Chapter 68 Ezryn
Ezryn
Aheavy pit settles in my stomach as I descend the stairs into Keep Wolfhelm’s dungeon. Water drips from the ceiling and onto my armor. I clutch the blankets tighter, trying to shield them from any leaks. Torchlight flickers on the walls, though it does nothing to chase away the cold.
At the bottom of the stairs, there are rows of cells on each side. They’re empty except for one at the end. A dark shape slumps against the bars.
I take a deep breath, then walk toward the cell.
Kairyn doesn’t look up as I approach. It’s hard not to stare. Even as children, my little brother was taller than me. As we grew, he stood above our father, even Kel. He’s always been broad of shoulder, but now? Now, he is colossal.
He must be seven feet tall at least, his black shirt and pants ripping at the seams. His tail lies limply beside him.
A thatch of black hair falls over his eyes, and his tawny skin is streaked with dirt.
I wonder how heavy it is, to hang his head so, with those massive horns growing from his skull. Do they hurt?
I don’t know what else to do, so I place the blankets beside me and sit back-to-back with him, only the bars between us.
A long silence follows before he murmurs, “You saved me. After everything.”
“Trust me, I’m as surprised as you.”
“Why?”
I stare at the ground in front of me. “I suppose…that’s just what a big brother does.”
He snorts. “I wouldn’t have saved me if I were you.”
There’s something about his voice. Without the tinny reverberation of his helm or the coursing rage in his words, it’s like I’m talking to someone I remember from a dream. I pause for a long moment. “Well, you’re not me.”
“I know,” he breathes. “A fact everyone has reminded me of my entire life.”
I don’t know how to respond, so I don’t. Another few minutes stretch out as we listen to each other’s breathing.
Finally, a sorrowful laugh escapes him. “You must feel so vindicated, to have me locked up in here. I don’t blame you. It wasn’t long ago I had you trapped in our dungeon.”
“You might not believe me, Kai, but I don’t enjoy seeing you in pain.”
“Again, I would if I were in your place.”
I knock the back of my helm against the metal rods. “How did we end up like this, brother? Rotating between two different sides of a cell?” I spin onto my knees, clutching the bars and staring at him. “Weren’t we friends once?”
Kairyn shakes his head, then turns to look at me. His eyes nearly send me shooting away from the bars. It’s like looking into two pools of lava. “We were brothers but never friends. No matter how hard I tried.”
“What do you mean?”
He squeezes his eyes shut. “Didn’t you see me?
Everything I did to gain your notice? I followed and chased after you, all but screamed your name, but it didn’t matter.
Father favored you. Always chose you as his second.
Besides, you had Keldarion and the whole Winter Realm to explore. I was nothing but a burden.”
“No, I never saw you as a burden—”
But hadn’t I? He was a nuisance to bring into council meetings, his ideas grandiose and impractical.
In the training grounds, he was too easy an opponent.
I preferred to spar with Father or, when visiting the other realms, Keldarion or one of the three Summer Princes.
On the battlefield, Kairyn felt like a liability instead of an asset.
Father and I had such chemistry fighting together, adding Kairyn into the mix was…
A burden.
Eventually, he took to spending much of his time with Mother. Despite all her duties as high princess, she was patient. Calm. Understanding.
And—accident or no—I had taken her away from him.
“I wasn’t there for you when you needed me,” I say quietly. “But even at my worst, I loved you, brother—”
“No,” Kairyn mumbles and shift back from me. “No, you didn’t. As it became apparent I would never earn your love, I chose to make you hate me instead. Better that than to be invisible.”
I stay still, as if frozen by the chill.
Silence stretches between us.
Then there’s a metallic thud as my helm bangs against the bars. I slump forward. “Well, it didn’t work. I never hated you, Kai. Even when I should have. Even after everything you did, I could never hate you.”
Kairyn looks over his shoulder at me, the horns swinging near my helm. “I only wanted you to notice me.”
I give an exaggerated look down from his feet, then up to his horns. “Well, can’t miss you now.”
Another long pause.
Then he laughs. It’s raw but real. I can’t help but join in.
With a deep sigh, Kairyn tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling. “Just so you know, I never hurt your mate while she was in my custody.”
“She told me.”
He mumbles something I can’t make out.
“What was that?” I ask.
“Has she seen the Nightingale?”
“No. I’m sorry.”
His breathing quickens, great clouds gusting out before him.
“She’s not like Sira, you know. Wrenley.
She’s funny, so fucking funny. And she remembers things.
Little things you say, she’ll bring them up again.
Ask about it. Like, I told her about a certain flower I saw growing in the tundra of Winter on a visit as a kid.
The next day, she came back with a bouquet of them.
And she’s creative. The things she can make.
The things she can dream…” His voice trails off.
I give a pained grimace, thankful he can’t see it. It’s hard to imagine the Nightingale as anything other than the snarling wildcat I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with, but Caspian seems to see something in her. Kairyn does too.
And Rosalina spared her life. There’s no one I know who’s a better judge of character.
“After you banished me to the monastery, I had nothing. No one. Mother was dead. Father never cared for me before that. He certainly didn’t give a damn afterward.
And you…you sent me away to wither and rot, no hope of accolades or ambition.
But when I met Wrenley…she believed in me, Ezryn.
And not just because of Sira’s plots. There was something real there.
” He squeezes his fists and eyes shut. “There had to have been.”
I picture myself running through the briars, trapped in the form of a beast, my only solace tearing through goblins. I would never have escaped that darkness. Not unless someone had pulled me out.
Who am I to judge Wrenley for her sins when she did the one thing I was incapable of? Making my brother feel cared for.
“I understand,” I say lowly. “I never should have left you alone.”
“You should have killed me after the rite,” he breathes. “I would have died with honor and never have wrought the evils I have.”
“Is it not clear? I couldn’t kill you. Like I couldn’t kill you on Solonius’s Spine. It’s a shoddy way to show it, but it’s the truth. I care for you, Kairyn. I always have, and I always will.”
“I’m not even your brother anymore. Look at me!
I’m a monster. What have they done to me?
” His massive shoulders shake, and a sob tears out of him.
“I deserve this penance for the pain I’ve caused you.
Your mate. Our people. I shall never wear a helm again.
I will bear the visage of monster, and the outside will finally match the darkness within. ”
Without thinking, I reach between the bars and touch his shoulder. He stiffens. “Look at me.”
“I am hideous.”
“Brother, look at me.”
Slowly, achingly slowly, Kairyn turns around, kneeling before me, head slumped.
I lift his chin and gaze into those strange eyes. “I know you,” I say.
“Brother…”
“I know you,” I say firmly. “Whatever you look like, whatever you’ve done, you are Kairyn, Prince of Spring, son of Isidora and Thalionor. You are my brother.”
Tears stream down his face, and his chest heaves. “It came back to you. The blessing.”
“It did.”
“I’m sorry. For the whole of it,” he whispers. His horns clatter against the bars as he bows his head low. “I know you, brother. The rightful High Prince of Spring. My high prince.”
I bow my head to his.
We stay like that until the torchlight flickers out.
I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive him, but I do know I’m so tired of holding all this hate between us.
So when finally I must leave, I hand him the blankets and squeeze his shoulder through the bars.
Despite the horns, glowing eyes, and glimpse of sharpened canines when he looks up at me and smiles, he appears more like my brother than I’ve seen in years.
And that’s a start.