Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
NATALIA
“Do you think Ellie has been acting a little weird?” I ask, planting my palm against Hudson’s bare chest as I roll over and hike my thigh atop his.
His bicep bulges as he props his head on his arm and stares at the ceiling. “Maybe. She seems…quieter than normal, but she’s never been particularly talkative with me, so it’s hard to tell.”
He runs his knuckles up my spine with his spare hand, the caress soft and tender, as if he hadn’t had me bent in half and then pounded into me with enough force to shift the Earth while he called me a desperate slut just ten minutes ago.
I bite back a shiver at the memory, sparks igniting inside me again.
I’ve been attracted to Hudson since the first time I met him. I don’t normally go for older men, but he had this kind of haunted roughness that was accompanied by a gentle nature, and it was impossibly alluring, especially once I began getting to know him better.
I don’t think anyone who’s ever met me would describe me as being filtered or having shame.
If I think something, I say it. If I want something, I go after it, but I don’t fuck around with married people.
Once his divorce was finalized, however…
it was harder to hold back. I couldn’t quite stop myself from flirting, and the heated glances only caught fire once Ellie moved in with him.
It became impossible to ignore that the attraction was mutual, because Hudson’s poker face is about as bad as mine.
One late night after Ellie fell asleep, I quietly crept down the stairs with the intention of going back to my own place but found Hudson in the kitchen instead.
I couldn’t stop myself from finally voicing my interest, and I was getting tired of beating around the bush.
I told him to let me know if he ever decided to live a little.
The moment the sentence left my mouth, he was stalking across the room and planting his mouth on mine with enough ferocity to set my blood aflame.
He ended up fucking me right on the kitchen counter before carrying me up to his room and fucking me again—with his hand over my mouth to muffle my moans for fear we’d wake my best friend sleeping in the next room.
As guilty as it made me feel, something about him choking me, muzzling me to keep me quiet, was so erotic, I came harder than I think I ever had in my life.
And that’s when I became addicted to Hudson Grant’s cock.
The guilt didn’t diminish, though. In fact, I think it’s getting worse.
I don’t know how Ellie would react to finding out I’m fucking her step-dad, but I can’t imagine it would be good.
It’s not like Hudson and I are dating; it’s only sex.
Still, seeing the way she looks at him sometimes has me unsure of her reaction.
She’s never judged my sex life before, and I know she wouldn’t fault me for having a fling with someone older, or even a faculty member at our university.
I know she doesn’t think of him as a father figure—not in the slightest—but something about their dynamic makes me think she wouldn’t react well to seeing us together.
He’s not wrong. Ellie is timid around him.
She’s timid around most people, and it’s always for one of two reasons: she either doesn’t trust them, or she’s got a crush.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, she’s untrusting, which is understandable, considering what she’s been through, but I know she trusts Hudson.
I know she feels safe with him, which is something rare for her.
And the way she blushes when he calls her “darlin’” or the shy grin that pinches her cheeks when he does something thoughtful…
I’m becoming increasingly convinced she might actually be crushing on her step-dad.
For all the betrayal she’s experienced in her life, I can’t imagine adding to it, but each time I’ve tried to get her to open up about her feelings, she shuts me down.
“What would you think if Ellie was also…into you?” I ponder aloud.
Hudson sighs, my cheek lifting with the movement of his chest. “Ellie isn’t into me. Not like that.”
“Hypothetically, if she was? How would it make you feel?” I tilt my head, finding his face.
His eyes flash with something I can’t quite trace. “I… Natalia…”
Then, it clicks, and I laugh. “You’re not going to make me jealous, Hudson. Nobody on this planet loves Ellie more than I do. She’s beautiful. Funny. Smart. Kind. I’d be offended if you weren’t attracted to her.”
He pops a brow. “Are you saying you’d want to…”
“I’m asking you.”
“I mean… Fuck, Nat.” He shakes his head, huffing an astonished laugh. “But I think I’d be most worried about the way it would affect your friendship, and Ellie’s comfortability living here.”
I trail a finger up his bare chest. “I’m speaking to a hypothetical, Coach.”
“Finding myself between the two of you would be a far superior heaven to anything I’d ever could’ve imagined for myself.”
“Hmmm.” I smile. “Maybe we’re your angels, then.”
Hudson kisses the top of my head. “You’re no angel, kitten.”
