, my feelings are not that much of a surprise. Unless his fear blinded him too.
“My love has always been a burden to you—” Cas whispers.
“Never.”
Tears pour down his face, and he clutches himself tighter, unable to look at me. “I was too hard to love…”
I take a final step until we’re chest to chest. Slowly, achingly slowly, I drag a hand along his cheek and through his hair, pulling it until he looks up at me. “Loving you was as easy as the first fall of snow.”
“Kel,” he whispers through parted lips.
“Say it again,” I growl. “Tell me your truth. Make me believe it.”
“I still love you. From the moment I first arrived on the doorstep of Castletree until my final breath, I will love you. I couldn’t leave you alone. Don’t you see why? All the shattered pieces of my heart are frozen. Without you, there is no me. I meant the bargain when we made it, every word.”
“The vision your mother showed you—of Rosalina and me. When did you see it? Before or after our bargain?”
“After,” he breathes.
I grab the sides of his head. “Why have you haunted me so?”
“Because I am terrified of you,” he gasps.
I let out a sigh. “By the gods, I am terrified of you.”
A small smile appears on his face, and I feel it mimicked on my own.
“Say it again,” I tell him.
“I’m still in love with you.”
I tilt my head down and drag a thumb along his bottom lip. “And again.”
“I’m still in love—”
As sweet as the words sound, I can bear it no more.
I capture his lips with my own. My heart is the tundra around me, pierced by thorns.
Caspian stills, then melts against me, grabbing my neck and pulling me tighter.
He tastes like the myrrh and frankincense we used to burn in his room, like the warmth of the fires we would read by, like roses.
The winds howl, tearing at our clothes and hair, and I feel my shoulders protectively curl around him. But still, I cannot pull away. Not now. Not after we’ve been torn apart by every force, every fear, every shadow of our past selves.
His tongue dances inside my mouth, lips soft and strong all at once.
I’m still in love with you.
Is that all it took for me to understand?
No. It took a stubborn, indomitable half-human woman to teach me what it means to love without expectation or fear of false intentions. Rosalina’s pure love was the greatest gift I’ve ever received. And one she’s given to Caspian.
One…one we might finally be able to give to each other.
I dig my hands through his hair, afraid if I let go, he’ll slip away from me. I kiss him harder, and he shivers beneath my touch—
“Cas,” I breathe against his mouth, “you’re trembling.”
“I-it’s c-cold.” He laughs.
I tug him tight to my chest. His head rests perfectly under my chin. “We should go back.”
“I have an idea.” Cas pulls away, giving me that devious smirk. “But first, you tell me.”
I run a gentle hand over his cheek. The words come to me easily. “I am still in love with you.”
“Very good. Then follow me, High Prince of Winter, and show me what those words taste like,” Cas says as a fresh thatch of briars breaks through the icy ground, wraps around my legs, and pulls me under.