CHAPTER 34
Claire
I might get fired.
And I might’ve lost the man I love.
I haven’t been to work in two days, and I spent the last three in bed.
Audrey seems to have had enough of my crying over Harvey. My mom asked me if it’s worth it and if he truly makes me happy.
All I know is that he’s hurt me deeply this time.
He doesn’t understand.
He views it as doing a simple favor for Gemma, when in reality he had a choice between her needs and mine—and he chose hers.
For me, that action itself speaks volumes.
I can’t ignore it.
No matter how much I want to.
I even told my mom so, wondering if perhaps I was overreacting, but Audrey just shook her head and stared at my mom as if I haven’t understood anything about men so far.
Maybe I’m being naive, but I don’t think Harvey was intentionally trying to hurt me. I also believe him when he says he wouldn’t go back to her.
It doesn’t matter though. His actions and the words he’s shared with me over the time I’ve known him have stuck with me.
Especially these: I need her.
I didn’t expect him to get over her so fast—they were together for years, and Gemma seriously helped Harv post-accident. I even expected her to text me still regarding his progress and to chime in from time to time, even though she’s been respectful in that regard.
What I didn’t expect was for her to come barging in during our first time having sex, and then tell me to leave.
The fact that he didn’t tell her off on Saturday night hurts.
Because it feels as if I’ll never be able to compete with her.
I know that life and love aren’t a competition, but it’s hard not to look at the situation like that, not when I’ve witnessed her beauty and her quirks for myself as I’ve gotten to know her. I also remember the coldness in the air between Gemma and Harvey. As if I were witnessing the relationship of a nearly divorced couple.
None of that matters though.
This isn’t about his remaining love for her. He warned me that he needed time, and our sleeping together wouldn’t have changed that. But she ruined a special moment between us.
It broke something in me.
I knew I could let go of and forgive many mistakes, but not this one.
He doesn’t even seem to feel any remorse for the way he embarrassed me and ruined our night together and picked Gemma’s side.
Getting to know Harvey has been some of the best moments of my life, but he’s also hurt me a lot.
And I don’t think I can stay on this constant wheel of heartbreak.