I roll over, my bare breasts pressing against his chest as his hand slides down my back and rests over the curve of my ass beneath the sheets. “You’re right.”
His blue eyes smolder when he smiles, brushing his fingers through my hair. I lower my lips to his and kiss him hard. He groans into my mouth, and I work hard to remind myself this is supposed to be casual.
***
“Ells!” I call when I catch Ellie walking out of her Research Writing course and heading toward the campus’ main courtyard.
When my International Studies lecture was dismissed fifteen minutes early, I took it as the perfect opportunity to catch her after class and see if I could walk her home.
She had strength training early this morning, so I know she’s free right now, and I don’t have to meet my team for open skate until seven.
Men’s hockey is in the rink as we speak, so if I head home with Ellie right now, we’ll have a little time before Hudson gets back, which will hopefully make her more eager to open up when she’s confident there are no listening ears.
Her auburn hair whips in the breeze as she turns around, searching for my voice. When she sees me, she smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes the way it normally does, and my stomach plummets once again. The distance between us lately has been eating me alive.
“Hey,” I say on a breath, catching up to her. “You’re done with classes for the day, right?”
“Yeah, I am, but…” She clears her throat awkwardly. “I have a ton of homework I need to finish this evening. I want to take advantage of a day without afternoon pract—”
“Can I come over?” I ask bluntly. “I need to talk to you. Also, I lost my emotional support water bottle, and I think it might be in your room.”
“Oh.” She’s quiet for a beat, and I can tell she’s searching for an excuse. “Well…”
“Ellie, I’m going to be real with you right now—”
“Finally admitting that sometimes you’re not real, Nat?” she asks with a resigned huff, almost as if it’s a challenge.
I rear back, confused. “You’ve been…off the last month or so, and it’s eating me alive. Can we please fucking talk about it? I’ve been losing sleep, losing my appetite.” I halt, grabbing her hand and forcing her to face me. “I’m sick over the thought of you not being okay.”
She gives me a once-over, her beautiful face cast in a hard assessment. “You seem to be glowing to me.”
My stomach heaves, lodging itself in my throat as my heart races from my chest and splatters on the ground between us. She knows.
My eyes fall closed, because the betrayal in her own is too painful. “You’re upset with me.”
“I don’t know,” she admits softly. “I…” She glances around the courtyard, as if suddenly aware we’re still on campus, still in public. “Let’s go home first.”
She walks briskly across the courtyard, and I hurry behind her as we pass the main library and the aquatics center before turning down the narrow alleyway leading to the row of townhouses where Hudson lives.
Ellie doesn’t say anything as she unlocks the door, kicks off her shoes, and starts up the stairs. I follow her steps, locking the door behind me and heading to her bedroom.
I’m barely inside when she spins to face me, tossing her backpack onto her bed. “I just want to know why you’d lie to me about it.”
“I thought you’d be mad,” I admit.
The expression on her face is withdrawn, features solemn in a way that devastates me. “So you decided the better course was to lie to me and hide the fact that you’re fucking my…”
“Step-dad?” I ask, tilting my head. “You don’t like calling him that.”
“He was a man married to my mother, nothing more.” Her brow furrows. “Why does that even matter?”
I inch toward Ellie, and she steps back until her knees hit her bed and I’m standing directly in front of her. “I think you refuse to call him that because it helps absolve you of the guilt you feel for crushing on him.”
Her eyes pop, soft cheeks tinting pink. “I do not—”
“Who’s lying now, Ells?”
Her mouth clamps shut, and I want to feel triumphant, but then she casts her eyes to the floor and defeatedly says, “So you could tell I felt something for him, and you decided to fuck him anyway?” Guilt and trepidation coat my insides as Ellie lifts her head, and those green eyes strip me bare, imprinting my skin with her betrayal.
“After what my mother and Bodhi…” She trails off, her own throat full of the emotion she doesn’t want to show.
“Ellie, no.” I grab her face with both hands, tilting her head upward.
She’s shorter than I am, so I have to force her eyes to mine.
They’re brimming with unshed tears. “I didn’t realize it at first. I was eclipsed by my own feelings, I think.
It wasn’t until you started becoming so distant with me. How did you find out?”
She shudders, but the trembling in her limbs doesn’t feel like anger or rage. It feels like…shame? Embarrassment?
“I saw…” She closes her eyes, swallowing hard. “I saw you two…”